No Vacancy
Original Airdate: September 21, 1987

[Outside the Lower Manhattan Courthouse]

(the duo comes out with Jasper Hubbell)
JASPER HUBBELL: You have just witnessed one of those rare moments in the judicial system when everything goes right. Believe you me, ladies, it's one of those elusive scents you may never witness again.
CHRISTINE: Heaven. It was just like a conviction for twelve counts of armed robbery. They should bottle this fragrance.
MARY BETH: Don't market it to the jury, Christine.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, I'm telling you the nose knows. (shouting across) Hey, Harry!
MARY BETH: Mr. Fisher, (extending her hand) How are you feeling?
HARRY FISHER: I'm fine, Detective Lacey.
MARY BETH: You were a big help to us and we wanna thank you.
HARRY FISHER: (shaking Mary Beth's hand vigorously) That lawyer ...tried to make me look crazy, but I know what I saw. That guy robbed that liquor store.
MARY BETH: You did a terrific job, Harry. Nobody could have done better. Ain't that right, Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: (putting her thumb up) Great, Harry, just great!
HARRY FISHER: Did we win?
MARY BETH: The jury is deciding that right now and we will call you as soon as we know.
HOSPITAL ESCORT: (to Harry) Time to get back to the hospital.
MARY BETH: Thank you.
CHRISTINE: (as Harry and the escort leave) Bye Harry.
(Harry turns back and gestures with crossed fingers. The duo returns the gesture)
MARY BETH: Everybody was pretty decent about Harry.
JASPER HUBBELL: Come, ladies, we've got a key witness here resistant to oatmeal. (as he goes off) Look, I'll give you a call when the verdict's in.
CHRISTINE: What about when he asked him about his medical history? (Mary Beth begins to laugh) What's so funny?
MARY BETH: When they asked Harry what he was doing on July ten, nineteen seventy-eight..
CHRISTINE: 'I don't remember. What were you doing that day?...
MARY BETH: ...I was having lunch with the President'.
CHRISTINE: Do you think Harry knew what he was saying?
MARY BETH: Who knows what goes on inside that poor man's head.

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: We've still got time to call by the DMV.
CHRISTINE: Why don't we put if off until tomorrow?
MARY BETH: Oh, God, I was hoping you'd say that. I wanna get home. I've got a new designer recipe I'm trying. This new dining room set. We're christening the table tonight.
CHRISTINE: Oh, so the delivery finally got made.
MARY BETH: You should see this dining room table, Christine. Beautiful is not the word, Chris. It's almost too good for a New Yorker.
CHRISTINE: Oh, it's that bad!
MARY BETH: American traditional. The I've wanted a table like this my whole life and now the kids are all right we've finally decided on medium PPP.
CHRISTINE: Five dimes.
MARY BETH: The place is really coming together.
CHRISTINE: Well, this promotion has its rewards, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: You ought to come out and see it sometime.
CHRISTINE: Yeah. Can you drop me off at the Hudson Street Centre?
MARY BETH: Aren't you gonna be early for your meeting?
CHRISTINE: Well, I wanna get there early. Finally getting around asking for someone to be my sponsor.
MARY BETH: Good.
CHRISTINE: What a drag. Mary Beth, what if she says 'No, you can't go three days' and turns me down.
MARY BETH: I'm sure she'll say 'Yes'..
CHRISTINE: This fellow told me he'd gone twenty-three years without any drink. Can you believe that? No. I wish also.

[Precinct House front desk]

MARY BETH: (coming in, to the bag lady) Hi ya, Josie.
COLEMAN; (to Mary Beth as she goes to the message rack) If you'd like your messages. The ME. Forensics. Harry. Harry. Harry. And Harry.
MARY BETH: Thank you, Sergeant Coleman.
COLEMAN; Lacey, if you're having an affair, I think Harry should be a little more discreet.
MARY BETH: I'll tell him you said that, Sergeant Coleman.
ESPOSITO: (coming up with an ice cream cone) Oh, you've gotta get down on some of this, Ronald. Last batch of the season.
(Mary Beth takes the cone from Esposito)
COLEMAN; What, are Rochinelli's doing a sale today?
ESPOSITO: They say it's gonna be chestnuts and pretzel strands until next summer.
MARY BETH: (taking a lick of the ice cream) What is the big deal? There must be about ninety-seven places selling ice cream.
COLEMAN; (Esposito takes the cone back) Yeah, if you want that yuppie garbage, but this is real thing served by a real Italian with a moustache.
ESPOSITO: Her husband wants a tie-in too.
MARY BETH: Cheap, Esposito!
(Mary Beth goes off)
COLEMAN; (as Esposito offers him the cone) I don't wanna mouth it with you.

