Culture Clash
Original Airdate: October 6, 1986

[Gold Street, Brooklyn]

(a man in a fez walks along with a sack of produce on his shoulder and goes into the Abdullah Musharaf grocery shop)

[Musharafs' apartment]

ABDULLAH: He's poisoning my sister! Is that not that a crime in your country?
MARY BETH: And where is she now, sir?
ABDULLAH: At one of your schools.
(Zarghuna hands Mary Beth a cup from a tray)
MARY BETH: Thank you. And you say she was poisoned?
CHRISTINE: (refusing a cup) No. No thank you.
ABDULLAH: Please, please. You must accept it from my sister.
CHRISTINE: Thank you. I'm just not into tea.
MARY BETH: (taking the cup and giving it Chris) Thank you, you're very kind.
ABDULLAH: (to Zarghuna) You may sit down now.
MARY BETH: Your younger sister, Hazrat, did she see a doctor after the poisoning?
ABDULLAH: Suffering is worse than that of the body. It is of the soul. She is losing her way.
MARY BETH: So she was not actually poisoned.
ABDULLAH: Worse than that. Don't you see? I am afraid for her!
CHRISTINE: You know, it's a crime in this country to file a false report.
MARY BETH: So, once again, sir, has your sister been physically threatened in any way?
ABDULLAH: You talk in circles. Zarghuna has seen her in the company of this evil man. She now ignores her sister, and shows her disrespect. She is in danger! That's why I called you. The Authorities!
CHRISTINE: Sounds to me like this is the guy she's dating.
ABDULLAH: She does not date! She is woman of Islam! Daughter of Mushahada who died protecting his faith! This evil man. He is garbage!
MARY BETH: Well, now that may be true, sir, but unless a law has been broken, this is not a police matter.
ABDULLAH: Why don't you listen to me?

[Gold Street, Brooklyn]

(the duo comes out of the shop)
CHRISTINE: That was more enlightening in there than any beer commercial.
MARY BETH: I don't think they drink in that religion, Christine.
CHRISTINE: You're not gonna defend that mullah.
MARY BETH: Well, I'm not crazy for the man but they've only been in the country a year.
CHRISTINE: He's a little ayatollah, and he's using the Police Department to enforce his stone age religion.
MARY BETH: I can understand about being over protective when there's no father around.
CHRISTINE: He is not so, Mary Beth. That's what he is. There is no crime committed there, so there is nothing we can do about it.
MARY BETH: Well, it didn't kill us to listen to the man.
CHRISTINE: (stopping) I will never understand how you can understand these people that you ...understand. ...Never.
(they walk off)

[Precinct House front desk]

(Isbecki has brought in a suspect)
COLEMAN: (pointing to the suspect) Are you trying to set a record for nicking Montserrat.
ISBECKI: Don't give me a lecture, Coleman. Just do me a favour and book him.
COLEMAN: There's a lot of paperwork to fill out for nothing.
ISBECKI: So what?!
MONTSERRAT: (nodding towards Coleman) Because he ended up doing it.
COLEMAN: (as the duo comes in) Samuels wants to see you two.
PETRIE: (coming up to Isbecki) Have you got any ID?
ISBECKI: I'm just doing my job. I'll do all the paperwork.
MARY BETH: (as the duo walks away) Honest. Poor Victor. Must be hard on him right now. He's being enthusiastic to prove himself. ...Because of you know what.
CHRISTINE: Please, Mother Theresa, there are limits. And Isbecki's it!

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: (closing the door) Well, I was asked to recommend my best team for this Hammurabi Task Force.
CHRISTINE: We're the team they want, Lieutenant. The ambition! The drive!
SAMUELS: Calm down. I recommended the two of yous. Be down at One Police Plaza, Thursday at three PM for the interview. I warn ya. It's not gonna be a shoo-in. Lieutenant Sabini's got the final say. (he takes a plate out of the microwave) But ...I'm sure the two of yous gonna be just fine.
CHRISTINE: You can count on it.
MARY BETH: Thank you, sir.
SAMUELS: (proffering a plate) Here. Take one.
CHRISTINE: Oh! Thank you, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: (as Chris looks at the cookie and is just about to eat it) Yeah. Isbecki brought them in. (she doesn't eat it) He's making every effort!
CHRISTINE: Yes, I know he is.
SAMUELS: It's a big assignment, Lacey. Lot's of stress.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: Success in this could go a long way to Detective Second-grade. Promotion. ...Overdue to you. (Chris gives Mary Beth a friendly nudge on the shoulder) And ...it would look good in your folder too, Sergeant. ..All right. Go get it.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
CHRISTINE: Thank you, Lieutenant.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: All right!
MARY BETH: What am I gonna wear? I have nothing to wear!
CHRISTINE: Wear that. You look great.
MARY BETH: Every time I go down to Headquarters, I feel like I ought to have a passport.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, one thing at a time. They put on their fancy things in the way that you do. One thing at a time.

