Original Airdate: January 20, 1986

[Laceys' lounge/kitchen]

MARY BETH: (checking the fridge) Michael, I'm not accusing anybody here but we've got missing cheese. Santa Lucia mozzarella, purchased Saturday at Battaglia's deli, suddenly vanished under mysterious circumstances. Do you have any idea who the perpetrator might be?
MARY BETH: Michael? How do you think we help Christine on a case like this?
MICHAEL: Well, I could go get some more.
MARY BETH: That's a good idea. ...Come on. ...OK. It's four twenty-nine precisely. You go straight there. You come straight back. Here is five dollars. I want the change. And you've got exactly seven minutes from 'Go'. ...Ready? ...Five. (Michael crouches down in the start position) ...Four. ...Three. Two. One. Go! (he races out of the door which she has opened) Michael!
(she sits down with a newspaper but very quickly closes her eyes and nods off, only to be awakened by the sound of skidding tyres. She looks out of the window and sees a boy laying face down in the road. She gasps. A man gets back into an estate wagon and drives off. Mary Beth rushes downstairs)

[Street in Queens outside the Laceys' apartment building]

(a crowd has gathered around the boy)
PASSERS-BY: (as the man drives off) Hey! ...Stop! ...Where are you going?!
MARY BETH: (pushing her way through) Let me through! Let me through, please. I'm a police officer. Let me through, please!
(she looks down fearing the worst)
MICHAEL: (coming back) Ma!
MARY BETH: (as a passer-by turns the boy over) No, don't move that boy! (she puts her coat over the boy) Michael! Michael, get over here. (he kneels down beside the boy) Listen, I want you to get upstairs as fast as you can. Call nine-one-one for the ambulance and speak slowly. When you give the address, make sure they get it right. (she gives him a kiss) OK. Go! Go! (to the boy) All right. Everything is gonna be all right. (a woman rushes up anxiously) Everybody wants to step back about ten steps. Mrs. Dashevski, a lot of these things are force majeure. So just talk to him. Make sure he doesn't move. All right? Make sure he doesn't move. Ambulance is coming. OK. All right. Just listen up, everybody. I've got at least to take your statements. Anybody who witnessed this. Let's just backup here, shall we? Anybody got a pencil and paper? (as Mrs. Dashevski talks to the unconscious boy, Mary Beth asks a passer by) What's your name?

[Chris's loft/Laceys' lounge Kitchen]

(Chris is on the phone in bed)
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, what were you doing questioning witnesses? The doctor said you'd deliver early. You're supposed to stay in your apartment with your feet up! (David Keeler gets back into bed and gives her a glass of wine) Harvey must have had a fit.
MARY BETH: Harvey and the doctor did not see what I saw, Christine.
CHRISTINE: Well, how's the kid?
MARY BETH: I don't know yet. Harvey took Mrs. Dashevski to the hospital. They said they'd call when they know something.
CHRISTINE: Then we probably shouldn't tie up the phone.
MARY BETH: Listen, I'm so glad you're are home. It was good to talk to somebody. (to David who is canoodling her) Yeah, well take it easy. OK?
MARY BETH: Yeah. Er, good luck with taking over night shift, Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: Oh yeah. Piece of cake, Mary Beth. Running graveyard for two weeks will be like a vacation.
MARY BETH: Oh, I gotta go. There's somebody knocking at my door.
CHRISTINE: Ah ha. Mine too! (she rings off and David is all over her) It's very late. ...I had to answer the phone.

[Laceys' lounge/kitchen]

(two uniformed officers are there)
UNIFORMED OFFICER #1: It's a little hard to ascertain the degree of inebriation from a sixth floor window, now wouldn't you agree, Mrs. Lacey?
MARY BETH: Detective Lacey, Fourteenth Squad. I'm on leave but I have an ID. And, No, I could not testify in a court of law that the perpetrator was drunk but he certainly appeared to be. He's a male Caucasian, reddish hair, forty-five to fifty years old, between five-ten and six feet tall, approximately a hundred and fifty, a hundred and seventy-five pounds. He's got a beige three-quarter trench coat over a grey suit. You got that. The vehicle said 'Thompson Properties' on the side. I have statements from several witnesses. With a little hard work we can get this guy behind bars in a couple of hours. Am I right.
UNIFORMED OFFICER #1: We already have him, Detective. The driver dropped a dime on himself. He called him from a payphone.
HARVEY: (coming in the door) Mary Beth!
MARY BETH: Excuse me. Mrs. Dashevski, how is Anton?
MRS. DASHEVSKI: The doctors, they could not tell me. They say that Anton is still in a...
(she turns to Harvey)
HARVEY: In a coma. They don't know when he'll come out of it.
MARY BETH: He'll be OK, Mrs. Dashevski.
HARVEY: Mrs. Dashevski's gonna get a couple of things (to Mrs. Dashevski) and I'm gonna take you back to Queens General.
UNIFORMED OFFICER #1: Excuse me. There's a hearing at ten o'clock in the morning, Mrs. Dashevski. You should be there, if you can.
MARY BETH: They got the man who hit your son. The hearing is for him.
MRS. DASHEVSKI: I'm sorry, I do not understand. What is 'a hearing'?
MARY BETH: Don't worry. I'll go with ya. (Harvey looks up) I'll explain everything.

