[Detectives' Squad room]
(Coleman brings in a sealed envelope from the post that a uniformed officer has delivered. He holds it up, showing it to the detectives as he walks through. He knocks on the door of Samuels' office door and gives him the envelope)
PETRIE: So what do you think? The results of the Sergeant's Exam?
MARY BETH: (who has just rushed in late) The Sergeant's Exam results?
PETRIE: That's my guess.
ISBECKI: My mother had a dream about the Sergeant's Exam. Hey, listen, the first time this sort of thing happened, she thought she saw my father in a dark blue suit.
(Coleman is still in the office)
CHRISTINE: Why don't they just get it over with?
ISBECKI: My father never wore a dark blue suit in his life. Two weeks later, like that, (snapping his fingers) he keels over. The sorority group of the DSW, they donated a dark blue suit for him to be buried in.
PETRIE: OK, Victor, what did your mother dream about the Sergeant's Exam?
ISBECKI: She called me this morning. The first one in the Squad to crack a homicide becomes a sergeant. ...Hey, that's what she said.
(Samuels and Coleman come out of the office)
MARY BETH: Well, I think she called too late, Victor. The results are in.
SAMUELS: First of all for those of you on the edge of your seats, due to a computer error, the results of the Sergeant's Exam...
COLEMAN: Listen up, kiddies, You're gonna love this one. ...Sorry, sir.
SAMUELS: ...will be delayed at least one day. Maybe even a week.
COLEMAN: A sergeant's lot is a heavy one. Many are called, but few are chosen.
SAMUELS: All right, I've got two cases. Who's gonna catch 'em.
ISBECKI: Cagney and Lacey, you're up. Then us.
SAMUELS: (holding out the files) Take left hand or right hand?
ISBECKI: The one I wanted is a homicide. I can feel it.
SAMUELS: Poor box robbery at St. Didier-in-the-Market.
ISBECKI: (sniggering) It's all yours, Cagney.
SAMUELS: Petrie, you've got a missing person. Let's get on it!
CHRISTINE: A poor box robbery. We get a lousy poor box robbery!
MARY BETH: Sir, that's a petty larceny, so why aren't the Uniforms taking care of it?
SAMUELS: The Archdiocese requested detectives.
CHRISTINE: Great. You get to collar some kid with seventy-six cents in his pocket. Hey, do you guys wanna trade?
PETRIE: Missing person's isn't a whole lot better.
ISBECKI: But, if we're lucky, maybe he's dead.
FATHER CALLAHAN: It seems like a great fuss over a very small amount. I don't even know how much money was in the box. The Archdiocese insisted that I report it.
CHRISTINE: Well, apparently there's been a string of these. It's the first one in our precinct, however. Um, I'll tell you we can check for fingerprints but I don't think we can get much.
MARY BETH: If you don't my saying so, Father, but I wouldn't use that little key and lock. It's not gonna keep anybody from breaking in it again.
FATHER CALLAHAN: No, maybe not, but if they need the money that badly, they're probably the ones it was meant for in the first place anyway. Good morning.
MARY BETH: Thank you, Father.
(they begin to walk out)
CHRISTINE: A poor box robbery? (she acknowledges the altar) ...You got a dollar?
MARY BETH: Huh?
CHRISTINE: I wanna light a candle.
MARY BETH: Oh. Do you think that works?
CHRISTINE: I don't know. I'm not that certain it does. Thank you. (Chris lights the candle in a side chapel and kneels to pray. She spots something, and gets up. Quietly) Mary Beth.
(they see a nun laying on the chapel floor. Later the body is removed)
CHRISTINE: Reverend Mother, the Medical Examiner seems to think, at this time, that Sister Mary-Michelle died from a blunt instrument to the head. A wrench, a crowbar. She probably surprised the killer at the poor box. I'm sorry, Mother.
MOTHER SUPERIOR: It's so senseless. So terribly senseless!
MARY BETH: Excuse me Mother, you're wearing a ring.
MOTHER SUPERIOR: It's symbolic. Our marriage to Christ.
MARY BETH: And the cross? Do all the Sisters in your order wear the ring and the cross?
MOTHER SUPERIOR: Yes. Why?
MARY BETH: Because Sister Mary-Michelle didn't have either one.
CHRISTINE: Looks like a junkie. They're probably in a pawnshop by now.
MARY BETH: There were half-a-dozen of these poor box robberies in the Twenty-second Precinct, sir, and St Didier's is just over the border in the Fourteenth.
SAMUELS: Sounds like the same guy is trying to make his morning fix.
CHRISTINE: Well, the only lead we have from the Twenty-second is a bus driver who said he saw a man limping away from a church about dawn three weeks ago. So we've put every junkie and petty thief who's got a limp through the computer. Antonelli says he'll get back to us tomorrow.
SAMUELS: Tomorrow?! No. Look, no, no. The tabloids are gonna blow this thing up like nobody's business. Crazed nun killer. That kind of a thing. Then Knelman's gonna want to turn it over to Major Cases. So if we're gonna keep this one on our Precinct I'm gonna have to see some progress, fast. You got it?
MARY BETH/CHRISTINE: Yes sir.
CHRISTINE: Well, we're gonna put the word out to every pawnshop and jewellery store. As soon as a crucifix and a ring come...
