Con Games
Original Airdate: March 11, 1985

[Police Headquarters briefing room]

(the target audience is all female, both uniformed and detectives. Lieutenant Hubbell is addressing them)
HUBBELL: Welcome to the wonderful world of con games. They say there's nothing new under the sun, but for amusement we have come up with a particularly interesting variation on the old handkerchief switch. Now the player approaches her pigeon at the bank's S and L. Now so far they have been seven.
(Chris raises her hand)
HUBBELL: Yeah?
CHRISTINE: Do mean we've got to hang around a bank all day just to wait for it to be hit on?
HUBBELL: You got a problem with that?
CHRISTINE: Well, there's gotta be ten thousand banks in this city. It's a needle in a haystack.
HUBBELL: More like twenty needles in a haystack. And our player won't be hard to spot. She's wearing purdah. That's the black Arabic dress, you know, with the veil. Covers up the face. The whole routine. Now the pitch is ...she's afraid to put her money in the bank because in her country a woman can't take it out without getting the man's permission. Well, our pigeon wants to show her how easy it is by taking her own money out of the bank. Oh, ho, ho! (putting his hands in front of his mouth and nose and imitating a female voice) America! What a wonderful country. (reverting to his own voice) That's when the old handkerchief switch takes place. The player asks the pigeon to hold the money that she's brought while she goes back and gets the rest. Well, you wanna prove you're legit, right? So you put your money in with hers.
(Mary Beth raises her hand)
HUBBELL: Yeah?
MARY BETH: Excuse me, sir, but this is the part that never makes sense to me.
HUBBELL: You're right. You're right. It doesn't make any sense, but somebody does fall for this, to the tune of millions of dollars a year. OK?
CHRISTINE: Do you have a name on the Arab lady?
HUBBELL: I'm glad you asked that question. This is the really cute part. She's only posing as an Arab. Her real name is Hilda Rosenbaum.

[Precinct front desk office]

(the duo returns)
MARY BETH: ...he didn't even answer my question.
CHRISTINE: He answered your question, Mary Beth, He just said it didn't make any sense.
MARY BETH: Oh, thank you very much, Christine.
CHRISTINE: This whole assignment doesn't make any sense. Who thinks up these kind of decoy jobs anyway.
MARY BETH: Would you quit bellyaching. I agree that it's dumb, but you're only gonna be on it a day and a half. Tuesday's the sexual harassment hearing. Right?
CHRISTINE: Could you say it a little louder. I don't think the rest of the Department got to hear it.
MARY BETH: Sorry, Christine. I wasn't thinking. Listen we've been sniping at each other all week and I want you to know I'm on your side here. So I'm willing to knock it off if you are.
CHRISTINE: It's partly my fault. I'm really sorry. (to Coleman) What have you got?!
COLEMAN: The Manilla trial's continued for two weeks.
MARY BETH: Oh.
COLEMAN: Your husband called. Said he's going bowling. Michael called once more to know if he could sleep at Jeffrey's house and Muriel won twenty dollars at bingo last night.
CHRISTINE: Without a sense of propriety he reads through her messages out loud to everybody.
COLEMAN: Cagney, there hasn't been a gentleman caller for you for three days. If I were you I'd check my horoscope.
CHRISTINE: (walking away) You can be replaced, Coleman.
COLEMAN: (shouting after her) Never! One of a kind. Do you wanna know something else?
CHRISTINE: (spreading her arms) I'm not interested.
COLEMAN: Oh, I'm sure you're not, but Deputy Inspector Knelman is here. He wants to see you. Do you want me to tell you what it's about or do you want to be surprised?

[Samuels' office]

CHRISTINE: Inspector?
KNELMAN: Good afternoon, Detective. Bert, would you leave us alone for a minute?
(Samuels goes out and Knelman closes the door)
KNELMAN: So! Cagney! Oh, please sit down. Oh, I hear you took the Sergeant's Exam.
CHRISTINE: Yes.
KNELMAN: How you feeling about it? Confident?
CHRISTINE: I'm hoping for the best.
KNELMAN: Good! Good, good. Very good. Oh, this is stupid. My beating around the bush here. It's just that I know how strongly you feel about this sexual harassment thing.
CHRISTINE: You're damn right I feel strongly about it, Inspector. Captain Hennessey threatened my career if I did not sleep with him. I can get pretty worked up over something like that.
KNELMAN: I understand that, Cagney. And I sympathise with that. (after a pause) I've got a political job, Cagney. I mean there's no getting around that. I have to concern myself with ...image. The public's image and perception of the police force. And thank God that the media has not got a hold of this yet, because if they do, do you know what that does to the image of this Department?
CHRISTINE: Yes sir.
KNELMAN: Your Department, Cagney. You're a second generation cop. You're here for the long haul. What's good for this Department is good for you.
CHRISTINE: What about Mr. Hennessey?
KNELMAN: He acted unprofessionally and he deserves to be punished. Effectively he has been. He's never gonna make Deputy Commissioner. You've blown him out of the water!
CHRISTINE: I wanna make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen again.
KNELMAN: He has assured me personally. ...That is all. (sitting down next to her) Look, Cagney, I know this is hard, and I know it isn't really fair, but what I'm asking you is to maybe sacrifice your personal and ...unjustifiable hurt and anger for the good of the Department. ...You'll think about it, won't you, Cagney? ...That's all I'm asking you.

