Original Airdate: November 4, 1985


(Petrie, Isbecki and Lieutenant Johnson, from Narcotics, are in a storeroom behind the service counter with a one-way window out onto the shop. Isbecki is ready with a video camera. Chris in a straight brunette wig is behind the counter. Mary Beth in a curly brunette wig and thick glasses, dressed in the same overall coat as Chris, approaches the counter talking to Laura Fennell, a saleswoman. Johnson gives the nod to the other two to start recording. Petrie puts on his headphones)
LAURA FENNELL: Grand little place this.
MARY BETH: You can only say that because you don't have to pay the rent.
LAURA FENNELL: The neighbourhood it's in you'd think so. This place should be a gold mine.
CHRISTINE: That's what we thought when we took over this place. Personally I think we'd have been better off with the Medicare crowd.
LAURA FENNELL: Yeah, I guess the only drugs that people are interested in are the er, (quietly) recreational kind.
MARY BETH: You are not joking. They walk in here, (indicating the door and customers) bold as can be. Can you tell me who doesn't lose?
(Laura Fennell raises her finger indicating that they should talk quietly)
MARY BETH: I beg your pardon.
LAURA FENNELL: (to Mary Beth) Have you got a supplier?
CHRISTINE: No thanks, we're not interested.
MARY BETH: Speak for yourself, Patricia.
MARY BETH: I am the one who's got a kid on the way I'm gonna have to pay for on my own.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, don't take it.
MARY BETH: (to Chris) We can have this fight on our own time, thank you. (to Laura Fennell) Supplier?
MARY BETH: What kind of drugs are we talking about?
LAURA FENNELL: About the prescription kind, without regulations and paperwork. I've got amphetamine, phenobarbital. Everything in between.
CHRISTINE: I don't know.

[Narcotics meeting room]

(the duo, Petrie and Isbecki and other detectives are watching a replay of the recording)
MARY BETH (on video): Patricia! Who is the one that's always whining about the low profit margin?
CHRISTINE (on video): Leave it alone.
MARY BETH (on video): Patricia, (indicating Laura Fennel) Listen to the woman.
CHRISTINE (on video): Huh?
MARY BETH (on video): How do we do this? Low risk.
LAURA FENNELL (on video): No. All the pills have been accounted for.
MARY BETH (on video): It's foreign stuff that has been smuggled back in?
LAURA FENNELL (on video): Look, you don't need to know that.
MARY BETH (on video): I don't need to know.
LAURA FENNELL (on video): And it wouldn't real smart to discuss the small print with you. You're not gonna find that necessary if you're gonna do business with me.
MARY BETH (on video): I can live without it.
LAURA FENNELL (on video): You just tell me what you need. I'll give you a price. You give me cash. I can do it for five percent less.
(Johnson leads a round of applause for the Fourteenth's duo, Petrie and Isbecki joining in)
JOHNSON: (to the duo) The way you worked there was terrific. You set it up so nicely with that struggling business woman routine, that stuff about the baby, and you let her make all the moves. Absolutely perfect. (taking the VHS tape out of the player) In fact, I'll probably use this tape as a training film. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you.
CHRISTINE: Thank you, Lieutenant.
JOHNSON: Petrie, Isbecki, nice job on backup. A good solid collar.
ISBECKI: (looking at Chris) It's tough sitting on camera but somebody had to do it.
CHRISTINE: Ha, ha, ha.
JOHNSON: If you two ever get tired of life at the Fourteenth, I'd be glad to have you in Narcotics. (showing the tape) Score one for the good guys.
MARY BETH: Thank you, sir.
CHRISTINE: Yes, thank you.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(as the duo return, Petrie and Isbecki hold open the doors for the duo and Chris makes a grand entry)
CHRISTINE: Hey, hey! (the detectives start applauding) Hi, guys! No, no, no, no, no. Don't get up. Sit down. Continue with your work. We're all... (just then a uniformed officer struggles past with a drunken perp, bumping into Chris) What, going so soon?
(the applause turns to laughter)
DETECTIVE: (shaking her hand) Real deal, Cagney. Real deal.
CHRISTINE: Thank you.
PETRIE: A little modesty, Sergeant?
CHRISTINE: I am very modest, Petrie, on those rare occasions when I have something to be modest about.
(even Josie the bag lady is there)
JOSIE: Say, you've done good, Cagney.
CHRISTINE: (shaking her hand) Thank you, Josie.
(other detectives shake her hand)
ISBECKI: Thank you, thank you, thank you. (bowing to her) Thank you for gracing this humble Squad room with your incredible presence.
CHRISTINE: (sashaying back across the office) You're welcome, welcome, welcome. I would like to take this opportunity to speak for me, myself, personally and (Mary Beth is sitting quietly at her desk with her feet up on another chair) my partner, Detective Mary Beth Lacey. We want you all to know that we will never forget the little people who knew us when we started out. (everybody, including Isbecki, laugh) You may all applaud again. (more applause) Thank you so much.
(the duo have a jovial exchange)
CHRISTINE: (sitting down and taking Mary Beth's feet on her lap) Mary Beth, we are newsworthy. This collar...
SAMUELS: (they leap to their feet as he comes up) Good collar, you two.
CHRISTINE: Oh, thank you, Lieutenant.
MARY BETH: Thank you,...
SAMUELS: They're saying good things about you upstairs.
CHRISTINE: Oh yeah. Like what? By whom?
SAMUELS: Easy, easy, Cagney. You know, three days minus four bodies made a pretty wild place around here. So I need sober heads tomorrow, do ya hear? (to the room in general) Not too much celebrating tonight.
DETECTIVE: (coming up and shaking her hand) Congratulations, Lacey.
MARY BETH: Thank you.
COLEMAN: Messages! Messages! That's two for Cagney. Nothing terrific.
CHRISTINE: How do you know?
COLEMAN: (handing Mary Beth three messages one at a time) Harvey. ...Harvey. ...Harvey's obstetrician about your check up. Everything moving along OK?
MARY BETH: Everything. Thank you so much.
COLEMAN: Good. (handing him one) Isbecki, you must be slipping. And Petrie, there's nothing for you. I guess Claudia got stuck in a motel with the night school teacher or something. Ha, ha, ha. ...Ha, ha, ha,
(Coleman continues to laugh. Isbecki joins in. Petrie gets up from his desk and storms out. Isbecki runs after him)
COLEMAN: Hey, somebody tell him. It was just a joke! Well, he's so sensitive.
MARY BETH: I wish I could have said the same for you, Sergeant.