[Chris's loft]

DAVID KEELER: (getting out of bed and putting his dressing gown on) All I'm trying to say is, that a guy who's had one too many, is not a criminal in the same sense as say, an armed robber or a rapist.
CHRISTINE: David! If you haul me off in a body bag, it doesn't matter if the weapon's a thirty-eight Smith and Wesson or a eighty-six sedan. It is still murder!
DAVID KEELER: From the police viewpoint.
CHRISTINE: From anybody's viewpoint!!
DAVID KEELER: The guy was probably too bombed to know what he was doing.
CHRISTINE: He left the boy in the road to die!!!
DAVID KEELER: The point is he did not intentionally set out to hurt anyone!
CHRISTINE: Oh, I see, you have a couple of shooters before you hit the road, huh? And to hell with individual responsibility! I mean, if anything happened, it was just the other guy's tough luck, huh?! (going into the bathroom and closing the door) Excuse me, please! (David rips open the door which offens Chris) I beg your pardon?!
DAVID KEELER: Drinking and driving if you're responsible is stupid and dangerous. And I bet about ninety percent of the social drinkers in this country have done it. Including you.
CHRISTINE: When I drive I always stop at two. (closing the bathroom door and then reopening it) Maybe three. So when I get behind the wheel I make certain that I drive with extreme caution.
DAVID KEELER: You do, huh?
DAVID KEELER: That's what they all say.
(she slams the door)

[Detectives' Squad room]

(the shift members are whiling away the time)

[Samuels' office]

(Chris is working on a small model sailing ship. A pair of shift officers creep in, stooping and laughing and sit down. One is wearing a beret)
CHRISTINE: That's a monk's hat.
MONK: Yeah, I told you. They call me The Monk.
CHRISTINE: The Monk, that's right (to the other officer) and Detective Uzacki.
MONGOOSE: Tut, tut, tut. The Mongoose.
CHRISTINE: The Monk and The Mongoose. Of course. Ha.
CHRISTINE: How are we tonight?!
MONK: Okey...
MONGOOSE: ...dokey!
(they spot a pile of envelopes on the desk and pick them up and start shuffling through them)
CHRISTINE: Oh! ...yes, I'll tell you, your cheques are right here. Oh, actually I'm glad you came in, gentlemen, because I want to say I know how difficult it is when there is somebody new (retrieving the rest of the cheques) ..well, ...in charge.
MONK: Difficult for you, already, Sergeant?
CHRISTINE: No, no, I mean, well for you, Monk. You've been in charge of this shift for one year now.
MONK: Eighteen months!
CHRISTINE: Right!! Ha, ha. Well, being second whip, I will be doing the graveyard shift for two weeks, familiarising myself with the routine. And Detectives Isbecki and Petrie also, for days, doing their rotation and I see no reason, well, we can't all coexist in peace and harmony.
MONGOOSE: Nothing that I can see does.
CHRISTINE: Thanks a lot.
MONGOOSE: (producing a tin) Have a nut.
CHRISTINE: (taking the tin) Oh, thank you. (Chris opens the tin and two fake snakes spring out. The officers collapse with laughter) Oh golly, golly, I love practical jokes. So let's try and make this experience as pleasant as possible. Shall we? Er, you continue with your routine and I will certainly do nothing to interfere.
MONK: We have no routine except of being second whip! Ha, ha, ha.
CHRISTINE: (getting up) Well, whatever it is that you do ...do, just continue to do it. (throwing the snakes in their laps) Okey ..dokey.
MONK: Okey...
MONGOOSE: ...dokey!
(they all break out laughing)
CHRISTINE: (as the pair leave) Good-bye!
(Petrie and Isbecki come in)
PETRIE: Eight million stories in The Naked City and there goes two of them.
ISBECKI: I feel I've already earned my next week's pay cheque.
CHRISTINE: They're there, gentlemen. ...Marcus, you've shaved your moustache!
PETRIE: Yeah, I got tired of wiping it off.
ISBECKI: (handing Petrie his cheque) I hope that never happens to me.
CHRISTINE: I like it! That's good.
PETRIE: (looking at the ship) I didn't know you had a hobby, Chris.
CHRISTINE: It's not a hobby. It's a present for my father. He made one for me on my tenth birthday. He was doing models for months. Every spare moment he had. He even made me a steam yacht.
PETRIE: What happened to it?
CHRISTINE: I lost it when we moved. I started this one in high school when I got grounded.
ISBECKI: Cagney, my pay cheque is missing.
CHRISTINE: It's there. It's there, Isbecki. keep looking.
ISBECKI: No, it's not. It's gone.
CHRISTINE: (getting up) It can't be.
(there is loud laughing from the pair out in the Squad room. They are looking at some papers)

[Laceys' lounge/kitchen]

