A Fair Shake: Part 1
Original Airdate: May 16, 1988

[Ladies room]

CHRISTINE: The standard colours are blue walls and white ceilings. It's a Departmental rule.
MARY BETH: Let me understand something here. You wanna go by the book?
CHRISTINE: Why don't we just let Building Maintenance do the painting?!
MARY BETH: Oh, sure. They'll say, 'Sorry, it's scheduled for August, two thousand and one'.
CHRISTINE: Fine. I'm not waiting until then so we can turn this place juicy pink!
BERNICE: (coming in) Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: Yeah.
BERNICE: You have a gentleman caller. He says it's personal.
CHRISTINE: (to Mary Beth) Excuse me.
(Mary Beth rushes out after Chris)

[Detectives' Squad room]

ESPOSITO: Oh, Sergeant, I got a call...
MARY BETH: (to Esposito) Give the Sergeant a break, huh?
(a man holding a black plastic sack gets up from the chair by Chris's desk)
CHRISTINE: Well, Mr. Plotnik! What a pleasant surprise. (no response) Mr. Plotnik, this is my partner, Detective Lacey.
MARY BETH: Hello.
(no response)
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, this is Mr. Plotnik. From the West End National Bank. (no response) My favourite teller.

[Samuels' office]

(there is an open valise full of dollar bills)
CHRISTINE: Mr. Plotnik watches a lot of TV, Lieutenant. (Plotnik has a pencil in his hand) And he used a pencil to pick it up in case there's fingerprints.
SAMUELS: And all this belongs to your supervisor, a Miss. Dowling?
JERROLD PLOTNIK: Right.
SAMUELS: But you never called the bank examiner, is that correct?
JERROLD PLOTNIK: I didn't what?
SAMUELS: Call the bank examiner!
(Plotnik looks at Chris who nods to tell him to answer)
SAMUELS: How's that?
JERROLD PLOTNIK: No!!
SAMUELS: But isn't that normal procedure? (he looks at Chris again. She nods again) Mr. Plotnik!
JERROLD PLOTNIK: Yes. It's just that... Well, well, Miss. Cagney and I have been friends for a long time. She visits me every Friday at the bank. Always waits for my window. (looking at Chris) And I just thought that...
CHRISTINE: Er, just to be straight on the rules of evidence, Lieutenant, Mr. Plotnik mistook this valise for his own and opened before he realised his mistake.
(Samuels looks at Plotnik. The duo looks at Samuels. Plotnik moves his lips but can't get any words out)

[West End National bank]

JERROLD PLOTNIK: Miss Dowling's desk is the first one on the right.
MARY BETH: Thank you.
BARBARA DOWLING: (into phone as the duo approaches) I'll talk to you about it soon. ...OK. Bye bye.
(she rings off)
CHRISTINE: (showing their shields) Miss. Dowling, I'm Sergeant Cagney. This Detective Lacey.
BARBARA DOWLING: What can I do for you, Officers?
MARY BETH: We have what you might call a lost-and-found situation here, ma'am.
BARBARA DOWLING: Lost-and-found? I believe our Miss. Joyce takes care of that.
CHRISTINE: (producing the valise inside a clear plastic bag) Well, we understand that this is yours. If you can describe what's inside then you can claim it.
BARBARA DOWLING: I'm afraid I haven't the faintest idea.
MARY BETH: Perhaps we should talk then with the bank president.
BARBARA DOWLING: Oh, Mr. Wright's on vacation.
CHRISTINE: So where's the vice-president?
BARBARA DOWLING: You're looking at her.
MARY BETH: Er, Miss. Dowling, have you noticed any discrepancies in the bank's books recently?
BARBARA DOWLING: Funny you should mention that. Last month, Federal bank examiners, we came up twenty-six dollars and forty-five cents short. Have you found it?

[Samuels' office]

CHRISTINE: She's stonewalling us, Lieutenant.
MARY BETH: But her story on the Federal bank examiners checks out, sir.
CHRISTINE: That doesn't mean she couldn't have done it five minutes after they left.
SAMUELS: What about Plotnik, is he a suspect? (no reply) Well, if Dowling is all you've got, where is she.
MARY BETH: Under surveillance, sir. We would like permission to go round the clock.
CHRISTINE: By tomorrow we should have analysis of the prints on the valise and the one hundred thousand inside it. Then we can move on it.
SAMUELS: I want the Feds notified on this.
CHRISTINE: Done, Lieutenant. They should be in the bank before it closes tomorrow.
SAMUELS: Warrants?
MARY BETH: Applied for, sir.
SAMUELS: Well, OK, you know what you're doing. Get to hell out of here!
MARY BETH: Yes sir. Thank you, sir.
CHRISTINE: Lieutenant.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (as they come out of the office) Not a bad day, partner.
MARY BETH: (as she gets her coat and Chris chalks them out) Oh, Sergeant, you're so easy. It's six fifty-seven, and with a pretty wrap up, you're in heaven.
COLEMAN: (with a message) Harvey called. He says don't forget to bring the number fifteen sun block.
MARY BETH: Thank you, Sergeant. (to Chris) It's Harvey's contractors' convention in Florida. This is the week, Christine,...
CHRISTINE: Hence the personal day! My concession for my second.

