Yup
Original Airdate: May 2, 1988

[Prentiss' house]

MRS. PRENTISS: The Georgian tea service, the Cuban glass. And even a Fabergé egg. They've all gone. Vanished!
CHRISTINE: I understand, Mrs. Prentiss, and I assure you that the full resources of the Department will be...
MRS. PRENTISS: They've been in my husband's family for years.
MARY BETH: Mrs. Prentiss, I know how you feel. Last year our home was burgled.
MRS. PRENTISS: (shouting out as Chris looks at the antiques around the room) Please!! The floor has just been finished!! Pick up your feet.
CHRISTINE: (pointing down to the Wellington boots she is wearing) Excuse me. I broke a knee and these were the best I could get at the free clinic.
MARY BETH: Now, Mrs. Prentiss, you arrived home at approximately eight-ten this morning and you discovered you had been robbed and that the alarm system had been cut. Where were you all weekend?
MRS. PRENTISS: Toronto. My husband, Winston, had some lengthy negotiations. Perhaps you've heard of him. He's rather important on Wall Street. Winston Prentiss.
MARY BETH: Oh! Did I see a magazine article...
MRS. PRENTISS: Time magazine. The cover. (a maid comes in with a tray) Oh, no, no, not here, Katherine, the morning room. (to the duo) I'm afraid I haven't breakfasted yet. (following the maid) If you'll excuse me?
CHRISTINE: Servants are such a problem!
SOLOMON: (coming in) Christine! (he moves nearer to her) Christine. (he comes right up to her) Christine.
CHRISTINE: Solomon. Solomon. Solomon.
SOLOMON: (he turns her to face him) Take a deep breath. (she sighs) Jupiter is aligned with Mars. Gas is pushing a buck a gallon. Elvis is dead. Christine, it's the dawn of a new age.
CHRISTINE: Let me guess. Pornographic astrology! Or nude tours of Graceland.
SOLOMON: Once ...in every life ..a love appears, so pure, so perfect, the cosmos heaves a collective sigh and asks ...'What about a wedding ring?'.
MARY BETH: Maybe I had better go before we hit a total eclipse.
CHRISTINE: (grabbing her arm as she goes past) Mary Beth!!!
SOLOMON: Christine!! ...I've met someone else. It's real, not just ...a physical thing like us.
CHRISTINE: I'm crushed.
SOLOMON: You'll always be a part of my life, Christine. Every time I drive that Rambler over the Verrazano Narrows I think of you, what might have been and my feet sweat.
CHRISTINE: Have you tried talcum powder?!
MARY BETH: Who is the lucky woman?

[Manhattan street]

(it is raining)
CHRISTINE: Sergeant Doris Green, aka Dropsy Drop Doris!!! He's out of his league! He's gonna drop dead in the middle of the night!
MARY BETH: If you ask me, if you're lucky, she means more than you. Did you notice the superior quality of that Matisse?
CHRISTINE: Up to Impressionism already, eh?
MARY BETH: It's better she doesn't know the chances of anyone recovering her heirlooms.
CHRISTINE: So we'll visit a couple of pawnshops, pull in some fences.
(they arrive back at the Squad car)
MARY BETH: Chris. it's three days since Harve Jr. got home. I haven't seen him for fifteen minutes. So tonight I'm making a super special dinner. Maybe he can find a moment to spend with his boring old mother.
CHRISTINE: He sounded great when he called me.
MARY BETH: Oh, he called you?
CHRISTINE: You know, A Marine's gotta have a blonde! (tapping the car for Mary Beth to let her in) Come on!

[Samuels' office]

(the workmen are in. Samuels is annoyed)
SAMUELS: Congratulations! Not only do I have pipes and plumbers, but now you two have summoned up the full power of the Department so they can go after my head!
MARY BETH: Sir?
SAMUELS: That robbery victim you got this morning, Mrs. Mimi Prentiss, happens to be the last Commissioner's wife!
CHRISTINE: So the Old Wives network raises its well coiffed head.
SAMUELS: Yeah, Cagney, she gotta coiff. (a workman on a stepladder starts banging above his head) Yeah, Cagney, you better play detective and provide us with a variety of suspects just to cater for this nut's fertility and...
MARY BETH: Sir, it's more than likely we're talking about a professional burglar.
SAMUELS: Well, don't tell me, tell the Commissioner's wife! And you can start with this! (handing Mary Beth a printout) The ex-employees of Prentiss's company comes in a long list!!
CHRISTINE: Lieutenant, we have plenty of leads and they do not involve some pretentious, up tight, society bimbo!
SAMUELS: And there was a comment made on the attitude of a certain blonde detective!
CHRISTINE: What attitude?!!
MARY BETH: With all due respect, sir, we should be out solving this case, (trying to hand the printout back) not chasing our tails around.
SAMUELS: Lacey, sometimes the dog not only bites back but leaves a deposit on your floor!
(Mary Beth goes out. Chris hesitates before following. The banging starts again)