[Precinct House yard]

(Petrie runs out and jumps in the Squad car)
ISBECKI: (coming out) Marcus! Hey, Petrie, wait a minute!
(Petrie starts the car)
ISBECKI: (through the passenger window) He doesn't know what he's talking about!
(Isbecki goes round in front of the car)
PETRIE: Victor!
ISBECKI: Hey, come on.
PETRIE: Get out of my way!
ISBECKI: (as he jumps out of the way as Petrie takes off) Marcus, don't be mad at me!

[Laceys' bedroom]

HARVEY: The system is a lousy guy to do these sort of things. You play on peoples' dreams and get them to commit a crime.
MARY BETH: Yeah? I just remember that Paul Newman and Robert Redford did the same thing in "The Sting".
HARVEY: You get inside their heads. You set them up on the right day at the right time. It's not a good tactic.
MARY BETH: Oh, Harve, you're way off base here. She offered. We didn't ask. She offered to sell us drugs. She had a choice.
HARVEY: No, babe. She was headed for prison the day she made the list.
MARY BETH: List? What list?
HARVEY: If the government wants you they'll get you. Daniel Ellsberg. Jean Seberg. Delorean. It is all the same.
MARY BETH: Harvey, I don't think that we can have this conversation.
HARVEY: What about those Senators a few years back. Huh? ABSCAM. What chance did they have? A guy comes up to them. He says...
MARY BETH: All right, Harve. Listen. I.. I take your point. OK? So let's drop it.
HARVEY : All I'm saying is the government has the power to destroy anybody they want. By the way, we're not arguing here.
MARY BETH: OK. You think that the government and the people I work with are out to get innocent citizens and I do not? And we're not arguing?
HARVEY: Of course not.
MARY BETH: OK. let's go to sleep.
HARVEY: Good night. (she turns the light out and they settle down) I blame it on J. Edgar Hoover. He turned this country into a police state.
MARY BETH: Oh, can it, Harve!

[Jack's Cafe]

(it's evening. Petrie is nursing a drink at the bar. Isbecki comes in)
ISBECKI: I've been looking all over for you.
PETRIE: Get away from me.
ISBECKI: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
PETRIE: For what? You're sorry. I tell you something very private, and the next thing is that I'm getting it back from the biggest mouth in the Squad.
ISBECKI: Look, Coleman asked me what was wrong with you lately. Look all I said was that Claudia was spending a lot of time at night school. That's it. That's all I said.
PETRIE: Even if I believed you, that's enough. You shouldn't have even said that!
ISBECKI: It was a lucky guess. I swear it.
PETRIE: I can't believe I let you do this to me. Victor, you're stupid! An idiot!! But I'm a bigger idiot to think that you were my friend, or that I could tell you. (Isbecki puts his hand on Petrie's arm) Get off me!!!
(Petrie gets up. They look at each other. They look round the bar which has gone quiet)
PETRIE: (sitting down again) I don't like my life aired in that Squad room.
ISBECKI: If you'd have just laughed, no one would have known it was the truth. Everybody there would have just thought you were just laughing at one of Coleman's bad jokes.
PETRIE: Of course, it's my fault. You're unbelievable.
ISBECKI: It's not what I mean. Marcus. I know I didn't mean to blow it but I did, and I'm really sorry. And I felt really special that you even told me. ...Marcus, we're friends. It's water under the bridge. It won't happen again. I give you my word on it.
PETRIE: I don't need your word, Victor. ...Because I'm putting in for a new partner tomorrow. Don't worry about it. (to the bartender, as he leaves) See you, George.
BARTENDER: Goodnight.

