The Grandest Jewel Thief of Them All
Original Airdate: January 17, 1983

(archive headlines from The Daily Gazette read 'Albert Grand Captured!', 'Grand Suspected On Seven Hotel Heists', 'Grand Convicted In Tax Scam - Sentenced to 28 Years')

[Outside the Dunhill Hotel]

(at the main entrance Albert Grand, a distinguished-looking old man with a small white beard and wearing a homburg checks a pocket watch and his dog lets out a bark)
GRAND: (to the dog) Come on, Ralphie.
(he walks to the hotel's service entrance as an Alport Cleaners truck drives in and checks his watch again)

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: It's dumb. I don't know how to tell jokes and I don't wanna know how to tell jokes.
CHRISTINE: It is not dumb! Listen. How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
MARY BETH: You're really gonna push this, aren't you?
CHRISTINE: Come on!
MARY BETH: I give up. How many?
CHRISTINE: So what's it worth to ya? Oh, come on, it was a riot!
MARY BETH: Oh, I'm sure it was funny when you heard it.
CHRISTINE: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
MARY BETH: There is nothing worse than early morning shift.
CHRISTINE: I'm trying to liven it up. You tell me a joke, I'll tell you a joke.
MARY BETH: I don't know any jokes!
CHRISTINE: I'm teaching you jokes! How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
MARY BETH: How many!
CHRISTINE: Four. One the to screw in the bulb and three to be supportive. Ha, ha, ha.
MARY BETH: Ha. ...Ha.
POLICE RADIO: All units. Any units in vicinity of Dunhill Hotel. Disturbance in progress..
CHRISTINE: Do you wanna take this?
MARY BETH: Yeah, you can joke 'em into jail.
CHRISTINE: I'll laugh for ya.
MARY BETH: (into radio) Car eleven responding to alert.

[Outside the Dunhill Hotel]

(Albert Grand is coming back with his dog. A man, Mr. Tartaglia, comes out with a small child in nightclothes. A woman in nightclothes runs out)
MRS. TARTAGLIA: Stop! Police! He's got my baby! Stop him, he's gonna...
(as the man starts to run past him, Grand trips the man with the walking stick he is carrying. The Squad car screams to a halt. Mrs. Tartaglia attacks and shouts at her husband. The duo separates them)
MARY BETH: (to Mrs. Tartaglia) Calm down, huh!
MRS. TARTAGLIA: That crazy man stole my baby! (to Albert Grand) If it wasn't for this gentleman...
MR. TARTAGLIA: (Chris restrains him) Do you have to get someone else to do your fight...
MRS. TARTAGLIA: Yeah! When it comes...
MARY BETH: (to Mrs. Tartaglia) That's enough. Enough!
CHRISTINE: Is everybody all right?
MARY BETH: (to the child) You OK, baby?
(the child blows Mary Beth a raspberry)
MRS. TARTAGLIA: If it wasn't for this gentleman, God only knows what would have happened. He saved my son.
MR. TARTAGLIA: He's our son, damn it! The court's insidious... You skip to New York! (to Chris who is still restraining him) I come from Pennsylvania, OK. How do I get to see my boy at weekends when she moves to New York!
MRS. TARTAGLIA: Serves you right!
MARY BETH: That is all the discussion we're gonna have here in front of this kid. Come on. We're gonna run you down the station and we'll decide what we're doing there.
(Mary Beth and uniformed officers escort the Tartaglias away. Chris leans down to pat Rusty)
CHRISTINE: Hi.
(Rusty snaps at her. She pulls back and shouts in alarm)
GRAND: Naughty boy!
CHRISTINE: Feisty, isn't he.
GRAND: He's lost his manners, I'm afraid, but I haven't. Kyle Berryman, your servant... (he takes her hand and kisses it) and your admirer.
CHRISTINE: Christine Cagney. Detective. Fourteenth Precinct.
GRAND: No?
CHRISTINE: Yes. It was a very brave thing you did tonight. Most people don't wanna get involved.
GRAND: Well, I didn't mean to get involved. I walk my dog, here, at this hour. I just did what old fools are best at. I got in the way. Nothing more ...heroic than that.
CHRISTINE: (laughing) Just believe me Mr. Berryman. Heroes are too scarce today. I think I've just found one.
GRAND: So you're really a detective?
CHRISTINE: Ah, ha. Do you know, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to come down to the Precinct House with us and make a statement.
GRAND: It's a bit late. I'm a bit old. Must I?
CHRISTINE: You're a witness.
GRAND: Oh dear.
CHRISTINE: I'm sorry. It will take a couple of hours but I'm afraid it's the price of goodwill around here. I'd be happy to give you a ride home afterwards. Do you live nearby?
(Rusty lets out a whine. He seems happy with the arrangement)
GRAND: I'm living at ...the Dunhill Hotel now.
CHRISTINE: Great. Then there's no problem. Come on.
GRAND: Something tells me that you're very good are what you do. (taking her arm) Something that has nothing to do with your ...obvious beauty.
CHRISTINE: You're too forward.
GRAND: Well, at my age one doesn't have much time to waste. One doesn't have much of anything to waste.