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: I can hear them now, Mary Beth, huddled around their Chippendales. (in a society voice) 'Robbed, Mimi? Why it's too, too awful. I'll put in a call immediately'.
(Corassa, looking at part of the list, comes up with Esposito)
MARY BETH: Well, we'll have to deal with that. We'll see some of the people on her list and get back on the case.
CHRISTINE: Do you wanna spend all day asking out-of-work stockbrokers about heists and alarm systems?
CORASSA: Ask them how they're dealing with my cousin who lost his shirt last year after following his broker's advice.
ESPOSITO: I put my money in commodities. I buy cheap in January and then, at Christmas, I clean up.
CHRISTINE: I'd take odds on men with thick glasses. They have lenses so thick... 'How thick?' you ask. So thick, they buy 'em up, and are rushing to lose their glasses! Ha, ha.
(Mary Beth and Esposito do not laugh)
MARY BETH: My mother's second cousin, once removed, had all his money buried in the backyard and it rained so hard it washed it all into his neighbour's garden. They were yelling for weeks!
CHRISTINE: (to Isbecki as he comes up) Hey, where was that burglary in the West Village?
ISBECKI: You mean that one where they cut the alarm system?
CHRISTINE: Any leads on the perps?
ISBECKI: We caught 'em.
CHISTINE: Never mind.
(the phone goes. Chris, with her arms folded glances at it. Mary Beth answers it)
MARY BETH: (into phone) Fourteenth. ...Oh, Amatucci! (Chris looks disinterested) No, this is Detective Lacey. ...Yes, she's right... (Chris leaps up, giving Mary Beth a black look) Oh, no, er, there she goes! Well, you see she was... You she was here but something came up suddenly. ...Yes, I will tell her. ...Thank you.
(she rings off)
CHRISTINE: Was he mad?
MARY BETH: All he said was 'She's standing right there', Christine.
CHRISTINE: Well, of all the rotten, low-down nerve!
MARY BETH: What happened to your deep and abiding love for the little curly hairs on his chest?
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, the man, this Sunday, wants me to have dinner ...at his mother's!!
MARY BETH: How dare he!
CHRISTINE: That's how it begins. And then they wanna marry you!
MARY BETH: And so now you are not accepting his phone calls? That's very adult of you, Christine.
CHRISTINE: (sitting down) Fine. (as the duo looks at parts of the list) Take you pick. Yuppies! (picking up a file) Or police work?

[Manhattan street]

SKEETER MICHAELS: (handing out pamphlets) Read the word and heed the word! The body is the temple of the spirit. Read the word and heed the word! The body is the temple of the spirit. (as a Jew takes a pamphlet) You just read the word and heed the word! The body is the temple of the spirit. (the duo comes up and Mary Beth pulls Michaels back by the shoulder as he moves off) Cagney and Lacey! Praise the Lord!
MARY BETH: (grabbing the pamphlets from him) 'The position of the church on undercooked meat'. I didn't realise the church had taken that position, Mr. Michaels?
CHRISTINE: Gee, Skeeter, you're a lot more of a laugh than a blunt instrument.
SKEETER MICHAELS: Well, I wanna thank you for putting me on prison. Praise the Lord! I found the light there.
MARY BETH: And stopped killing women?
SKEETER MICHAELS: I am redeemed!
CHRISTINE: Great! Information, Skeeter.
SKEETER MICHAELS: Oh, I promised Jesus.
MARY BETH: Thomas Redlow, Skeeter. Where is he?!
SKEETER MICHAELS: Oh, Redlow, I tried to lead him to Jesus.
CHRISTINE: Is that what you two were doing Sunday?
SKEETER MICHAELS: Sunday! The Sabbath! I was moaning and groaning. Hailing and wailing. I got three hundred witnesses.
MARY BETH: Somebody pulled a job Sunday. It had your two names written all over it.
SKEETER MICHAELS: Oh, no, no, no, no. Redlow came here last week. He was talking the Devil. He tried to get me back into the business, but I said 'My soul belongs to the Lord now'.
CHRISTINE: Praise be.
MARY BETH: Did Mr. Redlow leave an address, telephone number?
SKEETER MICHAELS: No, but he's got a new gig now as a doorman. East fifties. It just lets him case the joints, up close and personal.
MARY BETH: Go with God, Skeeter. But don't go too far. (as the duo walks away) Sergeant, do you wanna drop me off at the subway? I've gotta roast an ox for the lad.
CHRISTINE: Give my love to the grunt.

[Laceys' dining room]

(Harvey Jr. is Marine uniform)
MARY BETH: (coming in) Harvey, I never saw you eat so much. ...Or so fast.
HARVEY JR.: It's all great, Mum. (to Harvey) You know, a bunch of us guys went to see that movie "Wall Street".
HARVEY: Yes.
HARVEY JR.: And it really burned me up.
MICHAEL: (to Mary Beth) I saw " Project X". It was all about monkeys in the Air Force.
MARY BETH: Michael, your brother is talking.
MICHAEL: But, Mum,...
HARVEY: Mikey, he's just come back!
HARVEY JR.: What was that stockbroker doing? Well he didn't. He just didn't...
HARVEY: Didn't make anything but money?
HARVEY JR.: Exactly that.
HARVEY: Yeah, yeah. A man builds a house and you can see the result. Those people never see the consequences of their decisions. It's all a game to them, Harve.
HARVEY JR.: You sound just like my DI.
HARVEY: DI?
HARVEY JR.: Yeah, you'd like him a lot, Dad. He reminds me of y...
(Michael flicks some food at his brother)
HARVEY: What are you doing?!!!
MARY BETH: Michael!
HARVEY JR.: (to Michael) Can't forget the kid's stuff, huh? We're trying to talk!
MARY BETH: (to Michael) Don't play with your food. I fed Alice early so that we could have a nice grown-up dinner. Have you decided on your specialty school, Harvey?
HARVEY JR.: Well, my DI says I should consider Engineering.
MICHAEL: I'm taking a stream-dividing class.
MARY BETH: Both our boys are so talented.
HARVEY JR.: And my test showed I had an aptitude.
MARY BETH: You always had aptitude.
HARVEY: That was real smart, giving up the infantry.
MICHAEL: I'm not hungry.
HARVEY JR.: Back up and support are critical. If I was a combat engineer I would be...
(Michael throws down his serviette, leaps up and rushes out)
MARY BETH: Michael!
HARVEY: Michael!!! You get back here!