[Laceys' bedroom]

MARY BETH: Swaying palm trees. ...Tropical breezes.
HARVEY: Mm.
MARY BETH: Walking hand in hand on a deserted beach.
HARVEY: Who?
MARY BETH: You and me, laying out on a double floating pool. Sipping on callow rum drinks ...with little umbrellas. Oh.
HARVEY: Honey. (he kisses her cheek) And all because you're married to the newest member of...
MARY BETH/HARVEY: (they shake hands) ...the Flushing Contractors Association!
MARY BETH: Oh, Harvey! No more emptying potties or unmade beds. It's all room service now, Mr. Lacey!
HARVEY: It's better than that, babe. Hey, these conventions don't get too depressing, there's all kinds of activities for the wives.
MARY BETH: Spouses, honey.
HARVEY: That's what I said.
MARY BETH: Sweetheart, all contractors are not necessarily men.
HARVEY: Oh. ... Yeah.
MARY BETH: Oh. Yeah!
HARVEY: I got it.

[West End National bank]

CHRISTINE: Miss. Dowling, we know you sold your condo. We know you applied for a visa to Nepal. We have your fingerprints on the valise and on the money inside.
MARY BETH: It'll be easier, Miss. Dowling, because in a few minutes the Feds are gonna have a lot of questions and believe me it's easier dealing with us.
CHRISTINE: How long have you been doing this? ...Who else is involved?
AGENT MORTON: (coming up) Excuse me!
CHRISTINE: What?
AGENT MORTON: Which one of you is Sergeant Cagney.
CHRISTINE: Yo!
AGENT MORTON: Agent Morton, FBI. Chief Bank Examiner. My superiors are on their way. There's a substantial sum of money missing here and I must ask you to cease and desist in your interrogation.
CHRISTINE: At ease, Morton. This is our perpetrator. We have her, we and have the money with her prints on it.
AGENT MORTON: You got the hundred million?
CHRISTINE: The what?!
MARY BETH: (looking at Barbara Dowling) Geez, Louise!
CHRISTINE: Miss. Dowling is ours and we're taking her in!
AGENT MORTON: I think you'll find you're on Federal territory here. My colleagues from the Bureau are on their way. They're just waiting for a warrant.
MARY BETH: You mean one of these here!
CHRISTINE: You can tell your pals, Miss. Dowling has a new address, and it's the Fourteenth Precinct. (to Mary Beth) Detective.
(Barbara Dowling gets up)

[Interview room]

MARY BETH: Was it some man, Miss. Dowling? Did you steal the money for a man? Because we know how it is when someone you love has a drug problem.
BARBARA DOWLING: Isn't this better left until my attorney arrives? ...There ain't no man, Detective. I took my mother's advice. Get a good education and don't depend on some man to support you.
CHRISTINE: What do you say we talk about the money, Miss Dowling?
BARBARA DOWLING: The exceptional men of my age are either married or ...sleeping under bridges.
CHRISTINE: Miss. Dowling, ...can it!! Where's the rest of the money?
BARBARA DOWLING: On my back or hanging in my closet.
MARY BETH: You don't expect us to believe that you spent one hundred million dollars on clothing, ha, ha, ha. Get real!
BARBARA DOWLING: I stole what you've got in that valise plus maybe another twelve thousand.
MARY BETH: Well that accounts for about one tenth of one percent of what is missing. Right now you're all we've got. So unless you wanna find out about a lot of other things your mother forgot to tell ya, you better let us in on what's going on.
CHRISTINE: What are your chances of finding an eligible man in Manhattan when your address is the Federal Penitentiary for Women?
(there is a knock at the door. Mary Beth opens it)
BERNICE: Excuse me, Detective.
KATE FERBER: (coming in) Detectives, I'm Kate Ferber, (she kisses Barbara Dowling on the cheek) Miss. Dowling's attorney.
MARY BETH: The Assistant District Attorney'll be here any minute.
(Mary Beth turns on the tape recorder)
BARBARA DOWLING: Look, I'm not stupid. I know what you've got on me and what you don't. (Barbara Dowling turns off the tape recorder) I stole a finite...
KATE FERBER: Barbara!!
BARBARA DOWLING: (holding up her hand to silence Kate Ferber) ...amount of money for which ...I'm willing to make amends. As for the rest of it, ...I've got some ideas, but I wanna see some networking here. I wanna know we can strike some kind of ...accommodation. Woman to woman.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(the duo comes down the stairs with Feldberg)
CHRISTINE: I love it. An equal opportunities felon. Ronald Reagan, what have you wrought?
FELDBERG: Women are moving up in the world. Ten years ago this could only have been done by a man.
MARY BETH: That's not what I call progress, Mr. Feldberg.
FELDBERG: You run this by Samuels. I'll get on the horn to my boss.
MARY BETH: The Lieutenant's gonna hate this.