CHRISTINE: I'm in charge, Mary Beth. I am responsible. Three pay cheques, and an arrest report, all of which are now missing!
MARY BETH: Would you relax! They'll turn up. Why don't you go home and get some sleep?
CHRISTINE: We had a row. About my drinking.
MARY BETH: Is that why I have the pleasure of your company?
CHRISTINE: No, I thought if I had a drive to Queens it might relax me.
MARY BETH: You mean 'put you to sleep'?
CHRISTINE: I think it's a lousy idea that you're going to this hearing, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Oh, don't start on me. Sonia Dashevski needs me and I'm gonna go.
CHRISTINE: What about your baby?!!!
MARY BETH: I am not endangering this baby. (there is a knock at the door) Excuse me. (opening the door) Hi. Mrs. Dashevski, this is my partner, Christine Cagney. I'm almost ready to go.
CHRISTINE: How do you do.
MRS. DASHEVSKI: Mrs. Lacey, I don't know what to do.
MARY BETH: Why? What's wrong? Is it Anton?
MRS. DASHEVSKI: No. No change since I left the hospital. But the Office of the District Attorney. They say this hearing, it has been cancelled. They say to me that the man who hurt my boy has made a ...bargain?
CHRISTINE: Plea bargain.
MARY BETH: Yeah. A plea bargain. It's when the criminal makes a deal, to be punished for a lesser crime than ...he actually committed.
MRS. DASHEVSKI: To bargain for justice?
CHRISTINE: Well, sometimes it's the only way that you can be sure that someone is punished.
MARY BETH: Yeah, only this time it's wrong. I'm gonna do something about it.
MRS. DASHEVSKI: You can stop this?!
MARY BETH: Well, I can do the best I ca...
CHRISTINE: Mrs. Dashevski, would you excuse me just one moment. I would like to speak with Mary Beth.
CHRISTINE: What do you think you're doing?
MARY BETH: What's it look like I'm doing? I'm going down the Queens DA and give somebody a hard time.
CHRISTINE: Remember the doctor. Remember Harvey! Why don't you just turn it over to the One-Sixteen.
MARY BETH: They've had a go already. They'll blow the whole thing!
CHRISTINE: You're getting upset.
MARY BETH: I'm not the one getting upset! You're upset and Harvey's upset. The doctor is upset but I am not upset. The DA has no right knocking down the charges against some crud like this. Sayonara. (to Mrs. Dashevski and opening the door) We're going out! I'm not gonna let it happen, Christine!!
(Chris closes the door and stares at Mary Beth)

[DA Mildred Carver's office]

DA CARVER: (as she takes a cactus from Chris outside the office) Thanks, Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: Not at all.
DA CARVER: My daughter played a mean trick on this guy. (carrying the cactus into the office) Dug him out of the California desert where he was camping and sends him to me in Queens, ...where he's miserable. She's going to USA Law School. Want's to be a defence attorney. I don't know. You try to raise 'em right and somehow it turns out all wrong.
CHRISTINE: Uh huh. Look, er, Mrs. Carver, Carl Thompson has had seven priors over ten years. Eyewitnesses saw him drunk at the scene and now you wanna knock a Driving While Intoxicated down to a misdemeanour. Why?!
DA CARVER: It's a sense of wobbling. Your witnesses lacked credibility. In the first place they were too far away. Secondly, they're not experts. His lawyer would slice 'em and dice 'em.
CHRISTINE: One of my eye witnesses is an off-duty cop, who happens to be my partner, saw him leave the scene!
DA CARVER: His attorney says he went to search for a police car.
CHRISTINE: Oh, bull!
DA CARVER: Wait! It gets better. (reading from the file) 'In shock, he was unable to find the elusive police car so he stopped at a payphone and promptly called the police DD'.
CHRISTINE: Exactly. Three miles from the scene, in a bar! He turned the breathalyser cold.
DA CARVER: According to his attorney 'Thompson knocked back several Martinis after calling the police ...to steady his nerves. He claims he failed the breathalyser for alcohol consumed after the accident'.
CHRISTINE: Mrs. Carver, he can't sell this story to you and me. How is he gonna sell it to a jury?
DA CARVER: Ha! There isn't one of them who hasn't left the Christmas party on rubbery legs. Look, in six months I retire. Before that over a thousand DWIs will roll through this office. I'd like to prosecute as many winners as I can. The rest are a waste of time and energy. That's my story, Sergeant. Now, what's yours? Why are you so interested in this case?

[Laceys' lounge/kitchen]

MARY BETH: So? Then what happened?
CHRISTINE: So that's when I brought up an Independent Reckless Act.
MARY BETH: Perfect! Smart, Christine. You were really on your toes.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I thought so. Anyway she went for it. We find a witness who can testify that Thompson was too drunk to drive before the accident, Carver will slam Thompson. She will also delay disposition of the case ...for three days.
MARY BETH: Three days?!
CHRISTINE: But once they find we've got one that sticks... It's not a lot of time to find our witness. Good night, Mary Beth.

[Corridor outside the Laceys' apartment]

