To Thine Own Self
Original Airdate: December 15, 1986

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Coleman pursues Esposito in)
COLEMAN: Just hold up, Esposito. No banana chips and no dried papaya. Even an orang-utan couldn't digest that stuff.
ESPOSITO: Suit yourself here, Coleman. Tonight for you it's gonna be cheese straws and jellybeans.
COLEMAN: Well, I've got some bagel sticks. Incidentally, it's a steal at five percent. How about a new deck of cards?!
ESPOSITO: Oh, get out of town. Five percent hardly covers my overheads.
COLEMAN: Right.
CORASSA: How about a deck without nudes. It makes it very hard to concentrate.
ESPOSITO: What am I partnered with a Philistine now?
CORASSA: I know what I'm partnered with, man.
ESPOSITO: Those nudes are reproductions of world-famous artists.
CORASSA: One of those babes happens to be in the vice mug book.
ESPOSITO: It's a bizarre coincidence. Oh, hey Marcus. Are you in tonight or what?
PETRIE: No, I'm going to do Santa at Lauren's nursery school.
ESPOSITO: Oh, how nice. I always play one of the wise guys.
PETRIE: Wise men!
ESPOSITO: Aw, it depends on your neighbourhood.
PETRIE/ESPOSITO: Ah ...ha!
ESPOSITO: Oh, hey Mary Beth, Tonight is the Yuletide poker tournament upstairs and I was wondering if you and Cagney wanna join us.
MARY BETH: I'll ask her, Esposito, but I have to pick up the book for a course I'm taking.
COLEMAN: Are you trying to get a jump on the Sergeant's Exam, Lacey?
MARY BETH: No, Sergeant Coleman. Shakespeare. The literature course at Queens College.
COLEMAN: 'Tsu zayn oder nisht tsu zayn. Doch is der kashe'. Hamlet. I had the lead in a Yiddish production when I was in high school. I was a smash!
SAMUELS: (coming out of his office) Lacey! You and Cagney are out. Well, where is she? I wanna talk to her.
MARY BETH: Good morning, sir. The traffic is murder, sir. All the Christmas shoppers. She'll be along any minute now.
SAMUELS: What, do you think I live on top of this place? How come I can be here on time?
MARY BETH: Well, practice makes perfect, they say, sir.
SAMUELS: Can the wisecracks, will ya, Lacey? (handing her a crime sheet) There's a late night grocery over on Eighth Avenue that got hit last night. And the set up guy impersonated a detective. Here's the statement that the Uniforms took. (as Chris rushes through the door) You just tell Cagney I wanna see her as soon as she comes in!
MARY BETH: Certainly sir. Perfect timing, Christine. We have a ten-twenty over on Eight Avenue and the Lieutenant wants to see you in his office right away.
(Chris steams straight into the office)

[Samuels' office]

CHRISTINE: (throwing down a document) It's a subpoena for the prosecution. They're bringing Sara Jones to trial for murder!!
SAMUELS: Yeah, I know. Knelman called.
CHRISTINE: What in the hell happened?!!! The last I heard, the DA was gonna plead her out on psychiatric grounds.
SAMUELS: Well, now the Brass is afraid to plea bargain Jones. It could look like a cover up.
CHRISTINE: There's nothing to cover up!!! She killed a rapist in self-defence!
SAMUELS: A suspected rapist! Brown was never convicted. He wasn't even charged!
CHRISTINE: He was guilty, Lieutenant, and everybody knew it!
SAMUELS: So that didn't give her the right to execute him.
CHRISTINE: He broke into her apartment. Came through the window when she was in bed.
SAMUELS: Can you swear to that in court? I couldn't. On the other hand, we do know that she set him up. ...Look, Cagney. No matter how you and I feel about this, this is the DA's decision.
CHRISTINE: She was working with me, Lieutenant. It was my case. I wanna talk to the DA.
SAMUELS: No!! Knelman does not want you to do that. Not with this Buddy Boys scandal going on right now. The Department doesn't look too good with the Press. People are starting to think that we're above the Law!
CHRISTINE: Oh, I see, because some cops were dirty and were never charged, well, we're just gonna throw a show trial, starring Sara Jones!
SAMUELS: It's not that simple.
CHRISTINE: I think it is, Lieutenant! I don't care what Knelman says. I'm going to the DA!
SAMUELS: Not on my time, you're not! (standing up) Now you listen to me Cagney, and you listen good. You've got an appointment tomorrow, two o'clock, with the prosecutor on this case and I want you to be there! (he hands her back the subpoena) In the meantime I want you to check the sheet that I gave Lacey. You get on it right now!!!

[Manhattan street off Eighth Avenue]

(the duo gets out of the Squad car)
CHRISTINE: It stinks! If they want me to go on he stand against Sara, I'll be the most hostile witness they've ever seen!
MARY BETH: The DA's case doesn't hang on your testimony, Christine.
CHRISTINE: What case?! She's the Department's a scapegoat. She was just being a cop.
MARY BETH: I wasn't there but the way I understand it, she set a trap. She got William Brown to follow her and then she killed him.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, they found the body half way to the bed. According to Sara's statement she had the gun under the pillow until the guy refused to back off. Do you call that premeditated murder?
MARY BETH: Because Sara Jones says it wasn't?
CHRISTINE: Sara set her self up to take Brown. She said she only wanted to hit him in the gun arm. Too bad she didn't. She'd probably still be in uniform today.
MARY BETH: Now there's a thought. This is our market.

