Ahead of the Game
Original Airdate: February 2, 1987

[Basketball pitch]

(paramedics are attempting revive a man. The duo is interviewing another man)
CHRISTINE: What, he just keeled over in the excitement of having made a slam-dunk? Is that it?
JOEY VAN MORRIS: That's it. Straight. It was a pickup game.
MARY BETH: What's your name?
MARY BETH: Joey what?
(the paramedics give up their attempts and wheel the man away to the ambulance)
PARAMEDIC: (answering a question fro the small crowd that has gathered) He had a heart attack.
MARY BETH: Is he a good friend of yours?
JOEY VAN MORRIS: Seen him around.
MARY BETH: If he took something you ought to tell us.
CHRISTINE: Was he cracking?
MARY BETH: Popping something.
BYSTANDER: (to a paramedic) Is he gonna be OK?
(the ambulance roars off, siren going)

[Detectives' Squad room]

ESPOSITO: (to the duo) Wayland Higgins is dead? No!! He was the best power forward that played ball for Wilkie.
MARY BETH: (to Chris) How come you didn't know that?
CHRISTINE: It's High School. I follow the pros.
COLEMAN: Sassiest little guy you ever saw. QTR socks, you know? Floppy twenty-twenty jumper.
ESPOSITO: And the moves. The kids used to hang out at the gym till closing, shut off the lights and practise dribbling in the dark.
COLEMAN: Did you see the game against Filarets.
ESPOSITO: Seen it?! He was so great it would break your heart.
COLEMAN: So what was it? Drugs?
MARY BETH: We're still waiting on the ME's report.
ESPOSITO: Oh my, it shouldn't be!
CORASSA: (commenting about Isbecki's cowboy shirt) That new then?
ISBECKI: Got it on vacation in Arizona.
MARY BETH: Victor, do you happen to have a straw hat? It's for Michael's school play.
CORASSA: Did John Wayne ever wear a straw hat?.
ISBECKI: Yeah, in "Hondo".
CHRISTINE: Michael is Tom Sawyer and I think it's great.
MARY BETH: Well, he's not playing Tom Sawyer. Not exactly.
CHRISTINE: You said he was the star!
MARY BETH: He is the star. He is! It's not the title role, but it's a star part. They say he takes offence so much better than all the other boys.
CHRISTINE: 'Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp'.
CHRISTINE: Robert Browning.
MARY BETH: 'Never get your hair cut by a bald barber'. Harvey Lacey.
CHRISTINE: Almost funny.

[Mr. Higgins apartment]

MR. HIGGINS: What do you expect to find? Wall to wall cocaine?
MARY BETH: Mr. Higgins, we're trying to make sense of your son's death the same as you are, sir.
MR. HIGGINS: That's what they'd say wouldn't they? If it was some white boy, they'd never ask about any drugs.
CHRISTINE: Mr. Higgins, we're checking out possibilities. Now, did you notice anything different about your son lately? Was he distant, or irritable?
MR. HIGGINS: I'll tell you what killed my boy. He was up every night, half the night. Coaches calling, recruiters calling. Telling him, sign this, sign that. 'Oh, you're good. You are beautiful! We'll buy you a new car. A new home! ...A new life'.
MARY BETH: That's a lot of pressure to put on a young man. You could understand him maybe taking something.
MR. HIGGINS: Not drugs. Not my boy. ...You put faith in these people. In the schools! In the system! ...You think they're gonna protect him. ...That's what they're supposed to do. They had him ...longer than we gave him.

[Manhattan street]

MARY BETH: You hope so much for your kids. But then the kid swears like a sailor or stuffs marbles up his nose. What a great sense of adventure. Maybe we've got ourself a Marco Polo here. You think so far down the road sometimes you forget you've got a choice. ...Are you looking forward to the Emerald Society Ball?
MARY BETH: Yeah? That's it?
CHRISTINE: Well, I've been going since I was thirteen years old. I mean, it's a kind of family tradition. It seems as if my father's got two dates. He's taking Donna.
MARY BETH: What about you? Are you going? It's Michael's school play. Remember?
MARY BETH: Tonight, tomorrow night we'll look at Michael. And maybe Thursday night we'll look at the play. He could have hung up the phone.
MARY BETH: Higgins. You could have said 'No' and stopped the pressure anytime he wanted to.
CHRISTINE: Maybe he was trying to work out a dream.
MARY BETH: This kid was a kid.
CHRISTINE: Come on, Mary Beth, the kid also had a chance to be something special.
MARY BETH: There's more to it than winning games. It was his father's dream as much as it was his son's.

[Corridor outside Chris's loft]

(as Chris goes to her loft door, Charlie comes out of Tony Stantinopolis's loft)
CHARLIE: ...that was her fourth husband.
CHARLIE: No, no. It's true.
(seeing Chris, he waves)
CHRISTINE: Charlie!.
CHARLIE: Oh, Hi Chrissie. (to Tony) And when we come back with the warrant, she's slipping on the mink and he's bald too!
(Charlie and Tony laugh raucously)
CHARLIE: Hi, Chrissie!
CHRISTINE: What are you doing?
CHARLIE: Well, I was in the neighbourhood. I thought I'd drop by. I was waiting in the hall and your neighbour invited me in. Hey, he cooks a great hamburger. No wine with dinner. I'm keeping my promise.
TONY STANTINOPOLIS: Your dad's a man in a million.
CHRISTINE: That he is. Would you like to have coffee with us?
TONY STANTINOPOLIS: Another time. I've got an early morning.
CHRISTINE: Thanks for being so nice to Charlie.
TONY STANTINOPOLIS: Are you kidding? This guy tells better stories than Joe Wylie.
CHARLIE: (shaking Tony's hand) Hey, yeah. Likewise. Likewise.