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: (getting a hot dish from the microwave) Low cal, no fat pizza from the Higher Health Centre. (showing it to Petrie and Isbecki) Not a drop of cholesterol.
PETRIE: Sir, I'm meeting Claudia in twenty-five minutes.
SAMUELS: Oh, while you're here, try a bite!
ISBECKI: Those brown things look like burnt pepperonis.
(Petrie takes a token bit)
SAMUELS: Lacey, come on in here. I've got some good news for ya!
MARY BETH: Sir?
PETRIE: (leaving) It's great, Lieutenant. I'll share some with Claudia.
ISBECKI: (to Mary Beth as he passes her in the door) Yeah, it's be enough to fill you up until Sunday.
SAMUELS: Hubbell called. You got your conviction.
MARY BETH: That's great, sir. I'll call Harry right now and tell him.
SAMUELS: No! Stay here. Use my phone. There.
MARY BETH: Oh, thank you, sir. (offering her the pizza as she dials) Try it, Lacey.
MARY BETH: Oh, no thank you, sir. I've got a couple of rolls out there. Big ones. It does look very appetising, sir. Pepperoni?
SAMUELS: Zucchi beans.
MARY BETH: (into phone) I'd like to speak to Harry Fisher, please. He's a patient. (Samuels offers her a bit of pizza on a napkin and she takes a bite) Can I leave a message? Yes Tell him Detective Lacey called and tell him we won. ...Thank you.
(she rings off. He offers her more pizza) That's er... (she takes a token bit off the napkin and eats it)
SAMUELS: Yeah?
MARY BETH: Mm.
SAMUELS: That's these Zucchi beans.

[AA meeting room]

AA LEADER: Not to embarrass you but to get to know you better, are there any newcomers here tonight with under thirty days of sobriety that would like to stand up and we'll get to know you a little bit?
ALFRED: (standing up) My name is Alfred. I'm an alcoholic.
ALL: Hi Alfred.
ALFRED: I've got twelve days today. And I feel better.
(they all applaud)
ELWYN: My name is Elwyn and I'm an alcoholic.
ALL: Hi Elwyn.
ELWYN: This is my fifth day. I'm gonna keep coming back.
(more applause)
AA LEADER: OK, is there anybody here who's put together thirty days of continuous sobriety? Would you like to stand up. ...Thirty days.
CHRISTINE: (standing up) My name's Christine. I'm an alcoholic.
ALL: Hi Christine.
CHRISTINE: I have thirty days today. (applause. Putting her hand up to stop it) But I say I er... This is the second time that I've made the thirty days. I drank after fifty-eight days last time. I lost count that time. (laughter) So I was told that I have to go ninety meetings in ninety days, and I've got to take a hell of a lot of meetings to get back on schedule. ...I've gotta get strong to stay sober.
(applause)
AA LEADER: OK. Is there anybody with Sixty days continuous sobriety? ...Ninety days? ...Six months? ...And do we have any anniversaries tonight?

[Laceys' dining room]

(Mary Beth comes in with Michael from the kitchen who is carrying a plate)
MARY BETH: (to Michael) Right in the centre, please. You know, Michael, if we take care of this, one day you and your own family (putting a hot dish on the plate) could be sitting around this table.
MICHAEL: I don't plan to be married.
MARY BETH: Uh huh. Well ...aesthetics are very important to an appetising meal.
(she moves another dish to the sideboard)
HARVEY: If it looks better, it tastes better. Honey, if Harvey doesn't finish his shopping in time, we eat without him.
MARY BETH: (moving the hot dish towards her and starting to serve it) This low cal lasagne is made with whole-wheat pasta, no meat and low fat constitute.
HARVEY: It looks great.
MARY BETH: (giving Harvey a portion) Here.
HARVEY: Did you see that thing in the paper this morning about the Presidential candidates?
MARY BETH: I'll have a read tonight.
HARVEY: Don't bother. It's too superficial. I'll watch that special on TV tonight. It's always better from the horse's mouth.
MARY BETH: (to Michael) Glasses on the place mats, please. We'll look at it together, Harve.
HARVEY: Yeah. I mean, how's the country gonna know who to vote for when nobody's ever heard of these guys? (to Michael) You've got You've Senator Al Gore who's on a Middle East equality thing.
(Michael nods)
MARY BETH: Well, the important thing is what they stand for. How about that lasagne, Michael?
MICHAEL: I'm missing "Valentine Park".
MARY BETH: (to Harvey) How about you?
HARVEY: Well, these guys are so afraid to take a stand on anything. I think they're hoping the other guy gets elected. Abortion. Nicaragua. Star wars. The economy. Mary Beth, these guys backed off on everything. I think the Republicans are gonna put up another good-looking actor with nuclear cowboy boots.
(they hear the front door open. Harvey Jr. comes into the dining room and sits down at the table in United States Marine Corps combat uniform. He serves himself with the lasagne)
MARY BETH: So. ...Notice anything different, Harvey?
HARVEY: JR.: What happened to the lasagne?
(Mary Beth and Harvey look at one another. Michael almost bursts out laughing. Harvey Jr. throws down his fork)

[Laceys' bedroom/bathroom]

HARVEY: Seventeen and a half years of rearing and teaching for what?! (joining Mary Beth in the bathroom) So we can raid Nicaragua?
MARY BETH: It's what he wants.
HARVEY: What could be worse than a green beret gargling in the next bathroom?
MARY BETH: I don't know. He could be on dope.
HARVEY: Yeah.
MARY BETH: Could have dropped out of school.
HARVEY: Yeah.
MARY BETH: Tiffany Rinaldi could be pregnant.
HARVEY: She just could be. Right?

