Original Airdate: November 23, 1987


CHRISTINE: (looking around at the black-tie waiters) It's my kind of place.
MARY BETH: Enjoying yourself, Sergeant?
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I am. Can you imagine being at the "House of Waffles" maybe? I think this where we belong. Using Price's Mercedes. It's from the Impound Lot. So's Caprio's Corvette.
MARY BETH: So you're all charged up about their cars?
CHRISTINE: Mm hm. And big time expense accounts and working in a place like this where the lighting flatters the hell out of you? This is it, Mary Beth. Major Case Squad is Badge Heaven.
MARY BETH: Aw aw. (a smart man with a briefcase, Novak, gets up from a table to leave) He's gonna run. (the duo gets up. Another man , Detective Sal Caprio, is sitting at another table with a woman, Sergeant Jane Price, who also gets up. Mary Beth goes in front of Novak. He bumps into her)
CHRISTINE: (coming up on Novak's shoulder) Please ...Mr. Novak.
SERGEANT PRICE: (coming up with Caprio) Sergeant Price. Detective Caprio. Let's chill out now back at base.

[Samuel's office]

(Esposito is there with Sergeant Price and Detective Caprio. The duo is also there)
SAMUELS: (into phone) Of course. ...Yes. ...I certainly will, sir. ...Thank you. (he rings off) That's a personal 'Well done' from Inspector Knelman. I got the same pattern of call from the DA's Office. The Novak collar was first class work.
SERGEANT PRICE: Thank you, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: The fact that you didn't Kramer, but the DA says that a hundred thousand stolen bonds were recovered.
MARY BETH: One hundred and nine, sir.
SAMUELS: Even better! Even better. You know you sure know how to run a heist down the big building.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: Well, not without some solid help from your detectives, Lieutenant.
CHRISTINE: Excuse me, Detective, I think you've got that turned around.
SAMUELS: It was Cagney and Lacey's stoolie who led you to this whole thing.
SERGEANT PRICE: Well, when Sal and me were working with your detectives it felt like operating with another Major Case team.
ESPOSITO: Oh, thank you very much, Sergeant. As a matter of fact we're very impressed with you folks too.
SERGEANT PRICE: In fact, it only proves how much we could use a female team.
(Chris smiles at Mary Beth)
SAMUELS: You headhunt from somebody else's Squad.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: Listen, I'd like to take a look at the log for the wiretap hotline.
ESPOSITO: Upstairs, in the office.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: OK. (shaking Samuels' hand) Thanks very much for your hospitality, Lieutenant. (to the duo) We'll see you next time.
(he leaves with Esposito)
SERGEANT PRICE: (as Samuels goes to his microwave) A Danish or an onion bagel?
SAMUELS: No, it's nothing edible. It's bran pasta.
SERGEANT PRICE: Stomach trouble, Bert?
SAMUELS: Yeah. Yeah. Too big.
SERGEANT PRICE: (as she looks hard at him, Samuels beams back) Some men look good, anyway.
MARY BETH: (realising there is something between Samuels and Jane) We'll get started on the paperwork, sir.
SAMUELS: Yeah. Right.
(the duo leaves and Chris closes the door)

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (running back to her desk excitedly) Samuels' old flame!!!
MARY BETH: Be an adult, Christine. You know what happens when you go sticking your nose in other people's private affairs.
CHRISTINE: What do think we do for a living?
MARY BETH: (as Caprio comes back she points to the briefcase) Oh, would you like us to carry that out to the car for you?
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: Oh, will you give me a break?! I mean, rea... It didn't come out the way that I meant. I thought I was giving you guys a compliment, I promise.
CHRISTINE: Yeah? Next time keep your good intentions to yourself, OK? Listen, the Lieutenant and Jane are, I guess, old friends , huh?
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: (looking towards Samuels' office) Ah ha. Well, ...Jane is a very attractive lady.
MARY BETH: (pointing to the file) All this work on Kramer. (taking a book Caprio is holding) And these phone taps? It makes you wonder if the information Lutz gave us was as good as it looked.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: No, no, wait a minute! (taking the book back) Kramer is smart and careful and he is unpredictable. We've gone after him before and all we've nailed is some other guy. He's that good.
MARY BETH: Yeah, but you guys...
(she notices Jane coming out of Samuels' office)
SERGEANT PRICE: All right, Sal?
SERGEANT PRICE: (to Mary Beth) I meant what I said in there? We could use a female team.
CHRISTINE: It sounds like fun to me!
SERGEANT PRICE: (shaking Mary Beth's hand) Hey, why don't we get together?
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: (shaking Mary Beth's hand) Bye bye.
CHRISTINE: (as Jane comes towards her and they shake hands) Sergeant.
SERGEANT PRICE: I'll call you.
CHRISTINE: I look forward to it. Bye.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: (shaking Chris's hand) Bye.
MARY BETH: (to Caprio about the briefcase as he leaves) Careful with that. That's heavy, there.
ISBECKI: (coming up) Well, well, the A team is officially back on the board. What do you say, Lacey? Those who accuse them Major Case cops of walking on water?
MARY BETH: Jealous, Victor. Jealous.
(Isbecki leaves)
CHRISTINE: We've been back less than an hour and already it feels like it never even happened.
MARY BETH: No. We're not back quite yet? Because our friend, Lutz, sold us short.
(Chris gets up)

[Interview room]

CHRISTINE: Why didn't Kramer show up?
LUTZ: Dwell effect.
(he puts a cigarette in his mouth)
MARY BETH: (ripping the cigarette from his mouth) This is not a joke, Lutz. Your a crook lawyer and we caught you dirty. You're only walking around out of the goodness of our hearts.
CHRISTINE: Are you sure you got the time and place right?
LUTZ: I told you, I was with Kramer when he arranged the meeting. That's why Novak showed up. Poor jerk.
MARY BETH: If anything that you have told us does not pan out, you're going to be living with people that you would not normally share a cab with. Understand me?
LUTZ: Perfectly. Are we finished?
LUTZ: (to Mary Beth as he leaves) Have a nice day.