(Coleman knocks at the door)
SAMUELS: Yeah. What?
COLEMAN: Excuse me, sir, Deputy Inspector Knelman on the phone for you on two.
SAMUELS: (to the duo) Ha. (into phone) Yes. ...Yes, Deputy Inspector, what can I do for you. (he gestures the duo to leave) ...Yeah. ...Yeah.
[Manhattan street in the evening]
MARY BETH: Oh Lord, what a day. You know, I'm not looking forward to this subway. It's five stations before you get to Queens Plaza.
CHRISTINE: I'm trying to forget the whole week.
MARY BETH: Oh, Chris, it's rough, huh, waiting for the Sergeant's Exam results? Now I haven't seen you this anxious since before you were pregnant.
CHRISTINE: Thank you, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Chris , I could cut my tongue out. I'm sorry. We won't talk about it. I'm sorry.
(a man in an overcoat with a white scarf draped outside stops them)
CORRIGAN: Detectives Lacey and Cagney? Is that correct?
MARY BETH: Who wants to know?
CORRIGAN: My name is Philip Corrigan. I work for Luis Quinones.
CORRIGAN: Mr. Quinones would like to talk to you. About Sister Mary-Michelle.
MARY BETH: Will you go tell your boss, Mr. Corrigan, that my partner and I are at the Fourteenth Precinct, eight AM to five PM, weekdays.
CORRIGAN: (stepping in front of Mary Beth as she tries to move off) I hate to insist.
CHRISTINE: (putting her arm across in front of Corrigan) Excuse me, Mr. Corrigan, but we're both tired. We've had a bad day. And you and I both know that you're not going to kidnap two cops in the middle of the street in downtown Manhattan.
CORRIGAN: Believe me this isn't a kidnapping.
CHRISTINE: Then why don't you cut the Godfather routine, OK? Is this the best muscles that Quinones can get?
CORRIGAN: I'm Mr. Quinones's lawyer.
CHRISTINE: Ha! Must be a full-time occupation.
CORRIGAN: Mr. Quinones has never been convicted of any felony.
QUINONES: (from the window of a big black limousine) Which may be an indication of Mr. Corrigan's legal skills, or my innocence. Ladies, can I offer you a ride?
CHRISTINE: No thanks. I've seen this movie.
QUINONES: Maybe I can offer you dinner. I truly believe it will be to your benefit to hear what I have to say.
CHRISTINE: Mr. Quinones, if you have anything to say, why don't you just come out and say it?
QUINONES: A walk will be pleasant. (Corrigan opens the limousine door. Quinones gets out) Do you mind if I join you? (a heavy comes round behind them as they walk off) I know it would have been easier for you to meet me at the station. However I'm sure that you both understand a certain ...apprehension that I have entering a police station.
CHRISTINE: Mr. Quinones, I'm tired and I'd like to go home. So if you wanna talk, why don't you just talk.
QUINONES: I am very angry about the death of Sister Mary-Michelle.
MARY BETH: Yeah, so are we, so next time use the phone book. Come on, Christine.
QUINONES: I want the killer caught and punished.
MARY BETH: (as they walk away) Yeah. Good. So do we. So, still, use the phone book.
QUINONES: I wanna to help you find him.
CHRISTINE: (going back) How are you gonna do that?
QUINONES: I have certain resources at my disposal.
MARY BETH: Why should the death of a nun interest you, Mr. Quinones?
QUINONES: She was my godchild. The daughter of my wife's oldest friend. She was only twenty-five. My wife and she are inconsolable.
CHRISTINE: Well, we're sorry for their loss. Please assure them that it's being handled.
QUINONES: (following as the duo walks on) Thank you for your concern, and I hope you won't take this the wrong way, (moving around in front of them) but what I had in mind was the sharing of knowledge. I'm under the impression that such arrangements have been effective before.
MARY BETH: No! Thank you.
CHRISTINE: Please, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: No. I don't like you, Mr. Quinones. I don't like the way you do business. (indicating the limousine) Do you own the horse you rode in on? Take the horse!
QUINONES: You, Miss. Cagney, seem to have better manners than your partner, and do not harbour such antipathy towards a concerned citizen. (he flicks his fingers for the limousine) Think it over.
MARY BETH: Oh, gee!
CHRISTINE: ...OCD says they've got a file as big as a phone book on him.
SAMUELS: Mm hm.
CHRISTINE: Drugs, hookers, porno movies. On the other hand, he's destroyed over the death of a nun.
SAMUELS: Well, he said it was his goddaughter.
MARY BETH: So he claimed. I don't feel easy holding hands with a criminal, sir.
SAMUELS: It won't be the first time. Plenty of times we've formed what my old Irish rabbi used to call, 'unholy alliances'. We've solved some pretty big cases that way.
MARY BETH: So what you saying, sir, you saying we made a mistake? Are you saying we should have taken him up on the offer?
SAMUELS: No, no, all I'm saying is, it's a judgement call. From case to case. Do you know what I mean? You were there. You assessed the situation and you made a decision. ...OK. ...Sure! I'll back my officers ...as long as you bring in results.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: So go file a DD5 with Intelligence about the meeting you had with this guy. And then go and find me a nun killer. ...Soon!
[Detectives' Squad room]
CHRISTINE: (pointing to a pile of computer printouts) And now, this is not doing me a lot of good!