[Detectives' Squad room]

ISBECKI: (holding up a necklace which he puts round his neck) Do you like it?
PETRIE: You're not going to wear it without earrings?
ISBECKI: I was taking down the jewellers.
PETRIE: Well, that's a big stone.
ISBECKI: Worth about thirty grand.
SAMUELS: (coming up to them) Robbery Squad just called. Is that the necklace?
ISBECKI: Uniform found it in an abandoned car near the park.
PETRIE: And they handed it in to us?
SAMUELS: Yeah. They think it's connected to the Waldorf robbery last month. (opening an evidence bag) Drop it in here.
ISBECKI: Julia's gonna be devastated.
MR. TARTAGLIA: She deliberately took the boy out of state so I wouldn't see my son again. So do something. Big deal. I'm human.
MRS. TARTAGLIA: Yeah. Listen. He didn't give a damn about the child before the divorce. Now look at him. He's all father-love. I already had to file a warrant for non-support!
MR. TARTAGLIA: You wouldn't dare!
MRS. TARTAGLIA: I dared!
MARY BETH: All right. We are in a police station now. We are all of us gonna keep a civil tongue in our head. Now I will check on any outstanding warrants. If there's one on Mr. Tartaglia we will take appropriate action.
MR. TARTAGLIA: Yeah. You. What the hell do you know about love?
MR. TARTAGLIA: You know about love...
MARY BETH: That is the end! (to Mr. Tartaglia) You stay put. Mrs. Tartaglia, will you step this way please.
(Chris is typing up Albert Grand's statement)
CHRISTINE: (to Albert Grand) Are you all right?
GRAND: Oh yes. I was thinking of my own wife. But that was many years ago. She's dead.
CHRISTINE: I'm sorry. You give me one more minute and then you're free to go.
GRAND: And lose your company. Type very slowly, my dear.
ISBECKI: Mr. Berryman?
GRAND: Yes.
ISBECKI: (shaking Grand's hand) I heard what happened last night. We're all very proud of you. It was a very nice thing you did.
LA GUARDIA: It was very special. The Lieutenant's gonna put you up for a civilian commendation.
ISBECKI: We're even thinking of entering you for the Daily News. If you win their crime fighters award, that's a thousand bucks in your pocket.
GRAND: Well, I appreciate your thanks, I really do. But I don't want any awards or any money. I simply did my civic duty. That's enough. (to Chris) If we are finished...
CHRISTINE: Sign and we are finished.
GRAND: Nice work.
CHRISTINE: Right there.
GRAND: There we are. Then we're finished.
CHRISTINE: Thank you.
GRAND: (toasting her with a mug of coffee) To fate. (taking her hand to kiss it) Without it we'd have never met.
CHRISTINE: (smiling) Oh, ...please, ...Albért....
GRAND: (to the dog) Let's go home, Ralphie.
CHRISTINE: Bye.
GRAND: Au revoir.

[Laceys' kitchen]

MARY BETH: All that homework done yet, young man.
HARVEY JR.: I haven't got any maths.
MARY BETH: That's very good but I think you're evading my question.
HARVEY.: He hit the books. I saw him.
MICHAEL: Like porno books.
(Mary Beth puts her hand over Michael's mouth to shut him up)
HARVEY.: Hey, you gonna be able to sleep?
MARY BETH: Yes. I don't have to be back until four o'clock. It's almost eight now. So how many hours does that give me?
MICHAEL: Six.
HARVEY JR.: Er, er, eight.
MARY BETH: Perfect.
HARVEY.: Crazy night shifts really gonna take it out of you, huh?
MARY BETH: Yeah, but I'm on straight days tomorrow. Your back bothering you again?
HARVEY.: No. Why?
HARVEY JR.: Eight o'clock! We're late!
(the boys kiss their parents goodbye)
HARVEY.: All right, take it easy guys.
(the boys go to school)
HARVEY.: You remember Sandra Rockenstein? She's in town. I got a call last night.
MARY BETH: No kidding. They still in Pennsylvania?
HARVEY.: I think so.
(Mary Beth starts to chuckle)
HARVEY.: What's the matter?!
MARY BETH: Honey, I don't care if your old girl friend calls you, ...as long as you don't care.
HARVEY.: Hey, I don't care. What? Are you kidding? Look, she's in town for a few days and I gotta call. She wanted me to go to lunch. So I said I would take her. What do you think?
MARY BETH: Tell her 'Hi.' from me.
HARVEY.: You don't mind?
MARY BETH: Honey. You love me.
HARVEY.: (nodding) Good night.