[Laceys' dining room]

(Mary Beth is opening one of the cardboard boxes)
HARVEY JR.: Mum, I've worn the same pair of pants to school three days in a row! The others kids think I'm a geek!
MARY BETH: (taking out some pairs of pants) You're father packed this stuff tight enough to take on the Titanic.
HARVEY JR.: Mum, you're not listening to me!
MARY BETH: You'll wake up your baby sister. Your pants are right here. (showing him something from the box) What is this?
HARVEY JR.: I don't know and I'm not wearing it to school! I looked like a new kid anyway and now I look like a welfare kid.
MARY BETH: (still holding the thing out of the box) What does this belong to? If your father put normal labels on things. Kitchen stuff. Bathroom stuff. No. Your father had his own system. (Michael comes in carrying take away food followed by Harvey) You'll wake up your baby sister!
MICHAEL: We have some chicken here.
HARVEY JR.: Oh, great. Chicken.
MARY BETH: Just grab this plate.
MICHAEL: What's this here?
MARY BETH: Parfait. P, A, R, F, A, I, T. You sit there, Michael. I don't wanna go into it. Well, I hope you've got some parfait food. You'll have to eat it with your fingers. All the cutlery's disappeared.
HARVEY: You have to use the system, Mary Beth! Have you checked the chart?
MARY BETH: Your chart disappeared too, Harvey.
HARVEY JR.: We won't find anything for days now, We're living with a bunch of strangers. The only person around here is Muriel. And all she cares about is that stupid baby.
HARVEY: Stop calling your sister names! Just sit down and eat your chicken.
HARVEY JR.: I'm sick of chicken!
MARY BETH: Well, you don't have to eat it! Go upstairs and do your homework!
HARVEY JR.: Why should I bother! I told ya, I'm not going to that school!! Next year I'm gonna join the Navy and I'm not wearing these pants tomorrow!
(Harvey Jr. storms out)
MARY BETH: That's you son.
HARVEY: Yeah. And he's yours when he behaves. I think the cutlery's in one of those boxes.
MARY BETH: Terrific, Harvey. Your son is right! Nobody can find anything around here!
(while Harvey frantically searches a box, Mary Beth puts a candle stick on the table and lights the candle. Harvey continues to search in the box]
MARY BETH: Harve
HARVEY: Huh?
MARY BETH: The Lieutenant recommended me and Christine for a big-deal task force today.
HARVEY: Great, babe. Great.
MARY BETH: Well, I have to pass the interview first. But the Lieutenant says that it could mean an overdue promotion. Detective Second-grade.
HARVEY: That's great, honey. Hey! OK if I use the table later. I have some paperwork. I have a variance problem on a new job I gotta work out. Huh?
MARY BETH: It means seven thousand more a year, Harvey. ...Seven thousand dollars.
HARVEY: Seven grand. Seven thousand dollars! That is a raise! That is also amazing, it really is. That is the exact price of a new fire-retardant shed roof! How is that for a coincidence?
(Mary Beth sits there with her mouth open)

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (signing in) You're in bright and early.
MARY BETH: Uh huh. (handing Chris a file) The robberies have been going on for quite sometime, Christine. Take a look.
CHRISTINE: Where did you get this?
MARY BETH: They had it over on the Two-Four last week, but they had a lot of research. Graveyard Systems are very helpful.
CHRISTINE: You've been researching them already?!
MARY BETH: Yeah. The robberies started off in Scarsdale. It looks as though they're working their way down.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, they're not gonna ask us about this case. The whole interview's gonna be about your character.
MARY BETH: I'm not taking any chances. I deserve a promotion.
CHRISTINE: I'm telling ya, Mary Beth, it won't do you any good! You'll spend the extra money.
MARY BETH: Harvey already has.
COLEMAN: (coming up to Chris) I've got a call for ya. A camel-parking complaint.
CHRISTINE: That's a slur, Coleman.
COLEMAN: Anyway it's a Mrs. Mush..., Mushsa...
MARY BETH: Musharaf! It's not that hard.
COLEMAN: Musharaf.
CHRISTINE: What was your name before they changed it?
COLEMAN: Ashlabinlovic. That's an interesting story. My grandfather...
MARY BETH: When was the call, Coleman?
(he hands Mary Beth the note while he continues to regale Chris with his story. Mary Beth goes off with note and Chris follows leaving Coleman turning and continuing the story into the face a of a uniformed officer who has come up)
UNIFORMED OFFICER: (giving Coleman a printout) What you wanted from the computer.
COLEMAN: Aren't you interested in history?

[Musharafs' apartment]

ABDULLAH: We have the criminal's name. Toby Parker. (handing Chris a piece of paper) Here it is. Now, go ahead and arrest him. You didn't do your jobs so I went ahead and did it for you.
MARY BETH: Mr. Musharaf, if your sister has been harmed in any way, we will take care of it, sir.
CHRISTINE: Where is the victim, please?
ABDULLAH: I don't understand.
MARY BETH: We will need to talk to Hazrat.
ABDULLAH: You should speak to her sister!
MARY BETH: I'd be happy to take her statement and Sergeant Cagney will speak with Hazrat. All right?
ABDULLAH: Very well. You may speak to her. But no one must ever know of this. It would shame and destroy Hazrat.

[Hazrat's bedroom]

CHRISTINE: Nice posters. (one is of Malibu] California's a great place.
HAZRAT: I'm going to live there. In Malibu.
CHRISTINE: Do you wanna tell me what happened?
HAZRAT: Nothing happened!
CHRISTINE: Really? Your brother told me you'd been raped.
HAZRAT: That's ridiculous! He and my sister are crazy, that's all. They just want to keep me a prisoner! Marry me off to some old man. Hafizulla. They want to make an old maid of me.
CHRISTINE: This Toby. Did he ever force himself on you?
HAZRAT: No!! No, they are lying, OK? He's just scared of coming near me now. It's bad enough they make me dress like the mountain people.
CHRISTINE: Look, I understand your being angry because they brought us in here to talk to you. I know it's embarrassing.
HAZRAT: So?
CHRISTINE: So, I want you to know that we're here to help you. Not your brother. And not Toby. just you. So if Toby, or anybody else has forced you or tried to force you into a sexual situation, that is a crime. Now that's what we do. We stop crime.
HAZRAT: (smiling) Like Angie Dickinson?
CHRISTINE: You are kind.
HAZRAT: No. Toby and I are just friends. Nothing goes on except in our heads.
CHRISTINE: Are you telling me the truth?
HAZRAT: Yes. I haven't been in bed with a man yet. I want to wait until I get to Malibu.