[Chris's loft]

CHARLIE: (coming in) He's the kind of guy for you, Chrissie. Sense of humour. There's nothing phoney about that guy. Hey, why don't you bring him along to Emerald Society Ball. We could make it a foursome.
CHRISTINE: I'm not his type.
CHARLIE: Well, you could always go back to being a brunette!
(Charlie chuckles)
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I could always grow a moustache and great pecks.
CHARLIE: Him?! You're kidding! He's slicing the loafers. Who would have guessed. He seems like a regular guy.
CHARLIE: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Hey listen, this Emerald Society Ball is gonna some blow out. Right?
CHRISTINE: Yeah. It usually is.
CHARLIE: First drinks at my place as usual. Donna's just gonna have to wait her turn. (Chris is stomping round the loft saying nothing) You're still planning on coming, aren't you, Christine. (she switches on the answer-phone) It wouldn't be the same without the Cagneys there. ...It's tradition! (Chris still stomps around) It's something we always do.
CHRISTINE: Do you want coffee?
CHARLIE: You know. Like getting on each other's nerves. Yes, I want some coffee.
DAVID KEELER: (on answer-phone) Hello, Chris, it's David. You haven't returned my calls because your answering machine is broken. Bye.
(Chris switches off the answer-phone)
CHARLIE: Hey, come on, Chris. We're both a couple of Irish cops. OK? We've both got tempers. We're both hot-blooded. Come on, give me a smile, huh? You are the prettiest police sergeant in Manhattan. So what do say? We bury the bazookas, eh?
CHRISTINE: All right, Charlie. You've got a deal. Fowling it up. Sweet-talking yourself out of it.
CHARLIE: (laughing) It's a talent I was born with. I'm passing it on to you.
CHRISTINE: I'm not in your league. Your'e a pro.
CHARLIE: I can hardly wait to see you in that dress again. I'll never forget the first time you wore it. You were just a kid. What were you? Twenty.
CHRISTINE: Twenty-six. Who's counting?
CHARLIE: And it still fits ya. Because you know how to take care of yourself.
CHRISTINE: Because I've had it let out twice.
CHARLIE: Mm hm. Do you know what really sticks in my memory bank? Your first time at the Ball. You were thirteen. You stood on my shoes to dance the foxtrot. (he laughs) You sure were one sweet kid. Do you remember, kitten?
CHRISTINE: I remember, Pop.

[Laceys' front veranda]

(late evening. Rain is lashing down)
MICHAEL: (wearing a straw hat) I didn't do very well.
MARY BETH: You were the best. Harve, where's my keys?
HARVEY: Take mine.
MICHAEL: It's open.
MARY BETH: (dragging Michael away from the door) Harve!
HARVEY: (handing Alice to Harvey Jr.) Take the baby. Go across the street. Call nine-one-one. Give them our address. I'd better go round the back.
MARY BETH: (to Harvey Jr.) Tell them there's a civilian male and a member of the service in civilian clothes on he scene. Have you got that?
HARVEY JR.: Yes, Mum.
MARY BETH: With her gun out as Harvey rushes round the back) Harvey!!! Careful.
(Mary Beth goes inside)

[Laceys' kitchen]

(Mary Beth finds the fridge empty)

[Laceys' bedroom]

(Mary Beth finds the room trashed)

[Laceys' lounge/staircase]

(Mary Beth comes down the stairs, hears a sound, turns and sees a shadow, crouches with her gun, shouting as Harvey comes round a corner. He makes a dive for a doorway, dropping the baseball bat he is carrying. Harvey slumps against the doorpost)
(Harvey is still leaning against the doorpost as Mary Beth sits down at the bottom of the stairs, puts her gun down and spreads her hands, both apologetically and in relief)

[Laceys' bedroom]