(later Mary Beth is on her way out as Harvey comes home)
MARY BETH: Hi honey. I left you a note. The leftover cannelloni is warming up in the oven. Harvey Jr.'s on the telephone and Michael's got his nose stuck in a comic. Now would you remind them that they said they'd do the dishes.
HARVEY: (as she rushes off) Slow down, Mary Beth! What's going on, huh?
MARY BETH: I've gotta go and see a bartender.
HARVEY: No, Mary Beth!! You are not!
MARY BETH: Harvey, Christine got us three days from the DA's Office. Now it's not a lot of time to build a case but the One-Sixteen says that the drunken driver called from O'Callahan's Bar.
HARVEY: Somebody else can build a case, Mary Beth. You're building a baby.
MARY BETH: Yeah. Oh, yeah, we're so lucky. (he gives her a kiss) We're so lucky, honey, we've got the baby. ...And we've got the boys. We've got each other. Mrs. Dashevski's only got her son. And she doesn't know tonight whether or not her son's gonna live or die. And the One-Sixteen says that they're too short to spare somebody else. So...
HARVEY: Call this bartender, Mary Beth. Ask him these questions over the phone.
MARY BETH: Oh, that's not the same thing, Harvey! I gotta look in their faces.
HARVEY: You wanna have this baby early? The doctor said it could happen.
MARY BETH: Well, what do want me to do? Sit home?!
HARVEY: Hey, look, Mary Beth, it is my baby too and you are gonna wear yourself out.
MARY BETH: You know what wears me out?! The thought of some man staggering back to his car with a boy laying in the street. It could have been Michael!
HARVEY: Yeah, I know.
MARY BETH: There's a whole lot of things that could happen to a kid in this city, Harvey. Most of which I can't do anything about. But I could get a drunken driver off the streets. ...At least I could try.
HARVEY: It's hard for you, me being home all day.
MARY BETH: Oh, honey, it's your slow season. That slow season... Your slow season is gonna be over in couple of weeks. I'll bet you'll have a million jobs. I mean, I can feel it getting warmer every day. (they have a couple of pecks) Look, I've got an address here for O'Callahan's Bar. Do you wanna help me find it?
HARVEY: (taking the address) I've got a better idea.

[O'Callahan's Bar]

HARVEY: (to the bartender) Yeah, my old man, he used to take me to the fights all the time. Storey against Giardello. Old Hammering Hank. Let me ask you a question. Who was the toughest guy you ever fought?
PADDY: Oh, Giardello was tough. They were all tough. You know, I'm loving this little stroll down Memory Lane. But you didn't come here to talk fighters, now did ya?! ...Officer.
HARVEY: No, no. You've got me all wrong. Harvey Lacey, that's me. You see, I'm a contractor, not a cop. But you're half right. I didn't come here to talk fighters. Yesterday a drunk driver hit my neighbour's kid. He's still in a coma. He's my son's age. The driver called the cops from here. Do you remember the guy?
PADDY: I remember him. Came in here to put a call in to his lawyer.
HARVEY: Was he drunk when he arrived? It's real important.
PADDY: Maybe drunk. Maybe in shock. Drinking enough coffee down him. Then his lawyer calls him back and the guy starts socking away vodka Martinis.
HARVEY: And then he calls the cops?
PADDY: He even had a few more, waiting for the cops. I should have served the guy a bottle and a straw. Drank like he had something to prove.

[Precinct House room]

(Monk, with Mongoose watching, is firing arrows from a bow at a photo of Knelman pinned to a dart board)
MONK: This one's gonna widen the Inspector's parting.
(just then Isbecki opens the door to come in. The arrow sticks in the door)
MONK: Oh, oops. Sorry!

[Detectives' Squad room]

COLEMAN: I've got a message for you, Cagney.
CHRISTINE: I don't wanna hear it. I want slumber. I just wanna go home.
COLEMAN: Do you want this message or what? Lacey called. Says she needs ya. It sounded like an emergency.
CHRISTINE: What do you mean? It sounded like. Was it or wasn't it?!
COLEMAN: Sounded important! I didn't rate it.
CHRISTINE: (having tried the phone) Oh, damn it! Keep trying Lacey and tell her I'm on my way.
SAMUELS: (coming up holding an arrow) Cagney! What the hell is this?!
CHRISTINE: (as she runs out) It's an arrow, Lieutenant.

[Laceys' lounge/kitchen]

CHRISTINE: (bursting in) Is it time?!
CHRISTINE: Coleman said it was an emergency. I thought it was the baby!
MARY BETH: I didn't say 'emergency'. I said 'very important'.
CHRISTINE: (relieved) Oh. I thought it was the baby. ...Why am I here? What's so important?
MARY BETH: Well, Mrs. Dashevski called this morning and she said Anton came out of the coma.
CHRISTINE: Oh, that's terrific, huh?
MARY BETH: Yeah, but they think that he might have brain damage. And he's gotta have specialist bone surgery on his left leg. Doctor said it'll cost a hell of a lot of money.
CHRISTINE: Well, if she's got no-fault insurance she'll get charges against the driver's insurance company.
MARY BETH: No. No, Christine. She doesn't have no-fault insurance. No-fault insurance only goes up to fifty thousand dollars. Now with the operations that Anton's gotta have, and therapy, they said it could cost up to a hundred thousand dollars.
CHRISTINE: So, she can sue for pain and sufferance.
MARY BETH: Well, no, it's not enforceable, Christine. Not until we get Thompson. And if he's in jail, they can still make him pay in a civil conviction.
(Mary Beth offers Chris a cookie on a plate)
CHRISTINE: What is this? ...Ah! You invited me over here just so I could do something for you.
MARY BETH: It's not a lot, Chris. I would do it myself but Harve said it might snow and he made me swear to stay in.
CHRISTINE: (putting her head on her hand) I'm getting...
MARY BETH: One little thing.
CHRISTINE: I'm tired. I haven't had any sleep at all!
MARY BETH: We only have two days left, Chris.
CHRISTINE: We!!! It isn't even our case!! (getting up to leave) Forget it!
MARY BETH: This will take you all of forty-five minutes. No more. Listen, Thompson said in his statement that he had lunch at a place called The Marquee. Go to The Marquee, talk to the bartender, see if he remembers Thompson.
CHRISTINE: (grabbing the address from Mary Beth) Oh, is that all!! And while I'm there you want me to interview all the regular clients?!
MARY BETH: Gee, that'd be great!
CHRISTINE: You're obsessed, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: No, I'm not obsessed!
CHRISTINE: You're obsessed.
MARY BETH: I'm not the one who gets obsessed. You're the one that gets obsessed. (taking the address back) Hey! if it's an imposition, forget I asked.
CHRISTINE: Don't do that!!
CHRISTINE: If I don't go to The Marquee, you'll go. Right?
MARY BETH: I didn't say that.
CHRISTINE: Of course not. That'd be a little obvious.
(Chris grabs the address back and Mary Beth ushers her out and then gives her a thumbs up)