[Locker room]

(Chris is followed in by Mary Beth)
CHRISTINE: I don't know. It seems a long time ago. On the other hand nothing happened.
MARY BETH: Ah ha.
CHRISTINE: I've been trying to talk to the women that have worked with Hennessy. None of them wanna to get near me.
MARY BETH: You think he harassed one of them too?
CHRISTINE: I don't know. I've got the last one I'm going to talk to tonight.
MARY BETH: And then what?
CHRISTINE: Maybe Knelman's right. I'm sure Hennessey's got the idea by now.
MARY BETH: So you've told him you'll drop it?
CHRISTINE: I told him I'd think about it.
MARY BETH: So what are you gonna do?
CHRISTINE: I'm gonna think about it. ...You're unhappy?!
MARY BETH: No, no, Christine I'm not making any judgements here. It's not my life.
CHRISTINE: Well, since when did that ever stop you?
MARY BETH: Hey!
CHRISTINE: I said no more sniping. I forgot.
MARY BETH: Isn't that beautiful?
CHRISTINE: That's sniping!
MARY BETH: All right. OK. Shall we call a truce until Monday?
CHRISTINE: (shaking hands with Mary Beth) You've got it.
MARY BETH: You got a date? ...It's a neutral question.
CHRISTINE: Yeah. After I've talked to this woman tonight I'm gonna have dinner with my father.
MARY BETH: Oh.
CHRISTINE: OK, Mary Beth, on Monday I promise you, you will think your partner's a little ray of sunshine.
MARY BETH: Christine, Do you know the meaning of the term 'back stabbing'? ... I'll catch you on Monday.
CHRISTINE: If you live that long.

[Bar]

CHRISTINE: (to a waitress) Oh a Scotch-rocks, please.
PAULA EASTMAN: Coffee with cream and sugar.
CHRISTINE: Are you still on duty?
PAULA EASTMAN: No, I'm a recovering alcoholic.
CHRISTINE: Oh, we could have gone somewhere else.
PAULA EASTMAN: No, it's OK. I've been on the wagon six years now. I can take it or leave it. ...Who am I kidding?
CHRISTINE: Oh, I'm sure it wasn't easy. Er, listen Paula, I'm sure you've heard through the grapevine that I pressed charges against Captain Hennessey.
PAULA EASTMAN: Yeah. I've heard.
CHRISTINE: You know I was wondering if you'd had a similar problem with him.
PAULA EASTMAN: Well, if I did, what difference would it make?
CHRISTINE: Hennessey's worked with a lot of women and so far I'm the only one who's reported a problem. So I was wondering, if I'm the only one, maybe I should just drop it.
(the drinks arrive)
PAULA EASTMAN: Thank you.
CHRISTINE: The Deputy Inspector says I should drop it too for the good of the Department. (along pause) Are you gonna talk to me, Paula?
PAULA EASTMAN: (after another long pause) No.
CHRISTINE: (getting out a dollar bill to pay for the drinks) Thanks for your help. I'll call the Deputy Inspector and he'll be a very happy man.
PAULA EASTMAN: (as Chris gets up to leave) Wait!
CHRISTINE: (sitting down) Did he proposition you?
PAULA EASTMAN: It came out of nowhere. God knows, I'm no Miss. America. He never even acted like he liked me.
CHRISTINE: When was it?
PAULA EASTMAN: Last month. He said he'd recommend me for my Detective's Seal, you know, if I went along with him.
CHRISTINE: Well?
PAULA EASTMAN: What do you mean 'Well'?
CHRISTINE: I don't know how to ask this. Did you go along?
PAULA EASTMAN: Once. Then he left me alone.
CHRISTINE: Look, I've got the telephone numbers of the lawyer of the EEA. You call him when you've got your testimony ready.
PAULA EASTMAN: No.
CHRISTINE: What do you mean 'No'?
PAULA EASTMAN: I won't testify. I can't.
CHRISTINE: A guy offers you promotion if you come across! That's sexual harassment! He comes across you, calls the whole thing off, and you didn't even get it!
PAULA EASTMAN: I'm on the next promotion list. He did exactly what he said he would.
CHRISTINE: So you got what you bargained for. Nice for you. No wonder you don't wanna rock the boat. (another long pause) Help me.
PAULA EASTMAN: (after another pause) I gotta go.

[Chris's loft]

(there is knocking at the door. Chris comes running in her dressing gown with her hair wet)
CHRISTINE: Charlie! Charlie, I'm running late, I got stuck with somebody.
(she opens the door...)
CHRISTINE: Come on...
(...and then tries to shut it)
HENNESSEY: (trying to force his way in) Oh, come on please, give me five minutes. (he forces his way in) I gotta talk to you. I know you don't wanna see me, but give me five minutes and then I'll go.
CHRISTINE: Get out, Hennessey!
HENNESSEY: I wanna apologise to you. I don't know what made me act that way. But now I realise how badly I offended your personal beliefs or you wouldn't have pursued it as far as you have.
CHRISTINE: That's enough! You were just after my body.
HENNESSEY: (Chris backs away as he moves towards her) It was stupid. It was bad judgement. Nothing else. (struggling to find persuasive words) You're just... I can't help that you're a beautiful woman and I was lonely and I was very attracted to you and I deluded myself into thinking that you liked me. Anyway ...I'm deeply. truly sorry. It'll never happen again. I swear it.
CHRISTINE: Why don't you tell that to Paula Eastman?
(the phone goes)
HENNESSEY: Very impressive.
CHRISTINE: Get off it, Hennessey! Do you remember Officer, oh I beg your pardon, about to be Detective Paula Eastman?
HENNESSEY: If it was a Uniform that was assigned to me, I didn't even know her first name was Paula.
CHRISTINE: Right. And that was just a month ago. After I pressed charges. How stupid can you be!
HENNESSEY: She spilled it. Oh my God!
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Hello.
HENNESSEY: This is a nightmare.
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Charlie? ...Hey Charlie, hold on.
(she puts her hand over the mouthpiece)
CHRISTINE: Tonight's performance, Hennessey, when they throw you off the force, it might be something you can fall back on. Meanwhile, there's the door.
HENNESSEY: Don't be so ridiculous, Cagney, I'm warning you.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I see. No more 'Mister Nice Guy'. Huh?
HENNESSEY: You're gonna be real sorry you ever crossed me.
CHRISTINE: You don't learn anything, do ya. I don't like being threatened.
HENNESSEY: You should not have done this, Cagney. You know that? I'm not just gonna beat you in court, I'm gonna crucify ya!
CHRISTINE: (quietly) Get out. (shouting) You heard me. Get out!!!
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Hello, Pop. ...Listen. Hang up the phone to dial nine-one-one. ...Yeah, an emergency.
HENNESSEY: Wait a minute. It's your father. Your father? Great social life, Cagney.
(he leaves)
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Hello, Pop. ...No, no, don't hang up. It's all right. I'm all right. No, you don't have to call anybody. ...(shouting) Where the hell have you been! ...I expected you fifteen minutes ago!