[Grocery store off Eighth Avenue]

CHRISTINE: The first guy. The one who said he was a detective. What did he say?
MR. SIMPSON: We've gotta accept that we're gonna be robbed. 'Let it happen' he said. 'We've got the place covered'.
MARY BETH: And when did the second perpetrator come in, sir?
MR. SIMPSON: That was hours later. About nine-thirty. I'd almost forgotten him, and there he was. A young white guy with purple hair and a ...big ...gun.
CHRISTINE: What kind of hair?!
MR. SIMPSON: Lake! Purple!! I gave seven hundred bucks to a guy with purple hair, watched him leave, then waited like a fool for some phoney cop to bring me my money back.
MARY BETH: Well, sir, don't feel embarrassed, Professional crooks are working scams like this on people all the time.
MR. SIMPSON: I'm not even sure that gun was real, but I've got a real baseball bat behind that counter.
CHRISTINE: No, Mr. Simpson, you did the right thing. You never wanna resist a man with a gun.
MR. SIMPSON: That's easy to say! Bottom line is, right now some freak with purple hair is out there partying down with my money.
(the duo nods)

[Laceys' bedroom]

(Mary Beth is reading a book)
HARVEY: Oh baby, that new shower. That is something else. Those little pulsing jets. It's really wonderful.
MARY BETH: Harve, look. Notes in the margin. They're all in French.
HARVEY: French? That's terrific.
MARY BETH: This is so romantic, Harvey. A French student who loves Shakespeare reads this book and now I'm gonna read it.
HARVEY: Hey, it probably says 'I wonder what this guys writing about'.
MARY BETH: OK, Harvey, what do you think? A dress, or a skirt and sweater? Unless I would look too much like a college girl.
HARVEY: You're not going undercover, babe.
MARY BETH: It's a thousand years since I was in a classroom.
HARVEY: Believe me, nobody'll know.
MARY BETH: Harvey! Maybe this is not the right time to start back.
HARVEY: What?!
MARY BETH: Commuting home takes longer. Alice sees me less.
HARVEY: Now come on, baby, it's one night a week. You won't be doing this for the rest of your life.
HARVEY: Is it still OK with you?
HARVEY: Sure. I like college girls.
MARY BETH: Are you sure?
HARVEY: Sure I'm sure. (she kisses him) Sure I'm sure. Hey, I know how mach you wanna learn something new.
MARY BETH: Well, I'll do my part.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Samuels is with a party of visitors)
SAMUELS: Well, that's the Squad room. Now I'm gonna have one of my detectives show you the booking area. Kazak, I want you to show our guests the booking area. Show 'em the whole place.
(Mary Beth comes in with Coleman. They are discussing the poker tournament last night. Esposito boasts he has won. Corassa comments disparagingly. She sits down by Chris's desk with a sheet of paper)
CHRISTINE: How did we do?
MARY BETH: About as well you did last night.
(Mary Beth hands Chris the sheet of paper)
CHRISTINE: I watched him deal. It looked like a marked deck.
MARY BETH: Christine, he is an officer of the law!
CHRISTINE: Yeah.
MARY BETH: He ran "police impersonator" against "grocery robbery".
CHRISTINE: (looking at the sheet of paper) Anything?
MARY BETH: Nothing that will connect them. What about the cash woman over at that Bronx bunko?
CHRISTINE: Now you see two great deductive minds thinking as one. I already thought of it.
MARY BETH: Good.
UNIFORMED OFFICER: For you on two, Cagney.
CHRISTINE: Thanks. (into phone) Cagney.
SAMUELS: (coming out of his office and handing Mary Beth a crime sheet) The phoney detective and his partner hit another grocery on Seventh Avenue last night.
MARY BETH: The night shift handle it?
SAMUELS: No, the guy's wife didn't call in until this morning. He was apparently too embarrassed that he'd been caught in a scam.
MARY BETH: We'll get right on it.
SAMUELS: No rush. They're not up until noon.
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Thank you. Goodbye.
(she rings off)
SAMUELS: (to Chris) And don't you forget you've got an appointment downtown.
CHRISTINE: Two o'clock. Prosecutor's office. I made a note in my memo book in red ink. (under her breath as Samuels walks away) Lieutenant. (to Mary Beth) So, where are we going?
MARY BETH: Seventh Avenue near 30th. But not 'til noon.
CHRISTINE: Oh good. That was Sara Jones' attorney. He's over at her place. Wants me to come by for a minute, and now we have time.
MARY BETH: Did he why?
CHRISTINE: Yeah. Something about my testimony. I may have to appear for the Prosecution but I'm damn well gonna testify on behalf of the Defence! (handing Mary Beth her coat) Ready?