[Chris's bathroom]

NICK AMATUCCI [OC]: (holding out a toothbrush) Use this.
CHRISTINE: Robert Redford.
NICK AMATUCCI: Need any toothpaste?
CHRISTINE: I'm gonna use mine. (she puts some toothpaste on it) See!
NICK AMATUCCI: (handing the toothbrush back) I don't trust anything that looks like that. It reminds me of pea soup.
CHRISTINE. (throwing the brush down) Suit yourself!
NICK AMATUCCI: (as Chris hands a towel as he steps out of the shower) So, sure you can't be a little late, Serge?
CHRISTINE: (as she kisses him) I'd more than a little late.
NICK AMATUCCI: So, are you or are you not coming to my mum's house, Sunday night dinner? Meet my sisters and their idiot husbands?
CHRISTINE: Nick, I can't.
NICK AMATUCCI: Did I tell you that the Pope gave my mum a medal for her rigatoni?
CHRISTINE: I saw the picture in the Post.
NICK AMATUCCI: I know, I know, I know, you think the world family just screams and hollers for Mama Mia's cannoli.
CHRISTINE: This is ridiculous! No!!
NICK AMATUCCI: Don't knock it until you've tried it.
CHRISTINE: Nick,...
NICK AMATUCCI: (stopping her as she tries to get out of the bathroom) The Bronx smells great in the springtime.
CHRISTINE: Would you stop? I have tickets for the Degas exhibit at the Met on Sunday.
NICK AMATUCCI: Degas! That's fair enough. I'll go along with you and then we'll head uptown afterwards.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I'm going with a friend.
NICK AMATUCCI: I see.
CHRISTINE: It's Mary Beth, Nick. She wanted us to go together and she'd be disappointed. I don't wanna disappoint her. You understand that.
NICK AMATUCCI: Oh, yes!! Mary Beth. You partner. Right! Absolutely.
(he opens the door and ushers her out)

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: How was dinner?!
MARY BETH: (who has just arrived) OK. Fine. Except Michael was acting foolish. He's jealous of his place. When Harvey Jr. goes back, we'll take him out to Coney Island.
CHRISTINE: He's a little old for that, isn't he?
MARY BETH: Oh, he loves the bumper cars. He loves the roller coaster.
CHRISTINE: Ah, thrills and spills with Mom and Dad.
MARY BETH: So er, whose calls are we not taking today, Christine?
SAMUELS: (coming up to the coffee table) I hope you two misunderstood me, otherwise I'd be thinking you were ignoring my orders. Yesterday you went to a lot of places, not one of them was from Mrs. Prentiss's list. (returning to his office) Today you do what to you're told!
(Chris picks up her coat and sou'wester and they leave)

[Frank Myerling's apartment]

FRANK MAYERLING: So, what's the problem, Detective?
MARY BETH: Mr. Myerling, your former employer's house has been burgled.
FRANK MAYERLING: Oh, it's a painful experience?
MARY BETH: Almost as painful as being fired without warning, Mr. Myerling? Where were you Sunday night?
FRANK MAYERLING: Oh, you thought that I'd crept over to the old dirt bag's house, rappelled down his chimney and went on a looting frenzy, huh?
MARY BETH: I haven't decided, sir.

[Sandra Pizzaro's apartment]

SANDRA PIZZARO: I was right here with "The Times" work ads. Assuming nobody's hiring, I hope they took every antique that lying letch ever owned.
CHRISTINE: Must be hard to scale down after making the big money. Why did you go?
SANDRA PIZZARO: Oh, there's not much choice when you come back from lunch and find a troll at your desk from Personnel demanding your security badge.
CHRISTINE: Well, you must be angry with Mr. Prentiss firing you like that?
SANDRA PIZZARO: Considering, I'd probably still have my job if a spreadsheet means the same thing to him like it does to me.
CHRISTINE: Ah.

[Frank Myerling's apartment]

FRANK MAYERLING: I pulled all my clients out of stock just before the crash. Any other broker's house would have made me a star.
MARY BETH: And Mr. Prentiss fired you instead?
FRANK MAYERLING: 'Young man,' he says 'you're like a son to me'. Even gutter-mouth. Pension fund just after the crash. That Prentiss is too highbrow to deal with merchant seamen.
MARY BETH: This is all very interesting, Mr. Myerling, but where were you Sunday night?
FRANK MAYERLING: Er, Staten Island.
MARY BETH: Doing what?
FRANK MAYERLING: Watching TV. My mother's living room. While she's doing my laundry.

[Sandra Pizzaro's apartment]

CHRISTINE: Let's see, Mrs. Prentiss used to be Winston Prentiss's secretary?
SANDRA PIZZARO: A CUNY graduate of the School of Executive Secretaries.
CHRISTINE: Another mistress advantage, so to speak.
SANDRA PIZZARO: She lays down gets a townhouse, I don't and lose my job. I guess that's the downside of being upright.

[Manhattan street]

MARY BETH: A dozen pouting, spoilt children, all with motive, half with opportunity.
CHRISTINE: And not one of them could have done it.
MARY BETH: Not that they didn't want to.
CHRISTINE: (to a hot dog vendor) Just mustard and relish! (to Mary Beth) Trying to cut back.
MARY BETH: Every single one of them would like to Prentiss thrown up by his suspenders. Because of him, they've had to grow up and face the real world.
CHRISTINE: Yuppie bashing, Mary Beth. This from a woman who shed tears over the farm closures.
MARY BETH: Farmers happen to be the backbone of America!
CHRISTINE: It's easy to care about them because they wear overalls.
MARY BETH: Those farmers lose what they worked their whole lives for!
CHRISTINE: And these people are overextending themselves just like the farmers did. Produce and abandon. Same trip, Mary Beth.
(they arrive back at the Squad car)

[Precinct House front desk]

MARY BETH: So is that what it is? Birds of a trust fund flock together?
CHRISTINE: Twenty thousand people lost their jobs in one month and everybody says it's their fault.
(Mary Beth hands Chris he messages)
MARY BETH: Oh, this is one of yours also. Mr. Amatucci would like a call.
CHRISTINE: Ah ha.
COLEMAN: Hold on. Uniforms say they've found the building that Thomas Redlow's working at.
MARY BETH: (taking the Uniforms message) Thank you, Sergeant. Sutton Place, close to a junkie's yard and a drugstore.
CHRISTINE: At last, a genuine suspect.
MARY BETH: What about the rest of the list?
CHRISTINE: Ah! Let no one accuse us of not being thorough. Basil. (picking up the printout) Run 'em all!