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (into phone) Yeah. ...Yeah, I understand. ...No, I did...
(meanwhile Mary Beth is winding up an interview with another man)
MARY BETH: ...Thank you. I you think of anything else, just give us a call.
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Yeah. ...Yes, I said I understood. ...Yes. (Mary Beth sits down beside Chris) ...Fine. ...Bye. (she rings off) My sponsor, Jo.
MARY BETH: Joe?
CHRISTINE: Short for Josephine. I did not pick her for her name. She's trying to be tough.
MARY BETH: Is she?
CHRISTINE: What?
MARY BETH: Tough.
CHRISTINE: Yes. And overbearing and pushy. Just like Joan Crawford without the wiped hands. So what did you get?
MARY BETH: Mr. Gard dropped by a list of the serial numbers of the stolen computers and also his estimated losses. Ninety-seven thousand, two hundred and fifty-one dollars.
CHRISTINE: Nice round figure.
MARY BETH: So Harvey Jr. turns up at the dinner table last night dressed like a paratrooper. You know, the whole thing, camouflage fatigues,
CHRISTINE: How's Harvey taking it?
MARY BETH: You know how he feels.
CHRISTINE: Yeah.
MARY BETH: Yeah. The kid is changing, Christine.
(Isbecki is listening)
CHRISTINE: He's seventeen years old, Mary Beth. He's going through a phase. In a couple of weeks he'll forget about soldiering and go back to the biggest challenge for a young man. Chasing women.
ISBECKI: You know, Lacey, you should be proud of your son. Expressing his masculinity in a patriotic way. Especially in today's world where real men are hard to find. It makes a change from men staying at home doing the baking and protecting the nest.
CHRISTINE: Victor, I'm thinking of writing your phone number in the "Gay Personal"s.
MARY BETH: So what are you doing about this Josephine?
SAMUELS: (coming out of his office) Cagney! Lacey! The jury witness at the hospital. He's creating a disturbance.
CHRISTINE: Lieutenant, he's in a psych ward. Everybody is creating a disturbance.
SAMUELS: They've discharged him and he won't leave! If you can you fit it in with your busy schedule.
MARY BETH: We'll get right on it, sir.
CHRISTINE: What about the computer heist and the hot-car ring?
SAMUELS: The hospital doesn't want him arrested. You two gotta a relationship with him and they want your cooperation.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
CHRISTINE: Great. We'll have to remember to put in a couple of hours as crossing guards.

[Hospital day room]

(the duo comes in. Harry is sitting on the floor shouting out)
MARY BETH: Harry. What's happening?
HARRY FISHER: Detective Lacey. Tell them they are not supposed to do this!
MARY BETH: Do what, Harry?
HARRY FISHER: They're gonna push me out!
MARY BETH: Harry, stand up and talk to me. Stand up!
HARRY FISHER: (standing up and clinging to a vertical pole) They telling me that they gonna push me out.
DR. GLENFIELD: Harry, we've gone through this before. You're gonna be fine.
HARRY FISHER: No! No, I am not gonna be fine! I'm not!! (to Mary Beth) Help me. I went to court. Now you've gotta help me.
MARY BETH: Doctor, this man does not look like he's ready for the outside world.
DR. GLENFIELD: Can we speak? ...Privately.
HARRY FISHER: Wait! Wait!! Where are you going?!
(Mary Beth goes off with Dr. Glenfield)
CHRISTINE: It's OK, Harry. She's gonna be right back.

[Dr. Glenfield's office]

MARY BETH: You know the people of this City are gonna love the streets.
DR. GLENFIELD: That's why we kept him three extra weeks. This man was your witness. He received extra care because we chose to give your department every consideration.
MARY BETH: We owe him that!
DR. GLENFIELD: And now you can show us a little consideration by helping this man's transition out instead of shoving him back on us.

[Hospital day room]

(Harry is thrashing his arms up and down)
CHRISTINE: Hey, listen to me. It'll be OK.
HARRY FISHER: Oh! (going to the window and glancing through the blind) I just can't go back out there! They'll listen to you. Make them take me back! OK, that's a good idea!! You know that.
CHRISTINE: Slow down, Harry! I know it seems that it's a lot worse than it really is. I'll get you're coat, you get ready.
HARRY FISHER: No!!!

[Dr. Glenfield' office]

DR. GLENFIELD: (looking at Harry's treatment sheets) This patient's been stabilised. We have to give his bed to somebody who needs it more.
MARY BETH: But he doesn't feel he's ready.
DR. GLENFIELD: It's natural for him to be agitated about leaving. It's a stressful time for these people. Look, a patient is treated for an allotted time and released providing he's no danger to himself or the community.
MARY BETH: And nobody ever gets released because of say ...overcrowding?

[Hospital day room]

(Chris follows Harry. He takes out a cigarette and they sit down)
CHRISTINE: There. I just know that you're scared, Harry, and change is a very scary thing. But all of us are capable of doing things we never thought we could do. Trust me. So er, Harry, it'll be fine.
HARRY FISHER: Yeah. Yeah. So you gonna get me the same bed back? Hm?

[Dr. Glenfield' office]

MARY BETH: And that man is not ready to face the slings and arrows, Doctor.
DR. GLENFIELD: No. But he is ready for board and care. And a social worker was brought in to get him into one.
MARY BETH: Try!!!
DR. GLENFIELD: He's got an appointment. He's set up for medication with an outpatients' clinic. It's tough to cut the cord.
(the doctor leaves. Mary Beth follows him out)

[Hospital room]

(Harry rushes up to Mary Beth)
MARY BETH: Come on, Harry.
HARRY FISHER: Are you gonna take care of me?
(Chris, standing behind Harry, gives Mary Beth a querying look)
MARY BETH: Come on.