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: (into phone) I know, I'm sure it's a good deal, Thelma. I know, and I want David to have it. But five thousand dollars is all I can afford to give him. (Chris knocks at the door and he waves for the duo to come in) ...Oh, come on, Thelma, I will not negotiate with my own son! ...No, that's not true. That's all I've got. I can't give him any more! Thelma, I'm in the Civil Service!! What do you want from me? Thelma!!! (slamming the receiver down. Thelma has rung off) Aw!!! You know you should thank God Lacey that your kiddie's in the Marine Corps, I'll tell you that, because, you know, you'll at least have the GI Bill going for him when he wants to buy a co-op.
MARY BETH: Oh, sad to say, sir, the benefits are not...
CHRISTINE: Lieutenant!
SAMUELS: Oh, come on, I told you, Cagney, blue and white, those are the official colours and there are no exceptions!!
CHRISTINE: It's about the bank case, Lieutenant, not the bathroom.
SAMUELS: What are you talking about?
CHRISTINE: The West End National! The one hundred million dollars stolen.
SAMUELS: You know, this Dowling, she probably stole the money because she needed it so she could help her kid buy a co-op.
CHRISTINE: It's a small percentage, Lieutenant. And she's willing to give us the whole scam but in order to get it ...we have to make a deal.
SAMUELS: What kind of a deal?
CHRISTINE: Immunity from prosecution.
SAMUELS: What?!!!
MARY BETH: No, not total immunity, sir. She will make full restitution to the bank and be on probation while undergoing therapy.
SAMUELS: (leaping to his feet) Therapy!!! This woman stole a hundred million dollars!!
MARY BETH: She only admits to a hundred and twelve thousand, sir.
SAMUELS: (Feldberg knocks at the door) Huh? Yeah, come on in.
CHRISTINE: Small time amateur, Lieutenant, but she can help us. We are talking a possible Mafia bank here. A major coup over the Feds and the Organised Crime strike force.
SAMUELS: Not to mention a major feather in your cap, huh, Cagney? (to Feldberg) Do you believe this thing.
FELDBERG: Well, if her story doesn't pan out, the deal's off. Besides if we don't move on this right now the Feds'll snatch her away.
SAMUELS: Feds, huh? ...All right, but I want this completely and correctly written up in the files, OK?!
CHRISTINE: Right, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: (as the three go out) Ha!

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: Say 'Thank you' for the major career make-up, Feldberg.
FELDBERG: When I'm there, I'll send you a rose.
CHRISTINE: Right.
BASIL: Sergeant. (he gives her a sheet of paper) For you.
CHRISTINE: Thanks, Basil.
BASIL: Any time, Serge. Have fun.
MARY BETH: What is it, Sergeant?
CHRISTINE: Listen to this. The vacating Mr. Wright. The President of West End National is the son-in-law of Marco Luigi di Toya, who just prior to be deported, set his son-in-law up in the currency trade.
FELDBERG: Bingo! It is the Mafia.
MARY BETH: (pointing to Feldberg) And you're always telling me he's not too brave.

[Interview room]

BARBARA DOWLING: This is not the first time this kind of glitch has happened.
MARY BETH: Glitch! One hundred million dollars!
BARBARA DOWLING: In the business we call it fly tapping.
FELDBERG: Or laundered money.
BARBARA DOWLING: Fly tapping. A function of multi-national banking. It means electronic flight from one account at one bank to another account at another bank. Blip, blip! That's it.
CHRISTINE: Blip. blip?
BARBARA DOWLING: Nobody moves cash anymore. How do you think er, Marcos, Trujillo and the Shah of Iran got billions out of their country? In suitcases?
MARY BETH: That's how you were taking it!
BARBARA DOWLING: Only because I dreamed small. Every time one of those electronic glitches...
CHRISTINE: Wait! Back up a minute! What is a glitch?
BARBARA DOWLING: It's like ...an electronic, open cash drawer. A window. Big sums of money would miraculously disappear from a computer and hours later they'd come back. Now, before that happened, I'd tack on an extra hundred or so, and that would come back too.
MARY BETH: A little bit here, a little bit there and before you know it, the pin money adds to a hundred and twelve thousand dollars!

[Precinct House yard]

MARY BETH: (as the duo come out, to Josie, the bag lady) Careful, Josie. Cancer.
(Josie is sunning herself)
CHRISTINE: The money never came back and neither did the bank President. So we'll talk to the partner and find out where he's vacationing.
MARY BETH: Chris.
CHRISTINE: What?
MARY BETH: A million dollars, that's banditry. Five million, ...ten million even. A hundred million dollars, Christine. How would you ever hope to get away with it? How would you hide it?
CHRISTINE: It depends. Imelda Marcos, she turned it into shoes.
MARY BETH: (as they drive off in the Squad car) Chris. A hundred million dollars.

