(Mary Beth has just taken a tray of cookies out of the oven. Michael is practising his reading)
MICHAEL: 'She was on my mind and Tom was on my mind. So I slept restless. And twice I went down the ro-ad in the night and slipped around the front...
MARY BETH: (as she pushes the tray onto the table beside him) What is this? What is this word?
MARY BETH: Road.
MICHAEL: ...and slipped around the front and see her setting there by her candle in the window with her eyes towards the road and tears in her eyes. And I wished I could do something for her, but I couldn't, only to me swear that I wouldn't never do nothing to grieve her anymore'.
(Michael picks up a cookie and starts moving it quickly from hand to hand)
MARY BETH: Michael! Would you wait 'til they cool off? You'll get a bellyache.
MICHAEL: You always say hot cookies give you bellyache. How come?
MARY BETH: Because ...that's what my mother used to say to me.
(Harvey Jr. creeps in with a friend, Robin Rivera)
HARVEY JR.: She hides it in different places but I can always find it.
(he searches the dressing table drawers)
ROBIN: There's a dollar on this.
HARVEY JR.: Kiss it goodbye.
MARY BETH: Look at that book. (Michael is well through it. The book is "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"*) Remember last year? You couldn't even read a book like that. You've worked very hard. Are you proud of yourself? (Michael nods) I'm proud of you too. Give us a bite.
MARY BETH: Why not.
MICHAEL: They're hot. You'll get a bellyache.
MARY BETH: Oh, very smart, Michael.
HARVEY JR.: I know it's here somewhere. ...Hey, help me up here.
(Robin holds a stool while Harvey Jr. stands on it)
MICHAEL: 'It was Tom Sawyer on a mattress, and that old doctor, and Jim in her cal-i-co...' What's this?
MARY BETH: 'and Jim in her calico dress' Calico.
MICHAEL: What does that mean?
MARY BETH: Go get the dictionary.
MICHAEL: It's on high on the bookshelf. I can't reach it.
MARY BETH: Oh, you are full of baloney! I'm dealing here with these cookies.
MICHAEL: What did you bake them for?
MARY BETH: For after dinner. I'll get it. (pointing to the cookies) One more. I'll know if they're missing.
(Harvey Jr. finds Mary Beth's gun hidden at the top of a cupboard. He steps down and turns to his friend)
HARVEY JR.: Freeze!
ROBIN: Wow! ...Can I hold it?
HARVEY JR.: (throwing him the holster) One more step and you've had it.
ROBIN: Come on, Lacey, let me see the gun.
HARVEY JR.: (stooping into the firing position with two hands) So what do you have to say now, Rivera.? Do you still think my mother's a meter-maid?
ROBIN: Come on, Lacey.
HARVEY JR.: (raising the gun to point at Robin's forehead) Say your...
MARY BETH: Harvey! Put that gun down. ...I'm not fooling around. Now put it down. Put it on the bed.
MARY BETH: (as he throws the gun) Don't...!
(Mary Beth checks there are no bullets in the gun)
MARY BETH: Robin, I think that you should go home now.
HARVEY JR.: We were just fooling around, Ma!
MARY BETH: Robin, will you please go home! (Robin leaves) You were told never to touch this gun.
HARVEY JR.: I just wanted to show Robin...
MARY BETH: Never, never point a gun!
HARVEY JR.: It was unloaded! You always unload...
MARY BETH: Loaded or unloaded you never toy with a gun!! Do you have any idea what might have happened if there'd been an accident!
HARVEY JR.: OK, OK. I was just point...
MARY BETH: (giving him a light slap across the lips) Don't you smart-mouth me! ...I trusted you to stay away from that gun. You're fourteen years old. You know better! You have disobeyed me ...because you wanna look like a big deal, and you could have blown your friend's head off! ...Are you hearing me?
HARVEY JR.: Yes. I hear you.
MARY BETH: Go to your room.
(Mary Beth checks that her gun is unloaded)
[Precinct House front desk]
(a delivery man comes in with a big box on a trolley)
DELIVERY MAN: Hey.
DELIVERY MAN: I'm looking for a guy named Ules.
DELIVERY MAN: Ules. Right. Sam Ules.
COLEMAN: Lieutenant Sam Ules?
DELIVERY MAN: Right.
COLEMAN: Right. Follow me.
(Petrie and Isbecki come in dressed in suits and ties and carrying briefcases)
ISBECKI: If I have to stake out one more bank and not feel I've been in every Mens room on Wall Street...
PETRIE: We'll get him sooner or later, Victor.
ISBECKI: Oh yeah, how are you gonna get him? For two weeks I've been looking in bathroom bins. I beginning to feel I'm some kind of a pervert.
[Detectives' Squad room]
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Dory! ...I would like to meet your children. (Mary Beth looks up in surprise) ...What do you mean 'Make plans!' You're the one who's always talking about being so spontaneous. ...I am not complaining. ...I... ...I have to get back to work too. ...Good luck on the Sierra collar.
(she rings off and the duo looks at one another)
CHRISTINE: Boy ten. Girl fourteen.
MARY BETH: That's nice.
MARY BETH: So you're finally getting round to meeting Dory's kids at last.