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: (as they come back in from the interview room} It's like one of Harve's conspiracy theories. Every time I buy stuff in, another holiday comes along. Open the paper this morning. It's nothing but stuffed turkeys and glazed hams and ten thousand-calorie Santa Claus cookies.
SAMUELS: (coming out of his office) Cagney. Lacey.
CHRISTINE: You probably shouldn't buy a paper till January.
MARY BETH: What have you got, Lieutenant?
SAMUELS: I've got an old oldie, goldie for ya. Do you remember last year we had that pair hitting groceries. Code threes? Robbers playing cops.
MARY BETH: The phoney stick-up scam. We missed him on a stake out, right?
SAMUELS: Well, last night, they hit again in the Six-One. The Squad Lieutenant has called to see your case file and anything else you might have.
MARY BETH: It's down in storage, sir!
CHRISTINE: Lieutenant, there are rats down there.
SAMUELS: Mice, Cagney! I'll tell him you'll be in touch.
MARY BETH: (as they head for the files storeroom) I knew those two would show up again.
CHRISTINE: My mistakes always do.
MARY BETH: It was a simple difference of opinion, Sergeant.
(Esposito is sitting by Chris's desk reading a newspaper)
CHRISTINE: Waiting for a bus, Esposito?
ESPOSITO: I went over to Major Case to initial the wiretap log today. And when I did, I noticed something was missing.
MARY BETH: So what is this? "Twenty Questions"?
ESPOSITO: Excuse me, Mary Beth, but while you and your pals were diving into your snails and mousse, I was in Kramer's rat-infested basement tapping his phone at six-twenty. Huh?
CHRISTINE: So who was the caller?
ESPOSITO: I don't know.
ESPOSITO: It stopped ringing when Kramer went to pick it up. The point is I entered that call number into the log. Today it ain't there.
MARY BETH: Typing error. The clerk maybe left it out.
CHRISTINE: Did you ask Price or Caprio?
ESPOSITO: Yeah, I left a message.
CHRISTINE: Well, give me the number. If I get a chance to pass it on to Caprio, I'll give it to him.
ESPOSITO: (taking a piece of paper out of his pocket and giving it to Chris) You've got it!
CHRISTINE: (as Isbecki comes up) Victor, we're kind of jammed up here. We need some stuff out of storage and I wondered if, well, you might help us out.
ISBECKI: Sorry, Cagney, there's rats down there. Nice try.
CHRISTINE: (to Mary Beth) Do you think Major Case have rats in their basement?
MARY BETH: (coming up checking her gun) Come on, Sergeant, there are cities that are supposed to have alligators in their sewers. Rats is no big deal.
CHRISTINE: Tell that to the cat we had.

[Laceys' kitchen]

(they have the fridge out and Mary Beth is cleaning behind it)
MARY BETH: Good to see her all jazzed up again. Oh, look at that! The earring I lost on New Year's Night. It's like she's got a new goal, you know. All I hear about is Price's Mercedes and Caprio's expense account and all the other perks that Major Case cops get. Like when Michael got all starry eyed wanting that skateboard.
HARVEY: He broke his arm two weeks after he got it.
MARY BETH: Do you think I'd look sexy in one of those flashy, racy cars?
HARVEY: You look sexy in everything else.
MARY BETH: (leaning back against the fridge in a seductive pose in her tracksuit) Do you wanna go to a drive-in this. (he says nothing) What's going on, Harvey? What's wrong?
HARVEY: There's nothing wrong. There's just something you should know. Today I was getting a handkerchief out of Harvey's dresser drawer, and I saw a letter there. It was addressed to him, in care of Tiffany.
MARY BETH: I thought that was over forever this week.
HARVEY: Nothing to do with her. It was from Arizona. It was from your father.
MARY BETH: (after a pause) What did it say?
HARVEY: I didn't read it.
MARY BETH: Where is it?
HARVEY: I didn't touch it, Mary Beth. It's Harvey's letter.
MARY BETH: Did you ask him about it?
HARVEY: No, I didn't want him to think that I was poking around in his stuff.
MARY BETH: It's a letter from a man that Harvey does not know.
HARVEY: It's his grandfather.
MARY BETH: Since when is it his grandfather?! Like he never ran out on me and my mother?! I don't want this, Harvey! And I don't want him doing this and I'm not gonna let him do this to me again. ...Hey, wanna go to the drive-in in this? (she pulls him to her by his shirt neck and kisses him and embraces him) Or shall we skip the drive-in and just...
(Harvey giggles ad they kiss again)

[Fifth Avenue outside the restaurant]