[Carl Thompson's office]

CHRISTINE: I just visited The Marquee. Your boss had lunch there with a Mr. Prokosoli prior to the accident.
SECRETARY: He's from Boston. He's interested in some incomes property. I made the reservation. Look, Mr. Thompson did not intentionally hurt that boy. He is not a criminal.
CHRISTINE: He's sick. This his seventh drunk driving charge in ten years. The bartender I just visited says he needs some help.
SECRETARY: Look, maybe this is hard for you to understand but he happens to be a wonderful man.
CHRISTINE: (looking at her notebook) After Mr. Prokosoli left, Mr. Thompson went into the bar. He had a drink with an attractive redhead. Hm. I can't make out my own handwriting! What's her name?
SECRETARY: I wouldn't know. Listen, I have a lot of work to do and I don't wanna answer any more questions.
CHRISTINE: Well, they left in his car around one-thirty. The accident occurred around four-thirty. Where do you think he was for three hours?
SECRETARY: I have no idea. (leaping to her feet) I want you to leave now!!!
CHRISTINE: Look, I understand you being afraid of losing your job because you're gonna have to tell your boss that you talked to me.
SECRETARY: I am not gonna help you put Carl Thompson in jail!!
CHRISTINE: Even if that's where he belongs.
SECRETARY: (sitting back down and starting to cry) Go away. I don't want to lose him.

[Laceys' lounge/kitchen]

MARY BETH: Is this Chris Cagney I'm talking to? Chris Cagney who pushed me into worse lawsuits, I don't know how many times when it was something she wanted.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth. It's so nice to do somebody a favour and then have her take pot shots at your character.
MARY BETH: You're right. I'm sorry.
CHRISTINE: No you're not, you're mad. But I think it's hopeless.
MARY BETH: I'm mad only because you wanna give up! And forget about it like everybody else. Nobody can make the problem go away, so nobody should try.
CHRISTINE: That is not what I said!
MARY BETH: Everyone wants to sweep it under the carpet. The ones that care are looking for a quick conviction. So what! If Carl Thompson sometimes has a bit too many and then gets in his car. We've all been there ourselves. So what?!
CHRISTINE: Do you wanna wait a minute, Mary Beth,...
MARY BETH: We've all seen cops go out and get smashed right after they've arrested a drunk driver. And we all know cops and lawyers and judges who drive drunk is no big deal. Too bad about that kid being in a hospital. Right?!
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, you're not being very rational about this. I'm gonna go home. OK?
MARY BETH: Sure, you don't wanna look at it either. Three drinks, Christine. That's nothing for you but that's all it takes to be legally drunk.
CHRISTINE: (turning back from the door) What is that supposed to mean?
MARY BETH: I got kids. I got a different point of view on drinking.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I see. You don't drink and I do. So that makes me one of those cops you were talking about?!
MARY BETH: I didn't mean you personally.
CHRISTINE: The hell you did.
MARY BETH: You're overreacting.
CHRISTINE: And you talk before you think!! (tuning back from stalking out) Let me tell you something. Drinking does not a drunkard make!!! I am very much aware of what I drink and how much I drink! I am not irresponsible! I do not drive drunk! And I do not think a drunk driver should get off lightly! Because the problem with my drinking is yours, ...Mary Beth! Not mine!
(Chris leaves, slamming the door)


DAVID KEELER: (to a waiter) Nothing for me. Chris? Drink?
CHRISTINE: Sure. I'll have a Bloody Mary.
(the waiter takes away the dregs of her first Bloody Mary. David is drinking a glass of wine)
DAVID KEELER: It's the first time I've ever seen you drink anything but Scotch.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, with lunch maybe. This is breakfast.
DAVID KEELER: Here's to the ladies who can hold their booze, whatever it is. (looking at another table) I'm not surprised, but at least he's having a great time.
CHRISTINE: Well. Hey! If you don't have a good time, what's the point?
DAVID KEELER: Are these hours catching up with you?
CHRISTINE: Hell, no! I love burning the candle at both ends. Working for my partner all day long in the City of New York all night. It makes me feel needed, you know.
DAVID KEELER: Let it go for a while.
CHRISTINE: It must be my lucky day. Women that hold their liquor are still in demand.
DAVID KEELER: That was a compliment, Chris. Are you trying to pick a fight?
DAVID KEELER: Hey, if it helps, I'll slow down.
CHRISTINE: (after a long pause) Do you think I have a problem with booze?
DAVID KEELER: No. You like to drink. So do I.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I do! I mean, look at people. Charlie really used to have a good time. I remember when I was a little girl, he used to let me sit on his lap and have some of his beer. 'Chrissie' he'd say 'if you can't hold your liquor, you're not old enough to drink'. (as they chuckle) He was so funny. Kind of silly too. ...I'm sure Charlie... But I never really thought about it at the time. ...I never noticed the progression. ...And then one night a few months after he retired, I took this call from Flannery's. They told me to come down and get him. ...That was the first time that I had to put Charlie to bed. ...The first of many. (the Bloody Mary arrives) ...I know the doctor's right. Charlie knows it too. He's an alcoholic. ...It's a disease, you know? ...The doctor said that if you don't lay off the booze, one of two things could happen. ...You either go insane or die. ...They say it can run in the family.
DAVID KEELER: Your doctor told you?
CHRISTINE: No. (looking across at the other table) Do you think a candelabra would help?
(he shakes his head)