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (looking at the messages) So Redlow owes a parking ticket and he's done time for littering. (just as Samuels comes up) Who in the hell has dumped this on my desk?!!
SAMUELS: Sorry, Cagney, we're temporary desk buddies until those two yucks have finished in my office.
CHRISTINE: No problem, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: But you won't be needing this desk right now anyway. Winston Prentiss called. He wants to see both of yous over his home. And he's leaving at three-thirty. It gives you forty-five minutes from right now.
CHRISTINE: I've had my strings pulled all morning, Lieutenant. Now you wanna us to be puppets again?
MARY BETH: Sir, we have an address on a real lead.
SAMUELS: And I don't wanna get a call from the Commissioner's Office! So go and see Prentiss now. (leaping up and rushing to his office ) Hey!! Hey, don't stand on my desk! What the hell is the matter with you guys?! Come on. get down from there! Hey, you!! Get off of there! Come on! Come on!
MARY BETH: This brings new meaning to the term, public service. Do you wanna call Amatucci before we go.
CHRISTINE: No.
MARY BETH: Christine.
CHRISTINE: Later! We'll count the feathers on the old bird and then we'll see Redlow.

[Prentiss' house]

WINSTON PRENTISS: Well, I was off trading stocks in the investment trenches. (holding Mimi's hand) And Mimi, well she has a tendency to protect me from these unpleasant things.
MARY BETH: Your friends downtown are very concerned, sir.
WINSTON PRENTISS: I know, and I'm embarrassed, Detective. Because it seems that the privileged just don't play the role of victim very graciously.
CHRISTINE: Well, one gets better with practice. Ha.
CHRISTINE: Er, anyway we have gone over, partially, the list of suspects that you wife provided.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Oh, you mean my ex-employees.
CHRISTINE: Yes.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Oh, don't expect to find many cat burglars there.
MARY BETH: They certainly have interesting attitudes, sir.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Yes, the poor kids. I mean, on top of losing their position in and their income, imagine their humiliation at being considered criminal.
CHRISTINE: Er, so, if we set the list aside, we do have some ideas of our own we'd like to pursue.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Well, excellent. That's excellent. I think professionals should always be allowed to do their job the way they deem best. And that certainly applies here.
MARY BETH: Thank you, sir. You're sure you don't feel there's anybody on that list could be involved in some way.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Well, I personally hired most of those youngsters. Now it's true we had a disastrous year in a very brutal business and it's possible that one or two might blame me, but I would understand that. I've been there myself. In fact, the man who's on the cover of Fortune this week, he once fired me. But today I admire him greatly.
MARY BETH: You know, you look exactly the same way you do on Time magazine. Ha, ha, ha.

[Manhattan street]

MARY BETH: (as they get out of the Squad car) This is not terrible parking, Christine, this is magic.
(she extends a hand to Chris who is walking across the front bumper of the car which is right against the bumper of the car in front)
CHRISTINE: Well, thanks, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Anyway, Michael looks as though he's approaching maturity. (pointing to a payphone) Telephone, Christine.
CHRISTINE: You're right, Mary Beth, I don't wanna talk to him. There is something that you should know, however.
MARY BETH: I'm listening.
CHRISTINE: I told Nick that you and I were gonna see the Degas exhibit, Sunday at the Met.
MARY BETH: This Sunday?!!
CHRISTINE: Yeah.
MARY BETH: Oh, it sounds wonderful, but I'm afraid I can't, Christine.
CHRISTINE: No, I didn't think you could, Mary Beth. Unless of course Nick calls, in which case you are.
MARY BETH: I see. You lied to him.
CHRISTINE: I was trapped in my own bathroom! It was either lie or die!
MARY BETH: You know how a watched pot never boils? Christine, with a lie, you can watch it or not watch it or sit it on the back of the stove or hide it in the closet behind the Christmas decorations. In the end, it will blow up in your face.
CHRISTINE: That's very comforting. Thank you. (waving her shield to a doorman) Ah! Excuse me.
DOORMAN: Lady.
CHRISTINE: Yeah. Could you tell me what time Mr. Redlow will be in?
DOORMAN: Better question is, 'Where is he?'. I'm the building manager and I've had to wear this monkey suit because he didn't show up Monday.

[Precinct House front desk]

MARY BETH: ...on this job.
CHRISTINE: If I know Redlow, he's not gonna walk away from this sort of set up. He's here. I know. Probably wearing some fake nose and a pair of sunglasses.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: So, it's in and out of every crudhole in Manhattan until we turn him up. Where are we gonna start, alphabetically or by sunglasses.
MARY BETH: Sergeant, if we could put it off until the morning, I can prepare myself. I'm chocka now.
CHRISTINE: Harvey Jr. hasn't had time to share with his boring old mum?
MARY BETH: No. We had a nice talk this morning. He's so rattled, Christine. Just right now.
CHRISTINE: Pushed you off, huh?
MARY BETH: He most certainly did not!
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, try say something more than 'behind the Christmas decorations'.
MARY BETH: Well, probably the same thing that you'll find if you get serious. Good night.
CHRISTINE: Night.

[AA meeting]

CHRISTINE: ...than I think I am. And I'm no longer running. The reason my last relationship... He wasn't a guy to surprise me. You know, I was in control. I ...handled him. ...But this one.... ...I don't know. ...I know I am in a programme of rigorous honesty. But the truth is I've got caught in a very, big, complicated ...schoolgirl lie. ...And all it started as was just a little fib. You know... ...I know it's a lousy thing to do but ...the truth is ...at least it puts me in the pilot's seat. ...Even if the plane crashes into the side of a mountain and blows up at least I was the pilot....Ha. It's the most wonderful thing that's happened in my life. ...I think. Ha. ...And I don't trust it. ...I just like to think that I'm the one that goes with control.