[The Wright's apartment]

DOORMAN: (as they get out of the lift) I know I shouldn't be doing this, you not having a warrant and all. But my cousin, Ernie, was on the Force for twenty years and he used to tell me the hassles you all have to go through. So I'm ...sympathetic, (dangling a key) ...if you get my drift?
CHRISTINE: Well, we can't tell you how much we appreciate this.
DOORMAN: Well, there we are. The domicile of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Wright.
DOORMAN: I really shouldn't be doing this. You know I'm... (Chris gives him a dollar bill. He looks at it) Well, I don't know, I mean, Ernie would tell me about the hassle ...but a search warrant is one of our constitutional guarantees.
CHRISTINE: (giving him another bill) Well, here's another picture of Alexander Hamilton to add to your collection. Now who can question your patriotism?
(as he leans down to open the door it flies open. The doorman flees)
AGENT MORTON: (coming out) Are you shopping for an apartment? This is no longer your business, ladies. (pushing the door wider open) Besides we both missed him.
(the bare apartment is crawling with Federal forensic agents)

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: I do not enjoying diving on my sword. 'The sooner we get out of his face and out of his case!'. His case! Can you believe it?
MARY BETH: Christine, it's over. We cannot hope to compete with the Federal Government over who beats who in the race to find Mr. Wright.
CHRISTINE: Oh yeah.
MARY BETH: Yeah! Let's face it. That one bust wipes out our case busts for a month, plus ...I ...am on my way to pina coladas and steamy nights and a parasol.
(Samuels comes up. Mary Beth leaps up)
SAMUELS: How's your thief? Happy with her therapist?
MARY BETH: Well, sir, it's a lot like stolen credit card scam, sir. The trick is to charge like crazy before the card's registered stolen using a computer window or glitch, on a much larger scale of course, sir, and the whole thing has to do with multi-national corporations and international currency and...
SAMUELS: OK, OK. OK! All right, just write it up when it's complete.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: In the meantime Inspector Marquette would like to see the both of yous on the double.
CHRISTINE: Fine, we'll head right away downtown, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: No, no, no, he's at some task force headquarters. Apparently very hush-hush. (handing Mary Beth a note with the address) Here's where it is. Don't keep him waiting.
MARY BETH: No sir.
CHRISTINE: Yes, Lieutenant.

[Warehouse]

(the duo arrives in the Squad car. Chris hands the note to a man in a hard hat. He takes them up in a goods lift and escorts them through a sliding door which he closes behind them)
MARQUETTE: (at a table with Morton and Whistler) Ah, Detectives, come on in. You know Agent Morton. And this is Assistant US District Attorney Whitworth.
AGENT MORTON: We are conducting a joint NYPD/Federal task force.
WHISTLER: You're familiar with West End National?
MARY BETH: Absolutely, sir.
CHRISTINE: It's our case.
MARQUETTE: This happens to be a cooperative operation.
AGENT MORTON: We're gonna want depositions from you two, but you should know the key to this case is the bank President, Robert Wright.
WHISTLER: A very wrong guy.
CHRISTINE: (giggling) Humour in the workplace! (to Marquette) How unique.
(he gives her a blank look)
WHISTLER: Now, we've been looking for him everywhere, and this morning ...he telephoned us. He said he was willing to testify before a Federal Grand Jury.
AGENT MORTON: But ...he won't come in without an escort.
MARQUETTE: You get him down here.
MARY BETH: Thank you, Inspector. Where is he, sir?
WHISTLER: Upstate. A town called Renfrew. His wife is already in protective custody.
AGENT MORTON: I don't know if I like this idea.
CHRISTINE: I do. We're supposed to be a joint task force and it is our case.
MARQUETTE: Morton, don't try and squeeze out the NYPD.
(Morton raises his hands, gets up and walks away from the table)
WHISTLER: Robert Wright's wife ..is Carla di Toya.
MARY BETH: The daughter of the old gangster, sir?
WHISTLER: Correct. He's been in the family bank for more than twenty years. It has ...interesting relationships with foreign banks. If Wright tells us what he knows ...lights will go on in government buildings all over the world. We wanna keep this guy ...cooperative. So (handing the duo a file) treat him with er, kid gloves.
MARQUETTE: When you get to the George Washington Bridge give me a call. You'll be told where to deliver Wright.
CHRISTINE: Fine.
WHISTLER: Any questions?
CHRISTINE: Bring him in. It seems simple enough.
(Morton shakes his head)
MARQUETTE: Don't worry about Samuels. I'll clear everything for you.

[Outside the warehouse]

MARY BETH: Oh, my Lord, Chris, what am I gonna do about Florida?!
CHRISTINE: What's the big deal?! We'll grab Wright and you can take the flight right out tomorrow morning!
MARY BETH: You mean fly down alone?!
CHRISTINE: I'll tell you what, while you're waking up the cowboys, I'll have the Ladies repainted, OK?
MARY BETH: Juicy pink?
CHRISTINE: I didn't say that.
MARY BETH: We haven't even agreed on a colour, Christine.
CHRISTINE: How about high tech white!
MARY BETH: Oh, white's so sort of ...dirty, isn't it? What do you wanna it to look like, a subway station?! Soft colours, they're more relaxing. Everybody knows that.
CHRISTINE: Nah! Pastels are so Miami!
MARY BETH: Oh, Harvey's gonna kill me.