[Laceys' bedroom]

MARY BETH: You know, you don't have to do this, honey.
HARVEY: It's not a major drug bust, Mary Beth. I'm just gonna find out the redhead's name.
(he goes into the bathroom)
MARY BETH: Maybe I'm pushing too hard.
MARY BETH: Maybe I'm pushing both you and Chris too hard.
HARVEY: Not me, babe, I wanna do it.
MARY BETH: She was so mad, Harvey.
HARVEY: Chris'll get over it.
MARY BETH: I mean, I didn't mean to upset her. But I don't wanna give up on this one if there's still a chance.
HARVEY: I'm with you a hundred percent. (coming in from the bathroom in a Hawaiian shirt) How do I look.
MARY BETH: Is that that shirt your cousin Stanley gave you that you promised you'd never wear?
HARVEY: Perfect for The Marquee. I hear it's a hot pickup joint.
MARY BETH: You need some gold chains, Harve.

[The Marquee]

GIRL #1: (coming up) I love that silk. Do you live alone?
HARVEY: I'm just waiting for someone.
GIRL #1: (going off) Aren't we all.
GIRL #2: Do you want to talk to me?
HARVEY: Oh, no, no, Miss., I don't want to be rude, but the only reason I'm here is because of my wife.
GIRL #2: (wanting to dance) Yeah, let's shake it.
HARVEY: No, no, it's not. I just wanna talk to the day bartender. They said he would be here.
GIRL #2: OK. You're looking at the day bartender. What can I do for you?

[Laceys' bedroom]

(Harvey is putting the Hawaiian shirt back on a hanger)
HARVEY: Tomorrow we get a name. The bartender promised.
MARY BETH: But if she only knows this redhead by sight, right?
HARVEY: I'm just gonna wait 'til she comes in and find out her name. Simple, huh?
MARY BETH: Yeah, if the bartender's playing straight with you.
HARVEY: I gave her twenty bucks to make sure.
MARY BETH: What, you did... Oh, I don't know if that was such a hot idea, Harve.
HARVEY: I thought cops do it all the time.
MARY BETH: Only in the movies. I mean, I just think... Five dollars, maybe. ...After she came through with the name.
HARVEY: Yeah? Well, it's worth twenty bucks if we get that witness. (giving her a kiss) Sleep tight, baby.
MARY BETH: Yeah, you too.
(Mary Beth turns out the light)
HARVEY: Tomorrow's a big day!
HARVEY: We get that witness and, ...pow, we nail Thompson.
HARVEY: Boy, this police work is hard to turn off.
MARY BETH: It's hard, Harve, but ...do it.

[Chris's loft/Laceys' lounge/kitchen]

(she is laying in bed. She slaps the empty pillow next to her. The clock is keeping her awake. She puts her own pillow over her head. The phone rings)
MARY BETH: Good morning. I wanted to talk to you before you went to bed. I hope you weren't asleep.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I wasn't, Mary Beth. It's sweet of you to ask.
MARY BETH: Listen, Chris, about yesterday. I'm sorry if you misunderstood what I said.
CHRISTINE: Was that supposed to be an apology?
MARY BETH: Christine,...
CHRISTINE: Forget it, OK? Mary Beth. It's over! All right?
MARY BETH: If you say so. I called to tell you that Harvey got a couple of leads.
CHRISTINE: Wonderful. Congratulate him for me.
MARY BETH: First there's the bartender at The Marquee. She may be able to identify the redhead. But in case she doesn't pan out, Harvey called one of his workers, Ramone. Ramone tells Harvey that the reason The Marquee's got to be such a popular place is because of the Dobbs Hideaway Motel right down the street. It's very convenient for some people.
CHRISTINE: Let me guess. You want me to go check 'em out.
MARY BETH: Well, Harvey wanted to, but then he had to take Michael to the dentist. You wouldn't have to go until you wake up.
CHRISTINE: I'll try, OK, Mary Beth, but in order to wake up I have to go to sleep first. Good night, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: (Chris having rung off) Thanks, Chris. ...Good night.