CHRISTINE: He took you all the way to Rockaway at two in the morning.
SERGEANT PRICE: To an all-night diner where he insisted on having the best pastrami in the City.
CHRISTINE: Well you can't say he wasn't romantic.
SERGEANT PRICE: He was funny and he was sweet and really passionate. (handing a dollar bill to the bellboy who has brought the Mercedes round) Ciao. (shaking Chris's hand) Well this has been great. Next time I wanna hear your love stories.
CHRISTINE: Mine are all boring but Mary Beth has some wonderfully trashy stories to tell you.
MARY BETH: You forgot to tell her about the telephone line.
CHRISTINE: When Esposito was initialling the log he noticed that the non-answered call to Kramer was missing. Here's the number.
SERGEANT JANE PRICE: Well, he's a sweet guy. He's a perfect cop and he's a pretty good dancer. But 'It's paperwork and a follow up' as my daughter would say. Ha.
SERGEANT JANE PRICE: (shaking Chris's hand and leaving) Thank Manny for me.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, will do, Jane. Give our best to Sal.
SERGEANT JANE PRICE: Ciao. (as she gets in the Mercedes) I'll be in touch.
CHRISTINE: (after Price has driven off) 'Ciao' from anybody else would make nauseous. (Mary Beth stands there deep in thought) Do you wanna tell me about it, Mary Beth?
MARY BETH: Our file on the phoney cop scam. I have to drop it over to Six-One. I'll meet you back at home base. Taxi!
CHRISTINE: Wish 'em luck from me. (as Mary Beth gets in the cab) Make that 'Maybe not'.
(Chris turns for home and then decides to go in the opposite direction)

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (into phone) It's no big deal. It's just a little gift. ...Well, the title just screamed your name. ...Oh, no, it's not a cryptic inscription. I probably just mis-spelt it. (Mary Beth arrives back from the Six-One) ...Yeah, well, I'll talk to you later. (she rings off) How did it go at the Six-One?
MARY BETH: Our perpetrators haven't changed their MO. The phoney uniform sets it up and then the partner plays stick up man.
CHRISTINE: Well, anything that works, why fix it? By the way, Harvey called.
MARY BETH: Nice colour, Chris. ...Beautiful.
CHRISTINE: (Chris fingers the scarf she is wearing round her shoulders. Jane was wearing one on Fifth Avenue) Thanks. ...Harvey called.
MARY BETH: I heard you.
(Mary Beth walks out. Chris gets up, slapping her desk)

[Locker room]

CHRISTINE: (coming in) Hey, ...I admired Price's scarf. She got it at Bloomingdale's. I went up there to get one.
MARY BETH: I didn't ask.
CHRISTINE: What? What is it? Chaos in Queens?
MARY BETH: It's not important. OK?
CHRISTINE: Well, if you're gonna act this way all day, it's damned important.
MARY BETH: Give me a minute, I'll perk up.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, nothing hurts worse than the first time you get your heart broken. Now Harvey Jr. can't to take it out on Tiffany, so he makes you and Harvey the target. You know how it goes?
MARY BETH: I ran into an old friend at the Six-One. Do you remember the Bochanova collar? He couldn't wait to tell me Sal Caprio's life story.
CHRISTINE: Do you believe the Samuels' filth?
MARY BETH: He had a drinking problem eight years ago. He finally messed up on a job. The Department sent him upstate to an alcohol rehab unit.
CHRISTINE: Boy, that's some comeback. Must have a hell of a rabbi.
MARY BETH: It's Jane Price.
(Chris is admiring her scarf in the mirror)
CHRISTINE: You see! It's always about a good woman.
MARY BETH: Yeah, he hooked up with her and the next thing you know they're on Major Case.
CHRISTINE: (fingering her scarf) Oh, would you look? Damn this place. I only bought this thing two hours ago and it's dirty already.
MARY BETH: I'm having Esposito's missing phone number traced.
CHRISTINE: Why? We already gave it to Price! What is it? About this new dirt on Caprio? Because he's an ex-drunk?
MARY BETH: Rupert Kramer's still doing business out there. You know how I feel about these things.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, a little compulsive I think.
(Chris walks out)

[Samuels' office]

(Chris knocks as the duo comes in)
SAMUELS: What? (as Mary Beth closes the door) What's up?
CHRISTINE: Lacey put a trace on that missing number in the Kramer case, sir.
MARY BETH: The call was made from a telephone upstairs, sir.

[Upstairs storeroom]

(Samuels comes in with the duo)
MARY BETH: (as Chris lifts up the receiver by the cord) We found it, sir, ...unlocked.
CHRISTINE: And the phone's hot.
SAMUELS: (closing the door) OK. Add it up for me.
CHRISTINE: Well, er, six ten we're on our way back here. Esposito related the information about the restaurant meeting to Sergeant Price and Caprio, and they're in their office down the hall.
MARY BETH: We arrived here at approximately six thirty and start working out how to do the collar, sir.
SAMUELS: And the presumed warning call happened when?
MARY BETH: Esposito's note says six twenty-two.
SAMUELS: Let's check those details again, but quietly. I'll get someone with the dust to the phone to see if they can find any prints. Who did Esposito give the logs to?
CHRISTINE: Detective Caprio.
SAMUELS: All right. (after thinking) Go see Price. Give her everything you've got.
CHRISTINE: Well, er, she's a suspect too.
SAMUELS: Well, so use her! Give her the facts and er, see what she says.
COLEMAN: (coming in after knocking) Excuse me, Lieutenant. Cagney, Lacey. Your phoney cop team just came home. They just ran the scam on a grocery on East 12th.
MARY BETH: Excuse me, sir. I just shipped that file up to Six-One. I go and get it back now.
CHRISTINE: (going out) You handle the grocery thing, I'll call Price.
SAMUELS: Sergeant, I want this room locked up. I want all the keys with me.
COLEMAN: Well, there's nothing here to steal.
SAMUELS: (going out) Just do it.