[Sara Jones' apartment]

(the attorney is on the phone)
SARA JONES: You were on pregnancy leave when I was working with Chris. Did you have a boy or a girl?
MARY BETH: A girl. Alice Christine.
SARA JONES: Oh, that's so sweet. Naming her after your partner. Well, congratulations.
MARY BETH: Thank you.
DEFENCE ATTORNEY: (into phone) Goodbye. (to the duo) Sorry for the interruption.
CHRISTINE: It's all right.
DEFENCE ATTORNEY: So, do you understand why Sara's not pleading self-defence.
CHRISTINE: I'm not sure.
SARA JONES: The DA will try to prove that I deliberately lured Brown to that apartment to kill him in cold blood.
DEFENCE ATTORNEY: They're going hard for second-degree murder. And because Sara was on suspension at the time of the killing, they stand a good chance of getting it.
CHRISTINE: So you're hoping for manslaughter?!
DEFENCE ATTORNEY: Oh no. I'm going for an acquittal, based on the extreme emotional stress Sara was under at the time.
SARA JONES: That's called an affirmative defence.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, but don't you have to prove a direct connection between Sara and Brown?
DEFENCE ATTORNEY: Or an extreme emotional stress or a trauma between the two that could trigger the killing.
CHRISTINE: Would the fact that Sara has been a rape victim be enough?
SARA JONES: That, and the fact that William Brown was the man who raped me.

[Sara Jones' apartment block hallway]

MARY BETH: I thought you said she told you that Brown was not the one.
CHRISTINE: That's right.
MARY BETH: Why did she say that back there?
CHRISTINE: She hired that lawyer to defend her. I'm not gonna make her a liar in front of him.
MARY BETH: Well, she's changing her story at a convenient time, Christine.
CHRISTINE: It's possible she didn't know what she was saying back then. Like her lawyer said, maybe the stress was tearing her apart.

[Street outside Sara Jones' apartment]

(workmen are sitting on trestles etc. outside the door)
CHRISTINE: (to the workmen) Excuse me, they call these sidewalks ...for a reason! OK?
(the workmen move the trestles and catcall after the duo)
MARY BETH: You're taking an awful lot on spec here, Chris.
CHRISTINE: I said it was possible, Mary Beth. ...Anyway she was the victim who went out after the man who raped her!
MARY BETH: So she says. The woman is charged with Murder Two and a person who's looking at that kind of a trial will say almost anything. Why didn't she tell you before?
CHRISTINE: She's a smart cop. She knows I'm not gonna put her on an assignment in which she's emotionally involved.
MARY BETH: Well I sense she was emotionally involved.
CHRISTINE: Hindsight is twenty-twenty, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: She killed a man!
CHRISTINE: He was a vicious bastard. Charlie calls it public service homicide.
MARY BETH: Is that the way that you wanna look at it?
CHRISTINE: That's unfair to me.
MARY BETH: If Sara Jones lied to you before, how do you know she's not lying now?
(they get in the car)

[Outside a grocery store off Seventh Avenue]

MR. JACOBS: (coming out of the store) ...but I've gotta stick with fruits.
CHRISTINE: Getting back, Mr. Jacobs. You said that the man who showed you the badge ID'ed himself as a detective.
MR. JACOBS: Yeah. And then he told me I'm gonna get robbed. So, what else is new? Nine times already I've been hit. I don't know. maybe Irwin is right.
MARY BETH: Sir, can you describe this man? (shouting at a Jewish man) Louis! Louis, you're standing in front of my tomatoes. They're my loss leader for today! Would you let the customers see them please, huh? (back to the duo) This guy, he kind of reminded of a detective on TV.
CHRISTINE: That narrows it down.
MR. JACOBS: Yeah.
MARY BETH: Which detective would that be, sir?
MR. JACOBS: Er, let's see, you know, you know this guy who's always sucking on a lollipop?
CHRISTINE: Kojak!
MR. JACOBS: Yeah.
CHRISTINE: So, the man was bald?
MR. JACOBS: No, no. Had a full head of hair. Tall. Thin. Like a beanpole. But like I said, he was sucking on a lollipop. (shouting to his assistant) Joey! Joey, I said 'In the window'. In the window! (to the duo) No, wait a minute? I've gotta go commit a murder. (following Joey into the shop) Joey, I said 'In the window'.
MARY BETH: Where does that get us?
CHRISTINE: I can't believe these bums can be so cool.
MARY BETH: What do you think? Soporelli did it?
CHRISTINE: He's doing time in Attica.
MARY BETH: OK. So, we put the word out to all the grocers in the area.
CHRISTINE: Be on the lookout for a hairy thin Kojak. (Mary Beth picks up an apple from the display) Listen, when we're through here. Do you wanna go back and get started on this? Before I see the DA, I wanna talk to Sara's partner. ...I gotta get some stuff clear, all right?!
MARY BETH: Fine. But I'm not working late, Christine. I got my first class tonight.
CHRISTINE: That's fine. We'll have the night shift do it this time for us.
MARY BETH: I wanna be there early and get a seat in the front row. Kind of like the early bird getting the worm.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, it's all right.
MARY BETH: Although after all these years, I'd be happy with a B! (Chris does a double-take) Bumble bee. Worm. ...Joke?
CHRISTINE: Not even close. I say, Mr. Jacobs, can we move it along please?
(Mary Beth puts the apple in her bag)

[Manhattan street]