[Social Services office]

JOAN TORVEC: All right, Harry, we've got an appointment on Friday at two-thirty. Do you have your Med Card with you? (Harry nods) Good. Don't forget to pick up your meds. Here's you SLO voucher.
CHRISTINE: What's that for?
JOAN TORVEC: I found Harry a hotel in Brooklyn. There's an outpatients' clinic nearby.
HARRY FISHER: I don't wanna stay in a hotel and I don't wanna go to Brooklyn.
JOAN TORVEC: OK. We can talk about the other options on Friday.
CHRISTINE: What Harry wants is to go back to the hospital.
MARY BETH: What are the other options, Miss. Torvec?
JOAN TORVEC: Friday I'll see if I can find him a bed in a boarder here, but that can take some time.
MARY BETH: And if you can't get him in?
JOAN TORVEC: Harry, will your sister, Diane, take you for a while?
HARRY FISHER: She don't understand anymore.
JOAN TORVEC: All right. I'm offering you a hotel, otherwise you could sleep in the streets or stay in a City shelter.
HARRY FISHER: (getting up) I don't wanna go to shelter. They'll rob me and beat me up.
MARY BETH: (getting up to go to him) Harry, would you take it easy?
CHRISTINE: (to Jane Torvec) Haven't you shoved enough of these people out on to the streets already?
JOAN TORVEC: Some people find it safer there.
CHRISTINE: Oh. How about another hospital?
JOAN TORVEC: At this point it would be easier to get him into a board and care.
CHRISTINE: Look, Miss. Torvec, you work for the City. We work for the City. We're help each other out. How about a little professional courtesy here?
JOAN TORVEC: You wanna me to bust my till and find him another hospital bed?
CHRISTINE: Well, if it wouldn't put you out!
JOAN TORVEC: OK, Sergeant, but it works both ways. What kind of clout do you have? Can you get us the funding for day treatment centres, outpatient clinics. You know, the community programs we were promised when they closed down the mental hospitals. (Harry winces. Jane Torvec notices) We'll press on.
MARY BETH: Well, what can we do for him?
JOAN TORVEC: Take him to the hotel, if you've got time, and make sure he's taking his meds. I'll try to find him a place in Community Residence where he should be all right.
HARRY FISHER: I don't wanna go to Brooklyn. It's too dangerous.
(Mary Beth comforts him)
JOAN TORVEC: He's got it rough.

[Laceys' dining room]

(Mary Beth is polishing the table)
MARY BETH: If you have a problem, Harvey, you go and talk to him.
HARVEY: Oh, you don't have a problem, eh?
MARY BETH: I have a water stain on my brand new table.
HARVEY: Mary Beth, we are talking about our son!
MARY BETH: And he's the one that probably did it.
HARVEY: So you don't mind a little Fascist walking around in laced-up boots and Central American jungle fatigues, huh?!
MARY BETH: I taught him how to drive, Harvey. The next eight problems are yours.

[Harvey Jr.'s bedroom]

(there are posters for the films "Hell Camp" and "Rambo" on the wall. Harvey Jr. is laying on his bed with a poster of a senior marine officer taking an oath above him. It is captioned "America First")
HARVEY: Harvey, when you were younger, if we disagreed about something, we worked it out. Now all we do is butt heads. Hey, I mean, it's like this uniform. You know how I feel about that stuff.
HARVEY JR.: Dad, it's just clothes.
HARVEY: Just clothes, huh? (pulling up a chair) Harvey, have you thought about this thing? You're forgetting something, pal. I was in the Army. I know what it's about. It's about killing other human beings. It's not like "Top Gun" with a bunch of pimple faces, pulling girls and flying into the wild blue yonder. It's not about that!!
HARVEY JR.: Dad, they're clothes. Everybody's wearing them. What's the big deal?
HARVEY: No, no, no. I know what this is about it. It's like if I say 'Come home at eleven' you come home at twelve just to show me who's boss! Now, you're right!! This isn't about clothes!! This is about rebellion!!!
HARVEY JR.: It's always about you, huh?
HARVEY: OK, you tell me what it's about then!!! What is it?! Tiffany thinks you look sexy in green?! (no reply. Harvey shouts) Huh?!!! ...Harvey, talk to me!!!