ANTONELLI: (picking away at food on Chris's desk) You asked for drug abuse. This is all the drug-related cases for two years. You asked for felons with physical deformities.
CHRISTINE: This includes things from birthmarks to boils. I'm just looking for a limp!
ANTONELLI: I'm sorry. There's no sub-categorisation for 'limp'.
MARY BETH: (indicating the printouts) OK. These two are known felons residing in the Fourteenth.
ANTONELLI: And these are two are for the Twenty-second, just like you asked. Except that they're about six months out of date. I mean this stuff changes from day to day. And you've gotta realise your average criminal population is unlikely to have a stable home life.
MARY BETH: Yeah, OK, we'll manage. Where's the cross-reference?
ANTONELLI: You didn't ask for a cross-reference.
CHRISTINE: What do you mean, we didn't ask for a cross-reference. What do you think we wanted this for? Night-time reading! ...And get your hands of my sushi.
ANTONELLI: And how should I know! You asked for it, you got it! You needed it fast so I ran it over my lunch hour. I mean, some people have got no gratitude!
MARY BETH: Mr. Antonelli, I'm not gonna get angry here. I'm gonna ask one question and I would appreciate the answer. When can we get the cross-reference?!
ANTONELLI: Assuming you get all the paperwork through to me by closing time tonight, I could probably get it to you ...the day after tomorrow.
CHRISTINE: Well, that's not gonna wash, Antonelli, because we need it by tonight. And I'm not talking about pickpockets with bad skin and a pension for sniffy glue. I'm talking about small-time burglars with a habit and a bad leg. OK?!
ANTONELLI: (still eating the sushi) Maybe.
CHRISTINE: Maybe what? (pushing the sushi across to him) Oh, here, take it! I haven't eaten much of it anyway.
MARY BETH: It's a goal, Mr. Antonelli. A goal.
PETRIE: Lieutenant, I just wanted to catch you before you left.
PETRIE: I was wondering if you er, think the Sergeant's Exam results will come in tomorrow.
SAMUELS: Well, we're at the mercy of the computers.
PETRIE: Right. I'll see ya tomorrow, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: Petrie, it's your first time and the odds are very long. You ought to try and put it out of your mind. It's much easier that way.
PETRIE: I can't.
SAMUELS: You're a damn good detective, Marcus. I guess any stripes is not gonna make you any better.
PETRIE: I know. ...I know. But the money would be nice. Good night, Lieutenant.
HARVEY: Listen, Mary Beth, I am not asking any questions. All I know is that the co-operative on Columbus Avenue job is mine!
(he gives her a kiss)
MARY BETH: Oh honey, that's wonderful.
HARVEY: Thank you.
MARY BETH: It is. It's terrific! Terrific.
HARVEY: So what do you say we celebrate? A couple of hero sandwiches. Everything on 'em. And a couple of bottles of cold beer. Yeah?!
HARVEY: I've got this feeling, babe, that this is gonna be the job where we turn the corner. Yes sir. This is gonna be my showpiece. Mary Beth. I think it's the next big one.
MARY BETH: (in the fridge) The liverwurst is all gone. Do you pick some up tomorrow or should I?
(Harvey sits down and starts to make the sandwiches)
HARVEY: As soon as this job starts I'll be bringing home more than liverwurst. I've been thinking er, maybe we ought to take a drive this weekend. Huh?
MARY BETH: Yeah. Maybe look at some open houses.
MARY BETH: OK.
HARVEY: But not just look.
MARY BETH: OK.
HARVEY: (taking her hand) I wanna buy you a house, Mary Beth. I told you I'd make it up to ya. If this coo-op deal works out, we can think about it again, huh? (she sits down opposite him) Don't sound so excited. OK, Mary Beth, what is it?
MARY BETH: Luis Quinones. He got the job for you.
HARVEY: Luis Quinones, the mob guy? What are you talking about? I don't even know Luis Quinones!
MARY BETH: Yeah, well I do!
HARVEY: Since when?
MARY BETH: Yesterday! He showed up in a big black limousine, like something out of a gangster movie! And he offered us dinner, and he offered us help in finding the nun killer.
HARVEY: And what's the connection, Mary Beth? Quinones doesn't have anything to do with construction.
MARY BETH: Harve, Luis Quinones has his hand in everything in this city.
HARVEY: And you don't think this could possibly be a coincidence?
MARY BETH: Harvey, you read the morning paper and you see conspiracy behind every other headline. And now these happen to us, two things, back to back to our benefit and you're gonna tell me it's a coincidence.
HARVEY: Motive, Mary Beth?! What is Quinones's motive? It doesn't make any sense.
MARY BETH: You didn't meet him, Harve. He's trying to rope you in. Or he's trying to make me look bad. Maybe he wants some favour later on. I don't know. But I'm telling you this here is not a coincidence.
HARVEY: OK, OK. Even if it isn't, so what?
MARY BETH: So what?! You would take a job off him?
HARVEY: I didn't do anything wrong! I mean, I deserve the job. I made the lowest bid.
MARY BETH: You don't care that he strong-armed for you?
HARVEY: I don't give him anything in return. Tell me, what is the problem? Hey, Mary Beth, this is my big break here. I am not giving it up, no matter what!