HARVEY: What did the guys from Forensics say?
MARY BETH: Nothing. No prints
HARVEY: Those creeps. Those dirty creeps. They're lucky they weren't here when we got home. If they were, they would be on their way up the river by now.
(they both laugh)
MARY BETH: We make a pretty good team, Harve.
HARVEY: Yeah. It's never too late to change careers.
(they have a peck)
MARY BETH: How do you think I'd do in construction?
HARVEY: Well, you know how to handle men.
(they cuddle)
MARY BETH: I'm sorry about the gold candlestick, Harve. I should have known better. I was stupid to hide it under the bed.
HARVEY: It looks as though they tried to steal dust.
MARY BETH: It was a nice one. They had the pearl earrings, and the boys' radio. And that necklace that Tiffany gave to Harvey Jr. (Mary Beth sits on the bed) They left the TV.
HARVEY: Yeah. Too old to steal. I never would have taken it. (Mary Beth giggles) Yeah. Listen, why don't you give your cousin a call? See if she still has the other candlestick, huh? What's her name?
MARY BETH: Eileen.
HARVEY: Eileen. Yeah. Move over, I'm gonna change the sheets.
MARY BETH: Honey, they looked under the bed. They didn't crawl in it.
HARVEY: Yeah, well, I'm gonna change the sheets. Anything wrong with that? Huh? (as they set about the changing the bed) Maybe she'll give you hers, huh?
HARVEY: Eileen. I mean, it meant so much to you and it did belong to your mother.
MARY BETH: Eileen is not a generous person, Harvey.
HARVEY: Maybe she could loan it to ya. So we could have a copy made.
MARY BETH: Oh, honey, it wasn't even real gold. Only the stuff at the top. Because ...my mother, ...she didn't have much. That was about it.
HARVEY: You know, Mary Beth, I think that you oughta call Eileen.
MARY BETH: (getting tearful) No, it wouldn't be the same.
(there is a knock at the door)
MICHAEL: Mum? Dad?
MARY BETH: (as Michael comes in) What is it, Michael?
MICHAEL: (carrying a pillow) I heard a noise outside my window.
HARVEY: You stay with Mum. I'll go take a look.
MICHAEL: It's real cold in my room.
MARY BETH: Oh, well, ...how about staying here. Do you wanna stay here tonight?
MARY BETH: You're right, kiddo, it's cold. Cold tonight.
(she discards his pillow and gives him a cuddle)

[119th Precinct Detectives' Squad room]

DUPNIK: Do have a list of the serial numbers? (no reply) Do as I say, don't do as I do.
MARY BETH: Detective, I was wondering...
(Dupnik's phone goes)
DUPNIK: (into phone) Dupnik here. (he laughs) Hi ya, Kurt. ..Ah, no, no, I can't, I'm taking the missus to a show. ...Well, I can't. Huh, no, no I don't know the name of the movie. It's a musical or something. ...Yeah, yeah, they still make musicals. Look. Look, Kurt, I've gotta go. There's something important here. ...OK. (he rings of and shouts across the room to a uniformed officer) Arty! Arty, where's my pumpernickel and spinach?
(the uniformed officer comes across with a tray of drinks and food)
MARY BETH: As I told the officer, what we are most worried about is (the officer puts down a plate and a drink) the gold candlestick.
DUPNIK: (to the uniformed officer) No pumpernickel? (to Mary Beth) Can... Oh. Candlestick.
MARY BETH: It's er, oh, a kind of an heirloom.
DUPNIK: (looking through a list of the missing items) Candlestick.
MARY BETH: You stick a candle in it. You light it with a match. It's a wonderful invention.
(his phone goes again. He picks the receiver up)
DUPNIK: Later!!!
(he puts it back down)
DUPNIK: Detective Lacey, just because we don't have the slash and dash of the Fourteenth, that doesn't mean that this hasn't got our interest.
MARY BETH: All I'm asking for is a little attention here!!
DUPNIK: And I hear you, ...loud and clear. Your belongings get ripped off. You want them back. But did you ever try wiring your house with an alarm? Putting up iron bars? No. Do you even own a dog? The average burglars feet barely reach the pedals if from where they stand they can see Lassie at the front door.
MARY BETH: Lassie?
DUPNIK: Detective Lacey, in all the years on the job, how many times have you recovered stolen property? Huh? We got zilch for prints. Not a single witness. What do you think we've got here?
MARY BETH: It's important.
DUPNIK: And ain't it always? ...All right. But if it's miracles you want, you should light a candle.

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: Every five seconds Headquarters is calling me, 'What's with the Higgins case'. They wanna know what killed him. Did he didn't he? Was he or wasn't he? Well?
SAMUELS: Well, find out!! Where is Lacey? (shouting out through the door) Lacey!!!
CHRISTINE: (seeing Mary Beth come in) Right here.
SAMUELS: Lacey, get in here!! (to Chris) Listen, damn it. I don't care. I don't wanna hear it. So she takes the subway to work. So what! So does half the City. It's only an hour! What does she think...
(Mary Beth joins them)
MARY BETH: Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: (at the top of his voice) I am tired of your excuses!! Late! All the time. I don't want your excuses! I don't care if you've got the Mayor, or the Governor, or the Governor's wife...!!
(Samuels continues to rant)
MARY BETH: (to Chris) We got hit?
SAMUELS: Hit? You? You were burglarised? Your house?
MARY BETH: Last night.
CHRISTINE: Why didn't you call me?!!
MARY BETH: I'm sorry. Things got busy.
SAMUELS: Oh, gee, I'm sorry, Lacey.
CHRISTINE: You got hit and you didn't call me?!
(Coleman comes in carrying a large clothes bag)
SAMUELS: Lacey, anything I can do?
MARY BETH: Thank you, Lieutenant.
COLEMAN: Who got hit?
COLEMAN: Tough luck, Lacey.
SAMUELS: (pointing to the bag) What are you in the garment business?
COLEMAN: It's for Sergeant Cagney.
CHRISTINE: Oh, thanks Coleman.
SAMUELS: What? Undercover in a cocktail lounge?
CHRISTINE: Emerald Ball, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: (to Coleman) What are you standing there for?! Are we a dry cleaning service now?!
COLEMAN: I got the Higgins report here from the ME. I thought you might wanna take a look at it.
CHRISTINE: (opening the report) Cause of death. Stroke.
MARY BETH: It says, quote, Needle marks consistent with the use of narcotics, unquote.
SAMUELS: Ah, sure, it figures. Drugs.
CHRISTINE: (giving him the report) Says there were no major drugs spotted, Lieutenant. No coke, no smack.
SAMUELS: I can read, Sergeant! I wanna know what killed him, and who supplied him!