[East 12th Street]

KURT DORF: 'We've been tipped' he said. 'Give the stick up guy the cash, because we'll bust him and we'll bring it right back'. I should have smashed his face. There's no way he was a cop. He was a shrimp, a little...
MARY BETH: They come in all sizes, Mr. Dorf. Calm down and tell me what happened then.
KURT DORF: Sure. But my partner, Max, wasn't around when he did this. Can we keep it between us? Understand?
MARY BETH: Sure. So around two, the second guy shows up. A telephone pole with a thirty-eight and a rock in his mouth. He asked for the bread and I give it to him.
MARY BETH: What was in his mouth?
KURT DORF: Like a diamond. You know, in his tooth. Well he probably took my three hundred and forty dollars and put it down on a hunk to stick in his nose.
MAX: (a woman from the shop doorway) Hey!!
KURT DORF: Oh! I'll be right with you, Max.
MARY BETH: Can you think of anything else, sir?
KURT DORF: No. Nothing. (ripping a loose plastic shopping bag off the pavement display counter) Say, do us a favour, lady! If you can get it cheaper at a O'Brien's Market, then buy it there!
(Kurt Dorf and Max go into the shop. Chris comes up)
CHRISTINE: Who's Mr. Personality?
MARY BETH: One of the owners. An unhappy man with many problems. I managed to handle it myself. Did you get what you wanted from Price?
CHRISTINE: After she heard what I had to say, she defended Caprio. I respect her for it. She says he's worked hard trying to stay straight.
MARY BETH: Well, she is admirable and it's not what this is about.
CHRISTINE: She says she'll follow the info wherever it leads. (they arrive back at the Squad car) Did you ring the list of possible targets?
MARY BETH: Yes, Sergeant, and a flyer for the hot line number.
CHRISTINE: This is the job I really get up for! Walking in and out of every grocery in the street.
MARY BETH: (pointing to Chris's scarf) I need a box of scarves.
(Chris looks quizzically at Mary Beth)

[Precinct House yard]

(the duo arrives back in the car)
MARY BETH: Three forty-eight. We've still got half a dozen places to check.
CHRISTINE: The next trick's checking out the twenty-four-hour stores.
CAPRIO: (getting out of a Corvette) Ladies! Ladies! Give me a minute.
CHRISTINE: Hi, Caprio.
CAPRIO: The Blue Brotherhood. You fall down once on the job, and no matter what kind of cop you've been, there's always somebody ready to punch your ticket. And this week's it you two. Thanks a lot.
CHRISTINE: This is a bad idea, Caprio.
CAPRIO: You're setting me up. You're trying to make look good for the call to Kramer.
MARY BETH: Wrong. We wanna know who did make it.
CAPRIO: Oh, you wanna know? You wanna know? Give me a break, you two. If there's dirty cops in this, I'm looking at 'em.
MARY BETH: You're burning up a lot of good will here, Caprio.
MARY BETH: Oh, not you, huh, Lacey? (to Chris) Not you? (picking an imaginary bit of fluff off Mary Beth's coat) I'm so sorry. Maybe it's your flunky, Esposito, or it's somebody else that you've been running off at the mouth to about this big-deal operation.
CHRISTINE: You're drunk, Detective. Go home.
CAPRIO: You wish. I've heard the Charlie Cagney story, a little slob who a little beer makes crazy!
(Chris goes for him. Mary Beth pushes in between them)
MARY BETH: (to Caprio) Go home before I arrest you for being drunk on duty.
CAPRIO: Sure. (opening the car door) Understand this, you two, you're minor leaguers. You're small potato. If you're trying to do in a Major Case cop, you'd better be ready to get hurt.
CHRISTINE: Is that a threat?! Huh? Is it?!!
CAPRIO: (getting in the car as Mary Beth releases her to go to the car door) I don't have to threaten anybody.
CHRISTINE: (kicking the car door closed) You're nothing but a punk!! Nothing more than a two-bit drunk!!!
CAPRIO: Hey!!! Don't you do that to me!!
(he drives off with screaming tyres)
CHRISTINE: (after him) Get out!!!
MARY BETH: He's drunk, Chris. He's scared.
CHRISTINE: I know that. I remember what it looks like.