MARY BETH: That's nice.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, that is not Dory's fault.
MARY BETH: I didn't say anything!
CHRISTINE: Yes, you did. He has an ex-wife... (lowering her voice) He has an ex-wife to contend with who doesn't give him the opportunity to see the children as often as he'd like.
SAMUELS: (coming out of his office and shouting) Who's on standby?
CHRISTINE/MARY BETH: We are, sir!
SAMUELS: We've got a shooting at twenty-two oh nine, Lexington Avenue. Uniforms on the scene are asking Detectives to respond.
CHRISTINE: Got it!
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: Twenty-two oh nine, Lex.
CHRISTINE: (as they rush out) Got it!
(Petrie and Isbecki are dressed in suits and black ties)
ISBECKI: See that. Shooting. ...Probably a homicide.
PETRIE: I doubt it.
(the Medical Examiner's hearse is just leaving. There is a crowd of Uniforms and Detectives on the pavement)
CHRISTINE: Listen here, I need your attention. We've gotta move fast! All right, team A, door to door. Team B, vehicles. (to Petrie and Isbecki and other detectives) Team C, you lucky guys.
CHRISTINE: You've got it, you've got receptacles. Look if it's there we've gotta find it before it desensitises.
MARY BETH: (shouting before she follows Chris into the building) You men of the Twenty-second, thank you very much for helping out.
ISBECKI: (indicating the suit) In all this?
MARY BETH: Victor, very nice.
[Foyer of the Barons' apartment building]
CHRISTINE: (to a resident) If you do recall hearing anything, if anything comes to mind, (giving him a card) please call us at the Fourteenth. Fine. Thank you.
MARY BETH: (joining Chris) Nothing. Nobody heard nothing. Nothing was reported, not even a gunshot.
CHRISTINE: I love it. The walls in this building must be six feet thick. They sure don't make them like this any more.
(Chris has been calling the lift)
MARY BETH: Oh, come on.
CHRISTINE: Let's walk it.
[Back of 2209 Lexington Avenue]
(Petrie and Isbecki are searching the garbage cans)
ISBECKI: From bathroom bins to trash cans!
PETRIE: You're taking this personally, Victor.
ISBECKI: I can't help it. Did you notice anyone from the Twenty-second in Team C? ...Do you know what I mean? I mean, we could have drawn vehicles. We could have drawn door-to-door. Instead we draw ...garbage.
PETRIE: Well, it takes a trained detective to sift through garbage for evidence, Victor.
ISBECKI: Right, right. 'It's a dirty job, Victor, but somebody's gotta do it'.
[Apartment building staircase]
MARY BETH: How many after this?
MARY BETH: Oh Lord.
CHRISTINE: Do you know what's weird? It's not usual for cat burglars to carry weapons. They don't want that kind of trouble. They don't wanna get arrested with weapons on 'em. I'm telling you, resisting arrest is serious.
MARY BETH: (as they go up the stairs) The other day I was on 34th Street. They had a sale on for support hose. Slow down.
(they pause on the stairs)
CHRISTINE: Listen, a cat burglar climbs in and out of a window. He doesn't disturb so much as a saucer. What reason would he have to gun down a sixty-five year old man?
MARY BETH: You know, Christine, I have to hang my head.
MARY BETH: Support hose. ...Well, Christine, I went up to the counter. ...Couldn't do it. Couldn't do it.
(she starts up the stairs again breathlessly)
PETRIE: (on walkie-talkie) Cagney, Lacey! Are you on the air?
CHRISTINE: (into walkie-talkie) Yeah, yeah, we are. We hear you, Petrie?
[Back of 2209 Lexington Avenue]
PETRIE: (into walkie-talkie) We've got something.
ISBECKI: (holding up a gun and putting it in an evidence bag) Good police work, huh? Bread and butter. Yeah, the dirty work, that's what it's all about, isn't it?
PETRIE: That's right, Victor.
CHRISTINE: (to a distraught Mrs. Baron) Did you or your husband keep a gun in the apartment?
MRS. BARON: No.
CHRISTINE: Was it unusual for him to be here during the day?
(initially unable to answer, Mrs. Baron goes over to the dressing table and picks up a framed photo)
MRS. BARON: (crying) I loved him.
(Mary Beth comes in, takes off her gun, unloads it and puts the bullets in a lockable box. She goes to the door to check if Harvey Jr. is around and then puts the gun at the back of the bottom drawer of the dressing table. She starts to undress, then has second thoughts and moves the gun to a bedside cabinet drawer)
HARVEY: (coming in wearing his dressing gown) You can hide it in fifty different places. He's still gonna find it.
MARY BETH: I unload the thing every night, Harve. I put it different places and...
HARVEY: A gun's like a magnet to a kid. It doesn't matter where you hide it.
MARY BETH: I hide it, I am a police officer and ...I am required to have a gun.
HARVEY: I know. Stupid kid. We'll think of something. We've got a problem here. Boys don't know about guns, not really. You see guns on TV everywhere. Boom, boom, hero gets wounded. The next day he's up and around. He sees his own mother carry a gun.
MARY BETH: Harve, that's our kids. I told him 'em ...from before they can walk. time and time again, it's not a toy. ...I don't know what else I can do.