[Samuels' office]

(the duo, Petrie and Isbecki are standing around in a circle with Samuels)
SAMUELS: Narcotics has grabbed you back. They've turned your saleswoman around and she's gonna give you a higher-level dealer and Knelman has approved it. Johnson wants you over there in a half hour.
PETRIE: I'd like to be replaced.
PETRIE: Personal.
SAMUELS: I don't wanna hear 'personal'. It ticks me off that I'm gonna be shorthanded here again and there's nothing I can do about it. How do they expect me to run a precinct like this? Go!!!

[Narcotics meeting room]

(the four Fourteenth detectives and Johnson are watching a video recording. Three men are sitting on the pavement outside a restaurant looking at the menu)
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : (on video getting up) Somehow eating with cops spoils my appetite. Have a nice day, gentlemen.
JOHNSON: (switching off the video) That's it.
CHRISTINE: They didn't get on to the money talk?
JOHNSON: No. I think it was a nice set-up. Mansfield doesn't deal with street folk.
ISBECKI: They looked like cops?
JOHNSON: Maybe. Petrie, what do you think?
PETRIE: I didn't hear any mistakes.
JOHNSON: Bingo! Mansfield is shrewd. We've tried to sting him three times now. And every time he smelled trouble. He's very good at playing games. He'll even try and force you to try and entrap him.
MARY BETH: Has he ever served time, sir?
JOHNSON: Not even and indictment. From pot to smack, and everything in between. Maybe he's backed by the Mob. Maybe he bankrolled the Benedetti murder. I don't know. He's a crud, and I would love to get him. ...And this time I think we've got a shot. We trust Laura Ferrell. And you two are as good as I've seen. And not exactly typical looking narks. Lacey, that stomach, ...absolutely beautiful.
MARY BETH: Thank you, sir.
JOHNSON: Just remember, he's gotta make the first move.
CHRISTINE: What are we buying?
(Johnson moves to a blackboard showing two adjacent rooms)
JOHNSON: Just pills. Large quantities. This time you'll be mini-moguls from out of town. (going to the blackboard) Premiere Towers. Petrie, Isbecki, the camera and I will be here in room nine-oh-seven. Now the sting will be in nine-oh-nine. And we will see through this two-way mirror in the centre of the room. Now, we're using a wide-angle lens, so you two have got to try and keep the action here in this area. If you drift into the bathroom, the dressing area or at the door, you're out of frame. So try to keep it tight. Questions? ...OK folks. Show time!

(the sting is at Premiere Towers)

[Room 907]

(the video equipment is being set up. Through the mirror the duo area checking their looks. Chris goes up to the mirror and puts her tongue out at Isbecki and sniggers)

[Room 909 dressing room]

CHRISTINE: Smart, Mary Beth. He's sophisticated. It's not going to be easy to convince him we're buyers. He's sharp. We've just gotta be sharper.
MARY BETH: We will be.
CHRISTINE: Ha! The big-time, Mary Beth. The fast lane.
CHRISTINE: You've gotta know these kind of people. I think I know them.

[Room 907]

JOHNSON: (into handheld radio) Go ahead.
OFFICER: (on handheld radio) They're on their way up.
JOHNSON: (into handheld radio) All right.
(Johnson picks up the phone)

[Room 909]

(the phone rings)
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Yeah?

[Room 907]

JOHNSON: (into phone) They're on the elevator.

[Room 909]

CHRISTINE: (to Mary Beth) They're on their way.
(Chris checks a sheet of paper on a side table. Mary Beth checks a microphone behind a mirror. There is a knock at the door. Mary Beth opens it. There is another man also)
MARY BETH: Hi Laura.
LAURA FENNELL: Mary Beth. (introducing Mansfield) Mary Beth. Christine. ...Bruce.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : How do you do.
LAURA FENNELL: (introducing the other man) And Don.
MARY BETH: Thanks for stopping by.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : My pleasure. (he checks in the dressing room) I don't like it. It doesn't feel right.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : I'm not doing business today. I'm sorry.
MARY BETH: Well, wait a minute. What's the problem?
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : You could be cops. The room could be bugged. I follow my instincts. My instincts tell me ...'No'.
CHRISTINE: Wait a minute. How do we know you're not a cop? I mean, and Laura here, isn't an informant.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : Yeah! How does one know?!
CHRISTINE: The eyes. Just check the eyes. A cops eyes never rest.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : (coming up close) Like yours.
CHRISTINE: Like yours?
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : There's a fine line between cops and robbers.
MARY BETH: Right. Which side are you on?
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : Go to bed with me. Both of you.
CHRISTINE: What is this?
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : Have sex with me before we do business. Then I'll know your not cops.
MARY BETH: I'm pregnant, mister!
(Chris glances at Mary Beth)
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : Well, that means just you and me, now!
CHRISTINE: How does having sex with us make you safe?
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : Precedent. US versus Simpson. Out in California. They entrapped Mr. Simpson by engaging him in sex. It's called outrageous conduct. Oh, no. No thank you. Not today.
(the three leave. Johnson reckons the recording is over)

[Premiere Towers Hotel hallway]

CHRISTINE: Wait! ...Bruce! (Johnson indicates to Petrie to hold the recording) Where you going? I thought we were gonna have a good time.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : OK. My place. If you wanna reach me, Laura knows how to get in touch.
CHRISTINE: (as the three move off) Bruce. ...Come here. Nobody's a Saint. I've been dry for a long time now. I've hardly had anything to myself. It was awful. It's knocked me about a bit.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : You broke my heart.
CHRISTINE: If that's what it takes.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : It takes, if I solve your supply problem, you and I can have a good time.
CHRISTINE: Something like that.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : What exactly do you need?
CHRISTINE: Ups. Luves. A couple of thousand or more if you've got it. ...Do you wanna do business?
(he beckons Laura and Don back)
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : (to Chris) After you.