[Lacey's bedroom]

HARVEY: (sitting on the bed) Can't you tell your Inspector and tell him to take a rain check?
MARY BETH: Sweetheart, there'll be parties all weekend.
HARVEY: Tonight the welcoming luau.
MARY BETH: Honey, listen. (giving him a kiss and sitting astride him) I want you to go on ahead to Florida without me, and I'll... (giving him a peck) Sweetheart, I'll call you tonight in Miami and we could (another peck) talk about it on the phone.
(she gives him a couple of pecks)
HARVEY: I don't think I should go without you, Mary Beth. We've planned this trip together.

[Estate wagon]

MARY BETH: He went. I cannot believe it, just like that, Miami bound.
CHRISTINE: You told him he should go without you.
MARY BETH: You always say it's all right for them to go, Christine, but they're not supposed to go!
CHRISTINE: We could have saved an hour if they'd let us use the Thruway.
MARY BETH: Huh.
CHRISTINE: Too many spy novels, Mary Beth. The Feds are up to their eyebrows in cloak-and-gagger.
MARY BETH: Ah ha.
CHRISTINE: This is a simple fetch-and-deliver detail. (Mary Beth blows out) Mary Beth, would you stop mooning over Miami! Ha, ha.
MARY BETH: Not funny, ...Christine.
CHRISTINE: Hey, I'm just trying to keep it light here, OK?
MARY BETH: Sure. Huh, sure.
CHRISTINE: The map!
MARY BETH: Mm.
CHRISTINE: How long do I stay on the Yellow Brick Road?
MARY BETH: Oh, we're... It's almost thirty, forty minutes before we have to turn.
(Mary Beth looks at the file Whistler handed over. It has a big photo)
CHRISTINE: Nice looking guy. Huh?
MARY BETH: Chris, if you see one of those stands on the road, stop, all right? You know, I wanna get some fresh apples and maybe some maple syrup.
CHRISTINE: That's Vermont, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Upstate New York happens to be a major producer of maple syrup.
CHRISTINE: Thank you, Miss. New York State!!
MARY BETH: Muriel is babysitting, you see. The kids like maple syrup on their pancakes on Sunday morning and I'm not gonna be there. 'cos I'm gonna be in Miami with Harvey. Is that all right with you?!
CHRISTINE: Hey, I'm easy.

[New York State road]

(they are off the Thruway. Later it is dark and there is a thunderstorm raging. Chris turns off to a lane)

[Estate wagon]

CHRISTINE: My grandparents used to live out this, if you'll pardon the expression, neck of the woods.
MARY BETH: No kidding.
CHRISTINE: Yeah.
MARY BETH: Anything look familiar?
CHRISTINE: Yeah. You. I can't see a damn thing out there.
MARY BETH: I hate being lost, Chris.
CHRISTINE: You hate it! I'm the control freak!!
MARY BETH: Oh, geez, what is this now?
(there is a LANE CLOSED sign. There are emergency vehicles. Power lines are down. A flagperson stops them and speaks to Chris)
FLAGPERSON: Do yourself a favour. Turn around. It gets worse up ahead.
CHRISTINE: Do yourself a favour and get out of my way!
(she drives on)
MARY BETH: (as the storm continues to rage) I don't wanna say anything, Christine, but the animals are lining up, two-by-two. Oh!!!
(just then a pick-up truck comes out lane causing Chris to swerve off the lane. Later Chris pulls up alongside a white wall. The storm continues)
CHRISTINE: Maple syrup, my arse. I could kill somebody!
MARY BETH: The question is, my partner, who would you kill?
CHRISTINE: Do me a favour, will ya, Mary Beth. Check the address here.
MARY BETH: Right.
(just then a police car roars up behind them, lights blazing, siren wailing)
CHRISTINE: Oh my Gawd.
SHERIFF CRADDOCK: (shining a torch through the window) Are you little ladies lost?
MARY BETH: Er, well, just a little bit, I guess, er, sir, er...
SHERIFF CRADDOCK: Craddock.
MARY BETH: Craddock.
SHERIFF CRADDOCK: Rough night for cruising. Things get boring in the City?
(Mary Beth sniggers)
CHRISTINE: Actually, we just came up for some maple syrup.
SHERIFF CRADDOCK: You're in the wrong part of the State.
CHRISTINE: Well, we were misinformed.
MARY BETH: What we do want, sir, is er, seven-four-three-two-seven, Pinewood Lane, sir. (he shines his torch at a sign on the wall. Mary Beth laughs awkwardly) Oh, it is a small world, isn't it?
CHRISTINE: Thank you, sir. It's actually kind of late and I'm afraid my uncle will be very worried. (as Craddock looks hard at her) Hello.
(he shines his torch into the back of the car)
SHERIFF CRADDOCK: All right, you drive carefully. We don't have any gridlocks up here in Renfrew. We really don't want any.
CHRISTINE: Thank you, sir. (as Mary Beth waves her fingers at him) And good night.
(Chris turns into the property)
MARY BETH: Do you think it's odd that a sheriff is hanging around outside the very property we're looking for?
CHRISTINE: It's small-town America. He knows where the crime is.
MARY BETH: This is Inspector Marquette, with the Feds peeping over our shoulder.
CHRISTINE: Well, sometimes they have to guard the guard, OK?
MARY BETH: OK. All I know is where I come from there's never a cop around when you need one. Is that it?!
CHRISTINE: Yeah.
MARY BETH: And they told me crime doesn't pay.
(Chris pulls up in front of a mansion)