[Squad car]

CHRISTINE: Do you want me to talk to Dupnik?
MARY BETH: I don't know what else we could do. But thanks. Not a day goes by that I tell people, 'Copy down the serial number'. ,,,'You do your part. We'll do our best', they say.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, you can get your stuff back.
MARY BETH: Is that what you tell 'em. 'Don't worry', I say, the whole time knowing they're not gonna see their stuff again.
CHRISTINE: So what's better? 'Sorry about the VCR and the stereo'. Sayonara. Everything just gets wiped off the face of the Earth.
MARY BETH: My candlestick isn't just something you can pick up at the local discount store.
CHRISTINE: I don't worry about things like that.
MARY BETH: I was saving that for Alice Christine. As a present from Alice's grandmother.
CHRISTINE: So, you're a cop. Spread the word. You know what to do. ...Well, who's gonna find it? Detective Dupnik?
MARY BETH: He seems like a capable man.
CHRISTINE: Yeah? No! He wants to move out. He's punching the clock. Taking a big fat cheque.
MARY BETH: I get the picture, Christine!
CHRISTINE: He wants to move faster, before somebody melts it down.

[Wolves college basketball office]

COACH KELLINO: He wasn't the type.
CHRISTINE: Mr. Kellino, how do you know the type? The boy had needle marks in his body.
COACH KELLINO: OK. I spend four hours a day with these kids. No. Maybe ...he was getting an allergy shot. Did you ever think of that possibility? There is nothing you can do. Excuse me.
CHRISTINE: Fine! Did he have any friends? (following the coach) Did he have a girlfriend or anything else?
COACH KELLINO: A basketball! And that was his life.
CHRISTINE: So he had no friends?
MARY BETH: Nobody who could have said, 'Hey, Wayland. Try a little bit of this. It's not gonna hurt'.
COACH KELLINO: He had guns all over. He was happy.
MARY BETH: Well, maybe one time he got tempted.
CHRISTINE: Using your imagination, coach, just supposing...
COACH KELLINO: Not in my gyms. Not in my programme!! Never!
MARY BETH: One slip?
COACH KELLINO: Not a chance. Not Wayland. If you'd have known him, In the way of kids, he was exceptional. ...He was really something. Excuse me.

[Wolves college staircase/corridor]

MARY BETH: You know, this could be my own fault.
CHRISTINE: (to a hippie with blue hair who passes them on the stairs) Coach is right up. (at the bottom of the stairs) Oh, here's the ladies room. OK? (in a childish voice) You know, I forgot to go before I left home.
MARY BETH: Did I say anything?
(Chris comes straight back out and talks to Mary Beth quietly)
CHRISTINE: There's a teacher standing by the door and she was looking at me as if I was a pervert. I was afraid she was gonna ask me for a hall pass. It's all right. I can hold it till we get back.
MARY BETH: I miss the smell.
CHRISTINE: I beg your pardon?
MARY BETH: I said the smell. Clean linoleum. Fresh paint. Gym lockers. College day memories are better than any others.
CHRISTINE: Do you reckon you've got the urge again?
MARY BETH: I reminisce quietly
CHRISTINE: Oh well then, it must be true.
MARY BETH: Ah! Remember this one? (prancing from side to side) 'We've got a team over here. We've got a team over there. But the team over there ain't going nowhere'.
CHRISTINE: No, I don't. I did not cheer. (gesturing her bust) It was a requirement in the City to have major poms poms.
MARY BETH: That is not true! There's a great deal to be said for pep ...and spirit. Not to mention ...a good personality.
CHRISTINE: You weren't? You're kidding. You were a cheerleader?!
CHRISTINE: (shouting along the corridor) She was a cheerleader!
MARY BETH: (shouting along the corridor) I was also Queen of the Christmas Dance! OK?! (to Chris) So there! You're jealous, Christine, let's face it. That's what it is.
CHRISTINE: It's ancient history, Mary Beth. Nobody cares. It's all in the past.
MARY BETH: I remember a time when the cheerleaders ...were the role models.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (putting down the phone) God, the jerks that work for this City. 'We've already have you come in. Isn't that enough?'.
COLEMAN: Here, Lacey, (showing a ticket) are you having one for the Emerald Society Ball this year?
MARY BETH: No, not this year.
COLEMAN: Oh, too bad, (indicating himself) you're gonna miss the sexiest set of legs in the City.
CHRISTINE: Your legs are zilch! Drops the whole thing off and then giggles. Nothing like a giggling Coleman.
PETRIE: I was sorry to hear about your house being hit. Were you insured? (Mary Beth nods) Oh, good. Unfortunately it never covers the sentimental value.
MARY BETH: You got that right, but thanks for asking, Marcus. I appreciate that.
ISBECKI: If you haven't got insurance there's no substitute for an good alarm system and a twelve-gauge shotgun.
CHRISTINE: Did you hear anything about that candlestick?
ISBECKI: Hey, Cagney, is your old man dragging you to the Ball again, huh?
MARY BETH: How is everything doing with Charlie?
CHRISTINE: Charlie's better.
ISBECKI: So what am I? Invisible.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I wish to God you were, Victor. (Isbecki goes) He's got himself a girlfriend.
CHRISTINE: She's keeping him off. He's gonna be all right.