[Room 907]

JOHNSON: (to Petrie and Isbecki to resume the recording) Let's go.

[Room 909]

BRUCE MANSFIELD: : Her, let me have a look at your list.
(Chris gives him the sheet of paper from the side table)
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : I'll see if I can give you everything you need.

[Room 907]

BRUCE MANSFIELD: : (on video) Oh, yeah, I think I can supply all of those. Yeah.
JOHNSON: (into handheld radio) All units stand by.

[Room 909]

BRUCE MANSFIELD: : I'm low on tranqs.
CHRISTINE: When can you make delivery?
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : If you've got the cash, I can have it for you in fifteen minutes.
CHRISTINE: I got the cash.

[Outside Premiere Towers Hotel]

(later uniformed officers escort Mansfield, Laura Fennell and Don to patrol cars. Petrie and Isbecki follow the duo and Johnson out)
ISBECKI: This began as a major case. With a chance like that. I'd even put on a dress. And you'd probably look sensational in high heels.
(Petrie and Isbecki get in their car and drive off)

[Squad car]

(there is a strained silence between Petrie and Isbecki)
ISBECKI: Do you remember Michelle Mazernoffer? (Petrie ignores him) Sure you do. I talk about her all the time. ...To tell you the truth, that first night, ...it didn't happen. I couldn't...
PETRIE: What is this, Victor. I don't wanna hear this stuff.
ISBECKI: No, I wanna tell you. ...It never happened to me before. ...She tried to be nice about it. But that made things even worse. ...Anyway, you can tell Cagney or Coleman or send out a newsletter if you want. I don't care. I...
PETRIE: I know why you told the story. Because you thought it would make us even. You embarrass me. I embarrass you. Fairs fair?
PETRIE: Wrong. Victor,... ...What's the use. We have different values, interests, ...everything. It's a bad match. Always has been.
ISBECKI: I think you've blown this out of proportion, Marcus.
PETRIE: I don't think so.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: It's been ten minutes. Is he going book him or isn't he?
MARY BETH: Maybe he's trying to make up his mind.
CHRISTINE: I'm going to find out what's taking him so long.
COLEMAN: (coming past) Lacey, had the amiocentesis test yet?
MARY BETH: Hey, Sergeant, that's none of your business.
COLEMAN: Hey, I'm just trying to be helpful.
MARY BETH: (going after him) Sergeant Coleman, I'm gonna tell you something for the last time. You keep your fat nose out of my personal life.
COLEMAN: Hey, hang on a minute.
MARY BETH: Now I hate that quinella thing. Now I've told you that a hundred times. And now you have the nerve to ask me if I'm gonna get a test so you can get the odds on whether it's a boy or girl. Forget it! If I have the test that's between me, my husband and my doctor. And if I do I'm telling the lab I don't wanna know the sex. And no matter what I do, I would never, never help you make money off of my baby.
COLEMAN: Is that it?
MARY BETH: Yes sir!
COLEMAN: Well let me tell you something here. Do you think I brought this up just to make a few bucks?
MARY BETH: Why else are you bothering me?
COLEMAN: Because when I my wife and I were expecting a baby, she didn't have the test! ...And then, when Betty was born... ...Well, she's in a special school now. They took a long time to find it. But she's happy in there. People don't make fun of her. She's doing OK. It's just that when she was born we weren't ...prepared at all.
MARY BETH: Betty's a pretty name. That's short for Elizabeth., right? We were thinking about Elizabeth, if it's a girl. Or Muriel, maybe, which is after Harve's mother.
COLEMAN: That's nice too.
(Johnson and Chris come in)
JOHNSON: I was just telling your partner here the man is mute until his lawyer shows.
CHRISTINE: Parker of "Parker and Symonds".
JOHNSON: One of the best. But we've got a good sting on in our case. We've also got a suitcase full of pills. We'll have to account for the time in the hallway, of course, but I'm sure you didn't say anything that would taint the collar. You're too smart for that.
CHRISTINE: Er, Lieutenant, what I said in the hallway...
JOHNSON: Cagney, you don't have to tell me what you said. Not right now. Take the weekend. think about it. Go over it between yourselves. Send your report by Monday. We'll get this in to the Grand Jury by Tuesday at the latest. You made a great collar today. So whatever it takes, let's not lose it.
CHRISTINE: Right. Thank you Lieutenant.
JOHNSON: Ladies.
MARY BETH: (going back to Coleman) Sergeant, we're doing the test next week.