[Squad car]

(Chris is dressed rather frumpily, her hair tied up rather untidily. Mary Beth is driving)
CHRISTINE: Having to hang around a bank for six hours and not look conspicuous.
MARY BETH: You walk in. You walk out. You read brochures. It's better than standing all day there waiting.
CHRISTINE: Well, I think I'm gonna stick out like sore thumb. You look at this outfit. It took me all morning. Do I look housewifely enough?
MARY BETH: Well, what am I? Some kind of expert?
CHRISTINE: You know more than I do. Was that snipey? I did not mean it to be snipey.
MARY BETH: OK. Maybe I am an expert. You look er, ...OK.
CHRISTINE: I'm gonna go through with that hearing tomorrow.
MARY BETH: Oh, I'm glad . Was it Charlie?
CHRISTINE: What?
MARY BETH: Charlie.
CHRISTINE: Oh. No! Mary Beth. He tried to talk me out of it. He said he didn't mean to criticise, but in his day, cops stuck together, no matter what.
MARY BETH: Well, times have changed.
CHRISTINE: Well, not according to Charlie, and I quote. 'Remember, officer daughter, nobody fights the bosses and wins'. (pointing) That's my bank there.
MARY BETH: So what decided you?
CHRISTINE: It's a long story. I'll tell you about it. Listen, will you pick me up here at three-fifteen sharp because I've gotta meet my lawyer at four-thirty.
MARY BETH: OK. (as she draws up) Four-thirty then?
CHRISTINE: Yes.
MARY BETH: Have a nice day.
CHRISTINE: Oh I hate that.
MARY BETH: What?!
CHRISTINE: 'Have a nice day'. I am about to face a dozen bank tellers who are gonna insist I have a nice day.
MARY BETH: (as Chris gets out) All right, so don't have a nice day.

[Manhattan street]

CHRISTINE: That's better.
MARY BETH: In fact, have a rotten day!
CHRISTINE: Now it feels like Monday! See you later.
PANHANDLER: Hey, lady, you got a quarter for a cup of coffee?
CHRISTINE: No, but I'll probably get by.
(she goes into a bank)

[Bank]

(at another bank it's quarter to two. Mary Beth is standing knitting. An old lady, Grace McAfee, comes up)
GRACE McAFEE: Excuse me. I hate to bother you but (pointing to a cheque) could you tell me what that number is.
MARY BETH: One thousand, three hundred and twenty-seven, fifty-three. One, three, two, seven, five, three.
GRACE McAFEE: Thank you. Well, I guess the time has really come for bifocals. Have you noticed in the telephone book that the numbers keep getting smaller and smaller every year?
MARY BETH: (packing up her knitting) I know what you mean, ma'am.
GRACE McAFEE: My husband, George, may he rest in peace, seventy-two years old, had perfect twenty-twenty vision. He was a smart man, my George. So thanks to him, he's left me set up real nice.
MARY BETH: That's good. You're lucky.
GRACE McAFEE: Oh, I am. But I'd give it all up just to have my George back.
MARY BETH: Believe me, ma'am, I know what you mean.
GRACE McAFEE: I'm sorry I've chattered on. You know, you're really nice. So kind to talk to an old lady like me.
MARY BETH: Oh. no, I've enjoyed it.
GRACE McAFEE: I'd love to buy you a cup of tea. That is if you have the time.
MARY BETH: I'd like to but I've gotta be somewhere in twenty-six minutes.
GRACE McAFEE: Another time then. Maybe.
MARY BETH: Maybe! That's nice. Thank you.
GRACE McAFEE: Thank you.
MARY BETH: (leaving) Now, have a nice day!
GRACE McAFEE: The same to you.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (coming in) ...jumping up and down. Jumping up and down.
(she starts moving across the room in short jumps.
CHRISTINE: Oh God, such a headache.
ISBECKI: Cagney!
CHRISTINE: Victor, not now, please.
ISBECKI: Cagney, they've called me to testify.
CHRISTINE: For what?! You didn't have anything to do with this.
ISBECKI: I just wanted you to know that anything you want me to say is all right. I am on your side.
CHRISTINE: Thank you, Victor.
ISBECKI: Hey, you and me, we're gonna nail this guy. I don't like anybody trying to force somebody. It kind of takes all the fun out of the game.
CHRISTINE: Victor, that's close to halfway enlightenment.
ISBECKI: Well, don't spread it around, OK?
(she nods and makes a wry smile)
MARY BETH: (giving her a coffee) Christine. When your have an assignment that is not the most exciting, it's all attitude. You can make it as much fun as you want or as big a drudge.
CHRISTINE: I love it when you get philosophical.
MARY BETH: Is that sniping?
CHRISTINE: Observation of character.
MARY BETH: OK. You go ahead and be as negative as you like. I personally had a wonderful day. Relaxing. Nice change of pace. I talked to the nicest people. This lovely older woman. A widow. With money, but lonely, (Chris is looking through some telephone messages) and I felt glad, Christine, 'cos I was there and she's exactly the type of person that our con artist is gonna try and take advantage of. And the nice man I told you about? Needs to lose half a stone.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth!
MARY BETH: A very solid man, Christine. You could use a nice solid man. We had the nicest talk. I mean it turns out he lives in Queens. Five blocks from me and Harve. Prepares actuarial tables for an insurance company.
CHRISTINE: Sounds exciting.
MARY BETH: Oh, you're such a snob sometimes.
CHRISTINE: That's sniping!
MARY BETH: Observation of character.
(Chris goes back to looking at the messages and smiles)
MARY BETH: (noticing) What? Something good?
CHRISTINE: Dory.
MARY BETH: (moving next to Chris) McKenna?
CHRISTINE: He wants to see me for dinner. Right?
MARY BETH: Dory McKenna! Are you two...?
CHRISTINE: No, no. I haven't seen him since we split up.
MARY BETH: Ah ha.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, you stop.
MARY BETH: No, no. I just wanna observe one thing, Christine. Your face lit up just like a Christmas tree when you got a message from him. Take it easy.
CHRISTINE: He's a good friend, Mary Beth. That is it! It would be nice to see him again.
MARY BETH: Take it easy.
CHRISTINE: (looking at her watch) If you will excuse me. I have an appointment with my lawyer and I certainly can't go looking like Betty Crocker.
MARY BETH: Take it easy.