MARY BETH: Harvey.
HARVEY: (getting up) End of discussion!
[Detectives' Squad room]
PETRIE: It's too bad. Howard isn't dead!
ISBECKI: Too bad.
COLEMAN: Well, think of this way, Victor. In seven years, if he's still missing, he'd be declared legally dead. And then you've got a homicide to work on.
ISBECKI: I am going crazy. What is taking so long?
PETRIE: Victor, there are a number of us here who are just as anxious as you are to find out if we've passed the Sergeant's Exam.
ISBECKI: Yeah, but if Howard were dead, I wouldn't have to worry about it.
COLEMAN: Yeah, but has anyone given any thought to what happens if more than one of you gets promoted? They're probably not gonna keep more than one Detective Sergeant on the same squad. Somebody is gonna have to get transferred out.
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Yes. I thought you were on my side. ...Listen, Antonelli, I want those cross-references on my desk when I get back from lunch today. ...Oh really! ...That's great. Yeah. ...What sushi? ...Oh, you liked it. ...Ah ha! ...Oh, a little restaurant over on 51st and Seventh. ...Mm. ...Yeah. ...Oh. ...Thank you. ...OK. ...Bye bye. (she rings off) Antonelli's going to have the cross-references here the first thing this afternoon.
MARY BETH: Ah ha.
CHRISTINE: How did it go with Samuels?
MARY BETH: He wants me to send in an amended DD5 to Intelligence.
CHRISTINE: That's it?!
MARY BETH: Yes. The Lieutenant agrees with Harvey. It may look compromising, but there's nothing illegal, as long as I report it.
CHRISTINE: Well, that's great! Huh?! Harvey gets the job, and you're on the up and up.
MARY BETH: Yeah!
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, there's nothing wrong with Harvey taking this job. He did not ask for it. You did not ask for it.
MARY BETH: Right. I thought we were gonna hit the streets this morning. Do you wanna get to it?
RANDOLPH: (a lush is holding a dollar bill) Fives bucks? You guys are cheap. Do you know that?
MARY BETH: Randolph, all your gonna do is pour it down your throat anyway. It'll only be the cheap stuff.
RANDOLPH: I still say you're cheap.
CHRISTINE: You're right, Randolph, and I wanna apologise to you for having offended you like that.
(she rips the bill from his hand)
RANDOLPH: ...the word on the street is, ten G, ten big ones, to the dude who fingers the junkie that offed the Sister. Now what are you offering? A couple of bottles of jimmy-jammy? Ha, ha, ha.
CHRISTINE: Who's offering you ten thousand dollars?
RANDOLPH: (taking higher denomination dollar bill that Cagney is now holding) I think I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Ha, ha, ha.
[Gazebo in the garden of Quinones' mansion]
(the duo is escorted in. Quinones has a blue parrot on his left hand)
QUINONES: An unexpected pleasure to see you again. ...Have you changed your minds?
CHRISTINE: We heard about your ten thousand dollar reward.
QUINONES: (indicating the parrot) Beautiful, isn't he, Miss. Cagney? A hyacinth macaw. Almost the colour of your eyes.
MARY BETH: We didn't come to discuss birds, Mr. Quinones.
QUINONES: He is not only beautiful, he's smart. He's friendly. A great conversationalist. (moving the bird towards Chris) Please, I would like to give it to you.
CHRISTINE: No thanks.
QUINONES: It would give me a great deal of pleasure.
MARY BETH: It's about time you stopped offering things to people that they don't want.
QUINONES: (putting the parrot on it's perch) That is not a very gracious attitude, Mrs. Lacey.
MARY BETH: Detective Lacey. We wanna know why you've put a price on this man's head.
QUINONES: Because in this great land of ours ...money sometimes oils the wheels of justice.
CHRISTINE: What kind of justice did you have in mind?
MARY BETH: This is police business. We don't contract out our work.
QUINONES: Why not? It seems very sensible. Cooperation for our mutual benefit. Except that you stubbornly refuse my offer.
MARY BETH: You like running things, don't you, Mr, Quinones. Think you can manipulate anybody. Me. My partner. My husband.
QUINONES: Oh, yes, I've heard he had a fortunate turn of business.
MARY BETH: Yeah?! What's it to you? Stay out of this case. That's all we came for.
QUINONES: (as Mary Beth turns away) I have to tell you this, Mrs. Lacey.
MARY BETH: Detective Lacey!
QUINONES: I don't usually tolerate such disrespectful attitudes from anyone! Particularly not from a woman. ...But I understand that you have been under some personal strains. ...An illness.
MARY BETH: I beg your pardon.
QUINONES: I also understand that as a result you could not take the examination for Sergeants. A quick arrest here could help your promotion to Detective, Second-grade!
(Mary Beth walks off)
QUINONES: And you, Miss Cagney, you have so much riding on the Sergeant's Exam.
CHRISTINE: So what are you gonna do? Lean on the City of New York?
QUINONES: I have always presumed they are immune from something like that. But I could make telephone calls, and perhaps I could obtain a preview of the results for you.
CHRISTINE: No thanks. I'll wait.
CHRISTINE: I have not changed my mind about him. I am merely saying it's worth considering. We have a lot of pressure on us to find this guy and you and I are getting nothing.
MARY BETH: I will no go into debt with that scum.