[Musharafs' kitchen]

MARY BETH: Hazrat is over sixteen years old, Miss. Musharaf. We can't make her do what we want her to do. In America she's free.
ZARGHUNA: Our parents were killed by Russian tanks. We know freedom. And we know its cost.
MARY BETH: Then you know that Hazrat has rights.
ZARGHUNA: She has a wonderful life before her lived by the Koran. That is what my parents died for. So their children could be live as Muslims. Not as slaves.
MARY BETH: In this country she can choose her religion. She can choose where she wants to live. Nobody can make her do anything against her will.
ZARGHUNA: You are the police.
MARY BETH: Yes! Unless your sister had a crime committed against her or disappears or something,..
ZARGHUNA: You will not protect her!
MARY BETH: Miss, we certainly respect your feelings.
ZARGHUNA: This is not feelings. This is Islamic law. You will not enforce this law because of your feelings.
MARY BETH: No, that is not true. Here, where you're living now in this country, an individual's rights are protected. That's what our freedom is all about.
ZARGHUNA: You are happy with your freedom of pornography and prostitution? For Islamic women, freedom is to cherish the family. Without it there is no meaning. I thought you had this knowledge. I thought you would understand.

[Laceys' dining room]

(they are still unpacking boxes)
MARY BETH: A nineteen year-old says to his older sister 'You can stay'. It's like Harve Jr. having a sense of humour around here.
HARVEY: But in their culture, Mary Beth, being the head of the household, that's a big deal.
MARY BETH: Ah ha. I still don't understand how come you packed the packing list, Harve.
HARVEY: Honey, it'll turn up. You know, Mary Beth, those people have got quite a story. I mean, they've been caught in a global storm. They have since Genghis Khan. Think about it. Khyber Pass. Bengal Lancers. I mean, every time those people turn around, there's somebody blowing 'em up. And now the Russians.
MARY BETH: Harvey!
HARVEY: The CIA. It never stops with them.
MARY BETH: Harvey. Please, Harve...
HARVEY: Honey, I've found it! I've found it!!! (dropping it) Damn food bottle busted.
MARY BETH: How mu...
HARVEY: No. It's all right, Mary Beth. (pointing to his temples) I have it all up here. Right up here.
MARY BETH: Now why didn't you tell me? I have been struggling ...to try and figure out your system sweetheart.
HARVEY: All you have to do is ask me. Come on, baby, don't be unhappy. We're moving in to our new home. Usually that makes people happy.
MARY BETH: Are you happy, Harvey? Then I am happy. Oh, thank God. Pots and pans. No more cardboard chicken.
(she thumps down a pot)
HARVEY: Honey, what is it?
MARY BETH: Nothing! Nothing. It's just that I have an interview tomorrow that could mean seven thousand dollars a year for this family.
HARVEY: Honey, that is great. We are so proud of you.
MARY BETH: Proud?! No kidding! You could have fooled me. I haven't heard one word unless you count the rude compliment. Nobody says 'Hey are you nervous?'. 'Don't worry, you'll be great'. 'We're behind ya'. Nothing. The one kid is nothing but hormones. The other one is Mr. Goody Two-Shoes. And Alice doesn't care about anything but her toes. (her voice breaking up) And I don't know who I'm living next door to. And you turn the dining room table into a private office.
HARVEY: Oh, baby.
MARY BETH: (near to tears) And everything is some place else. Sorry. You and I are like machines. We haven't had any time together. We can't even talk or think.
HARVEY: Honey. It's the move. It's the move! It's temporary.
MARY BETH: (still tearful) It's like you just said. Moving makes people happy.
HARVEY: Oh, honey. I don't know. I don't know how you're supposed to feel. I know you've got a lot of work to do. I know the kids are driving you nuts. Now maybe we could turn ourselves into cogs. Just grind it out. Come on. That's not so bad. Tell me, is it?
MARY BETH: What exactly is a cog anyway?
HARVEY: A cog ...is a wheel. ...In a machine. (they are about to kiss when there is a banging and Alice cries out) Pretty late for callers, huh?
(Mary Beth picks up Alice. Harvey opens the door)
DAGLEE: Hi.
(he has binoculars round his neck]
HARVEY: Hi.
DAGLEE: I'm your neighbour. Mr. Phil Daglee. Yellow house with the green shutters. Two doors up across the street. Welcome to the neighbourhood.
HARVEY: Thank you. Meet Mary Beth La...
DAGLEE: Lacey. Yeah, Lacey. (shaking Mary Beth's hand) Nice to meet you. And a little one too. Hey, hello there sailor. I'll say hello to the two boys some other time.
HARVEY: Well, how did you...
DAGLEE: (going over to the mantelpiece) Oh, well, you know. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, sure. (taking a photo off the mantelpiece) Yeah, I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have a young couple in our neighbourhood. Everybody else is retired like me. Well, I spent twenty years in the Brooklyn Navy Yard. Then they... they closed her up.
HARVEY: Well er...
DAGLEE: Oh! Ha, ha, ha. Beddy-byes. Ha, ha, ha. Lacey, I just wanted to stop by and invite you to a little potluck barbeque next Friday night to welcome you to the neighbourhood. Now, I want you to bring the whole clan. Ma'am, I'd like you to bring er, your best dish. We've got some girls here that think they're champion cooks. (pushing his nose up with his finger ) You know what I mean? (Mary Beth chuckles) So we'll see you then. All Right?
HARVEY: All right.
DAGLEE: Now, don't forget. I'm in that yellow house with the green shutters.
HARVEY: Terrific.
DAGLEE: See you then.
HARVEY: (after he has closed the door) Wow. Captain Cook, huh? Woof.
MARY BETH: Wow! Bring my best dish. I guess that's you.
(they have a peck]