(the staff is conducting a post-mortem)
ASSISTANT MEDICAL EXAMINER: ...There are no external injuries, period. The temporal muscles reveal no haemorrhaging, period.
(the female examiner comes over)
ASSISTANT MEDICAL EXAMINER: Sorry girls, didn't mean to keep you waiting so long. It's been a very hectic morning. I'm sorry.
CHRISTINE: We're calling about the Baron case. Harry Baron.
ASSISTANT MEDICAL EXAMINER: Yeah. Er (consulting a folder) Baron? Baron? Yes. Harry Baron! Forty-five calibre bullet entered the right side, rupturing the spleen and passing through the left lobe of the liver and after... (turning a couple pages) da, da, da, a page and a half of catastrophic internal damage, finally lodged against the lumber spine. (smiling and with a chuckle) A pretty gruesome gunshot trauma if it wasn't for two things.
CHRISTINE: Wanna let us in on it?
ASSISTANT MEDICAL EXAMINER: Sorry, it's not often I get a chance to look into someone's face and see anticipation. ...There seems to be an incompatibility about the pattern of powder traces on the man's right hand. The preliminary report says that Mr. Baron was shot at close range by an assailant, but the powder traces on the victim indicate that he was holding the gun, not simply grappling for it.
CHRISTINE: You said there were two things.
ASSISTANT MEDICAL EXAMINER: Blood stains on the carpet. Meaning that there were two types of blood.
MARY BETH: The shooter was hit.
ASSISTANT MEDICAL EXAMINER: Either that or he got a very nasty cut shaving.
CHRISTINE: (knocking) Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: (looking at a microwave oven) Yeah?
MARY BETH: Oh, is that new, sir?
SAMUELS: Yeah, I treated myself. No more cold pastrami sandwiches.
MARY BETH: They are wonderful. Harve and I have gotta a crush on 'em. We eat 'em all the time.
SAMUELS: Do you know how to turn this thing on?
MARY BETH: It's electronic, sir. Oh, it's beautiful. You program it by touching a panel right here.
SAMUELS: Well, I got the report from Motor Vehicles. You canvassed them about any stolen cars. What about Emergency Rooms and the cabbies?
CHRISTINE: Well, we don't have any leads yet, Lieutenant, but I know somebody must have seen him. Apparently he lost a lot of blood so he's gonna have to go...
MARY BETH: (shouting as Samuels goes to put something in the microwave) Oh no! You can't do that!
SAMUELS: Do what?
MARY BETH: Put foil in a microwave, sir. It sparks up. You have to take off that wrapper. (Chris is getting frustrated with the diversion) Put it in without the wrapper.
SAMUELS: Anyway we've got a match on that gun Isbecki picked out of the trash.
CHRISTINE: (while Mary Beth advises Samuels on the microwave) You did. You gotta match?
MARY BETH: Less than a minute.
CHRISTINE: Hello! (shouting) You gotta a match!!
SAMUELS: Well, last year there was a shipment of seventy-five guns stolen from the National Guard armoury. (to Mary Beth) What did you say? One minute?
MARY BETH: One minute.
SAMUELS: (as the microwave starts) Yes! ...And the serial number of the gun that was used in the Baron homicide, well that identifies itself as one of the stolen guns. (looking intently into the microwave and almost saying to himself) One of the seventy-five.
CHRISTINE: Lieutenant, you're not gonna turn this over to the Major Case Squad?
SAMUELS: (snapping his fingers at seeing the microwave is working) Ha! ...Yeah, well, it may have to go back to the Sixteenth on account of they had the original sixty-one, you see. Detectives Gomez and La Curtle. They've been following the gun heist now for about eleven months.
(looking and pointing at the microwave) What I don't understand here, Lacey,...
SAMUELS: ...is why the tinfoil is gonna spark...
(Mary Beth and Samuels carry on their microwave discussion)
CHRISTINE: (Shouting) Hey. hey! Enough about the oven! (they look round, shocked and silent) Excuse me. Lieutenant, but I mean this is not the first time this has happened with the Sixteenth. You remember the Demayo case? We did all the legwork and they got the collar!
SAMUELS: Will you hold your horses, Cagney? You know this works two ways. One day they're gonna do all the legwork and you'll get the glory!
CHRISTINE: The first felony jaywalking collar in history.
MARY BETH: (joining Chris) You know, sir, that homicide collar really is ours, sir.
SAMUELS: Oh, first of all, I don't see any collars! All right? What you've gotta do is get all your facts together and then ...get an arrest warrant and then ...maybe we'll have something to talk about who's collar it is. Right?!
MARY BETH: Right sir.
(the duo starts to leave but Mary Beth turns back)
MARY BETH: (pointing to the microwave) That's a gain for you, sir.
SAMUELS: Yeah, like you said, 'One Minute'.
(the microwave pings, Samuels opens the door, Mary Beth hears it and runs back)
MARY BETH: Is it done, Lieutenant?
SAMUELS: (taking out the pastrami sandwich) Ooh, it's hot!
MARY BETH: You should close that door back up sir.
SAMUELS: Yeah, OK.
MARY BETH: Enjoy it.