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: How can you eat that.
CHRISTINE: I love it.
LA GUARDIA: Are you handling the warrant on the guy that you brought in last night?
MARY BETH: Yeah.
LA GUARDIA: Lieutenant wanted me to remind you two to get on it.
MARY BETH: Well, we gotta find it first!
LA GUARDIA: Sushi!
CHRISTINE: Yeah.
LA GUARDIA: May I have a piece of your unagi?
CHRISTINE: Eel.
LA GUARDIA: I used to eat this stuff by the ton until I found out about all the mercury in it.
(Chris is just finishing a mouthful. She looks at the rest doubtfully)
CHRISTINE: I hate family disputes. Anything about love, people go crazy.
MARY BETH: (going through a sheaf of papers) How do you explain that some people can't work out their problems, Christine? Oh, would you look at this?
CHRISTINE: What?
MARY BETH: It's an outstanding warrant for Kyle Berryman.
CHRISTINE: For what?
MARY BETH: Non-payment of alimony, ...(handing her the warrant) it says there.
CHRISTINE: He told me his wife had died.
MARY BETH: Wishful thinking? ...No, this is a current warrant, Christine. The man has to be arrested.
CHRISTINE: Come on, Mary Beth, forget it! The guy goes out of his way to do a good deed and that's his payoff. Come on.
MARY BETH: Let's go. ...Come on.
CHRISTINE: No! I'm not gonna do it.

[Squad car]

(opposite the Dunhill Hotel)
MARY BETH: There, on the right.
CHRISTINE: I really hate this a lot.
(Albert Grand walks towards the hotel. They get out of the car)

[Opposite the Dunhill Hotel]

MARY BETH: Mr. Berryman.
GRAND: Good evening, ladies.
CHRISTINE: You're under arrest.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(the duo comes in)
MARY BETH: Good morning. (seeing the holding cell has a lot of people in it. Isbecki is letting them out) What's going on?
ISBECKI: Petrie and I had a riot in a disco last night. This is the last bunch. We've been backlogging Uniform's since three AM.
CHRISTINE: Oh, sorry we missed it.
ISBECKI: Oh, you girls were probably home asleep having sweet dreams.
(as the last one comes out and Isbecki goes to lock the cell door)
CHRISTINE: Sure. Wait a minute. ...Mr. Berryman.
GRAND: Good morning.
MARY BETH: I hope you didn't spend all night in there, sir.
CHRISTINE: When we left they assigned you to Central Booking.
GRAND: Well, apparently there was a disturbance at some disco.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I'm sorry. Hi ya, Ralph. (inviting Albert Grand to leave the cell) Come on. Did you get any sleep?
GRAND: I rested my eyes. I'm not used to places like this.
MARY BETH: Now just let me see what I can do with our lieutenant to get you out of here. (offering him a bag she is carrying) Do you wanna a doughnut?
GRAND: Thank you.
CHRISTINE: How about some coffee?
GRAND: No thank you.
CHRISTINE: Sign me in, will ya, Mary Beth?
MARY BETH: Yes.
GRAND: Do you like it here?
CHRISTINE: Most of the time. I like my work.
GRAND: You love your work. You're very good at it.
CHRISTINE: How did you know? ...Yes, I am.
GRAND: Perhaps even better than that.
CHRISTINE: Thanks. Sit down, Mr. Berryman.
GRAND: Come on, Ralph.
CHRISTINE: We thought we'd call your wife ahead of the hearing. Maybe if she talked to us she'd drop the charges.
GRAND: No, she's quite adamant. I'll be all right. The only thing I'd worry about is ...Ralph.
CHRISTINE: Is there someone who could take care of him?
GRAND: Well, perhaps my nephew. I tried to reach him but he's unobtainable. I don't know what I'm going to do.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I'm sure we can work something out. (the dog yelps) Right Ralph!