[Outside the mansion]

(the duo rushes up to the huge front door. Chris rings the bell and knocks frantically on it)
MARY BETH: (as her rain hat blows away) Oh!
CHRISTINE: (shouting) Open up!!!
MARY BETH: I could be at the welcoming luau. (Chris continues to shout) There's one thing about him.
CHRISTINE: What?!!
MARY BETH: He plays a mean piano. (as the wind abates briefly, piano music can be heard. Chris runs to the estate wagon) Chris, what are you doing?!
(Chris starts blowing the horn. The door is opened by Wright)
MARY BETH: (trying to straighten her hair) Oh.
WRIGHT: Looking at a saturated Mary Beth) Are you all right?
CHRISTINE: (rushing in the door, past him) Excuse me!
MARY BETH: (squeezing past him, showing her shield) NYPD, sir.

[Mansion kitchen]

(the duo is in dressing gowns and drying out in front of a huge fire. The storm still rages)
CHRISTINE: Do you know what?
MARY BETH: What?
CHRISTINE: It was almost a year ago. My place. You called me a drunk. (there's a crack of thunder) It's been a hell of a year. Life looks pretty good. (looking at Mary Beth after a pause) Thanks.
(there is a knock at the door and Wright comes straight in)
WRIGHT: Enjoy your dinner, ladies?
CHRISTINE: It was great.
MARY BETH: Oh, yes, thank you very much.
WRIGHT: Robes comfortable?
CHRISTINE: Yes. Thank you.
WRIGHT: (feeling his tie) How about you, Detective Lacey?
MARY BETH: (gooey eyed as she looks at him) Everything. ...Wonderful.
(Wright and Mary Beth continue to look at each other)
CHRISTINE: (to Wright) Why don't you get your bag (looking at Mary Beth) ...and we'll change our clothes and get out of here.
(Wright nods and leaves. Mary Beth feels her collar)
CHRISTINE: (imitating Mary Beth) Everything. (spinning round in her chair) ...Won ...der...ful.
(there is another crack of thunder)
MARY BETH: Do you have a problem, Christine?
CHRISTINE: I have not seen you drool since Alice's first birthday party.
MARY BETH: Whatever are you talking about?
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, you must admit the man is attractive.
MARY BETH: I'm er... I'm er, trying the phone again.
CHRISTINE: Of course. Silly me. (Mary Beth goes and picks up the phone. Chris follows her) Mary Beth Lacey has never looked at another man since her first love, Harvey. (she puts the phone down) He proposed when she was fourteen.
MARY BETH: I was almost twenty-one.
CHRISTINE: Ah! So your interest in Mr. Wright is strictly professional?
MARY BETH: Absolutely!
(more thunder)
CHRISTINE: I'll believe you ...but thousands wouldn't.
MARY BETH: Just because he's beautiful and ...polished ...and plays mean piano...
CHRISTINE: He's been picking on you ever since we got here.
MARY BETH: (as there's another crack of thunder) All that I was doing, Christine, is escorting a suspected felon to the Federal authorities to ensure his safe delivery into custody.
CHRISTINE: Whatever you say, Mrs. Lacey.
(there is a knock at the door)
WRIGHT: (coming in holding two pairs of Wellingtons and rain capes) Voila! (to Mary Beth as he opens his jacket) Do you wanna pat me down again?
MARY BETH: (winsomely) Once was enough, sir.
CHRISTINE: (quietly, walking behind Mary Beth) Not if you do it right. (raising her voice) Oh! Hey! So, Let's get this show on the road!
(the estate wagon is on the road as the thunderstorm continues unabated. Chris is driving. Wright sits up front. Mary Beth leans forward, looking over their shoulders)

[Estate wagon]