SAMUELS: Aw, they've put pickles in here. It's... Hot pickles!
(Dory is packing. Chris is leaning against the wall with her arms folded, watching)
CHRISTINE: You've dropped a sock.
DORY: Thanks. ...Did you see my running shoes?
CHRISTINE: Under the bed. ...Don't forget your dental floss ...and your baby oil. ...Dory, this is really ridiculous.
DORY: It's easier this way.
CHRISTINE: Yeah? I'm being serious. How are you planning on introducing me?
DORY: Well, ...Christine Cagney, my friend. ...We are friends. (he gives her a peck) Aren't you my friend?
CHRISTINE: You know, they're not gonna shrivel up and die if they find out we're living together.
DORY: Chris, I have my own apartment. I really don't live here.
CHRISTINE: Well, you could have fooled me. You've been here every night for the last two months.
DORY: I'm not gonna cause my kids any unnecessary confusion.
CHRISTINE: What confusion?! You've been divorced five years.
DORY: Now, Chris, it's not that simple. Your role in my life should be carefully explained, slowly, and in stages.
CHRISTINE: I feel like here I'm being introduced to your parents. Dory, we're not kids.
DORY: Yeah, but my kids are.
CHRISTINE: But it's your problem, not your kids.
DORY: Chris, just let me handle this. OK? Let me handle this my way.
(Dory is having trouble getting the case to close. He finally has to sit on it)
CHRISTINE: You forgot your robe.
(Chris has a wicked smile on her face)
[Detectives' Squad room]
(the duo comes in with a cabbie, King)
KING: A lot of people think that because you're looking through your front windshield you don't know what's going on in he back of the cab. Let me tell you something. I've got eyes in the back of my head. I can see everything that's going on in the cab.
MARY BETH: Can you tell me how badly he was hurt Mr. King?
KING: Well, I'll tell ya, his arm was out of commission. He had to reach over with his other arm to shut the cab door.
MARY BETH: Which arm was that?
KING: (after thinking to himself) It was his left arm. He was sweating hard. He was breathing heavy, you know. Do I said 'Hey, buddy, you all right?', you know. So he says... He gives me this line of garbage, 'I got knifed in a barroom fight. You should have seen the other guy.' That's a lot of baloney. Right?
CHRISTINE: Well we don't know , Mr. King, but we're gonna find out.
KING: Yeah, well, I knew I was right. I knew it then. He was lying. You know, you get a sixth sense after a while. I can tell you that when I seen a guy in the back of my cab. Like the night he cheats on his wife.
CHRISTINE: You're kidding.
KING: No. It's my business.
MARY BETH: And your statement says here you dropped him at Lexington Hospital at four thirty-eight PM.
KING: Yeah. I offered to walk him in, you know, get him a wheelchair, and the guy got annoyed. I said 'Hey, what am I? A social worker now.' You know, it won't go.
CHRISTINE: Do you have a description?
MARY BETH: (getting up on hearing the phone) Excuse me.
KING: Ah, yeah. He was about five ten, six feet, dark hair...
MARY BETH: (into phone) Detective Lacey, Fourteenth Squad. ...Oh, hi honey. ...Yeah, I'm in the middle of something right now. ...Did you get a chance to talk to him?
KING: ...lean like Bobby De Niro. You know, like that. You know what I mean.
KING: Yeah, you know. Yeah, his hair was, like straight. I mean, if you saw him like faraway you'd think so, but when you see him close...
MARY BETH: (into phone) Absolutely! ...We agreed, Harvey. ...With his coach too. ...He comes directly home from school. He doesn't rover. No TV, no telephone, no going out, no nothing.
[Outside of Lexington Hospital]
CHRISTINE: Well a cab driver should know. He didn't check into ER .
MARY BETH: Well, where did he go from here? Could have got another cab, but no other cabbie came forward.
CHRISTINE: We could try the Transit Board.
MARY BETH: Do you think he walked?
CHRISTINE: It's cold. He's wounded.
MARY BETH: Maybe he didn't walk too far. There's a bar and the Estancia Hotel a couple of blocks from here. They might be worth a recce.
CHRISTINE: So, let's check it out.
MARY BETH: My feet are killing me.
CHRISTINE: You probably should have bought those support hose, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Oh, that's funny, Christine. You're a laugh a minute.
CHRISTINE: (suddenly shouts out) Well, it came in a big box!
[Phone booth outside of Estancia Hotel]
CHRISTINE: (into phone) ...Oh, three, two... Oh, it looks like a one. If you don't reach me it's a seven. ...No Gerry, I said Seventh to West Eleventh. All cab numbers on patrol in this area. ...Yeah, I'll wait. ...OK. Thanks Gerry. Bye.
MARY BETH: (returning with lunch) Let me guess. The computer's down again.
CHRISTINE: Ten minutes. High and mighty, when it works. ...What, you didn't get colas?
MARY BETH: I've only got two hands.
CHRISTINE: Let's get some. ...Do you think seafood salad's pushing it a little?
MARY BETH: The boy is ten. Right? Hamburgers, French fries, a glass of milk. He's not gonna taste anything in a sea salad. And the girl is what?