[Squad car]

(Ralph is sitting up on the back seat with his head looking out between the duo)
MARY BETH: No, I told you 'No'.
CHRISTINE: Haven't your kids always wanted to have a dog?
MARY BETH: They had a dog ...twice. I'm not going through that again.
CHRISTINE: What happened?
MARY BETH: They were run over.
CHRISTINE: Both of 'em!
MARY BETH: Well, that's what dogs do. And if we went to live on a farm, suddenly he's not gonna work anymore.
CHRISTINE: I cannot take on this kind of responsibility.
MARY BETH: Then what about me?
CHRISTINE: (indicating the dog) He's not bad.
MARY BETH: You've got yourself a pet, my friend.
POLICE RADIO: We gotta ten-ten. Homicide in progress. Six-two-three, 23rd Street.
CHRISTINE: That's two blocks from here. (into radio) Car eleven responding.
MARY BETH: (indicating the dog) Take it easy.
(with siren and red light Chris corners the car)
MARY BETH: You're gonna have crack the window.
CHRISTINE: Why?
MARY BETH: He'll suffocate.
CHRISTINE: Well, I don't want this car stolen with him in it.
MARY BETH: Well, he's your dog.
(they arrive)
CHRISTINE: I didn't want this responsibility. (as she gets out leaving the dog in the car) Ralph, heel!

[Foyer of 623, 23rd Street]

MARY BETH: Who is it that called a homicide?
(a woman indicates a door. They draw theirs guns and Chris bangs on the door)
CHRISTINE: Will you open the door, please.
(a oldish man, a fence named Guitry, with blood running from his nose opens the door)
GUITRY: Good morning.
CHRISTINE: Police. Detectives Cagney, ...Lacey.
GUITRY: Hello. May I help you?

[Apartment, 623, 23rd Street]

GUITRY: You can't just come in like that!
MARY BETH: Somebody heard voices.
GUITRY: TV.
(in the next room a TV set is on the floor, screen downwards. Furniture is scattered all over the place)
GUITRY: Ha, my brother and I were watching TV but it broke.
MARY BETH: Yeah. Where is he?
GUITRY: Who?
MARY BETH: Your brother.
GUITRY: Oh, my brother. He's er...
CHRISTINE: What's in here?
GUITRY: The bathroom. My brother, he's in the bathroom.
MARY BETH: Stand over there. Right there!
(Chris knocks on the bathroom door)
CHRISTINE: Police! Open up.
GUITRY: Look, we were just having a little family quarrel.
CHRISTINE: Open up or I'm coming in.
GUITRY: Please, he's very shy.
MARY BETH: Shut up!
(a younger man, Rosen, comes out of the bathroom with his hands up)
GUITRY: Chester, I was just telling them about our little tiff.
ROSEN: Yes.
CHRISTINE: Will you get away from the door please.
ROSEN: You've got nice eyes.
CHRISTINE: Move!
MARY BETH: On the wall. Right here.
CHRISTINE: Right there!
GUITRY: There's no need really. Really! Families, you know how they are? He forgot to send Mother a birthday card. The kid drives me crazy.
CHRISTINE: Do you two wanna get down on the floor? Now! (they throw themselves face downwards. To Mary Beth) Take a look.
(Mary Beth finds the bathroom is full of electronic goods)
MARY BETH: Expecting trouble?

[Detectives' Squad room]

SAMUELS: They're cataloguing the stuff now. About half of it they were able to ID right on the spot. The warehouse job. Anything on how they got the police scanners?
MARY BETH: Friend of a friend. That's what our fence was saying.
SAMUELS: Mr. Rosen, do you wanna tell us why you were trying to rob a fence?
ROSEN: I didn't know he was a fence. And I wasn't trying to rob him.
CHRISTINE: Great. Anything from records yet?
SAMUELS: They're on their way.
(just then Albert Grand comes in with another man)
GRAND: Excuse me, Miss. Cagney.
CHRISTINE: I thought you'd have been released by now.
GRAND: Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt you.
ROSEN: Naw, you didn't interrupt anything. It's a ridiculous charade.
GRAND: I'm sure your charade is more important than mine ...at the moment. I'll wait.
CHRISTINE: No, no, look I'm very sorry. Let me talk to Records about this because this is absurd.
GRAND: No, no, I've just been released. I was finally able to reach my nephew. (indicating the man he came in with) He brought the bail.
CHRISTINE: Oh, good! Right.
GRAND: I don't want to take up any more of your time. Where's Ralph?
CHRISTINE: Oh, I'm sorry. I dropped him off at my loft. I'm gonna be here a while.
GRAND: Is there something major?
CHRISTINE: No, some punk tried to rob a fence.
GRAND: Oh. Good Lord.
CHRISTINE: I promise Ralph's all right. I left the TV on.
GRAND: He loves that.
CHRISTINE: Oh, that's good. I'll be home eight, eight-thirty. Do you wanna come by tonight.
GRAND: Fine.
CHRISTINE: I'll give you the address. ...Something the matter?
GRAND: I was merely thinking of ...timing.
(she gives him the address)
GRAND: Thank you. (kissing her hand) Good-bye, Miss. Cagney.
CHRISTINE: I'll see you tonight.