[Ladies room]

CHRISTINE: I shouldn't have taken a line like that. I could have said something else. Anything. Enough to initiate the deal. We're gonna have to come up with something creative on our report.
MARY BETH: What are you talking about?
CHRISTINE: I entrapped him, Mary Beth. I was the first one to bring up the subject of drugs. We put that on the report, Mansfield walks. I'm not gonna let that happen.
MARY BETH: Well, what are we supposed to do? Lie?
CHRISTINE: It's our word against his. I don't deal in drugs. (Mary Beth looks round at Chris) What? Come on. Sometimes you've gotta do whatever it takes. You know that! Well I'll be damned if a big-time drug dealer's gonna walk if I didn't say the magic word. You heard Lieutenant Johnson. He practically ordered us. Ordered us to lie if we had to.
MARY BETH: Well, he's not gonna be on the stand. I can't believe he even asked us to do that.
CHRISTINE: Oh, come on, Mary...
MARY BETH: He's supposed to be our superior officer.
CHRISTINE: He's just trying to give us a little room.
MARY BETH: Yeah, room to hang ourselves.
CHRISTINE: He's backing us up!
MARY BETH: He's telling us to commit a crime.
CHRISTINE: Oh gee. Will you come down to earth with the rest of us. How do you get shot of a guy like Mansfield?!
MARY BETH: It's not worth it, Chris.
CHRISTINE: (as Mary Beth goes to leave) Wait a minute. Mary Beth, we're doing this.
MARY BETH: You're the one that's doing all the talking.
CHRISTINE: Oh, give me a break!
MARY BETH: You're the one that got promotion, and commendations and having your picture taken...
CHRISTINE: That isn't true. It is not true! Mansfield stinks and I want him.
MARY BETH: I want him as much as you do. But we have to start all over again. We have to admit we made a mistake.
CHRISTINE: No!!! We're gonna do this now, Mary Beth!! Please don't fight me on this, because you can't win.
MARY BETH: You've got a hell of a nerve, lady! I make my own decisions.
CHRISTINE: Monday I'm bringing in a paper. It's gonna say all the right words, and you can either cooperate with my testimony, or you can say you never heard the conversation at all. I really don't care. But if you go into the Grand Jury and call me a liar ...our partnership is over.

[Bowling alley]

(the Laceys are all there together. Harvey Jr. is bowling)
MARY BETH: (shouting to Harvey Jr. after his turn) Wehey! Pick it up, baby.
HARVEY: (returning to the lane with beers and drinks for the boys) He's a monster little player, all right. Does it all the time.
HARVEY JR.: Got a spare, Mum.
MARY BETH: Spare with?
HARVEY JR.: Eight.
MARY BETH: (keeping the scores) Eight. (to Michael) All, right, your turn, kid. Look out for him, Harvey.
HARVEY: You know what? When you go in that courtroom that judge is gonna come down on you like a ton of bricks.
MARY BETH: Not a chance, Harve. Only three people know what was said in that hallway and two of us are on the side of the law.
MICHAEL: Hey, Mum! Watch!
MARY BETH: I'm watching you, sweetheart. Go ahead.
(Michael runs up and drops the ball on to the lane. It rolls into the side channel)
MARY BETH: That's all right. Don't worry about it. Go again.
HARVEY: Maybe you should call her bluff. Maybe you'd be better off with another partner.
MARY BETH: I don't want think about that, Harvey. ...Anyway she didn't mean it. (she pauses and has a sip of her beer) Maybe she did mean it. If I accuse her of lying in front of the Grand Jury, that's it. It's all over. I'm not trying to be self-righteous here, Harve. You know I...
MARY BETH: I don't know ...what. One more dealer off the streets. Lord knows, it can't hurt.
HARVEY: Yeah? You commit perjury, Mary Beth, you go to prison.
MICHAEL: (hearing the pins go down from Michael's second shot) Five is good. Good for you. (to Harvey) Your turn, partner?.
HARVEY: Yeah, mate.

[Charlie's apartment]

(he is assembling a bookshelf unit on the floor)
CHARLIE: What the hell does Lacey expect you to do? Let him walk. I mean your job is to get the scum off the streets, whatever it takes.
CHRISTINE: It isn't easy, Charlie, she stays with me, and it works. I'm the one the one who blew it.
CHARLIE: You didn't blow anything!
CHRISTINE: I knew I wouldn't get another chance.
CHARLIE: You don't need another chance. You got him now! (picking up the unit assembly instructions) Aw, these things are like a jigsaw puzzle.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth has to do everything by the book, otherwise she doesn't sleep at nights.
CHARLIE: Well then, she's in the wrong job.
CHRISTINE: Well, fine.
CHARLIE: Listen Chris, I used to cut corners, bend the rules. I also lied in court anytime it was necessary. We all did. I slept like a baby.
CHRISTINE: Well, things are different now, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Aw, you can say that again. You guys aren't really cops. You're nothing but lawyers with badges.
CHRISTINE: Thank you!
CHARLIE: The criminal justice system today stinks. I mean, it's different the minute you set foot in that courtroom. I'm glad I'm out of it. I don't worry about it anymore. But I'll tell you something. You better tell your partner she is not living in the real world. Hey, give me that piece over there, will ya?
CHRISTINE: Which one?
CHARLIE: The one that fits! Give them both!!
CHRISTINE: Charlie, I don't know. Take 'em all! (sitting down facing Charlie) She has integrity, Pop.
CHARLIE: Integrity is also knowing when to sidestep the rules. And if Mary Beth is a decent partner, she'll go to the wall with you! No ...questions ...asked! Hooray, it fits!! Good egg.
CHRISTINE: (going to the fridge) Do you want a soda?
CHARLIE: No, I don't want a soda. When I've finished this bookshelf I wanna drink. I think you could use one too.
(she gets a can from the fridge and quietly watches Charlie continues to assemble the unit. Her mind is in turmoil)