[Chris's loft]

(a dripping tap in the bathroom is keeping her awake)
CHRISTINE: Dobbs Hideaway Motel!
(she goes and turns off the tap and then gets out a glass and pours herself a generous shot of Scotch. She considers it and then throws it down the sink and gets back into bed. There is a knock at the door, twice. She gets up and opens the door. There are two women standing there) WOMAN #1: Good morning. We're Jehovah's Witnesses.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I'm terribly sorry. You caught me at a bad time. I'm on my way to the Dobbs Hideaway Motel.
(she closes the door)

[Dobbs Hideaway Motel]

MANAGER: Yeah. ....Yeah, yeah, yeah. (looking at a photo) Mr. Smith, the last of the big tippers. He sends me to the liquor store for a fifth. Tells me I can finish what he and the lady don't. Now what they don't finish would fit in a thimble.
CHRISTINE: The lady. Tell me about her.
MANAGER: Ah! A redheaded stallion.
MANAGER: I used to work burlesque. All the girls were classified by physique.
MANAGER: The tall ones were stallions and the short ones were ponies. She wasn't no pony!
CHRISTINE: What did he call the stallion by name?
MANAGER: She wore a necklace with gold letters. R, I, T, A.
CHRISTINE: Brilliant.

[The Marquee]

(Harvey moves off from where he's been standing. Chris comes in)
CHRISTINE: Hey, Harvey! ...I thought you were at the dentist.
HARVEY: Hey, a great kid, Mike, no cavities! I wanted to get here as soon as I could. The bartender promised me the name of Thompson's lady friend. But the bartender's a no-show.
HARVEY: What brings you here?
CHRISTINE: The bellboy at the Hideaway Motel. He said the woman's name is Rita. And that he brought her and Thompson a fifth from the corner store.
MANAGER: (coming up to Chris) You wanna talk to me?
CHRISTINE: Yeah. Hi. Here's my shield, I haven't been here before. I was trying to find out about a woman who was here on the seventeenth. Her name was Rita. If I could look at your credit card receipts, maybe I could find out her last name. She may have picked up the tab.
MANAGER: I can't do that.
CHRISTINE: You were very helpful when we came here the other day.
MANAGER: Yeah, well, I spoke to my lawyer and he reminded me about the General Obligations Law. Customer finds out. I get sued.
CHRISTINE: No, no, no. This case has got nothing to do with the GOL. I'm trying to find out how much he had to drink after he left here. And I need your cooperation.
MANAGER: Get a subpoena, lady, and then you get my cooperation.
HARVEY: What if we get Beverage Control down here too to have a long, hard look at your liquor licence?
CHRISTINE: No, Harvey, I'll handle this.
MANAGER: Don't threaten me, Officer! I run a clean business.
HARVEY: What's that supposed to mean? You wash your hands when you come out of the bathroom.
MANAGER: Don't come in here and tell me what to do!
HARVEY: Now you listen, pal. Do you see that Lolita down there at the end of the bar? The one wobbling on her high heels talking to Daddy Warbucks there. How old do you figure she is? Maybe sixteen. Fifteen?!
CHRISTINE: I'm very sorry. He sometimes gets carried away. There's no reason why we can't discuss this calmly?
MANAGER: I got it! Good cop, bad cop routine. You don't have to lean on me! I'll give you every one.

[Manhattan street]

HARVEY: Boy! No wonder why you and Mary Beth love this. It makes you feel like a million bucks.
CHRISTINE: Yeah. Sometimes.
HARVEY: So now we speak to Rita Quintero, huh?
CHRISTINE: Er, Harvey, I really think that maybe I should go alone. With a male officer it can end up with a woman being very nervous.
HARVEY: Yeah, you don't want a rookie to blow it, right?
CHRISTINE: No!! Well...
CHRISTINE: Hey, for a rookie, you're OK.

[Children's playground]

RITA QUINTERO: I didn't have anything to do with that. I got out of the car three blocks from the motel.
RITA QUINTERO: Why do you think? He was smashed.
CHRISTINE: Then you were afraid to stay in the car?
RITA QUINTERO: I was terrified. I didn't realise how drunk he was. I didn't wanna think about what would happen. I just thank God that I got out.
CHRISTINE: That's all I want you to tell the DA.
RITA QUINTERO: I was sad. That afternoon was a big mistake. My husband doesn't know anything about it. I think he would mad.
CHRISTINE: We need you to get this man off the streets, Mrs. Quintero.
RITA QUINTERO: (to her daughter who is on the roundabout) Come on, Katie, let's go home.
CHRISTINE: We can subpoena you, Mrs. Quintero. Do you want that?!
RITA QUINTERO: If you do, I'll deny everything. I'll say that I never saw Carl before in all of my life.
CHRISTINE: We have eyewitnesses who saw you with him.
RITA QUINTERO: If you can get them to testify, I'll say they're mistaken. It's their word against mine.
CHRISTINE: Please, Mrs. Quintero, your testimony is crucial. Without it we don't have a case.
RITA QUINTERO: Then you have no case.

[Laceys' lounge/kitchen]

(Mary Beth opens the door)
CHRISTINE: I was on my way to work so I stopped by.
MARY BETH: Ah ha. Do you always go from Soho to the precinct by way of Queens?
CHRISTINE: OK. (handing Mary Beth a paper bag) I just had this flash that maybe you were out of crisp kale chips.
MARY BETH: Oh Lord. Crisp kale chips?
MARY BETH: Thanks.
CHRISTINE: (coming in) Where are Harvey and the boys?
MARY BETH: Oh, they went out to Coney Island. Can you believe it?
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, I tried it with Rita Quintero.
MARY BETH: I know.
CHRISTINE: Well, I'm sorry it didn't work out.
MARY BETH: You did your best. I appreciate it. ...Chris, about yesterday. I hate...
CHRISTINE: Hey, hey, maybe I overreacted. ...Sometimes, you know, you say things without really saying them.
MARY BETH: Well, sometimes you hear things that aren't there. No I don't wanna a fight about it, Chris. You're a grown woman and how much you drink is none of my business.
CHRISTINE: Well, damn it, see, there you go again!
MARY BETH: Can we have a truce now,
CHRISTINE: No!! ...This is personal, ...between you and me. And we'll leave it at that. ...Maybe you didn't mean it because you were angry already.
MARY BETH: (holding out her hand) I apologise.
CHRISTINE: (shaking the hand) I accept. Now we have a truce.