[Manhattan street]

CHRISTINE: It's a fat waste of time. I'm telling ya, Hazrat's a teenager who's being put on by an overbearing brother, just like I was by Brian.
MARY BETH: Brian is not overbearing!
CHRISTINE: Not now. When I was a teenager he was the one who put on me.
(the street is clear)
MARY BETH: Let's go.
(they run across the street)

[Loft lift]

(the duo gets into a loft lift as a man with a Mohican haircut gets out]
MARY BETH: Can you believe it? If Alice ever brought home something like that, I'd kill myself.
CHRISTINE: Your daughter isn't even a year old.
MARY BETH: Yeah? Did you see what Harvey Jr.'s got himself hooked on to? I don't even like her name. Tiffany. After the dance hall girl or the lamp.
MARY BETH: You sound like Abdullah.
MARY BETH: I can appreciate his concern, if that's what you mean.
CHRISTINE: The world is such a mess.
MARY BETH: That's because people want rock and roll.

[Corridor]

CHRISTINE: (as they get out of the lift) Is that why we're interfering in a family squabble when we have an interview with the major task force today.
(she pulls Mary Beth back by the elbow)
MARY BETH: A rape was reported, Christine. We're following it through.
CHRISTINE: Maybe she's too ashamed to talk about it.
(Mary Beth knocks on a door with IMPACT DESIGN on it]

[Impact Design studio]

(Toby Parker is working on a mannequin]
TOBY PARKER: I'm telling you, you are looking at the wrong guy. Is she OK?
CHRISTINE: Fine. How long have you known her?
TOBY PARKER: A week, maybe.
CHRISTINE: A week!
TOBY PARKER: Yeah, she came into my boutique and I'd never seen anyone that looked like that before. So we started talking, and the next thing you know...
MARY BETH: You asked her out?
TOBY PARKER: No. She's just a kid. But she's got this kind of exotic look about her. So she came up here and modelled a few things for me.
MARY BETH: Did you ever make advances towards her?
TOBY PARKER: OK. So I wanted it. So what's the crime? OK, I wanted to, so I tried to get her in the sack. But she freaked out and I backed off. But I didn't touch her. I don't have to. You know, bright lights, big city. If she hangs around, she'll come around.
CHRISTINE: When was the last time you saw her?
TOBY PARKER: Oh, a couple of days ago, I guess. I tracked down her number and I gave her a call. This guy answered. He totally lost it.
MARY BETH: These designs are pretty violent, Mr. Parker.
TOBY PARKER: So's the world. I just sell it.
CHRISTINE: Well, thank you so much for your time.
MARY BETH: You've got a store. You've got a studio. What with rent and business costs and all, that's a lot of expense for somebody your age.
TOBY PARKER: Well, you know, it's the old story. The Wall Street daddy and his crazy son. It's the American Way.

[Squad car]

CHRISTINE: He did not rape her. Now are you satisfied?
MARY BETH: His family's got money. He's gotta be telling the truth?
CHRISTINE: Right, Mary Beth. That's my personal polygraph. Hey, as long as somebody's got a few grand, they're OK by me.
MARY BETH: I'm trying to follow your reasoning here.
CHRISTINE: Fine. Follow this. We are going to One Police Plaza now. We're gonna get there early We're gonna show them we're enthused and we're gonna ace those interviews.
MARY BETH: The least we could do is run a make on the guy.
POLICE RADIO: One-nine-nine, Gold Street, Brooklyn. Possible kidnap.
MARY BETH: That's the Musharafs, Christine. Let's take it.
(Mary Beth picks up the microphone. Chris puts it back)
CHRISTINE: No! We've talked to them enough already.
MARY BETH: Well, what? Have we got a quota?! Two visits per problem!
CHRISTINE: I don't see why we should help them out.
MARY BETH: He doesn't wanna see anybody else, Christine. He's gonna want to see us!
CHRISTINE: It's not personal service. Turn left here. ...Mary Beth, I said 'Turn l...' Are you deaf, Detective?!
MARY BETH: Christine, do me a favour, huh? Please. Let's go see what happened. There's people in trouble here. We will make the interview. We have the time.
CHRISTINE: (after some thought) All right. Fine. ...You sure are rotten at taking orders.
MARYY BETH: I simply give you other options so you can pick the best order to give. (into microphone) This is car twenty-one responding to your ten-thirty.