[Manhattan restaurant]

(it's 5.15 in the afternoon)
HARVEY: Do you want some more coffee. We'll get you some more coffee.
SANDRA: No, no, not another one, please. I've gotta be at Macy's soon.
HARVEY: Your sister...
SANDRA: Joyce.
HARVEY: I remember the name. Her husband, he was a, er, dentist. Right?
SANDRA: Harvey, it's really been nice meeting you again. ...And er, let's just try and keep in touch.
HARVEY: Nineteen was a good age, wasn't it?
SANDRA: Now I've got to go. Now you be sure to tell Mary Beth and the boys 'Hello.' from me, all right.
HARVEY: Now, how much longer are you going to be in town?
SANDRA: Well er, until Thursday,
HARVEY: Maybe we could get together again for something to eat, drink. Just to fill up the hole. Whatever you want.
SANDRA: Well, um...
HARVEY: Hey, this is where I'm working. Give me a call. we'll set something up. Whatever you want.
SANDRA: OK, Harvey. Bye.
HARVEY: Bye. (after she's left) Oh God.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (looking at a record file) Ever hear of a guy named Albert Grand?
MARY BETH: No.
CHRISTINE: Well, I remember the name. My dad used to tell me about him all the time. A very, very big hotshot thief.
MARY BETH: So?
CHRISTINE: He's mentioned in Rosen's file. He and Grand were in prison together. Rosen worked in the library. Grand ran it. He even wrote Rosen a letter of recommendation for parole. ...Guess they were pretty close.
MARY BETH: Do you think that he and Grand have some connection?
CHRISTINE: No. Grand retired years ago.

[Samuels' office]

LA GUARDIA: No, no, no, no, no. We're not talking about a nickel-and-dime guys you get today. Compared to Grand, Brinks was nickel-and-dime.
MARY BETH: See! That big!
LA GUARDIA: Style! Do you know style?
CHRISTINE: Yeah, you're style...
LA GUARDIA: No, no, no. You don't know. You can't know. It's not your fault. (taking Chris's hand to kiss it) It's a whole world, my dear.
SAMUELS: (handing a book to Mary Beth) Here. Treat yourself in bed.
LA GUARDIA: Is that Grand's book?
SAMUELS: No, that's "Classic Criminals". There's a whole chapter in there on Albert Grand.
CHRISTINE: Let me see it!
LA GUARDIA: His speciality was hotels.
MARY BETH: Now here's a photograph. 'Albert Grand, the one that got away'.
SAMUELS: Well, that's Grand. The only way to lock him up was on some other trumped up charges. Tax.
LA GUARDIA: That's right.
CHRISTINE: I don't believe it.
SAMUELS: What?
CHRISTINE: No, it can't be.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Chris is using a magnifying glass to compare the early photograph in the book with a recent photo in Grand's record file)
CHRISTINE: It just can't be!
SAMUELS: March fifth, nineteen seventy-four he was released. He served his whole sentence.
CHRISTINE: And Grand and Rosen met again today, right here today and he never let on!
MARY BETH: Face to face and he never even blinked.
SAMUELS: Bring him in!
CHRISTINE: For what?
SAMUELS: The Waldorf robbery.
LA GUARDIA: Doesn't even sound like his MO.
CHRISTINE: I'm supposed to meet him in twenty minutes at my apartment to pick up his dog.
SAMUELS: Well, what you standing here for? Get him!
MARY BETH: Yes sir.

[Chris's loft]

(the duo comes in and turns on the light)
CHRISTINE: I left the TV set on. ...Ralph! ...Ralph!
(Chris stops dead when she notices an orchid in a vase and a glass of wine)
MARY BETH: What?
(Chris picks up a card which she hands to Mary Beth while Chris smells the orchid)
MARY BETH: (reading from the card) 'Thank you'. Huh?
(Chris smiles)