[Detectives' Squad room]

ISBECKI: (running in waving something and squatting beside Chris at a desk. A bottle is ready for the model sailing ship which a detective is holding) I've got 'em.
MONGOOSE: Monk! Could you give me a hand here, please?
(she slides the ship into the bottle)
ISBECKI: (handing them to Chris) Tweezers.
(Monk and Mongoose are manhandling a filing cabinet)
MONK: Easy. Let me do it. You're too cerebral. I'm an iron man.
CHRISTINE: (quietly) Highly technical work, guys.
(she pulls a string tied to the masts and sails with the tweezers and raises them inside the bottle. She withdraws the string)
CHRISTINE: (putting the cork in the bottle) Ah! Finally. (standing up proudly with the bottle) After two years before the mast, gentlemen, I give you the "Charlie".
(Isbecki and the detective applaud)
CHRISTINE: (as she puts the bottle down and goes to the office) I went to the pawnbrokers and got a brass plate. Let me see where I put it. Great! Great!
MONK: Yoo hoo. Victor. Marcus. Would you come over here a moment, please?
MONGOOSE: Take a look behind the filing cabinet.
DETECTIVE: Our missing pay cheques!
MONK: A rat.
(there is a loud female scream. The four detectives rush into Samuels' office. Chris is standing back against the door)

[Samuels' office]

DETECTIVE: What is it?!
ISBECKI: Where?!
MONK: (rushing up with his bow) Stand back!!!
CHRISTINE: Don't shoot!!
(Monk fires an arrow)
ISBECKI: You missed it. It's over there!!
MONGOOSE: (rushing up with the bottle) Stand back !! Out of the way!!!
CHRISTINE: (as Mongoose take the cork of a bottle which he throws) Oh no!!!
(Mongoose spits the cork at the rat)
MONK: (creeping up with his bow which he pushes the rat with) I think you just stunned it.
MONGOOSE: (shouts out) Cop him!! Around the neck!!!
CHRISTINE: (looking at Mongoose) Two years!! ...All that work. ...All that time.
MONGOOSE: Don't take it so hard, Serge. Come with me. ...Come on.
MONK: (pointing at the rat and imitating Marlon Brando as he strikes at it with he his bow) You dirty rat!

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Mongoose leads Chris back to the desk. The ship-in-a-bottle is still there)
CHRISTINE: I don't understand.
(Mongoose opens a desk cupboard and pulls out a shelf. It is fitted out for holding liquor bottles)
MONGOOSE: I used one of mine. You see, I've been on Midnights five years now. I can knock these suckers off with my eyes closed. (Chris goes back to the ship in the bottle, sits down and strokes it lovingly) You wouldn't guess we'd have a lot in common.
CHRISTINE: (looking up at him) If you didn't work nights, we could have lunch.
(Mongoose walks away holding his lapels and feeling flattered. Chris picks up a plate engraved "Charlie" and mounts it on the bottle plinth. She sits back, folds her arms and smiles proudly)

[Apartment block corridor]

(Mary Beth knocks at 617. As there is no reply she turns to leave. Rita Quintero and Katie come out of the lift)
MARY BETH: Mrs. Quintero?
MARY BETH: I'm Detective Lacey, Fourteenth Squad. My partner, Sergeant Cagney talked to you yesterday.
RITA QUINTERO: I already told her I can't help you.
MARY BETH: I only need a few minutes of you time. Is it asking too much? We're talking about a child's life here.
(she looks at Katie. Rita Quintero does too)
RITA QUINTERO: (giving the child a basket of laundry) Here. Take this in, For the last time, Detective, I can't help you. (going off) Sorry.
MARY BETH: (going after her) Tell Anton Dashevski how sorry you are. (she stops) He's gonna have brain damage. And they don't know if he's ever gonna walk right again. Tell his mother how sorry you are. She's looking at her son and she's looking at doctors' bills for the rest of her life. And the next time that Carl Thompson gets in his car plastered and kills a kid, you just tell those parents how sorry you are too, but don't apologise to me.
RITA QUINTERO: I didn't say I wanted him to kill children!
MARY BETH: There's ten thousand children a year in this country murdered by drunken drivers. You think it's not your problem! It could have been my kid. It could have been yours! What if it was? What if it was Katie? How would you feel? And you knew somebody who could have kept her from getting hurt. And you did nothing. (as Rita Quintero tries to get away) Oh, lady, lady! If I had another choice I wouldn't do this to you. But I don't know another way to make sure this man doesn't hurt more children. Now you could take a small risk and maybe do a lot of good. Or else you can go ahead and go right inside your apartment, close the door and let a criminal like Thompson keep getting away with it. That's up to you.
(Rita Quintero goes inside her apartment, almost closes the door and then opens it and lets Mary Beth in)

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