[Hazrat's bedroom]

ABDULLAH: (throwing open the door and charging in followed by the duo) She's not there. I told you. She's been abducted by Toby!
CHRISTINE: We've been to Toby's apartment. Your sister is not there.
ABDULLAH: Of course not, Detective Sergeant! You take the side of the American criminal!
CHRISTINE: Hold it right there! Why don't you just let's take a look around. Anybody can see it's not a kidnap! She even took her picture of Malibu!
ABDULLAH: Stop protecting him! Stop your lies!
MARY BETH: (pulling him back by the elbow) You calm down here. You're getting out of hand, ...sir. Now, when did you notice when she was gone?
ABDULLAH: Because of the day you were here...
CHRISTINE: You watch your mouth, all right, or I'll take you in!
ABDULLAH: No woman touches me!!
(Zarghuna pushes him away and shouts at him in an Afghan language including the word 'police'. He initially argues back and then slumps down on the bed)
ZARGHUNA: (to Mary Beth) Please. Accept our apologies. My brother is young. He loves Hazrat and he's grateful. Let us speak.
(Zarghuna follows the duo out and closes the door. Abdullah overturns Hazrat's bed)

[Outside the Musharafs' apartment]

ZARGHUNA: Please find her and make her understand.
MARY BETH: Miss. Musharaf, I have a son, sixteen, and it's very hard for me to see him growing away. You begin to notice it in little ways. He complains all the time. If it's not his pants, it's the chicken.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, we've gotta go.
ZARGHUNA: This is not the same. She is a woman of Islam. Not some fish frozen in the stream. She has responsibilities. She is promised in marriage. If it happens, the marriage will be ruined.
MARY BETH: Maybe if you give her some time, she'll come home.
CHRISTINE: (to Zarghuna) I'm sorry. We have an important appointment. Mary Beth?
MARY BETH: Believe me, Miss. Musharaf, kids have a way of coming around. We could have Social Services contact you.
ZARGHUNA: No!!! Aren't there laws she has to obey? Doesn't the family mean anything?
MARY BETH: You can report her to Missing Persons. They would find her, maybe. ...But they cannot make her come back. Not if she doesn't want to, ma'am.
CHRISTINE: Miss. Musharaf, you have to manage your family by yourself. The police can't do it for you. I'm very sorry.

[Squad car]

(they are stuck in a traffic jam)
MARY BETH: I wonder what Harvey's putting together for the barbeque. (no reply) Can you imagine? All these brand new neighbours and their first impression of us is gonna be based on what Harvey cooks. ...He's some cook.
CHRISTINE: I tell you something, Mary Beth, if we hadn't left, I'd have taken that jerk in by his hair along with that sister of his.
MARY BETH: It got a little out of control. I would have been crazy too if I thought one of my kids was lost.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, we've answered every one of their calls. We have bent over backwards to straighten out their mess without one crime having been committed!
MARY BETH: Harvey says these Afghans have been persecuted for years. And now with the Russians invading and all, and here in the United States it's the CIA, the INS... Oh, would you look at this. (shouting out ahead out of the car window) You're not allowed to put that stand in the middle of the street, mister!
CHRISTINE: (putting the red light on top of the car) Step on it, Lacey.
MARY BETH: I don't know if this constitutes an emergency.
CHRISTINE: That is an order!!!
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
(the car takes off, siren screaming. The jam has cleared)
CHRISTINE: Maybe we can hand it over to the UN.
(the car passes the United Nations Headquarters)

[Lieutenant Sabini's office]

SABINI: (shaking her hand) Well, I've heard a lot about you, Sergeant Cagney.
CHRISTINE: Oh, how nice.
SABINI: Please, have a seat. I'm Lieutenant Sabini by the way.
CHRISTINE: (putting on her best smile) Well, it's nice to meet you, Lieutenant.
SABINI: So, let's get down to brass tacks.

[Sergeant Trask's office]

TRASK: Caught any armed robbers at your precinct?
MARY BETH: About as many as anybody else, I guess.

[Lieutenant Sabini's office]

CHRISTINE: Oh, quite a lot, actually. (jovially) Probably more than any other people on the Squad.

[Sergeant Trask's office]

TRASK: You understand, that, if you're chosen for this task force, time doesn't matter.
MARY BETH: Sir?
TRASK: Twenty-six hour days. Eat, sleep and dream robbers. Now! With two children and a brand new baby at home maybe they're as much in your corner as you are.

[Lieutenant Sabini's office]

CHRISTINE: (still being jovial) I'm already married to my job. The more time I spend on it, the happier I am.

[Sergeant Trask's office]

MARY BETH: Oh, no sir. I mean, I love my family but I'd love this opportunity too. We're not talking about a commitment of months or anything here anyway. (Trask throws down Mary Beth's file and sits down opposite her) Are we, sir?

[Lieutenant Sabini's office]

SABINI: You got to be sergeant pretty quick. Do you think you'll be in trouble being in charge of some fellas with more years on the force than you?

[Sergeant Trask's office]

MARY BETH: I would say I'm a go-getter. Yes sir.

[Lieutenant Sabini's office]

CHRISTINE: I think I handle authority rather well actually. (still jovial) I enjoy it.

[Sergeant Trask's office]

TRASK: You'll have to be self-confident and decisive. Do you consider yourself decisive?
MARY BETH: I guess so. I mean er, I... I know er, I am. Yes. I er, yes ...I do.

[Lieutenant Sabini's office]

(Chris lets out a cackling laugh)

[Sergeant Trask's office]

MARY BETH: I mean, ...I know ...I am.