[Laceys' lounge]

MARY BETH: (seeing Harvey) Hi ya, honey. Did you have dinner?
(she then sees Martin Zzbiske, her father, who has been sitting with Harvey Jr., get up)
MARTIN ZZBISKE: Hello, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: I knew this would happen. (to Harvey) When I heard about the letter, I knew he'd do this.
HARVEY JR.: I invited Grandpa here.
MARY BETH: You invited who?
MARTIN ZZBISKE: This time I came for the boy's sake. In his letters there was so much he wanted to talk about.
MARY BETH: You came for his sake?
MARTIN ZZBISKE: Uh huh. And for mine. I wanna know my grandchildren.
MARY BETH: No. Not in my house. This is not your family, mister. Nobody needs you here.
MARTIN ZZBISKE: Mary Beth. ...Please.
MARY BETH: Out of here.
HARVEY JR.: I asked him to come!! Doesn't that mean anything?!!
MARTIN ZZBISKE: Don't make it worse now.
MARY BETH: Get out of here. ...Get out of here!!! (opening the front door) Get out of here!!! Get out of here!!!
(he goes out. She slams the door behind him. Alice begins to cry)
HARVEY JR.: You wreck everything. (Mary Beth looks up, startled) You always do.
(Harvey Jr. rushes off to his room)
MARY BETH: Harvey? (going to the bottom of the stairs) Har... (Harvey follows his son up the stairs) Damn him. Damn him to hell.
(she goes out of the front door)

[Laceys' veranda]

MARY BETH: (coming out of the front door) Hey! I know what you're trying to do, and I will not let you (shouting) steal my son!!
MARTIN ZZBISKE: Harvey's my grandson.
MARY BETH: You're nothing to him!
MARTIN ZZBISKE: He doesn't feel that way.
MARY BETH: He's a boy! He doesn't understand the rotten, ...rotten thing you did!
MARTIN ZZBISKE: You sound just like your mother, with that same accusing, judgemental voice!
MARY BETH: You left us like we were sick or dirty. I'm the kid they all giggled about. The one whose daddy ran away from her.
MARTIN ZZBISKE: That's not the truth. Mary Beth, we were so young ...and scared. I was out of work most of...
MARY BETH: Don't confess to me. I don't wanna hear it.
MARTIN ZZBISKE: I'm telling you the truth! I (shouting the word) swear to you nothing ever exorcised that moment. Nothing!! She's the one who killed whatever we had.
MARY BETH: Nothing?
MARTIN ZZBISKE: She shut me out. (Mary Beth tries to cover her ears) So I stopped trying and left.
MARY BETH: You're a liar.
(as she backs towards the front door he follows her)
MARTIN ZZBISKE: I'm sorry I hurt you, ...and that's the truth.
MARY BETH: (almost crying) You're not gonna hurt my family! Stay away from us!
MARTIN ZZBISKE: (as Mary Beth turns away from him and begins to cry) Mary Beth, those are my grandkids. I miss you, my daughter.
MARY BETH: You threw me away when I was eight years old. (she raises her hand as if to touch his face) Go back to Arizona.
(she goes back inside)

[Laceys' lounge]

HARVEY: (coming in carrying Alice) It's no good, Mary Beth, you can't avoid the problem anymore.
MARY BETH: There is no problem. It's settled. (she takes Alice. To Harvey Jr. as he goes to the front door) Where do you think you're going, Harvey. We have things to talk about.
HARVEY JR.: You mean, you talk and I listen.
HARVEY: Calm down, Harvey, it's over.
HARVEY JR.: Why? Because you say it is.
MARY BETH: Because in this house, you live by our rules.
HARVEY JR.: OK. Then I'll live some place else.
(he goes out)
HARVEY: Harvey! (following Harvey Jr.) Harvey!

[Locker room]

CHRISTINE: (coming in) What about Price?
MARY BETH: (cleaning her gun) What, do you wanna rat on your new patron saint?
CHRISTINE: I gave her that information in confidence. And yesterday Caprio, all of a sudden, showed up?
MARY BETH: Secrets don't work in a partnership. I'd have done the same thing.
CHRISTINE: To protect your drunken partner?
MARY BETH: Is that why you won't look at Caprio?
CHRISTINE: Why won't you look at Price?
MARY BETH: I thought you were just sticking out for Major Case Squad, Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, what is wrong with my wanting something for us that we deserve? I thought you and I had a game plan. Believe me, I'm ready. What is wrong with you, huh? I need more than just ...parking and ticketing. Is something else going on?
MARY BETH: No. Do you wanna run this through the Lieutenant?
CHRISTINE: I'm not sure about his advice on it. He'll play it by the book, the cop code, you know? Never nail a brother without warning him. There again, he's maybe still making a midnight gallivants to Rockaway.
MARY BETH: There is another way to go.

[Hotel reception]

LUTZ: All I ever heard were the names that you already know. The unlucky fellas that were arrested.
MARY BETH: Refresh our memories.
LUTZ: Let me see, er, first there was Phillips. William Phillips. Then David Rosanski.
CHRISTINE: That's it?
LUTZ: (making the Scout salute) Scout's honour.
MARY BETH: So long, Lutz.
(he offers his hand for Chris to shake, which she does, reluctantly. He does it vigorously. Mary Beth declines the proffered hand)
CHRISTINE: What I ought to do is to tell my fingers that I'm gonna shake hands with that guy.
MARY BETH: You're the suspicious type. I need a phone.
CHRISTINE: He's making you sweat, Mary Beth. The key is his favourite torture.
(they stop by a payphone which is being used)
MARY BETH: He hasn't stayed out all night without calling.
CHRISTINE: He's certainly your son.
MARY BETH: What does that mean?
CHRISTINE: Never throw a pebble when there's a brick handy.
MARY BETH: If he's in school, I'm going there to talk to him. You should have seen Alice looking all over the house for her big brother this morning.
CHRISTINE: She's probably got her eye in his room.
(the phone becomes free)

[Precinct House front desk]