WRIGHT: Rubenstein was ...unique. He had a love affair with the piano. An honest to God romantic.
CHRISTINE: I'm a Horowitz fan myself. Did you see his autograph performance at the Carnegie Hall? He's talking about giving concerts again.
WRIGHT: I was lucky enough to see Rubenstein at the Carnegie Hall.
CHRISTINE: Ah, I love that place. The lights, the audience. Crazy!
WRIGHT: It's too bad what the renovation did to the acoustics. What do think, Detective Lacey?
MARY BETH: I think it's peculiar that a man so sensitive turns out to be nothing but a common thief.
WRIGHT: (looking back) Is that car following us?
CHRISTINE: I don't think so. It's been with us for about half a mile or so. We had another one for about a mile and a half before it turned off.
MARY BETH: Do you wanna slow up, Sergeant? See what he does,
CHRISTINE: Sure. Would you slide down in your seat, Mr. Wright? Please. (Wright ducks down) He's gonna pass.
(the car goes past. Wright sits up)
MARY BETH: (to Wright) So how did you expect to get away with this? I mean, you're not Haile Selassie or Juan Veron. Where do you think you're gonna hide it?
WRIGHT: Now you're being silly.
MARY BETH: Why do you say 'silly'? I mean, I've heard of 'never steal anything small', but this is outrageous.
WRIGHT: Entire regimes are at stake. The American way of life is.
CHRISTINE: Did this story have a little girl and a rabbit in it?
WRIGHT: How about a war over the Falklands?
CHRISTINE: What, did your bank invest heavily in South American real estate?
WRIGHT: The government of Argentina needed something to shore up its ...popularity. Get people to rally around the flag. They knew England would have to defend the Falklands by sea and that the French had a missile that could be an equaliser.
CHRISTINE: Are you an arms dealer?
WRIGHT: No. Just a banker. France was willing to sell Exocet missiles, but only for dollars. No pesos. Not even lire from a right-wing Italian group willing to foot the bill. Enter the U S of A.
CHRISTINE: Pardon me but we supported England.
WRIGHT: We didn't want Argentina to be humiliated.
MARY BETH: So if it only cost a few hundred lives, why not?
WRIGHT: They were threatening to do business with the Russians if we didn't cooperate.
CHRISTINE: So you loaned Argentina the money?
WRIGHT: At the request of our government.
CHRISTINE: Huh!! And then the little girl followed the rabbit down the hole!
(there is a crash of thunder)
WRIGHT: You're a funny kind of a cynic.
MARY BETH: Then Argentina lost the war and reneged on the loan and left your bank holding the bag?
WRIGHT: I'm impressed, Detective.
CHRISTINE: The Falklands thing was a long time ago. What took so long for it to show up?
WRIGHT: The technical movement of money ...stalled the inevitable. The Iran-Contra thing was the final nail in the coffin.
MARY BETH: Don't tell me!
CHRISTINE: Oh, it's a shame Harvey's in Miami, he'd love this.
(there is a bang and the car skids to a halt. Chris gets out)

[New York State road]

(Chris looks at the left rear tyre which has punctured. She kicks out at it and the wheel trim flies off)
CHRISTINE: Oh, damn it!!! (jumping up and down in the rain) Damn!!! Damn!!!

[Samuels bedroom/Miami hotel bedroom]

(the phone goes)
SAMUELS: (into phone) Yeah.
HARVEY: (in a tropical shirt, with a lei round his neck, into phone) Sorry if I woke you, Lieutenant, but I've been watching the news on the TV down here, and there's all this stuff about a big storm upstate.
SAMUELS: Who's this?!
HARVEY: I'm sorry. Harvey Lacey. Yeah. My Ma is with the kids and er, Mary Beth, she hasn't called.
SAMUELS: Yeah, well, Lacey. what time is it now?
HARVEY: Yeah, I know. She's on this assignment upstate, but she was supposed to be back hours ago and the desk sergeant, he hasn't heard from her and er, well you know, I'm just er, kind of worried.

[New York State road]

(Chris is out in the rain changing the wheel. The sheriff's car arrives. She knocks on the estate wagon window)

[Estate wagon]

MARY BETH: Get down, Mr. Wright. And no matter what happens, stay there.
WRIGHT: (laying down) Yes sir.

[New York State road]

SHERIFF CRADDOCK: (coming up) Hell of a night for a flat.
CHRISTINE: I've changed the wheel.
SHERIFF CRADDOCK: (taking over putting the nuts on the spare while Chris puts the old wheel and jack in the wagon) It's awful you couldn't stay inside on a night like this.
(Mary Beth gets out)
CHRISTINE: Family quarrel. My uncle and I still don't get along.
SHERIFF CRADDOCK: And what with the weather, it's a grand time to bury the hatchet.
MARY BETH: We heard on the radio that it might clear up.
SHERIFF CRADDOCK: (getting up after finishing the wheel) If I were you I'd find some place and sit this one out. The road's washed out just up ahead there but er, there's a motor inn before that. It ain't very clean but considering your plight...
(the duo laughs)
CHRISTINE: Well, thanks very much for your help.
SHERIFF CRADDOCK: Happy to oblige. Take it easy.
CHRISTINE: Yeah. (after him) Good night!
MARY BETH: (as the sheriff drives off) If we stay the night, Christine, I'm not gonna make my flight to Miami.
CHRISTINE: Great! You can sit up all night singing "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina".