[Helene Ledding's office]

HELENE LEDDING: OK, I'd like to ask you a few questions. Just so I don't get any nasty surprises tomorrow.
CHRISTINE: Sure. I don't mind.
HELENE LEDDING: You've been on the job how long?
CHRISTINE: Fourteen years.
HELENE LEDDING: Ever brought a claim like this before?
CHRISTINE: Never.
HELENE LEDDING: Ever been faced with a situation like this before?
CHRISTINE: No.
HELENE LEDDING: Never?
CHRISTINE: I've had men come on to me. Some were just joking. Some were serious. But, no, I've never... I've never been threatened.
HELENE LEDDING: I see. How many men?
CHRISTINE: Um. I don't know.
HELENE LEDDING: Have you ever had sex with any of them?
CHRISTINE: No.
HELENE LEDDING: You've never had sex with anyone in the Department?
CHRISTINE: One man. We were engaged. ...Sort of. I don't see how any of this is relevant.
HELENE LEDDING: Proof and evidence don't apply in this kind of hearing. The investigating lawyer can ask you anything, and I do mean anything he wants.
HELENE LEDDING: Where do you meet the men you date?
CHRISTINE: Where!
HELENE LEDDING: Do you go to bars?
CHRISTINE: I don't believe this.
HELENE LEDDING: Do you pick up men in bars?!
CHRISTINE: Yeah, every night!! And they're mostly sailors. And I take them home, all seven or eight of them. And they think I'm terrific!
HELENE LEDDING: I'm glad you find this amusing.
CHRISTINE: Well, I thought you were on my side!
HELENE LEDDING: I am!
CHRISTINE: Well, I find your questions insulting.
HELENE LEDDING: Then I suggest you don't get up on the witness stand.

[Laceys' bedroom]

(Harve and Mary Beth are playing cards in bed)
MARY BETH: Here's the silliest thing, Harve. It's kind of a nice break right now. I get to talk to people. Real people. Ordinary people. I mean, all you see all day is cops and criminals. What I'm trying to say is, it warps attitudes. Do you know what I mean?
HARVEY: Sure.
MARY BETH: I mean, you begin to think the world is a rotten place because ...you're dealing with the rotten part of it all day like someone who lives in the desert for years. And you forget there is something as pretty as a tree. Right? (Harvey chuckles) What are you smiling at?
HARVEY: You. When you start talking like this, I remember why I wanted to marry you so bad.
MARY BETH: I don't know why you wanted to marry me so bad. You were getting very itchy and I was not letting you er, scratch.
HARVEY: Is that why you asked me to ask you to marry me?
MARY BETH: Yeah, the first time.
HARVEY: Mary Beth, I asked you to marry me because I loved you?
MARY BETH: Oh sure, Harve! But I wanted to make sure you meant it.
HARVEY: I meant it!
MARY BETH: Yes. You meant it more the second time.
HARVEY: I meant it both times!
MARY BETH: Yeah, but by the second time, Harve, I had made sure that you wouldn't be disappointed.
HARVEY: (putting his arm around her and kissing her) Yeah? But what if I hadn't asked you the second time?
MARY BETH: I'll tell you something. I was pretty sure you would.
HARVEY: Hm. I better watch what I say here.
MARY BETH: Don't say anything, Harvey.
(she gathers up the cards and turns her bedside light out)
HARVEY: I almost said 'Yes'. Mary Beth,...
MARY BETH: Shut up, Harvey.
(she moves across him and turns his bedside light out)
HARVEY: I swear... I still respected you.
MARY BETH: Oh, good. You do it, Harve. (as they begin to canoodle) I'll be asking for a little less respect now.