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Chris gets a book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" out of her desk and starts to read it)
COLEMAN: (coming in with Harry) Sergeant Cagney, you've got a visitor here.
HARRY FISHER: That place that you put me in (she quickly puts the book back in the desk drawer but doesn't get it closed) is terrible. Now, you have to get me into a hospital. I wanna talk to Dr. Glenfield.
CHRISTINE: (shouting) Hold it!!!
HARRY FISHER: I...
CHRISTINE: I said, Hold it!! ....Sit down!
HARRY FISHER: Oh!
CHRISTINE: (leaping up) Sit!!! (he slumps into the chair) What is it with you? Every time you come in here you're always demanding something. Have you ever once ever said 'Good Morning, Sergeant Cagney. How are you feeling today, Sergeant Cagney? What kind of evening did you have last night, Sergeant Cagney?' Huh? No. It's always about you! Never once have you ever thought to ask about me!! ...I'm gonna get some coffee. Then we'll start over.
(while she's at the coffee table he gets out a cigarette, hesitates and then looks across at her)
HARRY FISHER: (holding up the cigarette) Er?
CHRISTINE: Go ahead. It's your lungs.
(Chris comes back with the coffee)
HARRY FISHER: Er. ...How are ya feeling today?
CHRISTINE: To tell you the truth, Harry, I'm a little cranky this morning.
HARRY FISHER: Is that the big book?
CHRISTINE: (closing the desk drawer) That's enough about me, Harry. Thank you. Now what can I do for you?
HARRY FISHER: I used to be an alcoholic before I became psychotic.
CHRISTINE: So I have got something to look forward to.
MARY BETH: Good morning, Christine.
CHRISTINE: (nodding towards Harry) Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Harry? How are you feeling today?
HARRY FISHER: Good. How are you? What did you do last night?
MARY BETH: I'm fine. Last night I stayed home and I made iced milk lagers with my kids.
HARRY FISHER: How are the kids?
MARY BETH: They're fine. I have a lot of work to do, Harry. Is this important?
HARRY FISHER: Er. (moving to the chair by Mary Beth's desk) There's something wrong with my hotel.
MARY BETH: What is wrong?
HARRY FISHER: There's roaches.
(Chris's phone goes. She answers it)
MARY BETH: Harry, you're in a big city. There's roaches everywhere. I know it's not the greatest hotel, but it's only for a few days.
HARRY FISHER: Oh, please. I can't be alone. Please.
MARY BETH: Did you take your medication today? (he shakes his head) I know this is a stressful time for you, Harry, but you have got to go and get your medication.
HARRY FISHER: No!!
MARY BETH: Go and get it, Harry!
HARRY FISHER: (getting up) You can't tell me what to do! I'm a man.
MARY BETH: (having stood up) Be a man, Harry. Go and get your medication.
HARRY FISHER: You can't bully me!
MARY BETH: Go!! You cannot stay here, Harry.
HARRY FISHER: What?!!!
MARY BETH: Go!
HARRY FISHER: (wandering away) I'll stop! You go!
(he leaves ranting)
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Fine. You have a nice day too.
(she slams the phone down)
MARY BETH: Oh, I feel so guilty, throwing him out like that.
CHRISTINE: Some people need it.
MARY BETH: Is everything OK?
CHRISTINE: (pointing to the phone) Who does she think I am? Some kid or something?! She's been my sponsor one day and already she's calling me up and asking me if I did my homework.
MARY BETH: Did you?
CHRISTINE: That is not the point! She wants me to use a yellow Magic Marker to highlight every cliché in the AA book.
MARY BETH: You said you liked your sponsor being overbearing.
CHRISTINE: I do! But not...
(there is a commotion out in the front desk area. The duo rushes out there)

[Precinct House front desk]

(Esposito is bringing Harry in, restraining his arms behind him)
HARRY FISHER: You don't know anything, do you?
ESPOSITO: (to the duo) Is this your crazy...
HARRY FISHER: I didn't do anything, (to Josie the bag lady) did I?
ESPOSITO: This lunatic comes barging out of the building, knocks me and my ice cream to the sidewalk. Then he starts yelling at me, so I grab him and here we are.
HARRY FISHER: I didn't do it. It was somebody else! (to Esposito) Let me go!
(Esposito slams Harry against a pillar)
MARY BETH: Esposito!
ESPOSITO: (to Chris showing her his jacket) Do you know what's under this chocolate ice cream? It's Bernard King's autograph. I got it the night he scored fifty-five points.
CHRISTINE: The Knicks had a great game.
ESPOSITO: Oh, forget the game! This is your fault! He's your responsibility!
CHRISTINE: What are we supposed to do?
ESPOSITO: I don't know. Let's get him off the streets. Why don't we just lock him up and put him in jail?
CHRISTINE: That's what he wants!
MARY BETH: That's some attitude, Esposito. A person gets ice cream on your jacket (Harry is peering over Mary Beth's shoulder seeking her protection from Esposito) and they should be put away?
ESPOSITO: Anybody who gets ice cream on my best jacket should be taken out and publicly executed! But Hey, I'm a compassionate guy. All I want is this gook-head locked up!
HARRY FISHER: (as Esposito stalks off) I didn't do anything! He's a liar. I was in gook.
MARY BETH: Get a grip on yourself, Harry. You're not making sense.
HARRY FISHER: (backing away from the duo) Why are you all against me? You're just not letting me live.
(he stumbles against the bench and backs up onto it)
CHRISTINE: Detective! We need to straighten this out right away. You stay with him. I will go and call his social worker and get his sister's address.
MARY BETH: Certainly, Sergeant. Step down, Harry. Come here. Here we go. Step down from there. (he steps down) Ease down, Harry. (he takes something from inside his cardigan and holds it in his mouth) Ease down. Come here. Take a few deep breaths and relax. (taking him into the Squad room) Breathe out. Relax.

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: Sergeant Cagney is just happy to assist. (seeing him chewing) What are you... Oh, don't do that. That's terrible! Give me that! (she slaps his hands and takes the cigarette packet from his mouth) Come here. Come on here with me. Come here.
(she takes him to the holding cell)
HARRY FISHER: Oh no! You can't put me in jail. You think I robbed that liquor store. I didn't do it.
MARY BETH: I know that, Harry. You just sit right in there and read a magazine.
HARRY FISHER: It wasn't my job. I told them it didn't matter.
MARY BETH: Read the magazine.
CHRISTINE: (as Mary Beth comes up) I got a work address.
MARY BETH: Detective Corassa. Would you look after Mr. Fisher here, please.
CORASSA: (as Mary Beth hands him the holding cell key) You got it.
(Harry starts thrashing around the holding cell)
MARY BETH: He doesn't understand what's going on.
CHRISTINE: I don't understand what's going on. I had my witness to a simple armed robbery. Now I'm a social worker and a mother!
HARRY FISHER: (from the holding cell) Well, don't look at me. I'm just not here people, so don't look at me.
(he stands in the corner of the holding cell looking lost)

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: The man's put himself through a lot of emotional stress to help us out.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, don't give me guilt. I'm passed it. I'm over my limit now. Let's just find his sister. Then we'll get back to the job we're paid for.
MARY BETH: OK, (mock saluting) Sergeant.