(a female uniformed officer is directing in an ambulance)
OFFICER WALTERS: OK! Let's keep the area clear, please. Come on! Keep the area clear!
CHRISTINE: I want you tell me about Sara Jones.
OFFICER WALTERS: All right, come on, keep it moving!
CHRISTINE: Do you remember when he had leave-of-absence? Did you notice anything different when she came back?
OFFICER WALTERS: You mean, did she have a different appetite for certain kinds of cases?
CHRISTINE: Did she?!
OFFICER WALTERS: She jumped on every rape call that came over the radio.
CHRISTINE: Was there a specific type of rape, a specific MO that she was interested in?
OFFICER WALTERS: Yes, there was. The same sort of rape that she ended up investigating.
CHRISTINE: Why didn't you think of that at the time?!!!
OFFICER WALTERS: Oh, I get it. You think I should have let someone know? You were the boss. Why didn't you notice it?
CHRISTINE: You didn't answer my question, Officer!!
OFFICER WALTERS: I just figured she wanted the collars. ...Ambitious lady. ...You know the type!
CHRISTINE: Maybe she was looking for someone. Sara claims the man that she shot was the same man who raped her.
OFFICER WALTERS: She told you that? (Chris nods) What if that slime had done that to you? And he was still walking the streets?

[Chris's loft]

(David Keeler is laying the table. Chris is preparing food)
CHRISTINE: You exaggerate. I did not say it like that. Do you like wine?
DAVID KEELER: Is that an offer or a threat? (she looks up abruptly) Chris, that is how you see it. Sara Jones is a victim.
CHRISTINE: I didn't say it that...
DAVID KEELER: A victim of the Department's relentless pursuit of clean image.
CHRISTINE: She is a victim!!!
DAVID KEELER: She knew exactly what she was doing.
CHRISTINE: That's exactly what the DA said. You should have heard him today. He was after blood!
DAVID KEELER: She didn't trust the justice system. She decided to take care of Brown on her own.
CHRISTINE: Well, life sure is simple for Melton Lebowitz, isn't it? Maybe you can get his roadmap. We'll all find our way up there!
DAVID KEELER: Chris. (putting his hands on hers to stop her chopping the food) A vigilante is a vigilante whether you're in a clan or on the force.
CHRISTINE: (breaking free of him) Oh, get off it, David. For an ACLU lawyer, you sound just like a DA!
DAVID KEELER: Now there is no need to get mad, Chris.
CHRISTINE: Sara Jones was a good cop! She not some survivalist who goes around blowing away people in the IRD! She (her voice breaking) went through hell ...and she made a ...mistake.
DAVID KEELER: (putting his hand back on hers) And it's not your fault. (he tastes a bit of the food) Any ginger?
CHRISTINE: I thought I was making this dinner.
DAVID KEELER: What's wrong with together?
CHRISTINE: (quietly) It's not wrong. (she goes and get a small bowl) Here. (after a pause) It's not fair, David! The DA wants to nail her for murder. And she does not deserve it.
DAVID KEELER: I wish I could be as sure as you are.
CHRISTINE: Don't put too much in!!
DAVID KEELER: I'm not.
CHRISTINE: That's what you always say, but you always do. ...Sorry.
DAVID KEELER: How about we skip dinner and we go straight to dessert? (pulling her to him) I mean, I've been waiting for a long time. ...And I missed you.
CHRISTINE: Yeah? (putting her arms around his neck) How much?
DAVID KEELER: Skip dessert and I'll show ya?
CHRISTINE: I thought you were hungry.
DAVID KEELER: I am.
(they kiss)

[Lecture room]

(on the blackboard is chalked "A Midsummer Night's Dream")
MALE STUDENT: (standing up) Sex.
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: Life is more than sex. This play is about love. Shakespeare had quite a bit to say on the subject. So let's begin with line two-thirty-one. Helena's speech. The woman in the blue sweater up front. Why don't you start?
MARY BETH: You mean me?! Ma'am?
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: Yes. You are?
MARY BETH: (standing up with the book and her bag) Mrs. Lacey. Mary Beth ...Lacey. ...Mrs.
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: All right, Mrs. Lacey, why don't you read the first four lines?
MARY BETH: Out loud?
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: Mm hm.
MARY BETH: Oh, I ...I couldn't do that. I mean, I know that we were supposed to read the whole play, but I only got my book last night. And ...and all that I had time for before I turned my lights out was the first act. But it was very interesting.
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: Oh well, you're well you're way ahead the game. Helena's speech is in the first scene.
MARY BETH: Oh.
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: While you look, how about the gentleman over here, second from the end. Would you please begin?
MALE STUDENT: Starting with 'things base and vile'?
MARY BETH: (shouting out) Oh, here it is! I found it!!
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: All right, Mrs. Lacey, go ahead.
MARY BETH: (standing up) 'Things base and vile, holding no quantity, love can transpose to form and dignity. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind.'
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: Very good. Now what do you think that means?
MARY BETH: Who me?
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: Yes, you.
MARY BETH: Ma'am. Professor. This is my first class in nearly twenty years.
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: Take your time, Mrs. Lacey. I just wanna know what do you think?
MARY BETH: What I think? Well, ...I think ...Shakespeare ...was talking about people in love.
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: And what was he saying about love?
MARY BETH: Oh, well, that ...sometimes when you're in love, you don't see everything. That's why Cupid... Cupid is blind. Of course personally I have never seen a blind Cupid before.
(general laughter from the class)
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: (smiling) Go on.
MARY BETH: On?
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: Well, is this Cupid blind to anything in particular?
MARY BETH: Oh, well, I think er ...he was blind to a person's faults. Like my husband's cousin Marie, when she was going with this vacuum cleaner salesman, and he was playing the horses all the time. Everybody knew it, but Marie didn't wanna see it. That's probably wrong, huh?
PROFESSOR BOUCHER: No, Mrs. Lacey, that is exactly right.
(there is tittering in the class. Mary Beth sits down, drops the book and her bag. Another student helps her to retrieve them including the apple which has fallen out of the bag)