[Petries' lounge]

CLAUDIA: Don't walk away from me. We need to talk.
PETRIE: We've already talked. It's happened. That's all.
CLAUDIA: But you're still punishing me.
PETRIE: That's not true.
CLAUDIA: The hell it isn't! I'm sorry I hurt you. I've asked for your forgiveness. What more can I do!!
PETRIE: I don't know, Claudia. You're the one who cheated!
CLAUDIA: Oh, excuse me! I forgot I was talking to Mr. Wonderful. The guy who never makes a mistake. The perfect cop. The knight in shining armour!
PETRIE: Claudia, shut up!!!
CLAUDIA: Why do I have to push you to a wall before I get your attention.
(Petrie picks up a newspaper and plonks himself down in an armchair with it. Later Claudia comes back in. Petrie still has his head buried in the newspaper)
CLAUDIA: Marcus, if we can't get past this, we don't have a future.
(he ignores her. Later Claudia is sitting looking at Petrie still reading the newspaper)
CLAUDIA: Do you think we should have a separation?
(he continues to ignore her and hands her a section of the newspaper)
CLAUDIA: Do you still have the problem with Isbecki?
(he hands her another section)
CLAUDIA: It's the wrong one.
(he just turns and stares at her)

[Laceys' bedroom]

(Mary Beth is sitting up. The alarm goes. Mary Beth climbs over the sleeping Harvey to turn it off. He wakes up)
MARY BETH: Oh gee. I'm sorry. I meant to turn it off. Go back to sleep. I've put the snooze alarm on. You've still got nine minutes.
HARVEY: What you gonna do, babe?
MARY BETH: I don't know yet.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, would you sign me in please? ...Thanks.
MARY BETH: You're wrong to put our partnership on the line over this.
CHRISTINE: I expect you to back me up, Mary Beth. If you're not going to do it, we don't have a partnership.
MARY BETH: A partnership is fifty-fifty.
CHRISTINE: That's right.
MARY BETH: You owe me my share of any decision. Instead you throw your little ultimatum in my face and I don't like it.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, I'm sorry about that, but this is not negotiable issue for me.
MARY BETH: Why not?!" Because you're afraid to admit a mistake?!!
(the room is listening. Chris moves to sit at Mary Beth's desk and speaks quietly)
CHRISTINE: No. Please. Mary Beth, you've got to believe me. I want Mansfield, Mary Beth. I don't want Mansfield and his two hotshot attorneys getting into a chauffeur-driven limousine and then drive off thumbing their noses at us. ...He makes me sick, Mary Beth. ...I've got a chance to get him and now I can't walk away? ...I'm sorry about the ultimatum. ...I'm not gonna push you anymore.
MARY BETH: Look, if you wanna say you never heard the conversation between Mansfield and me in the hallway, I'll understand.
MARY BETH: But I did. (Chris raises her arms in despair) No! I'm gonna do it, God help me. OK. I have to type up the damn report. Are you gonna tell me what lie... (seeing Samuels come in) Morning, sir.
SAMUELS: Morning.
MARY BETH: (to Chris) I'm swearing too.

[Samuel's office]