[Laceys' kitchen]

HARVEY: Hey guys, where's the butterscotch?
MICHAEL: Hey, I'll get it!!
HARVEY: All right! Now listen,
MICHAEL: (to Harvey Jr. as he reaches down the butterscotch jar from the top shelf of a cupboard) Hey.
HARVEY: (at a tub of ice cream) If your Mum asks, you tell her I only took one scoop, all right? (the boys laugh. Michael is struggling to open the jar) Hey, Harvey, help your brother with that.
HARVEY JR.: Watch this.
HARVEY: (as Harvey Jr. gets the top off with some difficulty) All right!
HARVEY JR.: It's nothing. Fingertip push-ups.
HARVEY: How many?
HARVEY JR.: Fifty at a pass.
HARVEY: Not bad.
MICHAEL: (grabbing the butterscotch jar) Hey, that's my job.
HARVEY: Mikey! Finish the nuts. All right, guys, we are getting close here. A perfect black and brown. Harvey, next time you borrow the car, get the registration from me just in case, huh?
(the two Harveys go and sit at the table with the ice cream)
HARVEY JR.: I didn't take the car.
HARVEY: Hey, it's OK. I don't mind.
HARVEY JR.: Dad, I'm telling you!
HARVEY: Your Mum was at work all day. Who took the car, huh? Alice?!
HARVEY JR.: Dad, I'm a Marine.
HARVEY: So?
HARVEY JR.: And sometimes (Michael is staring at his brother behind his father's back. Harvey Jr. notices) ...we've got short memories. I had to go to the Post Office. It slipped my mind.
HARVEY: Hey, Harve, don't let it bother you. It's OK. Things are better between us. Did you notice that? Eh?
HARVEY JR.: Yeah.
MICHAEL: You're a liar!! A liar, Harvey!!! Dad, (putting car keys on the table) I did it. I drove the car.
HARVEY: What do you mean, 'You drove the car'?

[Michael's bedroom]

HARVEY: (to Michael) This is Grand Larceny Auto. What next? Armed Robbery?
MICHAEL: I don't know.
HARVEY: You don't know?
MARY BETH: Sweetheart, your brother is only here for a short time. That's why we're making a big fuss over him.
MICHAEL: I don't care about Harvey.
HARVEY: Hey, watch your mouth, Mikey! Your little spin around the block could have killed ya.
MICHAEL: My name is Mike.
HARVEY: All right. Mike, what's the problem?
MARY BETH: Sweetie, what is it?
MICHAEL: Mike, OK?!
MARY BETH: Mike. OK. What?
MICHAEL: I'm sick of being treated like a kid!
HARVEY: Fine. You want things to change around here, why don't you grow up?
MICHAEL: It's not my fault I'm short!!
MARY BETH: Is this what this is about, ho... Mike.
MICHAEL: Look at the Wizard. Look at the Witches. What about the Munchkins?!
HARVEY: No, no, that's genetic, Mike. You're gonna grow.
MICHAEL: I don't wanna talk anymore. Leave me alone.
MARY BETH: Mike, everybody grows at his own rate.
MICHAEL: See!! You won't listen to me! Leave me in my own room.
(he turns and buries his head in the pillow. Mary Beth pulls the sheet up)

[Laceys' bedroom]

MARY BETH: He's a teenager. I don't even know him.
HARVEY: Whatever happened to being a kid?
MARY BETH: Anyway, Harvey, we have to give him more responsibility. I mean, you're the one who's is always saying I should listen to him. He has his own opinion.
HARVEY: No, no, that's all we need around here is another opinion.
MARY BETH: I had a lot of responsibilities when I was his age. I did the shopping and most of the cooking. All of the ironing.
HARVEY: That's exactly my point. You didn't get a chance to be a kid.
MARY BETH: I mean, look at Harvey Jr. Four months, he's being treated like an adult and Bingo, he acts like one!
HARVEY: Mary Beth, Mikey's only thirteen years old.
MARY BETH: And all the all the TV and the music and the movies. There's more stuff banging around in his head than we had when we were twenty.
HARVEY: And that doesn't mean he can handle it.
MARY BETH: (getting tearful) We can't turn back the clock, Harve.
HARVEY: Maybe not, but you can set the alarm for six.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Mary Beth is typing. Samuels is sitting at Chris's desk)
ESPOSITO: (putting a clipboard in front of Samuels and offering him a pen) Your quick shorthand signature, sir.
SAMUELS: Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, Stacey, huh? Always a very interesting challenge. Penn Plaza? Ha, ha, ha. Madison Square Garden. Correct? (to Mary Beth) On March the fifth there was the Knicks versus the Lakers. Am I right? (Chris has just come back. The phone goes. He beats her to it. Into phone) Yeah, this is Sergeant Cagney's desk. (grabbing Chris as she tries to move away) Ah. ...Ah, ha.
ESPOSITO: (pointing to the clipboard) This is a very important source, sir.
SAMUELS: Yes, we got it. (he rings off. To Esposito) A very important source, huh? You mean the blonde stoolie (indicating with his hands in front of his chest) with the huge... (Mary Beth looks up. Chris looks away. Handing Chris the message he has written) The ever-impatient Winston Prentiss has suffered yet another loss and he has asked for the two of yous by name. (pushing away the pen) Esposito, (and tearing up the form from the clipboard) this is coming out of your next paycheque ...and If I ever see you wearing that scarf around here I'm gonna have it confiscated.
ESPOSITO: Yes sir.
(the duo leaves)

[Prentiss' house]