CHRISTINE: Fourteen. ...Probably on a diet. One shrimp and a piece of lettuce, no cocktail sauce. Isn't anorexia rife among teenage girls today?
MARY BETH: Anorexia is when you're less than ten pounds overweight.
CHRISTINE: (to the food stall holder) Two colas. (to Mary Beth) If Dory pretends he can't find his way to the bathroom! You can't believe how nervous he's been.
MARY BETH: And you're not?
CHRISTINE: Do I look nervous?! Just because I'm the new woman in their father's life. (taking a cola) Thank you.
MARY BETH: (taking a cola) Thank you.
CHRISTINE: Just because they don't like me. Just because he doesn't like me either. Why should I be nervous?
MARY BETH: Do not make a big deal, Christine. It's only dinner. You'll get to know each other, meet each other. I'm sure it'll be very nice.
CHRISTINE: I want it to go well, Mary Beth. I really do. I want them to like me. I mean, kids like me, don't they?
MARY BETH: Yeah.
MARY BETH: Sure.
CHRISTINE: Harvey Jr.?
MARY BETH: Harve Jr.'s a major crush on you. You're right up there with that mermaid girl, what's her name? ...Yeah, I'm worried about him.
CHRISTINE: Oh, Mary Beth, I'm never dating men less than thirty. All right, twenty-five tops.
MARY BETH: I'm talking about that gun thing, Christine.
(they arrive back at the phone booth. A young girl with red and blue highlights in her brown hair is using it)
CHRISTINE: Excuse me, lady, I'm waiting for a call here.
YOUNG GIRL: I'm making a call.
CHRISTINE: It's official police business.
YOUNG GIRL: Yeah, and I'm J. Edgar Hoover. (into phone) Tell him to hurry up, will ya?
(Chris gives Mary Beth her food and cola)
CHRISTINE: (holding up her shield) Get off the phone!
YOUNG GIRL: You...
CHRISTINE: Watch your mouth, kid, or your hair'll turn brown!
(the girl joins a friend of hers)
MARY BETH: Kids.
CHRISTINE: I like them.
(the phone rings)
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Cagney.
(a man is using the phone outside his apartment door)
MARY BETH: Mister.
CHRISTINE: Do you wanna get lost.
(they arrive outside the next apartment door and draw their guns. Chris knocks)
CHRISTINE: Dean Garvey! Are you in there?
(they hear a moan from inside)
MARY BETH: Open up, Mr. Garvey, it's the police!
(they kick the door in)
MARY BETH: (running in) Freeze! Hold it right there!
[Dean Garvey's apartment]
(Mary Beth rolls Garvey back on to the bed as he tries to get on the fire escape. He has his left arm crudely bandaged. He is moaning)
MARY BETH: I'll get an ambulance.
CHRISTINE: All right, Mr. Garvey. (he moans) All right. We'll get you help.
DEAN GARVEY: Why should I lie, you know. I know the law. Somebody dies during a felony, it doesn't matter whose gun it is, it's murder. Right? But it wasn't mine! It's OK. I'm all right. I've been picked up lots of times, but I've never done heavy time. I'm gonna have one good arm and they're gonna send me up to Attica. What chance am I gonna have up there? Why would I carry a gun. I don't like guns!
MARY BETH: So whose was it?
CHRISTINE: Mr. Garvey, the judge will look at all the facts, including your cooperation. Where did the gun come from?
DEAN GARVEY: There were only two of us in the apartment. Me and the old man, so you figure it out!
(there is a knock at the door. Stewart Harrigan opens the door)
MARY BETH: We're here to see Mrs. Baron.
STEWART HARRIGAN: I'm sorry but she's unavailable.
CHRISTINE: Well we called about half an hour ago. She was available then. I believe she's expecting us.
STEWART HARRIGAN: Well, that's why I'm here. I'm Mrs. Baron's attorney, Stewart Harrigan.
MARY BETH: (reaching out to shake his hand) Mr. Harrigan, that's like in that song. Right? (he looks bemused) We have reason to believe that Mr. Baron was shot with an illegally owned handgun, sir.
STEWART HARRIGAN: And?
MARY BETH: And if the Barons owned the gun, then we wanna know where it came from.
STEWART HARRIGAN: Do you have a warrant?
CHRISTINE: Do we need one?
STEWART HARRIGAN: I've advised my client not to speak with you.
CHRISTINE: Well, would you rather we hauled her downtown and questioned her?
STEWART HARRIGAN: Fine. Go ahead. Then you can explain to the US Senate why all that effort was expended just to hear the Fifth Amendment recited.
CHRISTINE: What do you want, Mr. Harrigan?
STEWART HARRIGAN: Immunity from prosecution, ...and from any and all charges stemming from possession of a weapon. (as he closes the door) Good day.
CHRISTINE: The woman loses her husband. She's got a lawyer there advising her about immunity papers. Do you love that?! ...Samuels? He hates immunity papers.
MARY BETH: (offhandedly) Yes.
CHRISTINE: What's the matter?
MARY BETH: Nothing.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth?
MARY BETH: I don't know how to get him to take this gun thing seriously.
CHRISTINE: Take him out on a range. Teach him correct procedures.
MARY BETH: No, that's not the answer.