[Restaurant]

(they are talking over the coffee)
DORY: I was really surprised when I got the subpoena.
CHRISTINE: Well we weren't exactly a state secret, Dory.
DORY: Yeah. ...Well, I guess they're gonna try and make a big deal about our ...relationship.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I guess.
DORY: I just wanted to talk to you first ...and figure out what I should tell 'em.
CHRISTINE: Tell 'em we had a good time.
DORY: And that would be the truth, wouldn't it?
CHRISTINE: Yeah!
DORY: The whole truth! So help me God. (the check arrives) Oh! (Chris grabs it) Come on, Chris!
CHRISTINE: No!!
DORY: Cagney!!!
CHRISTINE: (giving him the check and giggling) OK. ...Only if you let me reciprocate. All right? After the hearing you come to the loft and I'll cook you dinner. Come on, Dory. I bought all those damn cookbooks when we were living together. I've gotta use them on somebody.
DORY: I'd like to, Chris, I really would. Except, see ...Maggie and I are seeing each other again.
CHRISTINE: Oh. (a long pause) The children must be very happy.
DORY: They're on cloud nine.
CHRISTINE: I'm happy for you. I really am. ...She was lovely. ...What a nice lady.

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: I wish I could go to the hearing with you, Chris.
CHRISTINE: I know.
MARY BETH: I thought the lawyers would have wanted to have me excluded from the room until after I'd testified.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I guess so.
MARY BETH: You have to be there, when? Four o'clock.
CHRISTINE: I think I know their game.
MARY BETH: Are you scared?
CHRISTINE: No, I'm OK.
MARY BETH: Must have been a lousy night with Dory?
CHRISTINE: I was wondering when you were gonna get around to ask.
MARY BETH: All right, forget it.
CHRISTINE: Went back to his ex-wife.
MARY BETH: Oh!
CHRISTINE: I'm happy for him.
MARY BETH: Oh!
CHRISTINE: I thought we weren't gonna snipe at each other anymore.

[Manhattan street]

(Mary Beth pulls up and as Chris gets out)
MARY BETH: Hey, Chris, I'll be outside the hearing room, five o'clock.
CHRISTINE: Thanks, Mary Beth.
PANHANDLER: (as Chris goes into the same bank as the previous day) A quarter for a cup of coffee, lady.
CHRISTINE: Are you here every day?
PASNHANDLER: The three secrets to successful business. Location, location and location.
CHRISTINE: I'll remember that.

[Bank]

(Mary Beth is back at the same bank as she was yesterday. She is looking at a brochure)
GRACE McAFEE: Nice to see you again.
MARY BETH: Oh, hi. I ...forgot something in my safe deposit box yesterday.
GRACE McAFEE: (pointing to the brochure) Are you thinking about opening a new account?
MARY BETH: Well, you know, there's so many of them, it's confusing.
GRACE McAFEE: Well, actually, my accountant just explained it all to me and so I'd be happy to help you.
MARY BETH: Oh no. No. That's all right.
GRACE McAFEE: Oh, please, it'd be my pleasure. My apartment is just down the block. I could make you a nice cup of tea.
MARY BETH: That's very kind. But...
GRACE McAFEE: Really, it's no trouble at all. I used to entertain all the time when George was still alive. But you become a widow, and people just seem to drift away.
MARY BETH: Well, I couldn't be there until three-thirty and I'd have to leave by four.
GRACE McAFEE: That's all right. Even half an hour. It'd mean a great deal to me.

[Hearing room]

CHRISTINE: After that my partner and I were reassigned back to the Fourteenth. And shortly after that I filed the charges against Captain Hennessey.
HELENE LEDDING: And have you had occasion to see Captain Hennessey since that time?
CHRISTINE: Yes. Last Friday. He came to my apartment and threatened me not go forward with this hearing.
HELENE LEDDING: I see. Thank you. I have no further questions at this time.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: Cross.
PAUL GLANSMAN: Miss. Cagney, this er, occasion. ...It happened at your apartment?
CHRISTINE: Yes.
PAUL GLANSMAN: Well, I was wondering, since you were harbouring such antipathy towards Captain Hennessey, why would you let him in your apartment?
CHRISTINE: I didn't. I answered the door without looking ...and he forced his way in.
PAUL GLANSMAN: A police officer who opens the door to anyone ...without even looking.
CHRISTINE: I was expecting someone.
PAUL GLANSMAN: Oh ...I see.
CHRISTINE: My father.
PAUL GLANSMAN: Of course. (coming up close to the witness stand) I was wondering. Do you colour your hair?
CHRISTINE: What?
PAUL GLANSMAN: Do you colour your hair to make yourself more alluring?
CHRISTINE: I really don't know what that has to do with anything.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: The witness will answer the question. Do you dye your hair?
CHRISTINE: (after a pause) I highlight it.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: Thank you.
PAUL GLANSMAN: And the clothes that you're wearing today. Is that the way you usually dress for work?
CHRISTINE: More or less.
PAUL GLANSMAN: Isn't the truth of the matter that you usually wear tight jeans and snug sweaters?
CHRISTINE: I usually wear a nun's habit.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: Detective Cagney...
CHRISTINE: Well, he can ask anything he damn well pleases and I can't say what I want!
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: Your attorney will have time for rebuttal later. Now meanwhile you'll answer the questions.
PAUL GLANSMAN: Have you ever had a venereal disease?
CHRISTINE: No. Did you?
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: Detective, may I remind you again it was you who brought these charges. Now if you're unwilling to cooperate in full candour, we can dismiss the case right now. You understand?
CHRISTINE: Yes sir. I understand.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: Very good. (to Glansman) You may continue.
PAUL GLANSMAN: Detective, how many men have you been to bed with?
CHRISTINE: You've gotta be kidding!
PAUL GLANSMAN: You are not suggesting to this hearing that you are a virgin?
CHRISTINE: I am not a virgin.
PAUL GLANSMAN: Then, how many men have you been to bed with?
CHRISTINE: (a long pause. She looks to the Trial Commissioner for help) I don't know how to answer this!
PAUL GLANSMAN: OK. Let's make it easy. How many men have you been to bed with this year? ...All right, let's try true or false. Was it more than a platoon and less than a battalion?
HELENE LEDDING: I object to the tone of these questions!!!
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: Overruled. The witness will please answer the question.
CHRISTINE: I lived with a man most of this year. I dated a couple of others.
PAUL GLANSMAN: Mm hm.