CHRISTINE: Your car was stolen, Mr. Prentiss?
WINSTON PRENTISS: My Corniche was stolen.
MARY BETH: Is that a make or a model, sir?
WINSTON PRENTISS: That's a convertible Rolls Royce. Custom built. Beefeater red. With a beautiful, hand-rubbed lacquer finish. A Connolly leather interior and Berber carpets. Oh, ...and on the trim and the dash they use cherry wood. It's the only one with cherry wood. I was raised in Cherry Grove. It's a special order. ...And no one drove that car but me!
MARY BETH: And it was taken from the garage, sir?
WINSTON PRENTISS: Yes. And with two alarm systems. Huh! They guaranteed it was burglar proof.
CHRISTINE: It's probably on a container ship destined for South America by now.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Now don't say that to me! Within the last three days my house has been hit and now the most precious thing in my life has been taken from me! Now, that's no coincidence!!
CHRISTINE: I think it is, Mr. Prentiss. The guy who steals a Cuban bowl and a teapot is not the same guy who snatched the car!
WINSTON PRENTISS: Don't think you're gonna write this off, because if you do I'll have the Commissioner and the Mayor down your throats so fast...
CHRISTINE: Maybe I misunderstood, Mr, Prentiss. What happened to trusting the professionals?
MARY BETH: Of course, any help that you might want to offer, sir, would be appreciated.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Help?!! My wife has already given you a whole list of people that hate me! What about that? And I can give you a hell of a lot more from the FDC to the servants. Why, there's more people out there who hate me than you can stuff into Connecticut!
MARY BETH: Mr. Prentiss, you yourself said yesterday that that list was not a fruitful approach.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Listen. My baby has been taken from me. Understand? Now, I'm not a bad person ...but my job causes enemies and ladies, ...revenge is an ugly and frightening force. There are certain people out there who have lost their life savings in this crash. And some of them come from mob families! ...The Mob!!! You ever heard of it?!!
(the duo nods)
MRS. PRENTISS: (rushing in) I'm sorry to interrupt you, Winston, but it's a call from Amsterdam. They say it's urgent.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Mimi can give you names and addresses until you're dizzy! Tell them, Mimi, tell them all the people who hate me!! (as one comes through) And don't forget those servants.

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: (into phone) What was the actual amount of money that you lost?
(Samuels is still sitting at her desk. Chris reading from her notebook about his mistresses, the maid, the handyman and the cook. Mary Beth rings off)
SAMUELS: So what's the angle you're gonna follow?
CHRISTINE: We're running the list, but I'm betting on the Attica fifty.
MARY BETH: That's the third client in a row that hates his guts, Christine. But they're still only clients.
CHRISTINE: I'm telling you, it's Redlow.
MARY BETH: Well, you may be right, Sergeant, but to me this looks less and less like a professional job.
SAMUELS: Will you pipe down here? Huh? I'm trying to work here!
CHRISTINE: (moving round to the chair beside Mary Beth's desk and talking in a quiet voice) The reason that it's Redlow and that he is missing...
COLEMAN: (coming in) Cagney!
CHRISTINE: Are you blind? Can't you see we're talking here?
COLEMAN: But you wanted...
CHRISTINE: You're disturbing the Lieutenant.
CHRISTINE: (to Mary Beth) ..is the missing piece of the puzzle. (to Coleman) Proceed.
COLEMAN: Riley from the One-Two. They found Redlow.
CHRISTINE: Yeah!!! Where?
COLEMAN: In traction at St. Vincent's. He got drunk four days ago and fell in front of a truck. Sorry.
SAMUELS: The trouble (straightening a pile of files) with putting all of your eggs in one basket means that someone always comes along and says something. (getting up a shouting towards his office) Ease up on overtime, I'm moving back in!
MARY BETH: Is it me or is there something screwy about a man whose precious baby is his car? Michael drove our car. Did I tell you about that?
CHRISTINE: Did he want a Rolls too?
MARY BETH: The thing is, Christine, he knew where the extra set of keys were and he knew when we'd be gone and he wanted to punish us. He wanted to shove it in our face.
CHRISTINE: (eyes widening) You mean somebody close?
MARY BETH: Real close.
CHRISTINE: Like the son Winston Prentiss never had? (they both nod their heads) Basil!!!
BASIL: Yes, Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: Everything you ran on Frank Myerling.
MARY BETH: Please. (to Chris) Let's go and see him.

[Frank Myerling's apartment]

FRANK MYERLING: So, you finally found out the truth about Winston Prentiss. Mistresses and enemies. Back room deals. He's quite a piece of work, huh?
MARY BETH: Yeah, it's hard to believe. He seemed like such a courtly gentleman. We went barging in there and he was in the middle of some big deal.
FRANK MYERLING: Oh, a deal, huh?
MARY BETH: Yes. Some pension fund.
CHRISTINE: (standing behind Myerling and trying to stop her with sign language) Detective, I don't...
FRANK MYERLING: Which pension fund?
MARY BETH: You got me. (to Chris) Wait a second. Was he calling Amsterdam?
CHRISTINE: (signing again) Detective!
FRANK MYERLING: That's my deal. That thief!!
MARY BETH: Your deal?
FRANK MYERLING: I spent six months bringing them to the table. And then Prentiss backs off. You see, a deal like that, he would have had to have made me a partner! That dirt bag!!
CHRISTINE: (sitting down beside him) I wouldn't worry if I were you. You're gonna get hired again. I mean, a man who managed his bond deals at your young age! Come on, you must have many job skills.
FRANK MYERLING: You're not just another pretty face, are you? And you do your homework too.
(Chris looks all coy)
MARY BETH: And you did have that job when you were eighteen installing security systems.
FRANK MYERLING: Oh! My! Wow! What a discovery. You've really got me now. When do we play good cop, bad cop with a better light bulb?
(they both snigger)
CHRISTINE: Are you sure there's nothing you've forgotten to tell us?
FRANK MYERLING: I admit I fit the part. I've got the need. I've got the motive. I've got the talent. You just haven't got any proof. When you do, why don't you save yourself some time and call my lawyers first?