SAMUELS: (reading a sheet of paper he has picked up off his desk) Petrie! Isbecki! ...Come on in. (indicating to Petrie to close the door) What's this all about?
PETRIE: Did you read it? it's self-explanatory.
SAMUELS: Yeah, of course I read it, but I'm not gonna give you a new partner without some good reason. (to Isbecki) Did you know about this?
SAMUELS: Well? ...Huh? Talk to me! ...Somebody! I'm listening!
ISBECKI: It's my fault, Lieutenant. I betrayed him and it wasn't the first time. And to tell you the truth, I haven't been much of a partner at all. I'm always late with my paperwork. He usually has to clean up behind me out on the streets. All in all, he's been holding me up for a long time now.
PETRIE: All right, Victor, don't go overboard. (to Samuels) He's a good cop. And we've shared the load pretty evenly. The problem is that ...we're not compatible. I think we'd both be better off with new partners.
SAMUELS: Do you have problems at home, Petrie?
PETRIE: What would make you think that, Lieutenant?
SAMUELS: Because you've been walking around here eating up the furniture for about the last month now.
PETRIE: You're telling me you didn't hear about it?
SAMUELS: Did I miss a juicy bit of gossip or something? ...Ha. Maybe I oughta come out in the office more often. Look, I'm not about to split up one of my best teams without a fight. Now, (pointing to Isbecki) we all know you can be extremely obnoxious from time to time and (pointing to Petrie) you're too sensitive for your own good. So I'll tell you what we're gonna do. I wanna hear everything. I wanna hear every beef you've got between you ..right ...here ...and ...now! And if we can't find a way to mend fences before this is over ...and we're not leaving here until it is, then I'll grant your request. Now, you go first, Isbecki.
ISBECKI: Lieutenant...
SAMUELS: I'm not fooling around here!
ISBECKI: I don't have a beef with him.
SAMUELS: It's gotta be something.
ISBECKI: He's perfect. ...The guy is perfect.
SAMUELS: And it bothers you?
ISBECKI: Yeah. (turning and looking Petrie straight in the face) Yeah, it does bother me. You know you're so perfect and you don't mind letting me know you know it. You don't say it though, and that what's really irks me. You've got an attitude, Petrie, a real attitude.
PETRIE: What the hell is wrong with trying to be perfect?!
ISBECKI: Sometimes you're not even human.
PETRIE: As defined by you, Victor? What do you know about 'human'?! You do all your thinking with your glands!
SAMUELS: OK!!! This is good!
PETRIE: I'm tired of your rooster story! You're never on time. You always complain. Victor. You talk too much and I'm sick of it!
ISBECKI: I told you I'm sorry!!
PETRIE: And that's supposed to solve everything?!
(they are now face to face)
ISBECKI: What am I supposed to do?!
PETRIE: Keep your story and get out of my face! Is that human enough for you, Victor?!
SAMUELS: (nodding between them) This is very good.
ISBECKI: You wanna go ahead with it, go ahead.
PETRIE: Go ahead?...

[Courthouse corridor]

(the duo comes in)
CHRISTINE: Lovely day for a hearing.
MARY BETH: Are you nervous?
CHRISTINE: A little. I didn't sleep last night.
MARY BETH: Are you expecting sympathy?
CHRISTINE: I'm doing the right thing, Mary Beth. This one's worth it.
(the duo turns a corner and stops. Mansfield is there with three other men. They go into the hearing room)
CHRISTINE: We're gonna do this now. There's no going back on anything.
MARY BETH: Enough. OK. I'm gonna do it.
CHRISTINE: (stopping outside the hearing room doors) Wait a minute, Mary Beth, how do I look?
MARY BETH: Good looking suit, Christine.

[Hearing room]

(the videotape of the deal being made is playing)
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : (on video sound) Before I open the briefcase, I wanna see the money.
CHRISTINE: (on video sound) We'll do it at the same time. I'll show you mine, you show me yours.
BRUCE MANSFIELD: : (on video sound) Oh, lady, that shade of green is my favourite colour. Now we'll want five thousand ludes, thirty-five hundred to the box. ...What is this.
CHRISTINE: Bruce, you should have trusted your instincts. You've just been immortalised on videotape.
JOHNSON: (on video sound) Mr. Mansfield, your under arrest.
JUDGE COLE: Well, that's incredible. (to the court officer about the recording) You can stop it there, John. Incredible! I haven't seen anything that cute on television since "The Untouchables". Anybody like Eliot Ness? I loved Eliot Ness. OK, Mr Ackerman, your side is gonna tell us what happened in the hallway. Is that right?
ACKERMAN: (a Deputy District Attorney) Yes, Your Honour. Sergeant Cagney spoke to Mr. Mansfield in the hallway and can tell us what transpired.
JUDGE COLE: Well, by God, John, on your feet! Get over there and put the lady under oath! This is exciting.
COURT OFFICER: Raise your right hand. Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? So help you God.
JUDGE COLE: You can sit down again, Sergeant, this is informal.
CHRISTINE: Thank you, Your Honour. ...After Mr. Mansfield walked out of the room, I decided to give it another try. It's on the videotape. When I caught up with him in the hallway, I said to him 'Please wait?'. He turned and sort of smiled at me. Then he walked over towards me. And at that time I said 'I wish you wouldn't go.' It was obvious he was playing games with me.
PARKER: Objection, Your Honour. That is pure conjecture.
JUDGE COLE: Oh, come on, Mr. Parker, this is not a trial. Sit down. Take a load off. You'll live longer. Go on, Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: Any way, Mr. Mansfield said to me 'You're pretty hyper, aren't you?' I said 'Sometimes.' He said 'Well, you need to relax. You need a lude, don't you? I've got lots of ludes.'
CHRISTINE: I then said 'So I understand' I then smiled (Mansfield says something to Parker) and then he said 'If I solve your supply problem, you and I could have a good time.' And I said 'I'd like that.' That's how it was that he asked me what I needed. (Mansfield talks to Parker again) And I said 'maybe a couple of thousand ludes and some ups.' And then I pretended I couldn't remember the rest. And then I said I'd left my shopping list inside. He then laughed and then he said 'What the hell, I know you're not cops. I just like to test people. We'll do business and then you and I can have some fun.' At that point we all went back into the room.
JUDGE COLE: That's a nice story, Sergeant. Well told and concise. Now you're telling us here that Mr. Mansfield initiated the actual drug deal even though he had previously expressed aversion to doing business with you. Is that right?
JUDGE COLE: Mm hm. Fine! Thank you, Sergeant.
PARKER: Your Honour, my client has an entirely different version of that story.
JUDGE COLE: I would hope so, Mr. Parker. ...I think a thirty-minute recess would be pleasant right about now. When we come back, Mr. Mansfield will have a chance to enthral us. Mr. Ackerman, I would like to see you and your group in my chambers, and , Mr. Parker, you can come too.