[Grace McAfee's apartment]

GRACE McAFEE: I thought of moving into one of those retirement places in a warm climate. People of my age.
MARY BETH: Muriel. I told you about her. She had this friend. Moved to Arizona. Started painting. Never drew a line in her life. And now she's selling to a gift shop.
GRACE McAFEE: I have no talent like that. I still remember my grade school teacher, Mrs. Green saying 'Grace...
(there is a knock at the door)
GRACE McAFEE: (quietly) I wonder who that can be? I haven't had a visitor since ...forever.
(she takes the chain off and opens the door. There is a woman there)
AMANDA HEALY: Aunt Grace, I'm sorry to bother you.
GRACE McAFEE: Come in, Amanda, come in.
AMANDA HEALY: Oh, Aunt Grace I'm sorry, I should have called first.
GRACE McAFEE: Please don't apologise. I'm delighted you dropped by. This is my niece, Amanda. Amanda, say 'Hello'. My friend, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: How do you do?
GRACE McAFEE: (crying) Oh, Aunt Grace,...
GRACE McAFEE: What is it? What is it, sweetheart? What's the trouble. You can talk in front of Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: I could leave.
GRACE McAFEE: Oh no, no, no. Please don't.
AMANDA HEALY: I didn't know who else to go to. See, I was trying to get a cab. And then this rude, really ugly looking man, leaped right in front of me and he jumped right in. Only when he did, he dropped this envelope. (she puts bundles of dollar bills from the envelope onto a table) I counted it. It's forty-two thousand dollars.
GRACE McAFEE: (showing the bills to Mary Beth) Well, we'll have to turn it over to the police. It's the only thing to do.
AMANDA HEALY: There's a list in there also. A list. Listen to this! One kilo MJ. That's marijuana, isn't it? Two grams C. That would be cocaine, I think. Well, it goes on and on. The man must be a drug dealer.
(Mary Beth nods)
GRACE McAFEE: We'll have to turn the money in. It's the only honest thing to do.
AMANDA HEALY: But don't you see? Then there'll be publicity and the drug dealer will come looking for me, knowing that I can identify him.
GRACE McAFEE: Oh, I never thought of that. What do you think, Mary Beth?
MARY BETH: I er, don't really know, ma'am.
GRACE McAFEE: I've got an idea. Go and call your boss, Mr. Singleton. (to Mary Beth) He's a lawyer. He'll know what to do, won't he?
MARY BETH: (smiling) Yes, ma'am, he probably will.

[Hubbell's office]

HUBBELL: Let me guess. The lawyer thinks you should divide the money up three ways. Then the old lady talks him into splitting it four ways, giving you a share.
MARY BETH: Right. Then he had the bright idea that each of us should put up ten thousand dollars. Good-faith money he called it. To prove that we won't go on some prodigious spending spree when we each get our share.
HUBBELL: That's the classic pocket book scam. I do like the part about it being drug money. That's a nice touch. So when do you have to bring in the ten grand?
MARY BETH: Tomorrow morning, eleven AM. At the lawyer's office.
HUBBELL: No sweat. I'll have it ready for ya.
MARY BETH: And now if you would pardon me, sir, I have to be downtown, five o'clock.
HUBBELL: Go. Go. Great. You did great. I'll take it from here. Oh, and listen, just be sure to be back here at eight AM for the cash and your backup.
MARY BETH: Yes sir. Excuse me, sir, you don't think that this is Hilda Rosenbaum with a newer role?
HUBBELL: No, no chance. Lacey, you are such a perfect pigeon, you have pulled in an entirely different scam.
MARY BETH: Well, thank you, sir.
HUBBELL: You're welcome.

[Hearing room]

GLANSMAN: Detective Isbecki, you like to get around with Chris Cagney, don't you?
ISBECKI: How do you mean?
GLANSMAN: Tell jokes?
ISBECKI: Sure.
GLANSMAN: Hey! Kid a little, make a pass?
ISBECKI: Yes, sometimes I do just to get her riled up. Kind of gets on her nerves.
GLANSMAN: Sometimes she kids you right back?
ISBECKI: I guess.
GLANSMAN: But you tell her off-colour jokes? I mean, Detective Cagney, she's no prude, is she?
ISBECKI: No. She knows how to kid with the guys.
GLANSMAN: About sex?
ISBECKI: Well, I'm just fooling around, you know.
GLANSMAN: Have you ever had sex with her?
ISBECKI: Me.
GLANSMAN: Yeah.
ISBECKI: No.
GLANSMAN: Never wanted to have sex with her?
ISBECKI: Well I... No.
GLANSMAN: You've never thought about it either.
ISBECKI: Neither.
(Chris looks around and sees Paula Eastman, in uniform, looking uneasy)
GLANSMAN: You've propositioned, haven't you?
ISBECKI: I er... This is pretty personal stuff, Your Honour.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: The witness will answer the questions as they are put to him. Did you proposition her?
ISBECKI: Well, I've asked her out.
GLANSMAN: Then you've made innuendos to her about wanting to have sex?
ISBECKI: OK. The answer's 'Yes'. All right?
GLANSMAN: And she's made the same kind of innuendos right back at you. Hasn't she?
ISBECKI: No. No, not really.
GLANSMAN: So it was more than innuendos? What exactly did she do?
ISBECKI: She was drunk! Didn't mean anything?
GLANSMAN: What? What didn't mean anything?
(Chris holds her head at the way things are going. Paula Eastman is paying attention)
ISBECKI: What she said. Hey, she was really depressed, and she was drinking. You know?
GLANSMAN: Yes, I know.
(Paula Eastman shakes her head and leaves)
GLANSMAN: What did she say? Did she wanna go to bed with you?
ISBECKI: If she said it, she didn't mean it. She was lonely. You know what a guy does? Hey! I'm telling you, it didn't mean anything! Any way I didn't.
(Chris turns round and sees Paula Eastman has gone)