CHRISTINE: What's he getting out of this?! And you won't be in debt to him unless you wanna be.
MARY BETH: Perfect. You and Harvey should get together. He thinks the same thing.
CHRISTINE: Exactly! Just let me ask you. Straight out! Why is it OK for Harvey to trade harmless favours with Quinones and it's not for us.
MARY BETH: Straight out?
MARY BETH: It's not OK for Harvey. You don't get how it works, do ya! First he dangles the little stuff and he says I can walk away from this anytime. And then it gets bigger and bigger and pretty soon one day he says jump. You think, 'How high?. No, Christine, ...he's evil.
MARY BETH: What's the matter? You never heard of 'evil' before? Or was it the fancy clothes and the smooth manner that fooled you.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, I'm not fooled by anything. I just thought the word 'evil' sounded sort of Sunday school.
MARY BETH: Well, let me tell you something. That junkie that killed a nun. He's pathetic. But he's not as evil as that man in that mansion! And where the hell does that man, Quinones, think that the junkie's getting the dope to begin with?! That's why he's evil. And it's perfumed and it's prettied up and it's gotta lot of money on top of it, so people make movies and books about it. And they kid each another, wouldn't it be nice to have a little protection. And the whole thing is dedicated to greed ...and violence ...and human degradation. ...And it's evil.
[Detectives' Squad room]
(that evening the duo is poring over Antonelli's cross-reference printouts)
MARY BETH: OK, here we go. Two arrests, possession of a controlled substance. Convictions. Burglary, robbery, burglary. Physical deformity, the left leg is two inches shorter than the right leg.
CHRISTINE: Does he live near the church?
MARY BETH: Last known address. Attica State Prison.
PETRIE: Lacey, phone for you on six.
MARY BETH: Thank you. (into phone) Lacey, Fourteenth. ...What?! ...Harve. ...Enough! I... ...Because I forgot, that's why. ...I'm working. What do you think I'm doing? ...I don't know, Harve, but I get there... ...That's what? ...Harvey... ...Harvey, don't start. ...Goodbye.
CHRISTINE: OK. I've got one. Got a habit and a limp. Mr. Brodnick Milo.
MARY BETH: Brodnick M. last known address is West 14th Street. That's close enough to be possible.
CHRISTINE: Oh, forget it.
MARY BETH: What?
CHRISTINE: OCCB turned him in as a registered drug addict. Damn it!
ISBECKI: I'm on my way to the morgue. There's a guy there and he's dead.
CHRISTINE: Great detective work, Isbecki.
ISBECKI: Hey! Howard Green. I can feel it. Tell you what, Cagney. When the time comes don't stand on ceremony. You can call me 'Serge'.
CHRISTINE: Petrie! When you and I pass the Sergeant's Exam and one of us has to be transferred, would you mind taking Isbecki with you too?
MARY BETH: (into phone) Oh, just a second. (with her hand over the mouthpiece) Chris, it's Sid from Flannerys on one.
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Yeah, Sid, what do you need? ...What?! ...Is he OK? ...Yes, all right. I understand. ...I'll be there as soon as I can. ...Thank you.
MARY BETH: What?
CHRISTINE: Charlie's tied one on. They've tried to get him into a cab, but he won't go.
MARY BETH: Are you gonna go get him?
CHRISTINE: (tidying up her printouts) Yeah.
MARY BETH: We're not getting anywhere fast. Do you wanna start fresh in the morning?
CHRISTINE: (supporting Charlie) Take it easy.
CHARLIE: All right, all right.
CHRISTINE: All right, lean on me. ...Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold on!
(she turns on the light)
CHARLIE: Oh! There it is!
CHRISTINE: (taking him to the bed) OK. Nice and Easy. Right. (as he flops face down) Watch your head!
CHARLIE: Oh boy! Oh, busy, busy, busy.
CHRISTINE: (turning him onto his back) OK, Pop.
CHARLIE: Hey! There she is! My officer-daughter.
CHRISTINE: Yes, yes.
CHARLIE: My Sergeant officer-daughter. So that's what they tell me. My daughter's gonna be a Sergeant. I was telling she's a better cop than any man in that bar.
CHRISTINE: (as she takes his shoes off) Is that right? I bet you told them I could out-arm wrestle any of 'em.
CHARLIE: And you could too! The wimps we've got these days. Not like when I was on the Force, we was real cops.
CHRISTINE: (unzipping his jacket) Charlie, do you remember what the doctor said about your drinking?
CHARLIE: Yeah. We had no rules and restrictions.
CHRISTINE: (trying to get his jacket off) Help me. Come on.
CHARLIE: The only computer we ever knew was right here in your head.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I know.
CHARLIE: The newest cop on the beat could tell you who was the jerks and who was the stand-up guys. (Chris is struggling with him) What are you doing to me.
CHRISTINE: I'm trying to get your jacket off!
CHARLIE: I need another drink.
CHRISTINE: You promised me you'd watch your drinking!
CHARLIE: Hey, hey, everybody in the bar watched my drinking! Ha, ha, ha.
CHRISTINE: (finally getting his jacket off) There.
CHARLIE: Hey, I'm so proud of you. You know that? You're a better cop than I ever was. Now you're gonna be a Sergeant.