[Laceys' kitchen]

MARY BETH: (to Harvey Jr. who is studying) So then I said 'blind to the other person's faults'. And Professor Boucher, it looks like Bowsher, but it's pronounced Boucher, like the French say it. She says I had a real... (as Harvey comes in and gives a peck) What was that word? Aptitude, that's it. Aptitude. Is that something?
HARVEY JR.: Sounds like a set up for doing more work.
MARY BETH: Next week we're gonna read "Macbeth".
HARVEY JR.: Yeah, we read that in class. It is definitely R rated for violence.
MARY BETH: Professor Boucher says it is the greatest tragedy in English literature.
HARVEY: I saw the movie. I wasn't that impressed.
MARY BETH: It's William Shakespeare, Harvey.
HARVEY: Yeah, I'll take Neil Simon any day.
MARY BETH: Professor Boucher said we get extra credit if we go to the Royal Shakespeare Company. Thursday night. Do you wanna go with me?
HARVEY: Now wait a minute, babe, that's the night we're supposed to go to see Arty Lemada in the bowling run-offs.
MARY BETH: It's Derek Jacobi, Harvey. One of the greatest Shakespearian actors in the world.
HARVEY: And this Arty Lemada, the best bowler in Queens!
MARY BETH: Well, you don't wanna miss that then. But I don't think that Arty's gonna see his name go up in lights.
HARVEY JR.: Wait till you see the witches, Mum. They're very steamy scenes.
HARVEY: Hey, come on, Mary Beth. Do know how much Fran and the other wives love having you there?
MARY BETH: Harvey, Professor Boucher says that this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
HARVEY: Well if Professor Boucher said it, I guess that that's that!
MARY BETH: Harve?
HARVEY: Don't worry, babe, I'll have Mama Challis. I will take the boys with me. You are covered, babe.

[Precinct House front desk]

(Petrie is standing at the desk. Esposito boogies in. He has garters up his sleeves)
ESPOSITO: Hey Coleman! (he gives him a red garter) Congratulations?
COLEMAN: Well, did you get lucky with Miss. Kitty or what?
ESPOSITO: No! Mary Frances Mahoney is about to become the new Mrs. Manuel Esposito. (Coleman congratulates him in Yiddish) Yeah, thanks. (giving Petrie two white garters) Here you go, Marcus. One for the wife and kid.
PETRIE: I didn't know you two were serious.
ESPOSITO: Oh yeah. She's my main squeeze. She is my reason for living.
PETRIE: You'd never mentioned her before yesterday!
COLEMAN: He just met her last week!
ESPOSITO: Well, I've known her husband for years.

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: (into phone) So if anybody fitting that description comes in, Mr. Mashowitz, you call us immediately. ...Detective Lacey, Fourteenth Precinct.
ESPOSITO: (coming up with a garter) Red for the brunette! Huh? (to Chris) And ...blue for the blonde!
CHRISTINE: Er, not my style, Esposito.
ESPOSITO: It's a little thing. I'm getting married here.
CHRISTINE: (taking it and hanging on desk light) Very kind of you. Charming.
ESPOSITO: I keep on going till I get it right. You know what I'm saying.
MARY BETH: (having rung off, shakes Esposito's hand) Congratulations. Thank you.
(Chris's phone goes)
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Cagney. ...Yes, that's right. ...Er, what's the address, please. ...Ah ha. ...Yes. ...No. We'll be there. ...Yes. We will. Thank you. (she rings off. To Mary Beth) Paters. White Line Market. Four-eighty-four, Eighth Avenue. Right?
MARY BETH: (still fiddling with the garter) Mm, things are picking up. (pointing to Chris's garter) Do you want yours?
CHRISTINE: (picking up the garter) Ah. Harvey likes to play Can Can, does he? (she gives it to Mary Beth, who raises her skirt and puts them both on one leg. Corassa ogles) OK, Mary Beth, you've got the legs to show 'em off.
MARY BETH: This is true.
(Chris's phone goes)
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Yes. Cagney. ...Hi Sara. ...No, I can't tonight. I'm working. ...Mm. ...Ah, yeah, tomorrow'll be fine. ...OK, Sara, I'll see you there. ...Bye.
(Mary Beth comes up with their coats and looks at Chris)
MARY BETH: Did I say anything?!
CHRISTINE: You didn't have to.