[Dry cleaning factory]

MARY BETH: Mrs. Pace? (showing her shield) It's about your brother.
DIANE PACE: What's happened now?
MARY BETH: Your brother served as a witness for us on a robbery case. We're very grateful to him. We wanted to let you know he was released from East Side General yesterday. ...In case you wanna see him.
DIANE PACE: I know. I keep track of him.
CHRISTINE: Do you know he's sitting in a holding cell because he doesn't have any other place else to go?
DIANE PACE: Since he was discharged from the hospital, he's got his social worker, he's got his medication. He's got his SSI cheque and a place to stay.
CHRISTINE: But he doesn't seem to have any family.
CHRISTINE: Don't be so sure you've got me all figured out. I took care of my big brother for years.
MARY BETH: But he's still your brother, Mrs. Pace.
DIANE PACE: Thanks for the reminder. But I don't need one. Every time Harry had a problem, Diane was there. In and out of hospital, mental health offices, medical clinics, Diane was there.
CHRISTINE: And he needs you again, temporarily.
FOREMAN: Diane! Where are those pants?
DIANE PACE: Look, Harry lived with me until he broke my marriage up. OK? I can't do it anymore. I can't.
(she goes off)
MARY BETH: (as they come out of the warehouse) Well, I don't blame his sister.
CHRISTINE: I didn't say I did. But what happened to "Family is everything"?
MARY BETH: People have only got so much in 'em.

[Hospital ward]

DR. GLENFIELD: When he takes his medication he's stable.
MARY BETH: Yeah, but he isn't taking it.
DR. GLENFIELD: It's no longer our responsibility.
CHRISTINE: Shall we send him to a muffler shop?
DR. GLENFIELD: Look, I can't readmit Harry unless something drastic happens. Do you arrest a criminal before he commits a crime?
CHRISTINE: Harry's not a criminal. Do we wait until he suffers collapse?
DR. GLENFIELD: OK, Sergeant, you win. Show me who to kick out of bed to make room for Harry.
MARY BETH: Doctor, Tell me how living out on the street is it gonna help him to get any better?
DR. GLENFIELD: I'm not gonna defend the system! We just don't have the funding. And the bottom line is Harry is not dangerous.
MARY BETH: Section one-oh-six eleven of the Patrol Guide states that quote, Any police officer can physically bring in a person for psychological evaluation if he's a threat to himself or others, unquote. (to Chris) I wanna set up a competency hearing.
(Chris is surprised)
DR. GLENFIELD: On what grounds are you making this request?
(Chris looks questionally)
MARY BETH: Assaulting a police officer.
(Chris nods. Mary Beth shrugs)

[Detectives' Squad room]

(they are standing outside the holding cell. Harry is still in it)
ESPOSITO: No way, not in this life! I'm not having on my record that I had a guy busted for assault with a deadly ice cream.
MARY BETH: Manny, it doesn't have to go on your record.
ESPOSITO: Oh, get out of town! Do you want to make me the laughing stock of the whole Squad room? Look, Serge, I'm gonna take back everything I said. Let's get this guy out of the cell
CHRISTINE: Esposito, what about the ice cream and his aggressive court history? (putting her arm round him) Now listen to me. Come here. Why don't you just think about it overnight, all right? (taking off the stained jacket) In the interim we'll have the jacket cleaned for you and then we'll talk again tomorrow. At that time ...you decide. All right?
ESPOSITO: All right.
CHRISTINE: (lightly punching his chin) Atta boy.
(the duo slaps hands)
SAMUELS: Cagney, Lacey, in my office.
MARY BETH: Sir.

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: I was walking past the holding cell and I heard a very interesting debate going on in there.
MARY BETH: We get all types in here, sir.
SAMUELS: There's only one person in that cell.
CHRISTINE: Lieutenant, we...
SAMUELS: Hold it a second. This is not a reprimand. Going through so much trouble to help a person with his kind of a problem is very commendable.
MARY BETH: Thank you, sir.
SAMUELS: However the last time I looked this was still a police station not the Department of Social Services. Also I seem to recall something about it being illegal to hold a prisoner who hasn't committed a crime.
CHRISTINE: (holding up the jacket) He did attack Esposito, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: I'm not even going to address that?
MARY BETH: Sir, we arranged a competency hearing for tomorrow afternoon. He needs a place to stay, ...one night.
CHRISTINE: Harry made the case for us, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: Warn the night shift.