[Joseph Singleton's office]

(there are seven bundles of a thousand dollars each before him)
SINGLETON: Now I want you ladies to live up to your word. You put this money away for a few months. (putting two bundles in an envelope and sealing it) In fact, I wouldn't even open the envelope. (handing her the envelope) Amanda. That way, should something happen, we can all say under oath, that you got the money from me. Isn't that right? (handing her an envelope) Grace. And Mrs. Lacey.
(there is one bundle left)
MARY BETH: Er, thank you, Mr. Singleton.
SINGLETON: Mrs. Lacey, I seem to have given you an envelope with my letterhead on it. Let me put in another envelope that's no so conspicuous.
MARY BETH: Oh, no that's all right, Mr. Singleton.
SINGLETON: No, no. I insist. (taking the envelope back) An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. (he puts the envelope into the open drawer of his desk and makes to transfer the money to a new envelope) These drug men are avaricious. (licking the new envelope) I wouldn't want to put any you ladies to any unnecessary risk.
MARY BETH: Thank you, Mr. Singleton. I feel much better now.
SINGLETON: So I suppose that concludes our business.
(Mary Beth gets up to leave)
SINGLETON: Mrs. Lacey?
MARY BETH: I forgot something. (she opens the door) You, all three, are under arrest.
(Hubbell and other police come in. Amanda cries out. Singleton protests)
HUBBEL: (to Grace McAfee) Last time I saw you, you were running a little game up in Hamilton Heights.
(the three 'thieves' fall out)

[Hearing room]

HELENE LEDDING: Did Detective Cagney ever complain to you about Captain Hennessey?
MARY BETH: Several times. On one occasion she was worried about what he had threatened to do her career to the extent that she cried. And, if you know Detective Cagney, you know that things have to get very tough for her to cry.
GLANSMAN: Your Honour, could the witness be admonished to keep her editorial comments to herself.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: So admonished.
MARY BETH: Yes sir. Another time she arrived at my apartment needing a taxi fare. She and Captain Hennessey had been interviewing witnesses, and he told them one of the witnesses was going to meet them at a restaurant. It was a lie to lure her there. And then when he put the make on her and she refused him, he became so abusive that she had to take a taxi home.
HELENE LEDDING: And what was her emotional state when she arrived at you place.
MARY BETH: She was upset. And frustrated because she couldn't get through to this man that she wanted her relationship to be on a purely professional basis.
GLANSMAN: Objection! Conclusion and hearsay.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: This is an informal hearing. Objection overruled.
HELENE LEDDING: Thank you. No further questions.
GLANSMAN: Detective Lacey. Your partner. Is she a good cop?
MARY BETH: In my opinion, the best.
GLANSMAN: Effective.
MARY BETH: Very.
GLANSMAN: She gets what she wants?
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
GLANSMAN: No matter what it takes?
MARY BETH: I wouldn't say that.
GLANSMAN: Would you say that you've seen her flirt to get what she wants? Use her, shall we say, feminine wiles?
MARY BETH: I... I er...
GLANSMAN: I have a sworn statement from one, Douglas Rosinski. Apparently Detective Cagney has agreed to date Mr. Rosinski in order to obtain information.
MARY BETH: You honour, he's making this sound like a big deal.
GLANSMAN: Does Detective Cagney have a lot of boyfriends?
MARY BETH: (a look to the commissioner and a pause) Some. Sure.
GLANSMAN: Has she got a lot?
MARY BETH: She's healthy. She's young. Single. Why not?
GLANSMAN: Does she drink alcoholic beverages on these dates?
MARY BETH: I wouldn't know. I'm not her chaperon.
GLANSMAN: But you have seen her come into the precinct with a hangover. Isn't that true?
MARY BETH: No sir.
GLANSMAN: Never?
MARY BETH: Maybe once.
GLANSMAN: Once? I see. Did Detective Cagney ever tell you that she wanted to date Captain Hennessey?
MARY BETH: No sir.
GLANSMAN: Never?
MARY BETH: No.
GLANSMAN: She's never told you that she found Captain Hennessey attractive? May I remind you that you are under oath.
MARY BETH: I recall she said she thought he was. Yes.
GLANSMAN: Thank you very much.
MARY BETH: But she also said she didn't want to date him because they were working together. (to the Commissioner) He's making everything sound like such a big deal. I mean, putting everything in its worst possible light.
GLANSMAN: Thank you, Detective Lacey.
(later)
GLANSMAN: Go on, Captain Hennessey.
HENNESSEY: Well, I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was very attracted to her. After all, I'm human. I've been divorced for three years now and I'd like to find a nice girl to be with. But I had a conflict. I have a policy never to date the women I'm working with. On the other hand this was just a temporary assignment so I figured it would be OK to explore the relationship ...and then pursue it only when we weren't working together.
GLANSMAN: OK Captain, can you now tell us what happened at the restaurant.
HENNESSEY: Oh, we had a drink, and then she made the joke about never having been turned down by her partner before, and I laughed because I knew her partner was a woman. Then she asked me if I felt the same way. And then she asked me if I wanted to go to bed with her.
(Chris tells Helene Ledding that this is all fabrication)
GLANSMAN: And how did you respond to that?
HENNESSEY: Oh, I said 'Heck, yes' as soon as we weren't working together anymore. And she said er, 'Why put off until tomorrow what feels good today'.
GLANSMAN: And what happened then?
HENNESSEY: Well, I admit I'm no Saint. Then she started to... Then she put her hand on my leg.
CHRISTINE: (leaping up) You're a damn liar, Hennessey!!
GLANSMAN: Your Honour?!
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: Sit down, Detective!
CHRISTINE: But he's lying!!!
GLANSMAN: I want the complainant to be admonished.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: So admonished. Sit down, Detective Cagney.
GLANSMAN: Now, Captain Hennessy, did you go to bed with her?
HENNESSEY: I probably would have, except for what she said then. She said we could do a lot of good for each other. She could take care of my ...libido and I could take care of her career. She wanted me to assign her to a major cases for going to bed with me. Of course, that was instant turn off.
CHRISTINE: (leans forward) You bastard. You filthy lying bastard!!!
MARY BETH: Christine!
GLANSMAN: Your Honour.
TRIAL COMMISSIONER: Detective Cagney, you are perilously close to a contempt citation. These emotional outbursts do neither you nor your case any good. Now, you will be seated and you will be quiet. I will not tolerate another of these outbursts. Counsellor, you may continue.
GLANSMAN: Thank you, Your Honour. All right, Captain Hennessey, now you're back at the restaurant. You've had a couple of drinks. Detective Cagney has suggested exchanging professional favours for sexual ones. What happened next?
HENNESSEY: Well, I guess I was a little shocked. I came down hard on her.
GLANSMAN: What do you mean?
HENNESSEY: Well, I'm naive but I'm no fool. The whole thing made me sick. I felt like a John. She was a hooker. She got mad and stormed out. Then the next day when I saw her, she says 'Nobody calls me a whore and gets away with it'. And then she files this complaint.
GLANSMAN: Thank you.