CHRISTINE: (putting a bedspread over him) Not just yet.
CHARLIE: You know, your mother'd be proud of you too. Not like me, you know. I never made Sergeant. Do you know why?
CHRISTINE: You didn't wanna be Sergeant, Charlie. You liked the beat.
CHARLIE: I got scared. The first time I took the test I didn't pass it. The second time I fortified myself with a little Irish courage. Ah. It's OK. ...That's why your mother left me, you know, because I was a sad...
CHRISTINE: Oh, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Maybe I... I never took the test again. Didn't mean anything. That's what I said. ...That's what I said.
CHRISTINE: It's OK, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Mm hm.
CHRISTINE: You did good.
CHARLIE: Mm hm.
CHRISTINE: You did real good.
(he seems to have dozed off. She kisses his forehead and goes to leave)
CHARLIE: Hey, Chrissie! Chrissie, I'm proud... I'm so, ...so proud of you.
(they raise clenched fists in a mock arm-wrestle. Charlie laughs)
CHRISTINE: Good night, Pop.
CHRISTINE: I called him this morning. He sounded like hell.
MARY BETH: Christine, you know I hate to butt in but you have to talk to Charlie about this drinking.
CHRISTINE: I already did, months ago.
MARY BETH: And?
CHRISTINE: You know when I do my routine about 'There's nothing to talk about'?
MARY BETH: Yeah?
CHRISTINE: It's very similar with him.
MARY BETH: I got ya.
CHRISTINE: You and Harvey talk?
MARY BETH: I'm not gonna talk about it.
MORRIS: So as soon as I read about it in the papers I gave you guys a call. Right?
MARY BETH: Right.
MORRIS: (pointing to Mary Beth's notebook) You should write that fact. Write down 'Right'. Right?
CHRISTINE: When did the guy bring this stuff in?
MORRIS: Yesterday, just before I was closing. He asked me for a C-note, ha ha, for this stuff! (handing Chris a cross on a chain) Oh, listen, no offence intended. Just in case you happen to be of that persuasion. Anyway, I offered the guy fifteen bucks for both pieces, take it or leave it.
MORRIS: He took.
MARY BETH: And you do have the claim check, Mr. Morris.
MORRIS: Yeah, yeah, I have it. It was just here a minute ago.
MARY BETH: What did the man look like?
MORRIS: Er, not like much.
CHRISTINE: Could you be more specific?!
MORRIS: Er, er, specific? Er, OK, OK. Medium size, medium build, medium hair, medium eyes. Nothing to write home about. OK?
CHRISTINE: Did he have a limp?
MORRIS: A limp? Er, no, no. A habit, maybe.
CHRISTINE: Like a nun?
MORRIS: Ha! No sweetheart. The eyes, you know, like there's nobody home. A limp? Ah, ah. (looking for the claim check) Er, let's see where... Ah, here it is! OK?
MARY BETH: Thank you. John Brown. Right! Thirty-four hundred Lexington Av... Mr. Morris, Lexington does not go up that far.
MORRIS: Look, I don't need this aggravation. Now, what do you want I should do, huh? I should ask for personal references every time I make a fifteen dollar transaction?
CHRISTINE: If that's what it takes to make sure that it isn't hot. Yes.
MORRIS: You know you cops , you're all alike, you know?
CHRISTINE: Thank you.
MORRIS: Officer Dolan. You know him? He's a flatfoot on this beat, here. He comes in here all of the time and he's on my back. Such accusations! Fencing. Receiving. You know the whole schmeer? But do I let that dampen my enthusiasm for law enforcement?
No way! The minute, I repeat, the minute I read about you guys wanting the nun's jewellery, I did my public service number, and I called you guys. (looking at Mary Beth) Am I right?! (looking at Chris) Right?
MARY BETH: Right!
MORRIS: Ah. Right! So I'm an honest businessman. The kind which you police should be happy to have more of. So would you do me a favour and tell Officer Dolan, and he should give me the room to exercise my constitutional right of breathing. Right?
MARY BETH: Do you wanna try that description again, Mr. Morris?
MORRIS: (raising his hat) Right.
(he takes a cigar from his inside pocket)
(Quinones's limousine draws up and Corrigan gets out)
CORRIGAN: (to Harvey who is walking along) Lacey.
CORRIGAN: I hear you're thinking of using Horace Edwards on the Columbus Avenue project.
HARVEY: Who are you?
CORRIGAN: A friend of a friend ...who's looking after your best interests. I suppose you don't realise that Horace Edwards is a troublemaker.
HARVEY: I've known Horace Edwards for ten years. He's not a troublemaker. He's a good man.
CORRIGAN: Well, I have it on very good authority that if you hire Mr. Edwards, there's gonna be trouble. ...Big trouble. I thought you'd like to step into the car for a moment. (Harvey sort of laughs) Let's talk this over in detail. Eh?
CORRIGAN: Atta boy.
[Roof of the Laceys' apartment building]
(Harvey is standing out in the open)
MARY BETH: (from the access door) Harve! Michael says you didn't eat dinner. Do you want me to warm something up?
MARY BETH: What's the matter?
HARVEY: Nothing's the matter.
MARY BETH: You didn't eat. You're standing on the roof in the middle of the rain. (putting up an umbrella and coming towards him) Now, if you don't wanna talk about it, just say so. but don't tell me nothing's the matter. (putting the umbrella over him) Come here.