[Outside the motor inn]

(Chris goes into a payphone booth. The line is dead. She gets back into the estate wagon)

[Estate wagon]

CHRISTINE: OK. We'll find our rooms in the West Wing. The phones are dead inside too.
(they arrive at the their rooms. The three of them get out and dive into a motor inn room)

[Motor inn room 3]

(having checked the place out, Chris indicates she's going next door. Mary Beth picks up the phone)
MARY BETH: (as Chris rushes out again) Er...

[Outside the motor inn]

(Chris goes into the next room)

[Motor inn room 4]

(she checks that out and then goes through the connecting door to room 3)

[Motor inn room 3]

CHRISTINE: I'm gonna move the car.
MARY BETH: (as Chris goes out) Er... Listen, it's safer. To move the car, that is.
WRIGHT: (putting a reassuring hand on Mary Beth's arm) Yes.
(while Wright hangs his coat up, Mary Beth takes off her Wellingtons. Wright goes past her and picks up his bag)
MARY BETH: (jumping nervously) Um... If that story you told is true there's probably certain people that don't want you to testify.
WRIGHT: It was an interesting time.
(Mary Beth takes off her rain cape)
MARY BETH: Hey, I'm sorry if I insulted you before.
WRIGHT: (shaking his head) No. New York bankers, ...thick skins. You er... That's why you caught on very fast. ...Quite knowledgeable. (Mary Beth stands there looking at him guiltily) International banking can be ...be complicated.
MARY BETH: You mean investment capital ...and all that?
(he raises his finger to her and stares back)
CHRISTINE: (coming back in from room 4) Out of sight, out of mind! Mary Beth, I think you should give Mr. Wright a few minutes to get comfortable.
MARY BETH: Oh.
(she grabs her things and flees to room 4)

[Motor inn room 4]

(Mary Beth sinks down the wall just inside the connecting door)
CHRISTINE: (to Wright at the connecting door) Holler when you're decent. ...He's very tempting, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: I'm not sure.
CHRISTINE: Mm hm.
MARY BETH: (having picked up the phone) I just thought I'd check. Do you believe that story he told us about Argentina and all that?
CHRISTINE: Well, if he made it up, he's got a hell of an imagination. I'll tell you one thing ...he's awfully cute to look at.
MARY BETH: He seems to be ...intelligent.
CHRISTINE: Oh, come on, partner!! (she pushes the connecting door closed) You're acting like a kid! (and then sexily) Pheromones, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Huh?
CHRISTINE: Sexual chemistry.
MARY BETH: Oh!
CHRISTINE: That's how the boy ants tell who the girl ants are. The same thing happens to people.
MARY BETH: Oh, this is ridiculous. I guess I'm behaving like a teenager.
CHRISTINE: It's all right! I mean, there are millions of people in the world. Every once in a while, if two of them connect. It's not a felony.
MARY BETH: Who said it's a felony? I'm getting all ...silly over a major felon.
CHRISTINE: That is nice.
MARY BETH: Yes, it is.
CHRISTINE: (through the door) How's it going in there, Mr. Wright?
WRIGHT [OC}: Well, it's not the Ritz.
CHRISTINE: Well, Detective Lacey will be taking the first watch.
MARY BETH: I'm not going in there!!!
CHRISTINE: Yeah, you are. (opening the door and whispering) Rank has its privileges.
(Mary Beth checks her gun and her hair and steps into room 3. Chris closes the door right behind her)

[Motor inn room 3]

(she goes and picks up a chair and puts it down in front of the adjoining door)
WRIGHT: Why does a ...a modern woman do this? A career in law enforcement.
MARY BETH: I saw an ad on the subway.
WRIGHT: (after a pregnant pause) How long have you been married?
MARY BETH: Nineteen years and three months.
WRIGHT: Fourteen for me. (another pause) It happened one night.
MARY BETH: What did?
WRIGHT: No, no, the movie.
MARY BETH: Oh, sure! Claudette Colbert and...
MARY BETH/WRIGHT: ...Clark Gable!
MARY BETH: Your eyes, is that what you mean? ...Oh, you mean, ...two people, one room.
WRIGHT: (after another pregnant pause) I'd feel a lot safer if you moved closer.
(Mary Beth picks up the chair and moves it by the bed which Wright is sitting on. There is a crash of thunder. She sees a man with a gun outside the window. She dives and rolls Wright with her onto the floor behind the bed. The gun breaks the window and fires some shots into the bed)
MARY BETH: Chris, outside!!! He's got a gun!!

[Outside the motor inn rooms]

(Chris comes out and sees a man going away down the veranda)
CHRISTINE: (running down the verenda from room 4 past room 3 where Mary Beth has come out from) Freeze!!! Put it down!
(Sheriff Craddock turns to fire. There is a burst of automatic gunfire from the door of room 4 at Craddock which downs him. It is Wright. The duo has their guns on Wright)
CHRISTINE: Put it down! Step back! ...Down!!! ...Down!!!
MB/CHRISTINE: Down!!!
MARY BETH: Put it down, mister!!
WRIGHT: Don't shoot! I'm FBI. Agent Duggan.
CHRISTINE: Put it down! ...Real slow!

To be continued...

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