[Squad car]

(the duo is on stake out on Eighth Avenue)
MARY BETH: (holding up two small cookies) OK. Reindeer with a red nose. Or angel with a broken leg.
CHRISTINE: Cookies ...out.
MARY BETH: Me too. I'll take these home for the boys. (Chris then picks up one of the cookies and eats it) Do you remember how you used to feel the first day at school? All excited. Butterflies doing swan dives in your stomach. Like something big is about to happen, but you don't know what it is.
CHRISTINE: I used to feel that way about men.
MARY BETH: We've been here ...three hours.
CHRISTINE: Maybe he's taking in a late movie on the way.
POLICE RADIO: Car twenty-one, come in, please.
CHRISTINE: (into microphone) Car twenty-one. Cagney.
POLICE RADIO: Grocery store on 39th and Seventh. Just got a call from a bogus detective.
MARY BETH: Sounds like they've decided to take another store.
CHRISTINE: (into microphone) We're already on a stake out.
MARY BETH: We're nine blocks away. Let's take it.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, the guy told the storeowner that the burglary was going down here tonight.
MARY BETH: Well, maybe they got wise that we were moving in.
CHRISTINE: And maybe the tooth fairy really does live at the South Pole.
MARY BETH: Do you want this collar or not?!
CHRISTINE: One. When they do call, they do it in person. Two. The bogus cop sets it up in the afternoon.
MARY BETH: Three. They could have changed their MO.
CHRISTINE: And I'm telling you, they're just trying to draw us off!
MARY BETH: Oh, while you're sitting here arguing, the deal could be going down, Sergeant!
CHRISTINE: We're not moving.
MARY BETH: Yes ...sir.

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: So they never showed?
MARY BETH: No sir, not in either place.
CHRISTINE: I talked to the owner at the other place and there's no question that they contacted him.
SAMUELS: Do you think its worth another shot?
CHRISTINE: Absolutely. Corassa and Esposito are gonna watch the other store.
SAMUELS: I was speaking with Detective Lacey.
CHRISTINE: The Sergeant thinks it is, sir.
SAMUELS: Well, if I'm gonna pull another team off the track, she'd better be right!
CHRISTINE: Yes, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: (as the duo leaves) Cagney!
CHRISTINE: Yes, Lieutenant!
SAMUELS: I wanna talk to you a minute.
CHRISTINE: Yes!
SAMUELS: I got a call from the DA's Office. Apparently you're acting like a hostile witness in the Sara Jones case.
CHRISTINE: That's right.
SAMUELS: Well, maybe you wanna tell me why. Hm? Now this department has got a history of cooperating with the DA's Office. Not undermining its status!
CHRISTINE: Sara Jones' attorney asked me to testify for the defence and I think the woman deserves some support.
SAMUELS: Do you think that you're the only here one who feels some responsibility for this situation.
CHRISTINE: I never said that I felt responsible...
SAMUELS: Bottom line is, Cagney, we got smart too late about Sara Jones! ...Look, when you've been working on a job for a lot of years, it's possible to make a mistake sometimes. (Chris shrugs) All right, Cagney, you testify on her behalf, but don't you be too tough on the DA, because you will not be helping Jones. You certainly won't be helping your own career, ...Sergeant.
SAMUELS: (almost inaudibly) Yes Lieutenant.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Chris comes out of the office and starts to put her coat on)
MARY BETH: I think it's a waste of time. They would have hit last night.
CHRISTINE: The stake out is on, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Are you going somewhere?
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I'll be back in an hour.

[Sara Jones apartment]

CHRISTINE: Do you wanna tell me the truth now? (no reply) Is Brown the man who raped you?
SARA JONES: I told you he was.
CHRISTINE: A year ago you told me he wasn't.
SARA JONES: I was afraid you were gonna take me off the case. I'm sorry. I should have known that I could trust you.
CHRISTINE: How do you know this the is the same guy? You never even saw his face.
SARA JONES: I heard his voice. I'll remember that voice until the day I die. I didn't mean to kill him that night, Chris. All I wanted to do was to stop him! You of all people should understand.
CHRISTINE: I've gotta get back to work, Sara.
SARA JONES: Chris!! Wait! My attorney thinks that the reason you removed me from the case is that you knew that Brown was the man who raped me.
CHRISTINE: Why does he think that?
SARA JONES: (taking a breath) That's what I told him. The jury has to be convinced that he wasn't just a suspect. If you don't testify that on the stand, I don't have a chance. They've gotta believe he was guilty.
CHRISTINE: Sara,...
SARA JONES: If you don't, Forget my getting off! Murder Two is what they're gonna pin on me. For getting a rapist off the streets! Chris, That's not fair. As sure as hell it isn't justice. ...I'm depending on you.
CHRISTINE: To lie for you?
SARA JONES: You never lied before to get a job done? To get a conviction! ...Look even if I get off, do you think I'll ever be free of what he did to me?! ...All I'm asking for is a little help.
(Chris is unmoved)

[Chris's loft]

(Chris is getting ready for the stake out. The answer-phone comes on)
CHRISTINE: (on answer-phone) This is Christine. I can't take your call right now. Please leave a message and I'll get back.
CHARLIE: (on answer-phone) Hey Chrissie, it's me. I was just calling to see how you're doing.
(there is a knock at the door. Charlie continues)
CHRISTINE: Just a minute! (she takes a slurp of wine) Yeah, who is it? (she opens the door) Hi, Tony.
TONY STATINOPOLIS: (sounding drunk) I was just having lunch. (handing her a bottle of wine) This is the last part.
CHRISTINE: That's awfully sweet of you, but Tony, I really can't. (he sits down) Please don't get comfortable.
TONY STATINOPOLIS: (as she puts on her scarf) Don't be a tough guy. Just one thought for a man.
CHRISTINE: I've gotta go to work.
TONY STATINOPOLIS: I want your opinion on something.
CHRISTINE: I can't. I'm late now as it is.
TONY STATINOPOLIS: I knew I could count on ya. (he gets up and walks out) See ya around, Serge.
CHRISTINE: (after the door has closed) Damn it!!