(Chris is at the computer terminal with Basil)
CHRISTINE: I need the arrest details for Phillips and Rosanski.
BASIL: And what precincts were the arrests made in?
CHRISTINE: When I need your fluffy headed... (Mary Beth comes in) Hi, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: I checked out the last of the last of the possible target groceries. Zilch. So what of you got?
CHRISTINE: Nothing. (pointing to the terminal as they go to the Squad room) I'm trying to figure the next step. Listen, I'm checking the arrest details.
(they pass the bag lady)
MARY BETH: Hi ya, Josie. Se ya, Josie.
CHRISTINE: (to Josie) Bye.
MARY BETH: Messages for me, Sergeant?
COLEMAN: Yeah, the Union called. Your dues are late.
MARY BETH: Nothing from Harvey?
CHRISTINE: Maybe he and Junior are somewhere celebrating a new truce.
COLEMAN: Hey, Lacey, you got a fifteen-inch colour TV in your kitchen with remote control?
MARY BETH: A what?!
COLEMAN: Believe me, it'll change your life. You too, Cagney. How about it? Half a buck a chance. For a worthy cause.
CHRISTINE: Which is?
COLEMAN: My temple men's club. It's an Arango DC Picturama. Come on.
MARY BETH: Remember last month when I was selling magazine subscriptions so Michael could get a bicycle...
COLEMAN: You still didn't pay for the doughnuts. How about you, Cagney?
BASIL: (shouting across) Here it comes, Sergeant!
CHRISTINE: Sorry, Coleman. Duty calls.
MARY BETH: (as she walks away) There were no doughnuts, Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: (looking at the printout Basil has given her) Arresting officers. Caprio and Price. There it is. Arresting officers, Caprio and Price again.
MARY BETH: My goodness, what a coincidence.
CHRISTINE: Thanks, Basil.

[Laceys' dining room]

(Mary Beth is polishing the dining room table)
HARVEY: (into phone) Yes. ...Could you ring Martin Zzbiske from reception?
MARY BETH: I don't care what Tiffany says, she knows something.
HARVEY: (into phone) Thank you. ...No, no, I'll call back.
MARY BETH: Can you report him missing yet?
HARVEY: When he comes back, Mary Beth, things are gonna have to be different.
MARY BETH: Is it my fault, Harvey?! ...No. Oh, no. He knew how I felt. He's let that man in this house anyway!
HARVEY: How would he know how he felt? You never talked to him about it. All you ever did was lay down the law.
MARY BETH: He understood.
HARVEY: It's his grandfather, Mary Beth! All this time you're acting like the man is dead.
MARY BETH: He did it to hurt me!
HARVEY: You! You! You! What about Harvey? He has rights here!
MARY BETH: (her voice breaking) How come he didn't ask for my permission?
HARVEY: He's not stupid. He knew you'd say 'No'. Then he'd have to meet him on the sly. That's better?
MARY BETH: More honest!
(she waves her hand, dismissing Harvey's view. The door opens and Harvey Jr. and Martin Zzbiske come in)
HARVEY JR.: I'm going to bed.
(he turns to his grandfather who nods)
HARVEY: (following Harvey Jr. upstairs) I'll go up. Thank you, Martin.
MARTIN ZZBISKE: He came to the hotel and we talked. He wanted to come home, Mary Beth. I didn't have to convince him.
MARY BETH: (as Martin Zzbiske leaves) Thanks for bringing him.
(she goes and locks the door and puts the security on)

[Harvey Jr.'s bedroom]

(he is undressing. There is a knock at the door. He opens it)
MARY BETH: Can I come in? (he nods and she closes the door behind her) Where've you been?
HARVEY JR.: Walking around.
MARY BETH: All night?
HARVEY JR.: I went to a friend.
HARVEY JR.: Nobody you know.
MARY BETH: I got worried. I'm glad you're OK and I'm very mad.
HARVEY JR.: And sometimes you make me mad too.
MARY BETH: I don't want him to hurt you, Harvey.
HARVEY JR.: I write to him. And he writes me back. He understands what I'm saying, Ma. I can talk to him.
MARY BETH: You could talk to me.
HARVEY JR.: You don't listen. You won't even talk to him.
MARY BETH: You don't understand. He deserted me.
HARVEY JR.: That was a long time ago, Ma.
MARY BETH: This room looks smaller. Kind of... Hardly a place to sit. (she picks up his jacket and puts on a hanger and hangs it up in the wardrobe. She opens the door) Good night, my son.
HARVEY JR.: Good night.

[Samuels' office]