[Laceys' kitchen]

HARVEY: First off, we gotta decide which type of security system best suits our needs. Then we've gotta get gung-ho about a Charlie Bar for sliding doors.
HARVEY: The beauty of it is, Mary Beth, is that there are so many options.
MICHAEL: Don't worry about the onions. I've had enough this week.
MARY BETH: I don't think there's a market for hot buffet course.
HARVEY: Anyway, a remote control panic button, video surveillance. (tasting the dish cooking on the stove) Mm! More oregano.
MICHAEL: We're out.
MARY BETH: I know, the bad guy didn't steal it.
HARVEY: Anyway, honey, they stick a camera out the front. Push the button. Presto! You see your whole house on your own TV. (Harvey Jr. comes and stands in he doorway) Then you've got all these cameras with lights and wire. A very effective deterrent, so I'm told. (noticing Harvey Jr.) What?!
MARY BETH: (to Harvey Jr.) What is that supposed to be?
HARVEY JR.: You know, from Tiffany.
MARY BETH: You told me that was stolen!!
HARVEY: Take it from me, Mary Beth, what it comes down to, it's exterior versus interior.
HARVEY JR.: I guess I kind of misplaced it.
MARY BETH: You guessed?! (Michael mimics a pistol shot at Harvey Jr.) Now we're gonna have to change that report! As if Detective Dupnik should have better things to do.
(Michael takes another shot)
HARVEY: Hey, anyway, honey, what do you think? What do you think? There's so many things, it can make your head ache. One guy's actually got himself an attack-trained Doberman.
(Michael takes yet another shot)
MARY BETH: All right, that's it! Go to your room, Michael. Now!! ...Now!!! (Harvey winces at the intensity of Mary Beth's shout. The boys leave) Sorry, darling. Very good. Armed Doberman patrols. Maybe we should hire a whole herd of them. We could have one in each room of the house!
HARVEY: What's wrong with taking a few precau...
MARY BETH: We could have a string of metal bars at the windows! That'll keep 'em out.
HARVEY: Believe me, I'm looking in to it.
MARY BETH: And pretty soon I'll be driving home thinking I've made a wrong turning and thinking...
HARVEY: I'm talking about protecting our family. Us!
MARY BETH: Well then, why stop at dogs and chains?! How about we string up electrified barbed wire!
HARVEY: Come here!. Come here, do you see that window there! A creep smashed through that window. He crawled over our sink where our dishes sit. Dishes we eat off! He walked through every room in this house. Living room. Bathroom. Alice's room. Our bedroom. Stealing our things. Taking whatever he felt like taking.
MARY BETH: I know that.
HARVEY: Mary Beth, I swear I will not allow this to happen again.
MARY BETH: I don't wanna live in a prison. ...OK? I don't want him to do anything more to us than he already did.

[Detectives' Squad room]

COLEMAN: (coming in with a box) Food up!
(everybody crowds round. Mary Beth collects hers and Chris's)
CHRISTINE: (into phone) All right. Thank you. (she rings off) Well, Mary Beth, that was the ME. It was drugs that killed him, but it wasn't what we thought. It was steroids.
MARY BETH: Steroids!
CHRISTINE: He had equipoise in his system.
MARY BETH: He had needle marks in his body, for lord's sake!
PETRIE: Some people inject it. I saw it in college. Weightlifters. Put on forty pounds, just like that. (other detectives have their three pennyworth) Then drop dead.
MARY BETH: How come the ME didn't know this before?
CHRISTINE: We thought the kid was trying to get high and he was trying to get stronger.
ISBECKI: You know, cortisone's a steroid. When I was a kid I took it for asthma.
COLEMAN: It figures.
CHRISTINE: Well, this kid never had asthma or any other medical reason for taking steroids. The ME says he was loaded with it.
(Mary Beth gets her coat)
ISBECKI: You know, it makes me wanna puke. Do you think I ever needed drugs to put the wood to the ball?
ESPOSITO: Oh, get out of town! The record book is full of some of the greatest junkies of all time. (Chris gets her coat and they leave) Wait a second, Victor, haven't you heard of the football legend who was so high painkillers, he had to take a year's break?
COLEMAN: Who was that?!
ISBECKI: I don't wanna know. Don't tell me your stupid hype.