[Squad car]

(on the other side of the street from a grocery store)
MARY BETH: Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
CHRISTINE: Give it a few minutes. He'll show up. I'm banking on it.
MARY BETH: Well he better hurry. The store is closing. Can we turn the car round and get some heat on in here?
CHRISTINE: Do you wanna let then know we're on stake out?
MARY BETH: There's nobody coming, Christine. My feet are frozen so do you wanna do me a favour?
CHRISTINE: When the store closes.
MARY BETH: Oh, give it up, will ya! I don't wanna suffer from frostbite! You figured it wrong. That's all.
CHRISTINE: And we don't know that until the store closes and I'm not turning the car until it does.
MARY BETH: In the last three days you've turned into a really hard case.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, get off me.
MARY BETH: I don't know if it's this Sara Jones business or what.
CHRISTINE: As far as Sara Jones is concerned, you weren't even there! Remember?! If there is a problem with her then it is my problem.
MARY BETH: Fine. There's no problem with Sara Jones. So, why are you so tense?
CHRISTINE: I am not tense!
MARY BETH: Could have fooled me.
CHRISTINE: I'm thinking about something. Is that all right with you?
MARY BETH: Fine. I'm the one who's nuts. Sitting in a frozen Plymouth in the middle of the night, ...when I should watching Derek Jacobi do Shakespeare.
CHRISTINE: I told you that I was sorry.

[Laceys' lounge]

(Mary Beth comes home. Harvey is asleep in an armchair. She kisses him on the forehead)
MARY BETH: Hi ya, sweetheart.
HARVEY: Hey, sweetheart. Woof. What time is it?
MARY BETH: Seven minutes past midnight.
HARVEY: Hey, it's good to see ya. How was work?
MARY BETH: Lousy. Sat in that stupid car all night for nothing. Which I knew was gonna happen. But Sergeant Cagney... (seeing a Christmas tree) Nice tree.
HARVEY: Yeah, I know you liked the little one last year, so the boys and I went out after bowling and got us a bigger one.
MARY BETH: Mm, smells great.
HARVEY: Mm.
MARY BETH: Got it in plenty of time too. You couldn't have waited for me to help choose it?
HARVEY: Well, you're getting pretty busy these days, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: You got a point here, Harvey?
HARVEY: What with your work and classes, maybe a couple of things happen around here without ya.
MARY BETH: I see.
(she goes through to the kitchen)
HARVEY: Mary Beth!
(he follows her)

[Laceys' kitchen]

HARVEY: What's going on, Mary Beth. You wanna a blue spruce maybe?
MARY BETH: Ha, ha, ha. Want! (getting tearful) We always wait till Christmas Eve when they go on sale. And then we all go together and get one off the street that nobody else wanted. But this year you have to go out and get one nice and early, because you're mad at me or something! And you wanna leave me out!!
HARVEY: Nobody is leaving you out.
MARY BETH: Oh yeah!! Who ya trying to kid! That's exactly what you did!!!
HARVEY: Hey, you're the one who wanted to take classes when you've already got a job that wears you out! You can't have everything, Mary Beth!
MARY BETH: Yeah?!
HARVEY: You're occupied with your business. Fine! But the family keeps on going!!
MARY BETH: What happened to 'I'm behind ya all the way, babe!'? I've been to one class, Harvey Lacey. One! And you're acting like some kind of widower!!
HARVEY: It's not a crime for a man to miss his wife.
(she walks out, turning out the light)

[Sara Jones apartment]

(there is a knock at the door)
SARA JONES: Who is it?
CHRISTINE: Chris Cagney. (as Sara lets her in) I'm sorry. Did I get you up?
SARA JONES: No, I was just reading. It is late though. Anything wrong?
CHRISTINE: No, not really. I've ...just been thinking about what you said today. Have you got anything to drink round here?
SARA JONES: Some gin.
CHRISTINE: No Scotch, huh? (Sara shakes her head) Any beer?
SARA JONES: Just gin.
CHRISTINE: Gin's fine.
SARA JONES: Tonic?
CHRISTINE: No, just ice, thank you. "Impressionist Painters". I have this same book.
SARA JONES: There is some beautiful work in there.
CHRISTINE: Actually I like the one on the cover. I just leave it on the coffee table.
SARA JONES: (handing Chris the gin) Here you go.
CHRISTINE: Oh, thanks.
(they sit down)
SARA JONES: So?
CHRISTINE: What's up?! Aren't having anything to drink?
SARA JONES: No.
(there is a pregnant pause)
CHRISTINE: Sara, I'm not gonna do it.
SARA JONES: I thought you were my friend.
CHRISTINE: I am. But I'm not gonna lie for you.
SARA JONES: I'm facing twenty years.
CHRISTINE: You're asking me to perjure myself.
SARA JONES: Oh yeah. Excuse me. Big frigging deal!
CHRISTINE: Well, there it is.
SARA JONES: It's timing, Chris, that's all. I should have told you Brown was the guy that raped me months ago. I was confused. ...I'm scared. If I had killed him when he first attacked me, there wouldn't even be a trial. See? That's timing, Chris. It's not lies. Timing. Do you know what that creep did to me? (Chris nods) Nobody cares about that.
CHRISTINE: I do. ...Very much.
SARA JONES: Then do this one thing for me. One thing.
CHRISTINE: Sara, you have been through a nightmare. And you need help.
SARA JONES: (getting up) You're not going to throw the therapy bone too, are you!! We couldn't get Brown. Remember?! Well I got him.
CHRISTINE: Sara,...
SARA JONES: I'm gonna get up on that stand and I'll say I told you. How's that! Your word against mine!!
CHRISTINE: (getting up) Fine. You do whatever you have to do. But lying isn't the answer. You need help and you can get it if you tell the truth.
SARA JONES: Well, ...if that's all you've got to say, you better go. I've had enough platitudes to last me a lifetime.