[Laceys' bedroom]

MARY BETH: It all comes down to economics.
HARVEY: That's what I've been telling ya, babe.
MARY BETH: People are wandering the street. People like Harry are joining the homeless in droves. (Mary Beth put some clothes into a bag Harvey is holding) We've no more mental health clinics, you know.
HARVEY: No. We order a couple more bombers. That's our country's priority. That's the example we've been setting for our children.
MARY BETH: Harve, what's happened with our kid has nothing to do with the national budget.
HARVEY: Don't be so sure about that. (she goes to put something else in the bag) Hey, babe, those are my weekend pants!
MARY BETH: Honey, if you wear these one more time (putting a hand through a hole in the pants) I'm gonna have to arrest you for indecent exposure.
(he throws the pants onto the bed)

[Restaurant]

(Chris comes in with David Keeler)
DAVID KEELER: (pointing to a table) Over there.
WAITER: (as Chris sits down) Would you like a drink before dinner?
CHRISTINE: I'll have a club soda, please.
DAVID KEELER: I'll have the same, thanks.
CHRISTINE: You don't have to do that on my account. If you wanna drink, go ahead and have one.
DAVID KEELER: Don't worry. I will, ...but I won't.
CHRISTINE: OK.
DAVID KEELER: I always liked this place.
CHRISTINE: I hardly remember it.
DAVID KEELER: How did your meeting go tonight?
CHRISTINE: I wanna finish talking about Harry. OK. So we're trying to raise a competency hearing so we can get him back in the hospital.
DAVID KEELER: Where is he now?
CHRISTINE: In a holding cell.
DAVID KEELER: Christine, what about the man's rights?
CHRISTINE: We're trying to help the guy out!
DAVID KEELER: By locking him up in jail? Do me a favour, huh? If I get in trouble, don't help me out.
CHRISTINE: David, do you know anything but "The March of the Bleeding Hearts"?
DAVID KEELER: "The March of the Bleeding Hearts"? You made your case. The ACLU fought for to allow testimony for the disabled.
CHRISTINE: I'm trying to show my fellow man a little compassion. Don't butt my chops for it!
DAVID KEELER: Maybe you don't have all the answers.
CHRISTINE: You sound just like Jo.
DAVID KEELER: Who?
CHRISTINE: My sponsor.
DAVID KEELER: When did that happen?
CHRISTINE: Never mind.
DAVID KEELER: Welcome back.
CHRISTINE: Drop dead!
DAVID KEELER: Just like old times, huh? Good arguments. Mistakes. Maybe a...
CHRISTINE: Knock it off, David. It's not your night.
(he shakes his head resignedly. They look at each other and Chris nods in confirmation)

[Laceys' bedroom]

(Harvey is standing behind Mary Beth buttoning up the top of her nightdress)
MARY BETH: I had three sips of rum and I woke up in the morning without my panties.
HARVEY: (turning Mary Beth to look at him) OK, I'll buy it. What happened then?
MARY BETH: I don't know, Harvey. Two days later somebody sent them in the mail to my mother and she grounded me for six weeks.
HARVEY: That sounds like a life sentence to me, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Oh, come on, don't tell me never did anything stupid when you were in a sports team.
HARVEY: Yeah, dumb stunts were our middle name. I remember once we played Russian Roulette. (Mary Beth looks aghast) No, no, not for real, we just called it that. We had this argument about who had the coolest DA so we decided to draw cards to decide. A high card had the best, low meant he got his head shaved.
MARY BETH: You lost?
HARVEY: I looked like a true Borg for weeks.
MARY BETH: You have a picture, Harvey. Don't tell me you don't have a picture. How come you never told me about this before?
HARVEY: I've been busting my guts to know where to find it. Oh babe, the way I see it, there are four stages of adolescence. There's obnoxious, very obnoxious, horrible and horribly obnoxious. Our son's already reached the top.
MARY BETH: Do you think there's an answer to horribly obnoxious?
HARVEY: Yeah. Putting him up for adoption. (they put their bedside lights out) Mary Beth, does this mean I have keep track of your underwear?
MARY BETH: I should really like to see that picture, Harve.
HARVEY: How much?
(they kiss. He fingers the neck of hr nightdress)
MARY BETH: (giggling and sliding under the bedclothes) Let me do this here. I'll do it. You watch. ...See.
(they disappear under the bedclothes, giggling)

[Precinct House front desk]

SAMUELS: You know there's no real gyms anymore where fat people can go and grunt and sweat. Nowadays it's just fancy health clubs and skinny people dancing to weird time.
COLEMAN: I never could understand this health thing. A body should be like a house, you build it once, you forget about it.
SAMUELS: Do you know I went to a health club that Isbecki recommended. I couldn't even keep up to the women. I just sat and watched all these svelte people and got depressed.
MARY BETH: (coming up and taking a message from Coleman) Thank you. Good morning, sir.
SAMUELS: Oh, good morning, Lacey.
COLEMAN: (watching Mary Beth's rear profile as she goes towards the Squad room) I'll bet you fifteen, twenty bucks. I don't know. Whatever she's doing...
MARY BETH: (as Isbecki comes out and she goes in) Victor.
SAMUELS: If you're depressed it makes you hungry. Hunger led to a trip to the Second Avenue Deli where I polished off the pastrami on rye ...and two fishes.
COLEMAN: A pound of fish and chips keeps the pressure on.

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: Good morning, Christine.
CHRISTINE: (leaning on the holding cell) Morning.
MARY BETH: Where's Harry?!
CHRISTINE: Right. I'll check upstairs. See if they've got him up there. (to Esposito and Corassa as they come down the stairs) Esposito, is Harry up there?
ESPOSITO: No.
CHRISTINE: You just let him go?!
CORASSA: No, he was gone when we got here.
MARY BETH: What happened to him?!
CORASSA: I don't know. Ask Coleman.
CHRISTINE: Esposito. Gee, the jacket looks great.
ESPOSITO: Oh, yeah, the jacket's fine. They went to a lot of trouble. They even got out that old stain.
CHRISTINE: The old ink stain?
ESPOSITO: Bernard King's autograph.