CHRISTINE: The point is, you're a police officer. You've gotta keep a gun at home.
MARY BETH: I want him to understand about guns. I also want him to never go near one again as long as he lives.
CHRISTINE: There's nothing wrong with guns, Mary Beth. You've gotta have respect for them and know how to use them properly.
MARY BETH: They have one purpose. They kill people.
CHRISTINE: That's exactly my point! Right? You take guns out of the hands of decent people...
MARY BETH: They're the only people that should have guns. Yeah, I've heard it all before, Christine, and I'm not buying it.
CHRISTINE: OK. Then only law officers should have guns...
MARY BETH: I'm not talking about law officers, I'm talking about my kids. He's so angry with me, Chris. I can see it every time he looks at me. He doesn't understand how come I'm making such a big stink. And I have to get through to him because... He has to know it's not the movies here. ...When you dead, you're dead. You never get up again.
(Harvey is sitting confronting his oldest son)
HARVEY: OK, I talk, you listen. Your mother thinks she can't talk to you. She's very angry in fact. You did a very stupid thing.
HARVEY JR.: It was just messing around.
(Harvey Jr. gets up and Harvey gets up and turns after him)
HARVEY: Harvey. Harvey! You mess around with booze, cigarettes, so maybe we talk about it. You mess around with guns, you do not discuss it. There is no room for argument here!
HARVEY JR.: Why does she make such a big deal about it?
HARVEY: Your mother is a cop. She knows more about guns than you and I are ever gonna know. She comes home sometimes sick to her stomach because she saw some kid that day with his guts all spattered over the pavement. So then she sees her own kid pointing a gun at someone. What do you expect her to do? (Harvey Jr. walks away. His dad follows him) Harvey, you're not a kid any more. You're fourteen years old. In a couple of years you're gonna be a man. A gun doesn't make you a man. Being honourable makes you a man. Now what you did wasn't honourable. ...Do you understand what I'm saying?
HARVEY JR.: Sure.
HARVEY: Look at me. ...Do you understand me?
HARVEY JR.: Dad, I've got some homework to do.
(Dory and his children are seated at the table. Chris comes across with a basket of salad)
CHRISTINE: What's so funny?
DORY: Their mother's sister. Who we always went to on holiday with them.
SHERI: You kind of had to be there.
CHRISTINE: I kind of have sort of weird family too. I have an Uncle Willy who er, (beginning to chuckle) every time he has too many beers he thinks his wife's rather staid.
(apart from Sheri they all sort of laugh)
SHERI: I don't see any salt on the table.
DORY: Well, I'll get it.
CHRISTINE: Thank you.
DORY: Where do you keep it, Chris?
CHRISTINE: With the pepper. ...In the cupboard. ...Over the er, stove.
CHRISTINE: Well, Sheri, what are you in? The ninth grade?
CHRISTINE: Do you know where you want to go to college yet?
SHERI: I don't know. Somewhere in the city.
ALAN: Sheri doesn't wanna leave her boy friend.
CHRISTINE: Well, I went to Barnard. You might look into that.
DORY: What boy friend?
SHERI: Oh, he's just a friend, Dad. He goes to Hunter.
DORY: Your mother's letting you date, huh?
CHRISTINE: How long have you been dating him?
SHERI: Since the Summer. How long have you been seeing my dad?
CHRISTINE: Well, essentially, ...two months.
SHERI: Do you love him?
CHRISTINE: I care for him very much.
SHERI: So, what does that mean?! Are you going to get married?
DORY: Hey. hey, kiddo, your questions are becoming rather personal, huh?
SHERI: She asked me personal questions!
CHRISTINE: Dory, why don't you take the first crack at this?
DORY: Christine and I are good friends.
SHERI: So, what is that?! Another way to say you're living together. ...Oh, come on, your cologne is in the medicine cabinet!
CHRISTINE: Not that it's important, but what were you doing in the medicine cabinet?
SHERI: I was looking for an aspirin.
DORY: Yeah, honey, well next time, why don't you ask?
SHERI: Why doesn't she answer my questions?
DORY: Look, Sheri, this is not the time, it's not the place.
ALAN: What happens to us if you get married?
DORY: Now listen, both of you, you're the two most important people in my life and don't ever forget it. ...Ever. ...OK?
(Chris looks very bemused and thoughtful. She jumps up and puts on a jolly mood)
CHRISTINE: I'll get the hamburgers!
MARY BETH: So?
CHRISTINE: The hamburgers were a big hit.
MARY BETH: Yeah.
CHRISTINE: He raised them as vegetarians.
MARY BETH: So how was I supposed to know that?
CHRISTINE: I'm telling you, Mary Beth, I had an easier time when they put me on the stand at the Mitford trial. The kids just grilled me, and I'm telling ya she's using the whole armoury on him. She wants him back and I know it.
MARY BETH: How do you know that?
CHRISTINE: It's kind of obvious from everything he's ever told me about her, she's a very demanding woman.
MARY BETH: Like Moll Colcane. She wanted him back in the house with her kids.
CHRISTINE: She doesn't understand him. She never did understand him. It takes a cop to know another cop.
MARY BETH: Is that right? Would you remind me to tell that to Harve?