[Wolves college basketball office]

COACH KELLINO: Steroids? Come on, give me a break. That's not gonna kill a healthy young kid.
CHRISTINE: Is that why you thought you could get away with it?
COACH KELLINO: You now, I'd be real careful with that kind of talk.
MARY BETH: Mr. Kellino, who are you protecting? An assistant? Trainer?
COACH KELLINO: (getting up) You're fishing, ladies.
CHRISTINE: If you gave a damn about this kid, you'd be helping us out here.
COACH KELLINO: What, somebody like you? Oh, sure. All you want is a quick kill to please your superiors. I know all about cops.
CHRISTINE: (slamming the door as he tries to leave) Watch your mouth!!
COACH KELLINO: What we want, Mr. Kellino, is to prevent other healthy, young kids from dropping dead.
COACH KELLINO: Look, give me a break. How are you gonna do that? It's a legal medicine.
CHRISTINE: Not for building muscles, it isn't.
MARY BETH: Not if you pass it out like candy.
CHRISTINE: Was Wayland the only one you were supplying with equipoise?
COACH KELLINO: Who's doing your job while you're wasting my time?
(the coach goes out into the changing room)

[Wolves college changing room]

MARY BETH: (pursuing him) I don't think you're aware of how serious this is.
CHRISTINE: Do you wanna talk to us or talk to the DA? (shouting so the students can hear) This college would be real pleased to find out that their coach had refused to cooperate in a homicide investigation!
COACH KELLINO: Do you think that's gonna help these kids? Do you?
MARY BETH: If you perjure yourself in front of a Grand Jury, you're not going to have a career to go back to, sir.
COACH KELLINO: Oh, now, come on. Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Are you gonna tell them it's not worth the risk. Is that it? When colleges are stuffing their pockets with TV money, just aching to find another superstar. Don't you see, this is what's in it for them? A million bucks in the NBA now!!! Or never. So check it out!
MARY BETH: Where? At the NBA or their grave!
CHRISTINE: (shouting after him as he walks away) How many kids have you got playing in the garden?!! How about Wayland!!!
(the students are standing, listening. Mary Beth moves Chris on)

[Wolves college basketball arena]

(students are practising. The duo spots Joey Van Morris and goes over to him)
CHRISTINE: Well, hi.
MARY BETH: Van Morris. Am I right?
JOEY VAN MORRIS: What do you want?
CHRISTINE: We wanna ask you some questions.
MARY BETH: You knew Wayland Higgins was using steroids, didn't you?
JOEY VAN MORRIS: I don't know what you're talking about.
CHRISTINE: Who else knew? Who's his connection?
JOEY VAN MORRIS: I don't know.
MARY BETH: Coach Kellino. Is he the one?
JOEY VAN MORRIS: I don't know?
MARY BETH: Who are you protecting, kid?
JOEY VAN MORRIS: Look, I told you, I don't know what you're talking about.
COACH KELLINO: Ladies! Ladies! This way.
(he ushers them out)

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: It's a joke! How can you nail anybody for steroids? If you want any, you can go down the street. What are you doing? Anything interesting?
MARY BETH: (she has a Shakespeare book propped up in front of her) Not exactly.
CHRISTINE: Homework?
PETRIE: Hey, Mary Beth, I hear you got a line on your candlestick.
(Mary Beth closes the book)
PETRIE: Yeah. Burglary just sent over a list of fences.
MARY BETH: I made a couple of calls. (looking at Chris) Out of curiosity, all right?
(Chris raises her hands)
ISBECKI: Well, listen, if you find the fence, just let us know. We'll plan a little surprise for him.
ESPOSITO: I say we set up a big sting operation.
MARY BETH: Guys! It's one candlestick. I'll take care of it.
CHRISTINE: You see, now you're trying to get your priorities straight.
MARY BETH: It's not a black-and-white thing, Christine. Anyway, the One-One-Nine wants to see me tomorrow. So maybe they already wrapped it up.
CHRISTINE: Detective Droopneck?
COLEMAN: (coming in wearing an Irish outfit, kilt and all) Hey. Begorrah!
(there is general laughter and applause)
CHRISTINE: (pointing to the kilt) What have you got under that?
(he shows a dirk in his belt his jacket. General 'Oohs' and 'Ahs')
COLEMAN: Come on, when I was born, I was practically half-Irish on my sister-in-laws side.
ISBECKI: What half?
PETRIE: (flicking the kilt) The half without the pants!
(general laughter)
CHRISTINE: Will, you look at the time?!
(they all look at their watches. Chris walks out. Coleman salutes)