[Precinct House front desk]

(Coleman is still talking to Coleman. Bernice has joined them)
COLEMAN: Do you know what I say, Lieutenant? Fat people are a forgotten breed.
BERNICE: Thinness is overrated!
SAMUELS: (bumping into Bernice as they move away) Excuse me.
BERNICE: Excuse me.
MARY BETH: (coming up and going between the other two) Excuse me. Sergeant Coleman, where is Harry?
COLEMAN: The night shift sent him to Belle Vue. He was hallucinating last night. He banged his head on the wall.
CHRISTINE: Did they admit him?!
COLEMAN: No! It was a zoo over there! They sedated him but he wandered off. (to Chris, giving her a document) Oh, I've got a permission for you.
CHRISTINE: He what?!!! We have a hearing this afternoon!
COLEMAN: These things happen.

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: We'll see if he checked out of the hotel.
CHRISTINE: He hates the hotel. He'd go back to the East Side before he'd go back there.
MARY BETH: Well, we've go till one o'clock.
CHRISTINE: So, how's life at boot camp?
MARY BETH: Harve says that family is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
POLICE RADIO: Central to car twenty-one.
CHRISTINE: (into microphone) Twenty-one. OK.
POLICE RADIO: Twenty-one from Central. Your description. The Uniforms have reported a guy on Atlantic Avenue, lot twenty-seven. Message, 'We'll hold pending your arrival'.
CHRISTINE: (into microphone) Twenty-one. Ten-four. (she puts the microphone back) Thank-you, God. Let's go. (Mary Beth starts whistling and indicating the way through as Chris speeds up) Out of the way!
(she starts blowing the horn)

[Manhattan street]

UNIFORMED OFFICER: He was mugged apparently. The only thing he had left was this card.
MARY BETH: Is he all right?
UNIFORMED OFFICER: A cut over his eye and some bruises. He seems to be doped up but he claims that he's all right.
(the uniformed office points to a boarded off lot. A demolished site)
MARY BETH: Thanks.

[Demolished site]

(Harry is sitting on the ground against a couple of abandoned tyres)
MARY BETH: Harry. Are you OK? (he looks up vacantly) Are you OK?
HARRY FISHER: Don't feel so good.
CHRISTINE: What happened, Harry?
HARRY FISHER: They stole my shoes.
MARY BETH: They must have really doped him up at Belle Vue. Come on.
CHRISTINE: Come on, Harry. Up we go. (they help him to his feet) OK.
HARRY FISHER: I wanna go to the hospital.
MARY BETH: No. We're taking you to a hearing. Let's get him cleaned up first.
CHRISTINE: You'll ruin the effect. We'll buy him some sneakers on the way. Come on, Harry.
MARY BETH: Watch your step right here.
CHRISTINE: OK.

[Social Services building staircase]

CHRISTINE: (to Diane Pace) How can they say the man is not in danger? He looks like he fell into a blender.
MARY BETH: 'Transitory, situational stress. A temporary condition that will improve'.
CHRISTINE: Great. It couldn't get any worse.
JANE TORVEC: I don't like this any better than you do. There are thousands of people out on the streets who don't belong there.
MARY BETH: Miss Torvec, we work a lot of cases too, but this one here has us phased.
JANE TORVEC: OK. OK. I'll see what I can do. Give me a few days. See ya, Harry.
MARY BETH: Where are you going?
JANE TORVEC: Back to my office.
CHRISTINE: What are we supposed to do? Just walk away and leave him here!
JANE TORVEC: Yes.

[Dry cleaning factory]

DIANE PACE: Don't do this to me! I already told you I can't.
MARY BETH: Ma'am, we're only asking for a few days.
CHRISTINE: The social worker is doing everything she can to get him another bed.
DIANE PACE: And what if she can't? Well, are you gonna take him in? Hell, no. Every time the system can't handle him, they push him back on me.
MARY BETH: That's your brother you're talking about.
DIANE PACE: Each time I hoped it would be different. Let me just tell you. This is important. You have no idea what he's like when he doesn't take his medication.
MARY BETH: Ma'am, we do understand.
DIANE PACE: No, you don't!!! I have a child. How would you like it if your baby girl couldn't go to sleep because her ogre was in the living room shouting at people wanting the Mayor. Or who was begging to die! And her playmates won't come over because of some tortured man in the apartment who keeps pacing back and forth. (Harry tries to take her arm) I won't do it!!! I want my child to grow up in a normal home!!
CHRISTINE: We're not trying to deny that but, gee lady, he's your brother.
DIANE PACE: (nearly crying) I know Harry is. This was who I grew up with and that I loved him very much. Because I didn't have a baby then, I'd do anything he asked. But I'm a mother. I have a child.
(she walks off)

[Outside the hotel]

MARY BETH: Go on in, ...Harry. You'll be all right. (he hesitates) Go on. We'll be checking with you.
HARY FISHER: Don't leave me.
CHRISTINE: We've got to leave you.
(they walk away)
HARY FISHER: Please. (starting to follow them) Please.
CHRISTINE: You can't go with us, Harry. Go inside.
HARY FISHER: (as they go to get in the car) Don't leave me.
(Mary Beth crosses her fingers and raises them to him. As the car drives away he stands there forlornly)

[Squad car]

(for a time silence reigns. The duo looks at each other)
CHRISTINE: It's all we could do.
MARY BETH: Great.

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