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Chris picks up the orchid)
ISBECKI: He left you a twenty-dollar orchid and a glass of wine.
LA GUARDIA: You really think the Waldorf Hotel robbery was Albert Grand?
CHRISTINE: Fits his MO....Non-violent. ...Very sophisticated tools. ...He inserted his own men as doorman and desk clerk. ...Tidies everything up.
MARY BETH: So if he got away with four hundred thousand dollars in the last three weeks, then why would Grand risk another job now?
CHRISTINE: The thrill of it. He wrote a book while he was in prison. I just got a copy out of the library.
(the book is called 'Grand's Hotels')
SAMUELS: Yeah, if I recall it was lousy. (picking up the book) Wouldn't that be something if Albert Grand was back in action again? Huh. After all these years.
CHRISTINE: I think that's exactly what he's gonna do. Something daring and very intricate.
LA GUARDIA: And something very embarrassing to the Department. You wait.
MARY BETH: You people talk about Albert Grand like he was some kind of movie star. The man is a thief.
(Mary Beth's phone goes)
MARY BETH: (into phone) Detective Lacey, Fourteenth. ...Yes sir, just a minute. (with her hand over the mouthpiece) Christine, it's him! (to the others) It's Berryman, Albert Grand on four.
(Samuels, Isbecki and La Guardia rush to other phones and, on a sign from Chris, all four pick up their phones together)

[Detectives' Squad room/Phone booth]

CHRISTINE: Detective Cagney.
GRAND: I'm so glad I caught you.
CHRISTINE: So am I.
GRAND: I wanted to thank you for the wonderful care you took of my little doggie.
SAMUELS: Somebody try and trace this call.
(Mary Beth acknowledges that is what she is doing)
CHRISTINE: Oh, you already have. More than enough.
GRAND: I also wanted to apologise if I disturbed anything in your home. You see, it seemed more expedient just to go ahead and take the dog.
CHRISTINE: How did you get through all of my locks?
GRAND: Oh, you left them open, my dear.
CHRISTINE: I never left them open.
MARY BETH: (into phone) ...three-six-oh. I need to trace...
SAMUELS: (to Chris) Keep him talking.
CHRISTINE: Mr. Berryman. I so enjoyed meeting you. I hope you don't think I'm being forward but er, is there any chance of our meeting again. I don't know, maybe er, have a drink or take a walk in the park. A talk..
SAMUELS: (to Chris) What are you talking about.
(she gestures for him to keep quiet)
GRAND: Unfortunately I'm leaving town today otherwise it would have been my pleasure. And in any case I wanted to say 'Goodbye', Miss. Cagney. I suppose the cat is out of the bag now, isn't it?
CHRISTINE: You are quick.
MARY BETH: (into phone) We are trying to keep him on the line, ma'am.
CHRISTINE: No, he failed to speak to you in the Squad room. But er, Mr. Berryman, I really... Er, Mr. Grand, I really meant what I said about wanting to meet you again. I heard of you for many, many years. I've even have a copy of your book.
GRAND: Perhaps if we meet again, I'll autograph it.
CHRISTINE: Will you?
(Albert Grand looks at his watch)
GRAND: We've been on the phone now for approximately one minute and fifteen seconds. You need at least three minutes for a trace.
CHRISTINE: Oh, but er...
(the line goes dead)
MARY BETH: (into phone) Than you very much. Never mind.

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: Not enough time.
CHRISTINE: Oh, God, he's smooth.
ISBECKI: You're trying too hard.
MARY BETH: Sir, may I suggest we call the Robbery Squad and enlist their expertise.
CHRISTINE: No!!! No.
SAMUELS: I want us to crack this one on our own.
MARY BETH: No problem.
CHRISTINE: (going off with the book) I'm going to do some research.
SAMUELS: Lacey. Lacey, I think I know a guy who could be helpful to us here. Nathan Bardo. Information guru.
MARY BETH: I know of him
SAMUELS: Give him my regards.

[Bardo's cafe]

BARDO: ...and we're talking. What more do you want?
MARY BETH: I know that Lieutenant Samuels would appreciate your cooperation, sir.
BARDO: He is the reason I ain't throwing you out of here. That's what he is.
MARY BETH: (looking round uneasily) Ah, well..
BARDO: You ain't exactly got the lay of the land. Bardo's off limits to cops. That's the way it's been for fifty years. That's how I stay in business, little lady.
MARY BETH: I'm sure you're a very good businessman, Mr. Bardo. ...When was the last time you saw Albert Grand.
BARDO: Cotton Club, forty years ago.
MARY BETH: Well, we were hoping to ask him some questions about the Waldorf robbery.
BARDO: Is that so!
MARY BETH: We also suspected there might be something else happening pretty soon.
BARDO: Mm hm.
MARY BETH: He's looking for police scanners and acetylene torches now. You got any word on the street about something like that in the last three days?
BARDO: Yeah. I've heard something.
MARY BETH: Oh, you did? ...So he is gonna do something?
BARDO: Yes.
MARY BETH: Why did you tell me?
BARDO: Mr. Bert Samuels call and says 'Let you in here', so I let you in here. Mr. Bert Samuels call and says 'Talk to you', so I talk to you. ...But Mr. Bert Samuels don't own me. You tell Mr. Bert Samuels this is gonna cost him something.
MARY BETH: Yes sir, I will do that.
BARDO: Mr. Albert Grand is gonna know you've been here.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
BARDO: You've used up your goodwill.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.