HARVEY: They came to see me today at the Third Avenue site. I was rounding up the crew.
MARY BETH: Who came to s you?
HARVEY: Quinones and his flunky. They asked me not to hire Horace Edwards on the Columbus Avenue job. I told them Horace Edwards was the best brick mason I know. When I work, Horace Edwards works. So ...I don't get the job. That's it.
MARY BETH: Oh, gee.
HARVEY: You know what scares me, Mary Beth? I was tempted. I really was. I wanted that job so badly, I think, OK, I can't use Horace. Horace is a good guy, but I don't owe him anything.
MARY BETH: Well, anybody would be tempted, Harve.
HARVEY: Yeah? You should have seen us, Mary Beth. There I am in the back seat of the limo and this guy's talking to me like I'm his family. Telling me I shouldn't be so proud. He's telling me that I should be thinking of you and the boys. He made me feel like... I don't know really. Saying I wasn't a good husband ..or provider. You know what I mean?
MARY BETH: Oh gee.
HARVEY: Yeah. Now, why couldn't I tell him off? Eh?! I mean er, at least I'd have had some satisfaction. Some good feeling about it. Oh, no. All I could think of was here was this guy, and he was coming along like a god or a wizard with a magic wand, and he was gonna make it all alright. ...Do you know what I mean?
MARY BETH: What?
HARVEY: The house, Mary Beth!
MARY BETH: Oh, forget the damn house!
HARVEY: You sure?
MARY BETH: Yes, I'm sure! ...I wanna house, Harve, but I don't wanna be a member of this man's family to get one. (putting her arm round him) Huh. Huh.
HARVEY: To heck with the house. You'll miss the view of Queens Boulevard. Right? ...Sound of the planes. Sound of the yells. Cop cars in the middle of the night.
MARY BETH: Who can live in all that quiet? Huh?
HARVEY: No good Chinese restaurants in the neighbourhood.
MARY BETH: Harve, I think you're pushing it here.
HARVEY: You think so?
[Detectives' Squad room]
(Petrie and Isbecki come down the stairs)
PETRIE: They found the man.
PETRIE: Memphis. He can't be missing.
PETRIE: Victor, he ran off with his secretary. He is not a homicide. He's not even a missing person anymore. He's just another cheating husband.
COLEMAN: Excuse me. The Lieutenant wants you guys on Community Relations detail this week. Here's a list of the schools he wants you to talk to.
PETRIE: (taking the list and going off) Aw.
ISBECKI: How can I find a homicide when I'm doing Community Relations?
COLEMAN: Cheer up, Victor, maybe you'll bore someone to death.
CHRISTINE: (coming in and giving Coleman a sheaf of papers) Excuse me, Sergeant, grand larceny stuff sold at the pawnbrokers. Give me the form, will ya?
COLEMAN: No problem.
ISBECKI: Cagney, I know this has been a tough case and I want you to know that we're all behind you and if there's anything I can do to help...
CHRISTINE: Back off, Isbecki, it's our case!
ISBECKI: How about a little peek of it? Ah ha. ...I'll even do the paperwork.
CHRISTINE: Victor, you either passed the Sergeant's Exam or you didn't. Anything your mother said makes no difference.
ISBECKI: She told my father. Two weeks later he was in a blue suit six feet under.
CHRISTINE: (to Mary Beth who has just come in) Did you get anything?
MARY BETH: Nothing. Big fat zero. If the man had a limp the computer does not know him.
MARY BETH: Not around here. And that composit is the most non-descript picture I've ever seen. So we either we start from scratch. Or we could turn it over to Major Cases.
CHRISTINE: There's a third possibility.
MARY BETH: Oh, forget it, Christine, I'm not going to Luis Quinones!
CHRISTINE: No! I'm thinking of something my father said to me. About computers.
MARY BETH: I'm telling you, there's nothing in this computer. I've double-checked it.
CHRISTINE: Listen to me. What was the name of that patrolman from the Twenty-second that that pawnbroker kept complaining about?
MARY BETH: Dolan.
(two uniformed officers walk towards the duo)
MARY BETH: I don't think we've got a chance, Christine.
CHRISTINE: Oh, we'll give it a shot. Hey! you Dolan?
DOLAN: That's what the badge reads. What can I do for you?
MARY BETH: I'm Detective Lacey, this is Detective Cagney, from the Fourteenth. We're looking for a suspect.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, a pawnbroker named Morris gave us this mug.
LEAVITT: And a lot of stolen goods?
DOLAN: Yeah, and I'm gonna nail him one of these days.
CHRISTINE: This man had a limp.
LEAVITT: Looks a little like Jimmy MacDonald. But MacDonald doesn't have a limp.
DOLAN: Not now, anyway.
MARY BETH: What do you mean, 'Not now'?
DOLAN: Hey, do you remember three weeks ago, he was limping along. I asked him why and he said he hurt himself playing basketball. Ha, ha. A heavy doper like that doesn't play basketball. But I had nothing to run him in on.
CHRISTINE: So this might not have shown up on the computer?
DOLAN: What? The limp?
DOLAN: Would it hell. He's walking fine now. Or as fine as a junkie ever walks.