[Chris's loft]

NICK AMATUCCI: (sniffing a container) Oh! Pungent chicken. Smells incredible.
CHRISTINE: Could we talk first?
NICK AMATUCCI: You think I can't listen and eat at the same time?
CHRISTINE: Well, if it's all right with your stomach, I'd like to get something off my chest.
NICK AMATUCCI: (stopping) So get.
CHRISTINE: I'm not going to the museum on Sunday.
NICK AMATUCCI: That's it? (she nods) Degas'll be disappointed.
CHRISTINE: I never was ...going, I mean,...
(she gestures and dries up)
NICK AMATUCCI: I'm not the detective here, Chris. You've gotta help me out.
CHRISTINE: I lied to you!! ...We were eating with your mother! And all I could hear was ...wedding bells. (she sniggers. He starts laughing) What? ...What?!!
NICK AMATUCCI: It's my folks' house. It's not a church.
(he carries on laughing)
CHRISTINE: That's the first time you made any sense.
NICK AMATUCCI: Listen, kiddo, I like eating with you and talking with you and sleeping with you. Two out of three's a good score. It doesn't mean I wanna marry you.
CHRISTINE: You don't?!
NICK AMATUCCI: Are you proposing?
CHRISTINE: No.
NICK AMATUCCI: Good. Because (she begins to approach the counter) a woman gets into my apartment, starts folding my shirts, starts stacking my fridge with cottage cheese...
CHRISTINE: But I really like you. And that scares me.
NICK AMATUCCI: (he comes round the counter to her) Yeah. I haven't figured that part out myself yet.
CHRISTINE: Hm. (they kiss) Mm. (she glances towards the bed) We could eat now.
NICK AMATUCCI: Do you think that stuff'll keep?
CHRISTINE: I'm sure of it.
(they go to bed)

[Laceys' kitchen]

HARVEY JR.: (in his uniform) The Sergeant says there could be an opening in Heavy Equipment. You know, cranes, bulldozers.
MARY BETH: Tanks?!
HARVEY JR.: That's Armour, Mum. ...The techniques are real good, Mum. Just the way I like it.
MARY BETH: Oh, gee, Harvey, look at the time! We're gonna be late. Mike!!! Hurry up, you'll miss saying 'Good bye'.
HARVEY JR.: No, it' OK. I still have time.
MARY BETH: Really? You've gotta be on the plane in two hours and seven minutes.
HARVEY JR.: I can make it, Mum.
MARY BETH: Sure you can. Ha, ha. Listen to me. You're talking like your mother.
HARVEY JR.: (putting his hand on her shoulder) You are.
MARY BETH: But you're all grown up, Harvey. I mean, ...you made choices. You're doing something that's important to you.
HARVEY JR.: Mum,...
MARY BETH: No, no. You can be true to that, my son. You have your own heart. You have your own ideas.
HARVEY JR.: I guess that makes me a Lacey.
(she laughs)
HARVEY: (coming in) Mikey's gonna be late for school. Mikey!!! Harvey, we'd better get a move on.
HARVEY JR.: Dad, I'd rather say good-bye here, if that's all right. I can take the subway.
MARY BETH: You wanna go alone?
HARVEY JR.: If I made it through Basic, I think I can make it to the airport.
MARY BETH: (to Michael who has just run in) I don't want breakfast, Mum.
MICHAEL: Bye, Harvey.
HARVEY JR.: Yeah! Bye.
HARVEY: Mikey, Harvey doesn't want us to go with him to the airport. He thinks his mother's gonna cry all over his jacket. (to Harvey Jr.) But maybe somebody should go along, huh?
MARY BETH: (as Harvey Jr. puts his arm round her) We wouldn't want your brother to get on the wrong plane.
MICHAEL: Well, what about school?
HARVEY: Hey, we'll give you a note. This is special.
MARY BETH: Is that OK with you, Harvey?
HARVEY JR.: Yeah! Sure! (going and putting Michael in a mock headlock) We'll have a beer at the airport! Is that all right?!
MICHAEL: Yes.
HARVEY JR.: Let's go buddy!!
(they go charging out, shouting. The parents laugh)
HARVEY JR. [OC]: Good-bye!
(Mary Beth starts to choke. Harvey comes and snuggles up to her)
MARY BETH: Hm.

[Detectives' Squad room}

CHRISTINE: (coming back with a bunch of sharpened pencils and putting them in her desk tidy) Ha! There! Coffee stains gone, no Lieutenant. This desk ...all mine and I love it!
MARY BETH: Harvey Jr.'s plane is taking off right now. (tearfully) It lacked the movie factor. Oh, of course it was a good visit. Nice to have the whole family home again.
CHRISTINE: Well, at least you're off the hook for the museum Sunday.
MARY BETH: Oh! Er... Oh! Are we dining at the Villa Amatucci? Mm?!
CHRISTINE: Do you know, Mary Beth, I really could get into this truth business.
MARY BETH: Yeah!
CHRISTINE: Mm. Secrets do not work in a good relationship.
MARY BETH: You're absolutely right, Christine. Clearing the air can be so healing.
CHRISTINE: Oh, there's no question about it, it cleans everything up! (her phone goes. Into phone) Cagney. ...Right. ...Where?! ...We'll be right there. (she rings off) Uniforms have found Prentiss's car.
MARY BETH: (getting up to go) So, it's rigorous honesty from now on, huh?
CHRISTINE: Absolutely!
MARY BETH: So, did you sleep with Nick yet?
CHRISTINE: Absolutely not.
MARY BETH: (giggling) Mm hm hm.