CHRISTINE: Twice before they tried to get Kramer and both times it turned out the same way. Kramer's a no-show and the sellers get collared.
MARY BETH: Both times the arresting officers were Jane Price and Salvador Caprio.
SAMUELS: Yeah, well that's interesting ...but it's easy to explain. Prints on the phone upstairs would have helped. But Solomon said it was wiped clean.
CHRISTINE: Jane's too smart to leave prints.
MARY BETH: Caprio may have problems, sir, but he's not stupid either.
SAMUELS: It's the word of two sides, isn't it?
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: Well, we know they both had opportunity. What about collars?
MARY BETH: Three big collars using Kramer as bait. That looked very good for Caprio's record.
CHRISTINE: Jane started in a private boarding school upstate. Now the stories about Charlie didn't get that far.
SAMUELS: Yeah, she does live good. Nice big apartment.
CHRISTINE: So, maybe we should nose around. She may have some expensive habits, ...Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: What if they find out what you're doing? Huh? Then they turn around and they dump (pointing to Chris) on you and (pointing to Mary Beth) on you and Esposito. They accuse you of engineering the warning call and deleting the number.
CHRISTINE: Shall we follow forty-nine? Do some personal work on Price?
MARY BETH: Lieutenant, last year Petrie had no idea that Isbecki was following him. I say we follow Caprio.
SAMUELS: Will you slow down, the both of yous. Are you prepared to explain to IAD why you're wanting a peek at their bankbooks? Especially if you don't find anything.
CHRISTINE: Well, shall we call in a favour? Do a little wheeling and dealing?
SAMUELS: 'We', Sergeant? (looking at scales he is standing on) What do say about one-thirty-eight, Lacey?
MARY BETH: A little over two pounds lower, sir.
SAMUELS: How much is a Danish?
MARY BETH: Six, seven ounces, sir.
SAMUELS: It's an old trick of Thelma's. I had to weigh myself every time I get a hunger attack
MARY BETH: Does it work, sir?
SAMUELS: Does it look like it works?! All right. Give me a few minutes. I'll make a call. Get through orders for a forty-nine. But I'll tell you one thing. If we do it, then we've gotta run one on the both of them.
CHRISTINE: (smiling) Thank you, Lieutenant.
MARY BETH: (simultaneously) Thank you, sir.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (as they get back to their desks) Thank you, for contradicting everything I said to Samuels.
MARY BETH: I was expanding on your lead. (pointing to the holding cell) Hey, look at that! That guy's got a rock in his mouth.
ISBECKI: (coming up) That's the phoney cop stick up team. (as Verna Dee joins him) We nailed them clean.
CHRISTINE: Well, they're our perps, Isbecki!
VERNA DEE: I took the hot line call. You were chalked in but Victor couldn't find you.
CHRISTINE: I'm sure.
ISBECKI: Hey, the bottom line is, those two scum balls are off the street. Right?
CHRISTINE: There is no way that you're ever gonna make this fly, Victor.
MARY BETH: Twelve months we've waited on these turkeys to show up.
VERNA DEE: It was Isbecki's call.
(she bundles Isbecki away as he goes to argue)
CHRISTINE: I'm not losing this collar!
MARY BETH: (referring to the other perp in the holding cell) Look at his uniform. He doesn't look like a cop. He looks like a mailbox.
VERNA DEE: (coming back) Victor says 'You do the paperwork and we'll share the collar'.
CHRISTINE: No sale! You listen to me, Detective.
VERNA DEE: Fine! You wanna beat up on someone. Isbecki looks terrific in bruises. But when he's down, he's gonna feel we nailed these suckers and the collar's ours!
(she goes back to Isbecki)
MARY BETH: It's a nightmare, Christine.
CHRISTINE: She's as stubborn and selfish as Isbecki.
MARY BETH: No, it's worse. She's Isbecki with brains.

[Manhattan street]

(the duo comes out of a bank)
CHRISTINE: Don't gloat, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: I'm not happy about any of this, Chris.
CHRISTINE: You practically burst into song when you saw the size of Caprio's account back there. It's only six times bigger than Price's.
MARY BETH: It was a lucky guess, OK?
CHRISTINE: It's always the boozer, isn't it?
MARY BETH: (stopping Chris) Hey, I do not have the concern here that you seem to think I do.
CHRISTINE: (moving off) If you say so.
MARY BETH: If you don't believe me then what we have does not work. (Chris turns back) It means that you're still the same good cop you've always been.
CHRISTINE: Thank you.
MARY BETH: Thank you. (as they reach the Squad car) Do you wanna ,,,take this back to the Lieutenant?
CHRISTINE: And let him turn it over to Major Case. Hell, no! (getting in the car) We'll tell Caprio what we're doing.

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: OK. As long as we get it all on tape and the facts stay straight.
CHRISTINE: Do you think that Caprio would meet us for a drink.
MARY BETH: How do we do the wire?