MARY BETH: Office Dolan, you wouldn't happen to know Mr. MacDonald's address?
DOLAN: Ha, ha.
[Outside MacDonald's apartment]
MARY BETH: (knocking) MacDonald. Mr. MacDonald. open up, it's the police. We wanna talk to you.
CHRISTINE: (as they draw their guns) He's in there.
MARY BETH: Yeah.
CHRISTINE: Fire escape.
(Chris kicks the door in and goes straight out onto the fire escape. A man has gone up the fire escape. Chris follows. The man makes the roof)
DOLAN: Hold it right there, young fella! Now up against the wall there. Spread 'em! (Chris arrives) OK, young fella, what's your name?
CHRISTINE: This isn't MacDonald?!
DOLAN: Not by a long shot. I asked you. What's your name?
HIT MAN: I don't have to tell you.
CHRISTINE: What were you doing in MacDonald's place? (bashing him) What were you doing in MacDonald's place?!
HIT MAN: We were just waiting for him.
CHRISTINE: What do you mean, 'we'?
(Chris looks at Dolan in realisation and goes over to the roof's edge and shouts down)
CHRISTINE: Lacey! Lacey!!!
MARY BETH: (from the fire escape below) Did you get him?
CHRISTINE: There are two of them! You've got one with you!
MARY BETH: I'm on it!
(Mary Beth comes in quietly from the fire escape, checks round, kneels down and puts her hand round a door and pulls down the shower curtain. There is another man there with his hands up)
CHRISTINE: There were two small calibre pistols sitting in the toilet tank.
MARY BETH: Both these goons got OCCB tags on their yellow files. Tied to the mob families of Brooklyn.
CHRISTINE: We figure they were sent by Quinones.
MARY BETH: Yeah, these people probably got onto MacDonald first and they put out a contract on him.
CHRISTINE: Which we can't prove anyway. And we also can't trace the guns. The best thing we can do is book them on a minor burglary rap.
MARY BETH: Meanwhile friend MacDonald is still somewhere out there.
SAMUELS: Did you two happen to get a look at the holding cell when you came in?
MARY BETH: Sir?
CHRISTINE: Is that him? Is that MacDonald?!
SAMUELS: Isbecki was making a speech in a high school. A guy walks up to him and says 'Are you a cop?'. Then he says the mob's got a price on his head and he wants to turn himself in. Apparently the guy is less afraid of the NYPD than he is of the mob.
CHRISTINE: You're kidding.
(Mary Beth goes between Samuels and Chris across the holding cell)
[Detectives' Squad room]
MARY BETH: You! (banging the cell netting) Do you know what kind of a thief you are?
(she continues to shout and bang the netting)
MacDONALD: Hey, lady, please!
MARY BETH: You got my husband miserable! You got my partner upset with me!! All to get and stick a lousy, stinking needle in your stinking, stupid arm!!!
MacDONALD: I need some methadone, lady. They told me they were gonna give me some methadone.
MARY BETH: Ah. You're breaking my heart!!! You're breaking my heart!!
(Mary Beth walks away. Isbecki comes up to the holding cell)
ISBECKI: (to MacDonald) Sergeant Isbecki. (to Chris) Kind of has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
SAMUELS: Do they know you've got it?
LA GUARDIA: Are you kidding? They would have torn me limb from limb.
LA GUARDIA: Not so good. Casey blew it. Haffis blew it.
SAMUELS: That tape round is tough. What about Isbecki?
LA GUARDIA: Not even close. Should have studied harder. At least Petrie made it.
LA GUARDIA: With his rank, it'll take him two years for a slot to open up.
SAMUELS: That's too bad. He'll need the extra money sooner than that. ...What about Cagney?!
MARY BETH: All this crud because of one little sad junkie. I'm sorry, Chris.
CHRISTINE: Why?! He turned himself in. We couldn't have caught him even if we'd used Quinones.
MARY BETH: Yeah.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, I'm not gonna pass my Sergeant's.
MARY BETH: You're not serious? ...Why? Because of Isbecki's mother's dream?
CHRISTINE: No. ...Because of Knelman. Because I pressed those harassment charges!
MARY BETH: He's one man, Christine.
CHRISTINE: Yeah. He's one Deputy Inspector, Mary Beth! He asked me not... Hell, he begged me not to do it. (looking in the mirror) But I did it! You know, I'll tell you something that I think is damn unfair. Because I work hard. And I've earned it and I deserve it! And I iced that exam!
MARY BETH: Yeah, and I bet you were terrific on the tape too.
CHRISTINE: Damn straight! ...Hennessey.
(there is a knock at the door)
COLEMAN [OC}: Cagney, are you in there?
MARY BETH: What is it, Sergeant Coleman?
COLEMAN [OC]: Lieutenant wants to see you, right away.
MARY BETH: Christine, whatever happens, it's OK. I mean, I think you made it. I'm pretty sure you made it. I hope to God you made it because you were in it, proving it for both of us. Double-duty. But if the answer is 'No', that's OK too because next time we'll take the test together. Right? And I remember in high school...
[Detectives' Squad room]
(Mary Beth continues to chatter until they come into the Squad room. Samuels and the entire Squad are assembled and break into applause. The duo shakes hands. Mary Beth joins the rest. Chris jumps in the air)
CHRISTINE: All right!!!