[Manhattan street}

(the Corniche is pulled up askew on the pavement with in front of an office building with a crowd around it)
UNIFORMED OFFICER: (as the Squad car arrives, to the crowd) Back up, back up, back up. Come on. Come on, honey. You, pal. Back up. Make some room here. Come on, back up, please.
CHRISTINE: All, right, police here.
MARY BETH: Come on, people, move along.
UNIFORMED OFFICER: Move out of the way. Move out of the way.
Christine: All right, party's over. Thank you.
(the Corniche has "THIEF" scrawled across the door in large white letters)
MARY BETH: (pointing to the scrawl) Look at this.
UNIFORMED OFFICER: Hey, what can I say? Hey, it's New York.
MARY BETH: Right.
UNIFORMED OFFICER: Wasn't too hard to ID. There aren't too many red Rolls convertibles.
CHRISTINE: (pointing to the scrawl) Not too many that cost twenty grand on wheels either.
UNIFORMED OFFICER: For this?!
MARY BETH: That cost half as much again as my house! It looks like a red shoebox!
CHRISTINE: Prentiss can say goodbye to his finish. He'll have to burn that off.
UNIFORMED OFFICER: Yes.
CHRISTINE: Get Solomon to check it for prints. Then get it over to the Fourteenth.
UNIFORMED OFFICER: You want it?
CHRISTINE: All in a day's work.

[Precinct House yard}

(the Corniche is there)
MICK SOLOMON: (coming out) Christine!
CHRISTINE: (to Mary Beth) He's still walking. Hey, Solomon, what happened to your baseball cap?
MICK SOLOMON: (wearing a fedora) Oh, Doris prefers the mature look. You like?
CHRISTINE: It hides your face nicely.
MICK SOLOMON: Christine!! Jealousy does not become you.
MARY BETH: Did you come up with anything, Detective Solomon?
MICK SOLOMON: Lacey, please, some things are a little more important than business. (he puts his hands on Chris's neck. She leans away) I know it hurts now but ...give it time! (she is pinned against the Corniche) You'll understand when it happens to you. Be strong, Christine. (she nods vigorously) You'll find him ...one day.
MARY BETH: What did you find, Detective?
MICK SOLOMON: Good thinking, Lacey! Dive into work! Keep her mind busy!
CHRISTINE: (as he lets her go) Oh, Solomon.
MICK SOLOMON: Right! Right! Let's go! (going and opening the driver's door of the Corniche) What's the one thing an owner uses that a thief has to?
MARY BETH: I give up. What is it?!
MICK SOLOMON: (deliberately) The seat adjustment.
CHRISTINE: Yeah?
MICK SOLOMON: One ...big ...fat ...thumbprint.
(he raises his thumb. The duo raises theirs. Solomon sniggers)

[Detectives' Squad room}

(Mary Beth escorts Frank Myerling into the detention cell)
FRANK MYERLING: (about another occupant) Hey, hey, hey, this guy's spitting on me here!
MARY BETH: That's friendly. That means he likes you. (turning away to Chris) Today I'm enjoying myself.
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Listen, Feldberg, you get your butt down here or send somebody else.
WINSTON PRENTISS: (rushing in) I understand you've found my car.
CHRISTINE: Ah!
WINSTON PRENTISS: Where is it?
FRANK MYERLING: Get me out of here, Winston.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Frank!
CHRISTINE: Yes, Mr. Myerling kidnapped your baby.
WINSTON PRENTISS: You did it, Frank?!
FRANK MYERLING: You're a hard man to get on the phone.
WINSTON PRENTISS: I don't understand.
FRANK MYERLING: Well, I kept calling you all weekend. You were in Toronto? Doing what, I wonder?
MARY BETH: It looks like the son you never had threw a temper tantrum, burglarised your house and destroyed your car, sir.
WINSTON PRENTISS: (going over to the detention cell) Well, I went up there to close a deal.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Oh, a deal? Was it Amsterdam? Pension fund? They seemed to be backing off when I spoke to them last night.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Frank, you're a clever rep.
FRANK MYERLING: Well, I learnt from the master.
MARY BETH: Maybe you wanna come back over here and wait for the DA, Mr. Prentiss.
WINSTON PRENTISS: How good is your Dutch, Frank?! I just may have a situation opening up in Amsterdam. (to the duo) Now look, why don't you two go off and have a coffee break? I'll handle this.
CHRISTINE: Mr. Prentiss, apparently you didn't hear my partner. Back off!
FRANK MYERLING: Amsterdam is a partner's ...position.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Agreed. (to the duo) Look, I'm gonna drop all charges, so er, let him out.
MARY BETH: Did you say what?!
WINSTON PRENTISS: Do I have to repeat myself?!!
CHRISTINE: You can repeat yourself until your lips fall off! This is Grand Larceny. We have the car, we have a case, we're going for it.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Do you have the witness?
CHRISTINE: We have the prints.
WINSTON PRENTISS: There was none in the house.
CHRISTINE: There's one in the car.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Well, last week he drove my car.
MARY BETH: The car that nobody drives but you?
FRANK MYERLING: I'm like a son to him, you know.
WINSTON PRENTISS: Exactly. Hence the prints! Now let him go.
CHRISTINE: I don't believe it.
MARY BETH: I don't care how many magazine covers you're on or how many Rolls Royces you've got, you may not use the Police Department of the City of New York for your private goon spot!
WINSTON PRENTISS: Very eloquent. Now release my friend!
CHRISTINE: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Prentiss, he hasn't been arraigned yet.
MARY BETH: You can call every lawyer in town down here, call the Mayor, call the Commissioner, but junior here is not getting out until tomorrow.
CHRISTINE: Faverty!
BERNICE [OC]: Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: Will you take Mr. Myerling to Holding. He is gonna spend the night with us.
WINSTON PRENTISS: No!!
CHRISTINE: Yes!!
WINSTON PRENTISS: I want this case expedited now or I'm gonna have your badges!
CHRISTINE: I think it's time for our break, isn't it Detective?
MARY BETH: (escorting Chris out) I believe so, Sergeant.

This episode was copy checked against an ITV3 repeat in the UK.

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