(Caprio is bleary-eyed at the bar. The bartender fills his glass. The duo comes in)
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: Well, ...I gotta tell you I'm impressed. You drink here on your money?
CHRISTINE: We got a lot to talk about. What do you say we take a booth?
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: It's your party. Drinks?
MARY BETH: Club sodas please.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: Nothing stronger?
CHRISTINE: Sure. (to the bartender) Put in a twist.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: Put in a twist. (Chris indicates a booth) Sure. (as they settle in) Fine. ...Let's pass on the usual foreplay. Why are you two trying to find me?
MARY BETH: Find you, Sal? We have questions about Kramer.
CHRISTINE: We assume he's not a magician. Somebody's been telling him when to disappear.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: Hey! (having emptied his glass, he waves it at the bartender) So it's me, huh? Ha! Why not? Give me a break you two. I think you're out fishing, so who's wearing the wire?
MARY BETH: You see, Sal, if you didn't have such a nasty reputation, I'd offer to let me pat me down.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: I don't think that's funny.
SERGEANT PRICE: (coming up) Oh, what a surprise? I understand you've been to my bank.
CHRISTINE: We've been a lot of places.
SERGEANT PRICE: I think this conversation might be overheard.
MARY BETH: (standing up) Here, or in the ladies room.
(Sergeant Price indicates for Chris to stand up which she does)
SERGEANT PRICE: (patting Chris down) Well, nice sweater.
CHRISTINE: Thank you.
(she puts her arms round Chris's back. Chris puts her arms round Price's shoulders}
CHRISTINE: I didn't want you to get the wrong idea. Groovy.
SERGEANT PRICE: There are no wrong ideas. (pointing to a seat away from the bar) Why don't we just sit over there. It looks much more ...comfortable, huh?
(as they go to sit down, there is a recorder hidden in the back of a small display cabinet between the two tables. They sit down) I'll take your purses. (Price takes Mary Beth's handbag and gets Chris's off her. The bartender delivers the drinks)
MARY BETH: Thank you.
SERGEANT PRICE: (giving the bartender the handbags) Hold these at the bar, please.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: (to Price, slurred) I'm glad you're here. They are not our old pals, Jane. I figure they're were just about to use the rubber hose...
SERGEANT PRICE: Go ahead, Sal. I'll catch up with you in Forensics.
CHRISTINE: I'd advise you stay, Detective.
SERGEANT PRICE: Why would he take your advice? You've been nosing around like Academy rookies. The minute Samuels filed those forty-nines from you...
MARY BETH: We also were convinced that Sal would do the right thing.
SERGEANT PRICE: What's that?
SERGEANT PRICE: It's all a mistake. There's an explanation for anything you might have turned up. (straightening his shirt collar) Go on, Sal. Let us talk.
DETECTIVE CAPRIO: (getting up) OK. That's fine by me. (as he puts dollar bills down on the tab. To the duo) No thanks to you.
(he leaves)
CHRISTINE: Don't try to sell us anything but the truth, Sergeant.
SERGEANT PRICE: I don't have anything to sell. Poor Sal's dead. He was the best. Potential for sergeant. When you confront him. Get him back into AA. He'll stay straight or I'll turn him in myself.
MARY BETH: No, it's too risky. He let a major bad guy escape on three separate occasions.
SERGEANT PRICE: So we'll get Kramer now! We'll go after him again. Only this time we'll collar him.
CHRISTINE: So what happens when Kramer squeals about the arrangement he had set up with Caprio? Or Internal Affairs finds out about the deposits made in Caprio's bank account?
SERGEANT PRICE: I just can't let this happen.
MARY BETH: It's too big to sweep under the carpet.
SERGEANT PRICE: (after a pause) Do you want Major Case? I can do it. It might take me a few months. I can do it.
(Price lights up a cigarette)
CHRISTINE: There's too much hard evidence here.
SERGEANT PRICE: (after another pause) When I realised what Sal was doing I thought that I was helping him by keeping quiet. And now I'm just as dirty as he is.
CHRISTINE: What makes you think he's gonna try and hang this on you?
SERGEANT PRICE: Drunk's penance. One word from Sal, we all go down.
MARY BETH: We all go down?!
SERGEANT PRICE: All Sal has to do is put a little blood in the water. Say it's yours. Those IAD sucks will go into a foetal frenzy.
CHRISTINE: You took a big risk running a scam like this with an alky for a partner.
SERGEANT PRICE: I thought I'd be safe.
MARY BETH: There is no room to finesse anything here.
SERGEANT PRICE: Oh, I'm sure there is. ...For the Department. (the camera homes in on the display cabinet) Things happen. There's enough profit in it for all of us. Even a cripple like Sal....

[Samuels' office]

SERGEANT PRICE: (on the recorder) ...You stay here. I'll make a few calls. Then I'll talk to Sal. If he doesn't agree to what I've arranged, I'll take all the heat.
(Chris switches off the recorder)
SAMUELS: Good. Very good work. (after a pause for thought) Price was a great dancer and er ...she loved my jokes. But it all er, ended when she made sergeant. She used people. Always has. You call IAD?
SAMUELS: Good. It'll just take them a matter of minutes to find out where her money is. You did good work. Both of yous.
MARY BETH: Thank you, sir.
CHRISTINE: Thanks, Lieutenant.

[Ladies room]

(Mary Beth is checking her waistline)
CHRISTINE: (coming in) You're in great shape, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Well I'll never disappear.
VERNA DEE: (coming out of a WC) Ladies. (moving Mary Beth to get at a basin) Could I?
MARY BETH: Hot date?
VERNA DEE: I hope.
CHRISTINE: Did they put a bigger bulb in here?
VERNA DEE: They ...never do anything around here, Sergeant. I cleaned the mirror. Good night.
CHRISTINE: Night. (after Verna Dee has left) She still owes us a collar.
MARY BETH: Come on, Chris, we fried bigger fish today.
CHRISTINE: Sure. A barracuda and her bait.
MARY BETH: Do you think it was Price's money in Caprio's account?
CHRISTINE: Yep. Caprio. Samuels. (adjusting her sweater in the mirror) I even I bought into Price's clothes.
MARY BETH: Do you know what's good, Christine?
MARY BETH: We don't bilk our problems as partners. Things come up between us. We talk them over.
CHRISTINE: Most of the time.
MARY BETH: Are you going to your meeting tonight?
CHRISTINE: Mm hm. I might even have one or two things to share. ...How's Harvey Jr.?
MARY BETH: Over Spring break he's er, taking a trip to Arizona.
CHRISTINE: What's in Arizona?!
MARY BETH: A penthouse.

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