[Lieutenant Sabini's office]

(Chris is now standing up with her hand casually resting high on the doorpost)
CHRISTINE: That's authority for you, Lieutenant. A double-edged sword without a handle.
SABINI: (shaking her hand with both of his as they laugh) I'll see you soon.
CHRISTINE: You certainly will, Lieutenant. I look forward to it.
SABINI: Great!
CHRISTINE: Bye.
SABINI: Bye. (shouting after her) You'll be hearing from us.

[Outside One Police Plaza]

CHRISTINE: (punching her hand in the air) Aced it, Mary Beth! A hole-in-one. A clean sweep.
MARY BETH: Why do they always have to be men? They immediately... (Chris babbles on) Do none of them have children?
CHRISTINE: Did you ever hit a home run, Mary Beth?! (gesturing hitting the ball) Wooo! That ball arches over his head!
MARY BETH: I hope I didn't blow it for us, Christine. (Chris continues to babble) I'm going home. I've gotta get ready for this barbeque the neighbours invited us to.
CHRISTINE: Oh boy, we're gonna be in the land of the living.
MARY BETH: Let it go, all right, Christine, I'll see ya tomorrow.
CHRISTINE: You go and live behind an eight-foot hedge, pronto.
MARY BETH: Do you wanna live behind thick glass in a fancy apartment where nobody knows anybody. You have to have a key to get in the elevator. Terrific! (she goes to the kerb and hails a cab) We have an opportunity to get to know the neighbours. (a cab draws up and she opens the door) That is why we live in a community, Christine. (a man gets in the cab) It's important to me and Harvey.
(the cab drives off)
CHRISTINE: (shouting across to Mary Beth) Hey!
MARY BETH: What?!
CHRISTINE: Have a nice barbeque.
MARY BETH: Sign me out. All right?
CHRISTINE: You've got it.
MARY BETH: (hailing another cab) Hey!

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Chris signs the duo out. She is still on a noticeable high)
CHRISTINE: Sergeant to Sergeant, it's been a beautiful day, hasn't it Coleman?
COLEMAN: You all right?
CHRISTINE: Couldn't be better! You're a distinguished gentleman in your own right. Did you know that, Coleman? (fingering his moustache) You're getting a little distinguished just there where your lip droops.
(Coleman goes off pensively fingering his moustache)
PETRIE: That's it, Victor. You've got paperwork backed up on fourteen collars because you're arresting everyone that so much as ...blinks out there! (putting another file on top of the bundle Isbecki is already holding) Well, I've got a surprise for ya. I am not going to be the one that stays here to do it.
(Chris has come up to them)
CHRISTINE: Boys! Boys! (moving between them and putting her arms around their shoulders) This is not a time to squabble. Tonight's the night for relaxation and celebration.
ISBECKI: She's right, Marcus, why don't you go home to Claudia. Go to the movies. Relax. Take it easy. I'll stay here and handle this.
CHRISTINE: OK, Petrie, Take wings!
ISBECKI: Go on. I'll sign you out. (Petrie goes) Hey, Cagney, you fancy a coffee or something else, huh?
CHRISTINE: Not us, together, Victor.
CORASSA: (coming up to Coleman) Seen the "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"?
COLEMAN: Yeah, it was just a stranger.
CORASSA: (holding two bunches of files) Hey, Cagney, what about the partner I'm supposed to get?
CHRISTINE: (putting her arm around him) What's your problem, Corassa?
SAMUELS: (shouting from his office) Cagney!
CHRISTINE: Perhaps the Lieutenant wants me. Surprises, Corassa! Everybody wants me. (jovially) Coming, Lieutenant!
CORASSA: Yeah, but I...
ISBECKI: (coming up) I'll give you a hand, Corassa.
(both Corassa and then Coleman look aghast at Isbecki and walk away)

[Laceys' kitchen]

MARY BETH: All the other women had green bean and pimento salad, and salmon loaf and frump cake.
HARVEY: But the other women are on top. But neither are you or me. 'Oh, I worked for the City'. What was all that about?!
MARY BETH: I didn't want to go into it. I wanted to be a normal person for once. Everybody else is a high-flyer, why not me?
HARVEY: Because you are Mary Beth Lacey. You are not one of the gals.
MARY BETH: I am too! We talked about Good Neighbour Club and schooling. I'm as holy as the next person. So what was the dirty joke, Harve?
HARVEY: It was about a girl from The Bronx.
MARY BETH: Oh, Harvey.
HARVEY: Oh, come on, Mary Beth. I only laughed to be polite. I mean, you've gotta go along with these guys.
MARY BETH: Do you think we'll ever fit in?
HARVEY: I don't know. (holding a bowl of salad that has been brought back from the barbeque uneaten) Maybe I should have tossed this, huh?
(the phone rings)
MARY BETH: You should have made your spaghetti sauce, sweetheart.
(Mary Beth picks up the phone)

[Laceys' kitchen/Chris's loft]

MARY BETH: Hello. ...Oh, hi ya, Chris. ...Yes.
CHRISTINE: Hazrat's dead, Mary Beth. They found her outside Toby Parker's place. He's gone. She was cut up pretty bad.
MARY BETH: I'm on my way.