CHRISTINE: Harve is different.
MARY BETH: Oh, come on Christine. The kids are basically like all kids here. Is that right?
MARY BETH: So, you have to give her some credit. If the kids aren't screwed up, she can't be all bad. It's not easy being somebody's mother these days.
CHRISTINE: So I understand. How is Harvey Jr.?
(Mary Beth pauses outside the entrance to the Barons' apartment building)
MARY BETH: Oh geeze.
CHRISTINE: (coming back) Mary Beth, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
MARY BETH: No, I'm sorry, Forget it.
CHRISTINE: I'm used to be one up in an area ...where I'm one up.
MARY BETH: Forget it, huh?
(Stewart Harrigan reads the warrant and goes over to Mrs. Baron)
STEWART HARRIGAN: It's all right.
MARY BETH: Mrs. Baron, we believe that you and your husband owned the gun that was used in the robbery.
MRS. BARON: There have been burglaries all over the neighbourhood. My next-door neighbour was robbed twice in a month. I couldn't sleep at night. I'd hear noises and I'd jump. I thought if we owned a gun we could protect ourselves. This was my fault. I urged my husband to get a gun.
CHRISTINE: Who sold you the gun?
MRS. BARON: We tried to get one legally. My husband applied for a permit but he was denied. They told us ...he didn't have a good enough reason to own a gun.
CHRISTINE: Mrs. Baron, we need to know where you got that gun.
STEWART HARRIGAN: Ruth, you have immunity. Don't worry.
MRS. BARON: Won't I get this person in trouble?
MARY BETH: Mrs. Baron, the person that sold your husband that gun did not do you a service. Now, he if he has more guns to sell, we wanna stop him.
MRS. BARON: I was terribly upset the last time they turned us down from the Pistol Bureau. I had opened the mail. While the postman was sorting through his mail, he saw how upset I was. He said he could help me. A few days later he sold me a gun. ...I bought that gun. (beginning to cry) I wish to God I had never seen that gun.
SAMUELS: It may not be sense but there's nothing more to say about this! (opening the door to let the duo out) The case originated in the Sixteenth!
CHRISTINE: So where was Gomez and Le Curtle when we put this thing together. We tracked down the postman! We placed him in the same National Guard as the stolen gun!
MARY BETH: We even got the records to show that he was doing service the same week that the guns got stolen, sir.
CHRISTINE: We deserve the collar.
SAMUELS: Yeah. maybe you do, but the collar is going to the Sixteenth! However I did put in a phone call and Le Curtle and Gomez have agreed to allow you two to assist them.
CHRISTINE: Ain't that great.
SAMUELS: Ain't that great? Look, do you wanna see this thing through or not?! Because if you do, you've gotta make a decision right now, because they are going in right away!
MARY BETH: Yes sir. (as they leave) Right away.
[Detectives' Squad room]
CHRISTINE: Going to the Sixteenth!
(the duo grabs their coats and stalk out)
ISBECKI: Adrenalin. I remember what it used to feel like.
(the phone goes)
PETRIE: (into phone) Petrie, Fourteenth. (Shouting after the duo) Cagney!
CHRISTINE: (shouting back as they about to go through the door) Not now, Petrie!
PETRIE: She says it's an emergency. It's a Mrs. McKenna. ...Line two.
(Chris gives an embarrassed smile and walks slowly back to her desk and picks up the phone)
CHRISTINE: Thank you, Petrie.
(she waits until she thinks he's not listening and puts the mouthpiece to her ear)
CHRISTINE: (into phone) This is Christine Cagney. (reversing the receiver) This is Christine Cagney. ..Mm hm. ...I'm in kind of a rush now. What can I do for you? ...What's wrong? ...Is she gonna be all right? ...Did you call the precinct? ...Er, yeah. Let me see if I can track him down for you. ...Ah ha. What hospital are you at? ...All right.
MARY BETH: (coming up and talking quietly) What?
CHRISTINE: Dory's kid's in the hospital. She's got acute appendicitis and they can't find him.
MARY BETH: Oh Lord. Do you know where he is?
CHRISTINE: Er, no, but I can track him down. I know somebody down the street.
MARY BETH: Well, what are you waiting for?! Go and get the Lieutenant to clear it.
CHRISTINE: Well, I've gotta job too!
MARY BETH: Well, it's assisting an arrest, Christine. This is family here! Dory is family. (waving towards Samuels) Will ya go ahead and go?
MARY BETH: (gesturing for him to go on the assist with her) Petrie. (he uses his eyes to indicate Isbecki) Victor?
ISBECKI: I thought you'd never ask.
(Petrie chuckles to himself as they leave)
(Chris finds Mrs. McKenna sitting with Alan asleep on some chairs)
CHRISTINE: Mrs. McKenna?
MRS. McKENNA: Yes.
CHRISTINE: (shaking hands) I'm Chris Cagney.
MRS. McKENNA: Hello.
CHRISTINE: How's Sheri?
MRS. McKENNA: She's in Recovery now. Everything went fine.
CHRISTINE: I got hold of Dory. He's on his way.