[Manhattan street]

(Harvey and Sandra are standing by a street food vendor)
HARVEY: Hey, whoa, whoa. This kebab is burning my hand.
SANDRA: (taking the kebab from him) Please!
HARVEY: You love this junk, don't you?
SANDRA: When I was a kid I did. Now I've gotta watch my figure!
HARVEY: Hey, everybody on this street is watching your figure.
SANDRA: You... Harvey, don't you have to get back to work soon? You'll get in trouble.
HARVEY: Hey, that's the thing about being your own boss. What am I gonna do, fire myself?
SANDRA: You've done all right, haven't you?
HARVEY: It's been a lot of years, Sandra. I take one look at you, it's all here again.
SANDRA: Harvey.
HARVEY: What?
SANDRA: I don't know how to say this.
HARVEY: Say what you want to say.
SANDRA: I wanna make love to you.
HARVEY: I can't.
SANDRA: Forget it. I'm sorry, just forget I said it.
HARVEY: No. No. No. Whoa! Wait... Look, it's all right. I just wouldn't know where to begin. I just can't. OK.
SANDRA: I understand. ...I've got a husband and you've got a wife.
HARVEY: That's it. She's my wife.
(they continue walking in silence for a while then stop)
HARVEY: Sandra, hey, I can't because I want to. I've been thinking about ya. I can't.
(Harvey walks off and leaves her standing there)

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: That must be a pretty good book, huh? ...Must be a terrific book. ...You've been reading that book three solid hours.
CHRISTINE: Do you know that Albert Grand would case those hotels for six months? He'd rehearse three or four times before actually hitting it to make sure the timing was right.
MARY BETH: No kidding. Aren't you a little over-enthusiastic about this, Christine?
CHRISTINE: Did it ever occur to you that we met him in front of the Dunhill? ...(going back to the book) Fascinating man.
MARY BETH: Oh, good. Maybe he'll invite you to dinner.
CHRISTINE: I'm really getting to know him.
MARY BETH: Yeah! Where are you two gonna hit next?
CHRISTINE: I'll let you know when I find out.
MARY BETH: Good night.
CHRISTINE: ...Night.

[Chris's loft]

(she is in bed with the book. She suddenly closes the book and gets up)

[Opposite the Dunhill Hotel]

(Chris draws up in the Squad car. It's 4 AM. She sees a man with as dog walk past the hotel entrance. She runs over to him. Just then a truck drives into the hotel service entrance)
CHRISTINE: Excuse me. Oh, excuse me, I thought you were somebody.
(as she walks back past the service entrance she hears two toots and sees a truck lights go out at the bottom of the ramp. She runs over and talks to the commissionaire)

[Squad car]

POLICE RADIO: Detective, car eleven.
CHRISTINE: (into radio) Car eleven.
POLICE RADIO: New Jersey State Police confirm a stolen vehicle, Alport Cleaners laundry truck, license number X, G, N, seven, nine, one. Reported missing from Alport Cleaners garage last Tuesday night.
CHRISTINE: (into radio) Ten-four. This car will proceed. Car eleven requests backup at this location.
POLICE RADIO: Ten-four. Backup on the way.
(Chris gets out and goes down towards the van)

[Hotel service entrance]

(two men are push a box on wheels and lift it onto the hotel back-entrance loading bay. They start to gain access)
CHRISTINE: (with her gun drawn) Police! Stop what you're doing!
MAN: What's the problem?
CHRISTINE: No problem. Just get up against the wall. Up against the wall! Turn around. You! Around!
(a third man, the fence, creeps up behind her, grabs her gun arm, throws her up on his shoulder and dumps her in a rubbish skip which rolls away. Her gun is on the ground. The truck starts up. She makes a run for it back up to the street. As the truck escapes past her, the driver, Albert Grand, waves to her)