[Interview room]

TOBY PARKER: I never hurt her. I never did.
CHRISTINE: But she was living with you in your studio.
TOBY PARKER: Oh yes, so what? We hadn't even made it yet.
CHRISTINE: Well, that really must have put you out!
TOBY PARKER: Look, I'm a patient man, I'm not a killer.
MARY BETH: When was the last time that you spoke to her?
TOBY PARKER: It was last night, in the boutique. She came by to get the apartment keys. I hadn't made copies yet.
MARY BETH: She was planning on staying a while, huh?
TOBY PARKER: Oh yes, she had no place else to go.
MARY BETH: You mean she never mentioned any names? Did she have any other friends?
TOBY PARKER: Well, how should I know? All she ever ranted about was her family. How they called day and night. ... It was getting to be a drag.
CHRISTINE: So, let me get this straight. You asked the girl to come and live with you. She's got a wacko family. She ties up your studio. She makes your life miserable, but that's OK with you because you're cool. She doesn't even have any money, and if she does have, she probably got it off of you. You do all of this for her and she's not even sleeping with you! Do me a favour!
TOBY PARKER: I kind of dug her, OK? There's this kind of innocence there. She'd have made a really great model.
CHRISTINE: But you couldn't touch her. So you got tired of waiting and you stabbed the little bird and took off.
TOBY PARKER: I didn't kill her! Maybe you don't believe me but that's your problem! ...I don't think I should talk anymore until my Dad's lawyers get here.
CHRISTINE: Call 'em up, buster! But you better come up with something good because you're all we've got. And we're gonna tie this rap to you tighter than those slapped-up recipe makers.

[Precinct House front desk]

(the duo comes down the staircase from the interview room)
CHRISTINE: What do you think?
MARY BETH: I don't think so.
CHRISTINE: Really?
MARY BETH: He says he's got no priors.
CHRISTINE: I think you're right. What do we have to go on?
MARY BETH: How about the fiancée?
CHRISTINE: What's his name?
MARY BETH: Hafizulla.

[Hafizulla's]

(the duo comes into a room with walls hung with carpets)
MARY BETH: Look at this. It would certainly jazz up the rest room.
CHRISTINE: You should have this in your house.
HAFIZULLA: (handing them tea) I hope this is to your liking.
MARY BETH: Thank you.
CHRISTINE: Yes. Thank you.
HAFIZULLA: Now, how may I help you?
MARY BETH: Regarding Hazrat Musharaf. We understand you intended to marry her.
HAFIZULLA: Yes. And now she's a tragedy. ...Horrible. And how horribly common in this country.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
MARY BETH: How long did you know Hazrat?
HAFIZULLA: A year, perhaps. But that matters little. Our families knew each other for many years. I helped bring the children here after their parents were killed.
CHRISTINE: And you were to get Hazrat as some sort of a thank you?
HAFIZULLA: Not at all. I gave Abdullah a loan to start the store. During one of our meetings ...I met Hazrat. We were attracted ...immediately. Her brother was amenable to the match.
MARY BETH: When was the last time that you spoke to her?
HAFIZULLA: A week ago, I suppose.
MARY BETH: What did you talk about?
HAFIZULLA: Her feeling about our wedding had changed. She was no longer the daughter of Islam ...I had fallen in love with. It is hard for a traditional man to find a beautiful wife in this country.
CHRISTINE: If the wedding had taken place, what would have become of Abdullah's loan?
HAFIZULLA: There are no loans or debts within a family. The wealth, or lack of it, belongs to everyone.
MARY BETH: Did you discuss this with Abdullah?
HAFIZULLA: Of course. Sadly yesterday I had to withdraw from the marriage agreement. I heard she had left her home for another man. It was a great disappointment.
CHRISTINE: How's Abdullah's business doing?
HAFIZULLA: He's like his father. More a ...fighter than a man of business.
CHRISTINE: Thank you.

[Musharafs' apartment]

(the duo finds the door open and Zarghuna sitting there)
ZARGHUNA: You are too late.
MARY BETH: We're sorry about your sister, Miss. Musharaf.
CHRISTINE: Where is Abdullah?
ZARGHUNA: He is not here.
CHRISTINE: Are you sure?
ZARGHUNA: Go!!! (nodding towards another room) See for yourself.
CHRISTINE: When was the last time you saw him?
ZARGHUNA: I warned you. I told you again and again. But you did nothing.
(Chris goes to the other room)
MARY BETH: We understand this is hard for you.
ZARGHUNA: By our faith you too should be dead.
MARY BETH: Ah ha. Do you think you or your brother ever saw Hazrat as a person?
ZARGHUNA: We see a whole. You see only little pieces. You ask for Abdullah to murder her!
MARY BETH: We didn't accuse him of anything, Miss.
ZARGHUNA: Look at yourself! You caused her death. You should suffer the same.
(Chris comes back in)
MARY BETH: I have to warn you about making threats here.
ZARGHUNA: You have destroyed my family. Do you understand me? We came here to start again. Now they are gone! There is nothing left for me. Nothing!! I cannot say how much I despise you!
(Zarghuna goes to the other room. The duo just looks at one another for a long time)

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Petrie comes over to Isbecki who is typing)
PETRIE: I understand your burying yourself in your work. Do you know, ever since your mom died, Claudia's been meaning to invite you over to dinner.
ISBECKI: No, thank you. I'm really OK.
(a female uniformed officer comes up and puts some forms down by Isbecki)
UNIFORMED OFFICER: Coleman says you've gotta do these again. You've ticked the sixty-ones in the wrong boxes.
ISBECKI: (as Petrie goes to look at them Isbecki picks them up) Fine. Fine. No problem. I better do these before I do this. I can fix it.
PETRIE: Victor. Victor! Toss. Straight up in the air. ..Boom! Toss.
(Isbecki tosses the paperwork up in the air and laughs. The duo comes in)
COLEMAN: (handing her a message) Lacey.
MARY BETH: Thank you.
COLEMAN: (shouting after them) There's a gentleman waiting up in the interview room!