[Ladies room]

MARY BETH: (coming in) How did it go in court?
CHRISTINE: Guilty of manslaughter. Probably only doing a couple of years.
MARY BETH: That's all you've got to say?
CHRISTINE: No.
MARY BETH: No?
CHRISTINE: No.
MARY BETH: These phoney cops are gonna hit again, Christine, and we'll get 'em.
CHRISTINE: You talking about nights here, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Yeah. I suppose.
CHRISTINE: Look, I never have been a hard case lady!
MARY BETH: No. I was way out of line on that one.
CHRISTINE: Well, it's forgotten.
MARY BETH: No. I've been a hard case, Christine. You see, we're partners in a different way and you're the boss now. That's hard for me sometimes.
CHRISTINE: We're partners first!
MARY BETH: No, Christine. You've got the right now. You earned it. I'm telling you that I accept it. All right?
CHRISTINE: All right.
MARY BETH: (as Chris goes to leave) Even sergeants make mistakes, Christine.
CHRISTINE: (turning and slamming the door back shut) I knew it!
MARY BETH: It's not always easy to read people. Chris, you are not responsible for Sara Jones. ...I think you should let yourself off the hook a little. ..That's all.
CHRISTINE: (as Mary Beth opens the door) Wait a minute. Isn't there something you want to do. Do you have a play or something you wanna see?
MARY BETH: No.
CHRISTINE: I called Bloomingdale's. They've got a lingerie deal. What do you say you and I have a spree together? I'd like to have a little whirl.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
CHRISTINE: (opening the door) Detective.
MARY BETH: (going through the door) Sergeant.

[Corridor outside Chris's loft]

(Chris is in her night clothes with bunny rabbit slippers on. She knocks on Tony Stantinopolis's door)
CHRISTINE: Hi.
TONY STATINOPOLIS: My stereo turned up too loud?
CHRISTINE: Er, I'm sorry about last night.
TONY STATINOPOLIS: So am I.
CHRISTINE: (as he goes back in, in a sweet voice) Tony! I said I was sorry. I had a lot on my mind.
TONY STATINOPOLIS: So did I.
CHRISTINE: Yeah. Well, I have a ham cooking and fresh pasta boiling. ...Come on!! There's no point in eating it alone! ...OK?
TONY STATINOPOLIS: You're a hard woman to say 'No' to.
CHRISTINE: Ah! It's part of my charm. (as he joins her) Good. So, what do you wanna talk about?
TONY STATINOPOLIS: Hey!! I like the feet!
CHRISTINE: Yeah?
TONY STATINOPOLIS: Yeah.
CHRISTINE: Well, I'm all ears!
(they laugh and go into Chris's loft)

[Laceys' bedroom]

(red panties are hanging on the bedside lamp. They are under the duvet together. Mary Beth kicks a red nightie away. Harvey has the blue garter on his left arm)
MARY BETH: Like my new nightie?
HARVEY: Mm. To tell you the truth there wasn't long enough tonight to see ya.
MARY BETH: At least you liked it.
HARVEY: Do you wanna know what turned me on?
MARY BETH: What?
HARVEY: You, sitting in that car again.
MARY BETH: Why would sitting in the car...
HARVEY: Well, I had a life before I met you.
MARY BETH: Who was she?
HARVEY: Oh, I can't tell you. Well, she's now a prominent Member of Congress.
MARY BETH: I get the feeling that you had a lot of ladies where you went to school.
HARVEY: Well it scares me a little bit, that's all.
HARVEY: You're not scared of anything?
HARVEY: No, honest. Hey, if you don't like stories a hundred times, the only thing else I've got to talk about are sewer contractors or something I heard at bar. That's not smart.
MARY BETH: You're the smartest man I know. I'm trying to catch up with you. That's all.
HARVEY: (as she romps all over him) Cut it out, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: No, I'll catch ya.
HARVEY: Well, I do keep up on current events.
MARY BETH: Yes you do.
HARVEY: And I talk a great deal about history.
MARY BETH: Oh, shush!.
HARVEY: And the kids. I talk a lot about the kids.
MARY BETH: Night, Harve.
HARVEY: Maybe I talk too much. Mary Beth, are you awake? ...Mary Beth? ...Mary Beth?

<Back to the episode listing

Cagney & Lacey and related marks are trademarks of Metro Goldwyn Meyer. Copyright 1981, Present. The Cagney & Lacey web pages on this site are for educational and entertainment purposes only. All other copyrights property of their respective holders.