[Ladies room}

(Chris is in an emerald green dress making up her eyes)
CHRISTINE: Oh, gee, I am running so late.
MARY BETH: Never heard of making an entrance?
CHRISTINE: If you're not going to help, what are you doing here?!
MARY BETH: I'm offering moral support.
CHRISTINE: (still doing her eyes) Ow! This mascara is burning. And I closed it! ...Ow!! (fanning her eyes) Oo!
MARY BETH: (applying a tissue) All right.
MARY BETH: Now blink. ...OK, hold it. (Mary Beth blows in the eye. Chris points to the other eye) OK.
CHRISTINE: Thanks. Now, Mary Beth, (stepping back and taking a look in the mirror) I'm gonna ask you something. OK?
CHRISTINE: And I want you to tell me the truth.
CHRISTINE: And don't spare my feelings.
CHRISTINE: Do you think I look fat in this dress?
MARY BETH: Turn around.
(Chris spins round and round)
MARY BETH: You look lovely.
CHRISTINE: So do you think I look fat?
MARY BETH: I didn't say that! You look lovely in that dress this year. You have looked lovely in it for the last (deliberately garbling a word) years.
(Mary Beth smiles)
CHRISTINE: I wear this dress every year because it happens to be Charlie's favourite.
MARY BETH: He has very excellent taste.
CHRISTINE: Of course it used to be cut a little higher.
MARY BETH: If you've got 'em, flaunt 'em.
CHRISTINE: (pulling up the voluminous shoulders) Oh God, I need to hold in my stomach. Look at my hair! Why does it never set properly when you want it to? (pulling a brush frantically through her hair) Looks like I slept on it wrong.
MARY BETH: You look like an adorable princess. You and Charlie are gonna make a very lovely couple. He always looks swell in a tuxedo.
CHRISTINE: Yeah. He wears a green cummerbund. ...Every year. When I was a kid, he was gorgeous. ...He had this ...big Irish face and his flaming red hair. He had a twinkle in his eye. He used to offer me his arm, and I'd put mine through his and he'd lead me into the hall and I ...felt like the Queen of the World.
CHRISTINE: Yes. It was. The boys watched me dance, Mary Beth. He used to twirl me around that floor and he said that we were just like Vernon and Irene Castle.
MARY BETH: Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, right?
MARY BETH: Oh, I loved that movie.
CHRISTINE: How do I look?
MARY BETH: You're beautiful, Christine.

[119th Precinct Detectives' Squad room}

DUPNIK: Detective Lacey! Good of you to come over. Arty! Arty, I need a coffee over here. What do you want? Black, cream, what ever you want.
MARY BETH: Black. Thank you.
DUPNIK: Arty, we've got a brave one here. Do you know what we've been doing for you, my friend? People have been out chasing the trees. Putting a little heat on the pawnshops. Going over the books with a magnifying glass. Generally they're making life miserable.
MARY BETH: (taking the coffee from Arty) Oh, thank you.
DUPNIK: Don't even give it a thought. Anyway, our thinking is that sooner or later somebody'll talk. It's only a matter of timing, for God's sake.
MARY BETH: I understand.
DUPNIK: Oh, oh, oh, don't get me wrong. It's very important. Anyway, last night, we put out the word, and the word came back in. And our pigeon says for you to go and see Euan Luckynino. Now I got his address around here somewhere. If it goes down, Euan know where. He'll need a fee!
MARY BETH: Euan Luckynino?
DUPNIK: Yeah. Yeah., he's a gambler. Does a little Shylocking on the side.
MARY BETH: How many times has he been busted?
DUPNIK: He's not exactly a boy scout.
MARY BETH: Thanks very much.
DUPNIK: (as Mary Beth walks away) Is that all?
MARY BETH: (turning back) What?
DUPNIK: Ah. So you're one of those. I should have known.
MARY BETH: One of what?
DUPNIK: Nun. A nun-cop.
MARY BETH: I am no nun, believe me. I was hoping for maybe a collar on the thief, that's all.
DUPNIK: And if we couldn't get him to talk, this is even better.
MARY BETH: I'll think about it.
DUPNIK: What, what! You want it gift-wrapped? Look, I did my bit. I ran the full ninety-seven yards, do you think you can take it over for three?
MARY BETH: Why don't you?! 'Cos you don't like the last three anymore than I do.
DUPNIK: I don't believe this. All the favours I called in.
MARY BETH: Let me ask you something.
DUPNIK: The guys I had around...
MARY BETH: One question. What's it gonna cost me?
DUPNIK: To look you up.
(Mary Beth smiles sweetly and leaves)

[Locker room]

MARY BETH: (coming in) Morning, Chris.
MARY BETH: I thought you'd be rolling in a little a bit later this morning.
CHRISTINE: How did it go with Dupnik?
MARY BETH: They didn't find it.
CHRISTINE: Ah. Sorry. I just thought a good detective might at least get a lead on the fence.
MARY BETH: That he did.
CHRISTINE: Yeah?! So did you go see him?
CHRISTINE: OK, we'll go this afternoon.
MARY BETH: I don't think so, Chris.
MARY BETH: Oh, you know the line backwards and forwards. 'Detective Lacey, you work for the Fourteenth? No problem. This one's on me!' Only except it never is.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, the fence operates some place way out in the boondocks. The chances of it getting back to you are close to zero.
MARY BETH: Favours catch up with you.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I see. So what are you gonna say to Alice Christine?
Had a real chance of getting back the family heirloom, kid, but, well, your mother had to do the right thing. Come on!
MARY BETH: (slamming her locker door) So, how did it go with Charlie? You guys have a nice time?
CHRISTINE: Yeah, it was OK.
MARY BETH: Well, tell me about it. You were the belle of the ball, right? They were dropping like flies.
CHRISTINE: I danced with a couple of guys. Not much with Charlie. He was Adonis, and he can dance! I'll say this boy's ahead of my father.
MARY BETH: So, did you have a nice time?
CHRISTINE: I'm not sixteen any more, Mary Beth.
(Chris leaves)

[Detectives' Squad room]