[Judge Cole's chambers]

JUDGE COLE: No offence, Mr. Ackerman, but you've gotta walk a country mile to believe this ladies' story. Even if I do, who's to say a jury will?
ACKERMAN: We've got a very strong case, Your Honour.
CHRISTINE: Predicated on the assumption that our very bright sergeant here didn't break the rules and entrapped pretty boy. And from where I'm sitting that's practically impossible to believe. Are you that good, Sergeant?
CHRISTINE: I don't know, Your Honour, I only knew that I couldn't be the first one to bring up the subject of drugs or deal making. That would have tainted the collar.
JUDGE COLE: Let me tell you something, right now you have the luxury of my ear. This could be considered a misinterpretation of facts. But if you go back into that hearing room and stick to this story, I expect Mr. Parker is gonna land on you so hard, you'll have to reach up to tie your shoes.
PARKER: Harder.
JUDGE COLE: And feeling the way I do right now, I'd probably help him.
ACKERMAN: With all due respect, Your Honour, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
JUDGE COLE: Oh, I know.
ACKERMAN: We also have the corroborating testimony of Detective Lacey.
JUDGE COLE: Ah! OK. You heard these things, Detective?
MARY BETH: Yes. Yes sir. And you heard Mansfield initiate the deal?
MARY BETH: Yes sir. He brought it up.
JUDGE COLE: What exactly did he say?
MARY BETH: He said exactly what my partner testified that he said, sir.
JUDGE COLE: I wanna hear you say it, but before you continue, do you realise the dire consequences if I find out you're bending the truth.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
JUDGE COLE: All right. little lady, let's hear it.
MARY BETH: (nervously) Mr. Mansfield walked out of the room and my partner and I looked at each other and ...she went after him. And she said 'I wish you would not leave.' Then Mr. Mansfield said 'You're pretty hyper, aren't you?' And Sergeant Cagney said 'Sometimes.' And Mr. Mansfield said 'You need to relax. You need (her voice begins to falter) a lude, don't you?' (Chris moves a hand on to Mary Beth's sleeve as her voice falters more) 'I have lots of ludes.'. ...he said.
CHRISTINE: (stopping Mary Beth, she gets up) Your Honour, I would like that Detective Lacey did not continue with this story.
JUDGE COLE: Talk to me, Blondie. It's now or never.
CHRISTINE: I initiated the deal, Your Honour. I pushed my partner into backing my story up. It's my fault.
JUDGE COLE: You wear a badge so you're above the law!
CHRISTINE: No, Your Honour.
JUDGE COLE: Then what the hell do you think you're doing coming into my courtroom and lying. I know it makes you crazy sometimes. We expect you to rid the streets of drug dealers, and then we handcuff you with a lot of stupid little word games. But that's the way it is! And if you can't stand the heat, get to hell out of the kitchen! ...I'm angry now, and I don't like to get angry. Life's too short! I don't know what to do with you two. ...Other than give a good sharp slap on the wrists. What I should do is to send you back to history class to learn something about America. ...I'll leave the rest of your punishment to the Department. ...I will grant Mr. Parker his Motion to Suppress. It means you don't have a case. The sleaze bag walks.

[Central Park]

(a stilt man in an Uncle Sam outfit is walking around. The slogan on his tunic is "Save the Lady". He is distributing leaflets from a bucket at the bottom of a long pole)
MARY BETH: Look at this then.
CHRISTINE: I was wrong about everything.
CHRISTINE: And I blew the collar. Sergeant Hotshot made a hell of a mess, didn't she?
CHRISTINE: Lieutenant Johnson didn't exactly rush to our rescue.
MARY BETH: Did you expect him to?
CHRISTINE: Well yeah! I didn't expect an oral reprimand. Not from him.
MARY BETH: Chris, the man may have hinted at lying. He didn't exactly say it. He didn't entrap us.
(they both smile)
CHRISTINE: Oh. Mary Beth, what do you know? Huh? Where do we go from here?
MARY BETH: I don't know, partner. There is a dope-dealer out there. He's about six-feet tall, two hundred and fifty pounds. He wears a signet ring. He's a real virus. And it's not as if we have to look where to find him.
MARY BETH: A little surveillance, maybe. Catch him with the goods. ...If you're game?
STILT MAN: Hi ya, ladies. Take a leaflet.
MARY BETH: Thank you.
STILT MAN: You're welcome. Bye bye.
CHRISTINE: (looking at the leaflet) Do you know, I've never even been to the Statue Of Liberty?
MARY BETH: Oh, I can't wait until they get it all dolled up. Harve and I can take the boys back up there. They loved it the first time. Did you ever take that little boat around the island? That's good too.
MARY BETH: You should do it, Christine.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, maybe I will. Maybe I will.

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