MRS. McKENNA: Thank you very much. ...It must have sounded that I was coming on strong. I really panicked. I'm used to colds and fever and chicken pox. This just threw me.
CHRISTINE: I met them both last night. They're nice children.
MRS. McKENNA: They told me all about your making dinner or them. Nice. Thanks.
CHRISTINE: Well, I'm sorry I didn't know your daughter didn't eat meat.
MRS. McKENNA: Oh, well that changes from moment to moment. Depends upon what their best friend's doing at the time.
(they exchange knowing smiles)
MRS. McKENNA: I hope Sheri wasn't too hard on you.
MRS. McKENNA: Thanks again. Divorce has been hard on them. It's real hard to realise it's the right thing in the long run.
CHRISTINE: They're so important to Dory. They know that he loves them, no matter what.
MRS. McKENNA: Well, yeah, he makes some time for them now. Dory's coming on well. You've been good for him.
CHRISTINE: I would like to take the credit, Mrs. McKenna, but I think Dory worked very hard to do what he did.
MRS. McKENNA: Well, take some of the credit, Chris. Somehow you were there for him. ...And I appreciate it.
(Dory arrives and walks straight past Chris)
MRS. McKENNA: She's all right.
DORY: What happened?
MRS. McKENNA: She woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible pain. I brought her in right away.
DORY: Are you all right?
MRS. McKENNA: Yeah.
(they embrace. She starts to cry. Dory sees Chris and goes over)
DORY: Chris, you didn't have to come.
CHRISTINE: Well, I wanted to see that she's all right.
NURSE: Mrs. McKenna, Sheri's been moved into a room. You and your family can go and see her now.
(Mrs. McKenna wakes up Alan)
DORY: Chris, thanks for coming.
CHRISTINE: Sure. Go and see your daughter.
MRS. McKENNA: (to Chris) Be seeing you.
ALAN: (to Chris) Hi.
DORY: Come on, son.
(Chris waits in the corridor)
[Detectives' Squad room]
ISBECKI: Gomez and La Curtle had the entire block cordoned off. Attack teams in position, snipers, panzers, shotguns, bullet-proof vests. I mean we are talking D-Day here.
PETRIE: (trying to do his filing) Right. Right.
ISBECKI: We're all ready to rush. La Curtle gets on the bullhorn. Orders the guy out. (Petrie rushes to another filing cabinet) The door ...opens a crack, so we all know this is it. ...Five foot three, skinny and shaking like a leaf. You won't believe the kicker.
ISBECKI: Some arms dealer, huh? No guns in the house! He's got 'em in some abandoned garage. He's worried that his kid might get hold of 'em. Do you believe it?
(Chris comes in and sits down. Mary Beth stands looking at her)
CHRISTINE: Oh, Sheri's OK. They did an appendectomy on her.
MARY BETH: Dory's wife? Did you meet her?
CHRISTINE: Well, I don't wanna talk about it. This has turned the whole... too complicated.
MARY BETH: OK. That's it. Conference time. Come on.
(Mary Beth heads for the Ladies room. Chris does not follow so Mary Beth comes back)
MARY BETH: (loudly) Well, I guess there's no reason why we couldn't talk about it right here.
CHRISTINE: She's a very nice lady.
MARY BETH: Mrs. McKenna?
MARY BETH: Well, you can say one thing for Dory. He's got good taste in women.
CHRISTINE: There's family there, Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: Well, is there something there that says you can't be part of it?
CHRISTINE: I'm not gonna be a mother to those children. I shouldn't be! The have a mother. A very good one, ...I think.
MARY BETH: So don't be their mother, be their friend.
CHRISTINE: Wanna go to Muldooneys? I'll buy. We can have a drink.
MARY BETH: Er, I can't. Er, I want to. Could we do it tomorrow because I have a er, date.
CHRISTINE: You've gotta date?!
(Harvey Jr. has come in)
MARY BETH: Yeah. Good looking, huh? Handsome too.
CHRISTINE: Hi ya, handsome!
MARY BETH: I don't get no kisses anymore.
(Harvey Jr. gives her a peck)
MARY BETH: Thank you.
CHRISTINE: So where are you guys going?
MARY BETH: Um. ...Out. I'll see ya tomorrow , OK?
ASSISTANT MEDICAL EXAMINER: Fifteen year-old, black male, approximately fifty inches in height and a hundred and thirteen pounds, period. The bullet entered the left-middle thorax between the ninth and tenth ribs, comma, both of which are fractured with numerous fragments lodged in the surrounding muscle tissues, period. The entrance wound is approximately two centimetres at it's maximal, period. The bullet travelled downward at a forty-five degree angle, comma, rupturing the spleen and left kidney, comma, (Mary Beth and Harvey Jr. are watching and listening from the viewing gallery) severing the abdominal aorta and bruising the attending colon and right kidney, period. There is extensive damage within the thorax and abdominal cavities, period. There is no exit wound, period. Muscular/skeletal system, colon, (Harvey Jr. turns away. Mary Beth forces him back) the bony framework is well developed and well retained, semicolon, no evidence of fractures, comma, the bullet is lodged in right iliac crest which also displays multiple fracture lines, period.
PERSONS attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.
BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR, Per G.G., Chief of Ordnance."