ESPOSITO: Hey, Cagney, I've gotta tell you. I think your old man has more guts than Patton. OK? I wish I could walk up to an inspector and just...
(seeing Mary Beth come in, Corassa puts his arm around Esposito, stopping him in mid-sentence)
ESPOSITO: I think he's great.
CORASSA: I loved it when he tried to drag Knelman out onto the dance floor.
ISBECKI: Was your old man the life and soul of the party again, Cagney?
COLEMAN: Yeah, everybody was partying and pretty high. It wasn't just Charlie.
ESPOSITO: Your old man enjoys life! That's all I say. More power to him.
CHRISTINE: You guys run out work? 'Cos I can do something about it.
ESPOSITO: (as the crowd disperses) I've got so much stuff on my desk.
COLEMAN: Hey, Cagney, everybody was blasted last night. Nobody's gonna remember anything.
SAMUELS: (coming out of his office) Cagney! Lacey! In here.

[Samuels' office]

MARY BETH: Morning, sir.
SAMUELS: Morning, Lacey. (to Chris) How's your father feeling, Sergeant?
CHRISTINE: Fine, thank you.
SAMUELS: Well, that's good. I wanna let the two of yous know that you're off the Wayland Higgins case.
MARY BETH: But, Lieutenant,...
SAMUELS: We haven't got a case. Let Narcotics spin its wheels.
CHRISTINE: Well, wait a minute. I know it doesn't look good. But we haven't even...
SAMUELS: It doesn't even look lousy. According to Coleman here, he talked to the doctors. He checked every source from here to Poughkeepsie, twice! You've still got nothing to show for it.
CHRISTINE: Well, I say we take another shot at the other kids on the team.
SAMUELS: Again?!!
MARY BETH: Sergeant's right, sir. I think we can turn this Van Morris kid.
SAMUELS: What makes you think that? (Chris looks at Mary Beth who doesn't continue) Right.
MARY BETH: Sir, if the coach isn't handing the stuff out himself, he's letting it happen. That's a class B Felony, sir.
SAMUELS: Do you wanna tell me how many class A felonies we've got backed up on account of this case? Give it up!! The Mayor's Office, every drug commissioner in this city, is screaming about the crack epidemic. So we have to do something that the people care about.
MARY BETH: Begging you pardon, sir, we care about this.
SAMUELS: Priorities, Detective. This one does not even make the list. Right!
CHRISTINE: Yes, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: What about the Caporelli homicide? How's that going?
CHRISTINE: Working on it, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: Yeah, well, I wanna hear more than that.
(Chris walks out)

[Ladies room]

CHRISTINE: Maybe he's right.
MARY BETH: Sure. Hey, it's only another kid.
CHRISTINE: Well, we can't police the whole world.
MARY BETH: We've got enough troubles of our own, right?
MARY BETH: We down the caffeine so we can do our job better, all the time knowing, it's bad for the heart. You know those side effects from the birth control pill? How many women do you know who are still taking those? Marijuana is bad, but whiskey is OK.
CHRISTINE: I can't believe he did it.
MARY BETH: I'll tell you what it is. Shortcut. People don't wanna stop and look at what they're doing. The quicker, the easier, no matter what the cost.
CHRISTINE: I'd say he did what he did to get back on me. (she sees Mary Beth in the mirror looking at her questionally) Charlie.
MARY BETH: To get back at you. ...For what?!
CHRISTINE: You name it! Let's bury the bazookas, kid, he says. My butt! I'll never trust him again.
MARY BETH: I don't think your father was trying to hurt you, Chris. I mean, maybe he gets carried away sometimes, and doesn't always know what he's doing. You and I both know he drinks too much.
CHRISTINE: That's just his excuse!
MARY BETH: It's not an excuse, Chris, it's a fact.
(Mary Beth leaves Chris there thinking)

[Laceys' staircase/lounge]

(Harvey comes down the stairs and finds Mary Beth sitting in front of the fire)
HARVEY: (taking her hand and sitting beside her) Are you all right, babe?
MARY BETH: I still can't figure out how come Eileen got it.
MARY BETH: The other gold candlestick. She never went to see my mother. Only when she was dead.
HARVEY: Mary Beth, if you'd had had both of 'em, both of 'em would have been stolen.
MARY BETH: No, not the way I would have hidden them. I still would have hid the one underneath the bed, but the other one, I would have hid it in the broom closet, inside the extra vacuum cleaner bags. They never would have found it that one, Harvey, I know it.
HARVEY: I know, sweetheart.
MARY BETH: I always wanted to ask my mother. How come she gave one to Eileen, and one to me? We used to polish them. She and I together. (getting up) I want my candlestick back, Harve!
HARVEY: Then get it.
MARY BETH: It's ours! It belongs in our family!
HARVEY: Do what you have to do.
MARY BETH: It eats me up. I can't live with it. And what am I supposed to tell the kids. Lies! 'Oh, the rains came and washed the stuff back into the living room.
MARY BETH: Or tell the truth. I went to see a slime ball. And I bargained for a piece of my place. I'm not gonna do it, Harve. You lay down with dogs, you know what happens. As much as I wanna do it, ...I can't do it. ...I can't.
HARVEY: I love you, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Even without my inheritance.

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