[Bar]

MARY BETH: It's not fair, but it's the only way there is. Five years ago it was impossible to haul a man up on something like this. Now it's only ugly and maybe in five years from now it will be fair.
CHRISTINE: I don't have the years!. I'm putting my career on the line and I came off looking like I needed penicillin.
MARY BETH: It wasn't that bad.
CHRISTINE: Yeah? You know those rape victims that I talked to? I gave that nice speech. That they should testify for the good of all women. And so they will stop feeling like a victim. I should call up every one of those women and apologise.
MARY BETH: Christine, when something like this happens, you have no choice. You've gotta get up there and tell the truth.
CHRISTINE: Oh, Mary Beth, you saw him with that cocksure smile of his. This isn't stopping him one bit! ...Oh God. ...Damn it!!!
BARTENDER: Hey, lady, take it easy!
(Chris begins to lose herself. Mary Beth rubs her shoulder to comfort her)
MARY BETH: Why don't you come home with me and have dinner? Harvey's er... Harvey's concocting some of that famous spaghetti sauce of his. Huh?
(Chris gets up and stalks off)
MARY BETH: (after her) What do ya say? There's nothing like starch, you know, when you're depressed. Christine! ...Christine. ...I hate when she does this. (to the bartender) Um... One more. ...No, no. Forget it. ...Check please!

[Corridor outside Paula Eastman's apartment]

(Chris knocks and then knocks again. Paula, in a dressing gown, opens the door and takes it off the chain)
PAULA EASTMAN: How did you find me?
CHRISTINE: I'm a detective. I'd like to come in.
PAULA EASTMAN: My boyfriend's here.
CHRISTINE: What if I promise not to scream or make any loud noises?
PAULA EASTMAN: You only want to ask me a favour.
CHRISTINE: Look, Paula, I know you must feel lousy about what's happening. Why else would you be hanging around that hearing room. Just to watch?!
(Paula lets Chris in)

[Corridor outside the hearing room]

(Hennessey and Glansman arrive. Hennessey sees Chris, Mary Beth and Helene Ledding down the corridor. Chris is on the phone. Hennessey smiles confidently in their direction)
CHRISTINE: (ringing off) No answer. I've tried her home. I've tried her Precinct.
HELENE LEDDING: I can't stall any longer. If she's not here by nine-thirty, that's it.
MARY BETH: She'll be here.
CHRISTINE: I was a steamroller last night. She'd agree to anything to get me out of there.
HELENE LEDDING: Well, it's a real shame. With Eastman's corroboration I think we could have nailed him.
MARY BETH: She'll be here.
HELENE LEDDING: (taking Chris's elbow) Come on, let's go in.
CHRISTINE: Lambs to the slaughter.
MARY BETH: It's not that bad.
CHRISTINE: True. I haven't felt as bad since I was caught smoking in the cloakroom in the third grade.
PAULA EASTMAN: (coming out of the lift behind them) Cagney!
CHRISTINE: (smiling) Paula Eastman. Helene Ledding. My partner, Mary Beth Lacey.
PAULA EASTMAN: Hi.
MARY BETH: Glad to know ya.
HELENE LEDDING: Officer Eastman, thank you for coming.
CHRISTINE: It's still gonna be our word against his.
PAULA EASTMAN: It's our word. ...Both of us.
HELENE LEDDING: (to Paula) You ready?
CHRISTINE: We're ready.
(down the corridor Hennessey's face drops)

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