[Interview room]

(Abdullah is there)
ABDULLAH: I am here. What happens to me now?
MARY BETH: Do you wanna talk with a lawyer here?
ABDULLAH: There is no need. In my house we will always live by Islamic Law. But my house is in your country now. I broke your law. I place myself in your authority.
CHRISTINE: It's a peculiar system, Mr. Musharaf.
ABDULLAH: (his voice breaking) I did not go there to kill her. I tried to get her to come back. If you do not want to marry him, I told her, we will find somebody else. She refused. She had lost her soul.

[Precinct House front desk]

(the duo comes down the staircase)
CHRISTINE: So, he didn't do it for the money. He killed her because she lost her soul.
MARY BETH: Maybe.
CHRISTINE: It's still murder.
MARY BETH: Yeah.

[Samuels' office]

CHRISTINE: You wanted to see us, Lieutenant?
SAMUELS: (closing the door) Yeah, I got something I want to talk to you about here. I just got word about the Task Force. ...You didn't get it.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: It's a political thing, really.
CHRISTINE: That's impossible! We knocked 'em out with our interviews!!
MARY BETH: You did, Sergeant. I didn't. It was me, wasn't it, sir? That's OK. I can learn from my mistakes. Being interviewed is an art.
SAMUELS: Oh, no, Lacey, er, you rated very highly. It was Cagney who was rejected.
CHRISTINE: What?!!!
SAMUELS: I couldn't figure it either, Sergeant. I've been checking around, it turns out that Lieutenant Sabini used to partner with our old friend, Hennessey.
CHRISTINE: Hennessey?
SAMUELS: I guess, when he realised that it was you who blew the whistle on his buddy for sexual harassment, that was ...pits for you.
CHRISTINE: Dirty, lousy...
MARY BETH: I'll leave you to it, sir.
(Mary Beth leaves)
CHRISTINE: He knew who I was through that whole interview.
SAMUELS: It's possible.
CHRISTINE: Possible, my butt!!! That man was playing me the whole damn time, Lieutenant!! I never had the chance of a snowball in hell!
SAMUELS: The hands of the clock meet.
CHRISTINE: What in the hell is that supposed to mean?! ...Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: It means that sometimes the dog bites back! What you did with Hennessey, I'm awfully glad you did. There's always gonna be someone in this Department who's gonna hate you for it, and you're gonna have to learn to live with that.
CHRISTINE: Well, I'm not gonna sit here and be made a fool of!!
SAMUELS: Well, I would appreciate it if you would. ...Just for now. There's gonna be plenty of other task forces, and I would like you to consider, Sergeant, there's other people here, beside yourself, affected by this.
CHRISTINE: (after a pause for consideration) Thank you, Lieutenant.

[Ladies room]

(Chris comes in)
MARY BETH: Been quite a morning, huh?
CHRISTINE: Listen,...
MARY BETH: You win some, you lose some. Or maybe if you lose some, you lose some more.
CHRISTINE: I'm sorry, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: What do you have to be sorry about? They just ripped us off. That's nothing to do with you.
CHRISTINE: Well it does. And now you're getting jumped on too.
MARY BETH: I was the one that told you to do it. And you did the right thing, Christine. He deserved to be turned in. I mean, in the last few minutes I have been over and over the whole thing, and believe me ...it doesn't go anywhere. Now what am I supposed to do? Yell at you?
CHRISTINE: Well, if you wanna be angry with somebody, I'm voting for me.
MARY BETH: All right, Christine, I am. Disappointed. All right? (going to the door and turning back) You got your promotion, and I missed a shot at mine. Because you stood up to some creep a hundred years ago and made enemies. So, it's you and I'm angry with you because ...you're all mixed up in my thing. And it's also not you, Christine. And it's the circumstances and the way the machine works. You and I... ...There's no control here. Do you understand me?
CHRISTINE: There's control here, Mary Beth! What do you think Sabini and his good old boys have their hands on? And as long as you're my partner you are pulled down with me, and you've inherited my garbage, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: It's not your fault, Christine.
CHRISTINE: What does it matter? We both got ripped off. Do you think I'm ever gonna make lieutenant now? Oh, no, they're make sure that this loud-mouthed hippie is right here where they want her!!
MARY BETH: So, shall we shrug our shoulders and walk away? We did that with Hazrat and she died for it.
CHRISTINE: That's not true. I wanted that girl to get her chance. I wanted her to go West and see the Grand Canyon and ...make love in Malibu. Whatever was it was she wanted. But I couldn't make that happen anymore than you and I could stop her mixed-up brother from stabbing her half a dozen times. But that doesn't mean that we're passive! We fight! ...You and I, every damned day!!
(Mary Beth comes back and looks Chris straight in the eyes)
MARY BETH: Cogs.
CHRISTINE: What?!
MARY BETH: Cogs. In a machine, the wheel. They call them cogs.
CHRISTINE: Or whatever.
MARY BETH: (as they walk out) What do you say, we go on grubbing it out each day, and then eventually we'll make a difference. Right?
CHRISTINE: No. (straightening Mary Beth's lapels) But we look great!

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