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: You're lucky you weren't killed.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, he could have killed me ...if he wanted to ...but he didn't.
SAMUELS: What were you doing out there anyway?
CHRISTINE: Because that's where we first met Grand!
SAMUELS: So what?!
CHRISTINE: So I can't explain it, OK! It's just that you have to know Grand. You have to start feeling the way he thinks.
SAMUELS: Oh, and you do?
CHRISTINE: I do.
SAMUELS: All right. All right, I'll buy what you're saying. You saw the police walkie-talkies. All that stuff fits Grand's MO. But now, now he's underground and that's where he's gonna stay. Because this was too close a call.
CHRISTINE: I don't think so.
SAMUELS: So you don't think so.
CHRISTINE: No I don't.
SAMUELS: Hm. My, you've gotta be kidding. The man came this close to being burnt.
CHRISTINE: And maybe this one was only a rehearsal!
SAMUELS: What if it was?! Grand's not gonna go through with the robbery, now that he knows you've got the Dunhill marked!
CHRISTINE: He's not gonna back off.
SAMUELS: You're really committed to this, ain't you?
CHRISTINE: You bet I am and I wanna do something about it.
SAMUELS: Well, we could open the door and collar Rosen. That might give us a lead if anything's happening. (as she goes to leave) Cagney.
CHRISTINE: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: Don't go walking about the streets by yourself at nights. It's not smart.
CHRISTINE: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: (as she goes to leave again) Cagney.
CHRISTINE: Yes sir!
SAMUELS: Don't be impatient with me, that's not smart either!
CHRISTINE: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: You beat this Albert Grand, there's promotion in it for ya.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Chris comes out of Samuels' office)
PETRIE: I just heard Chris had a close one last night.
MARY BETH: Yeah.
PETRIE: I guess you two are really after this Grand character.
MARY BETH: One of us is.
SAMUELS: Petrie. Petrie, I've got something for ya.

[Squad car]

(on stakeout opposite the Park Crest Hotel. Rosen is outside having a shoeshine)
PETRIE: I can't believe you're eating that.
ISBECKI: Sushi. I've been saving it since this morning.
PETRIE: This guy must hold the record for the longest shoeshine in history.
PETRIE: Oh, oh, oh, oh.
ISBECKI: He's making his move. ...Let's go.

[Park Crest Hotel reception area]

PETRIE: I don't believe we've lost him.
ISBECKI: (spotting a man he thinks is Rosen in the distance) There! Come on!
(they just miss catching the man as he gets in a lift. They run up the stairs to the next floor)

[Park Crest Hotel first floor landing]

PETRIE: Get the buttons, Isbecki!
(the lift door opens. The man comes out. They begin to follow him and then stop and lean against the walls realising it's not Rosen)

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: How could you possibly follow the wrong guy out of an elevator?!
ISBECKI: Look, I don't wanna hear it, OK? If Samuels wants to bust my chops, that's one thing!
MARY BETH: Nobody's busting anybody's chops...
ISBECKI: (to Chris) But you don't have the right!
CHRISTINE: Like hell!
SAMUELS: Cagney! In here!
MARY BETH: Proper channels. You satisfied?
ISBECKI: Hey, she don't talk to me like that.
PETRIE: We blew it.

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: You will never, never publicly call one of my people incompetent again! Do you understand that!
CHRISTINE: I do. I over-reacted.
SAMUELS: Yes, you did! Petrie is one best, most intuitive cops I ever worked with. And Isbecki... Isbecki is solid.
CHRISTINE: I'm sure there were extenuating circumstances to them losing their tail.
SAMUELS: Well, I'm sure that's very gracious of ya! Do you know what I think? I think you're miffed because your little theory was shot all to hell.
CHRISTINE: I don't see any reason...
SAMUELS: I think you've had the Dunhill on the brain! And then suddenly Rosen veers to a totally different hotel. Grand is that good, Cagney. That's why he is who he is. ...Beat it!

[Laceys' lounge]

(Mary Beth and Harvey are watching TV)
HARVEY: Cha, these guys. These guys on TV, they kill me.
(Mary Beth is engrossed and puts her hand up to silence Harvey)
HARVEY: Honey, they make a million bucks. This has got nothing to do with reality.
MARY BETH: If it hadn't got anything to do with my reality I wouldn't watch it.
HARVEY: I didn't think your reality was all that bad.
MARY BETH: Parts of my reality are terrific.
HARVEY: Hey, I'm sorry, I've just had a bad day.
MARY BETH: Oh.
HARVEY: (cuddling her) You wouldn't believe how lucky...
MARY BETH: (pointing to the screen) Look, look. Look at everyone...
HARVEY: Mary Beth...
MARY BETH: Oh, here come the guns. Now those guys draw their guns more on one show than I do in a year.
HARVEY: Mary Beth...
MARY BETH: Hm.
(Harvey starts to giggle)
MARY BETH: What?
HARVEY: I love you. (kissing her) I love you.
MARY BETH: Have I missed something?
HARVEY: I just wanted you to know.
MARY BETH: I know.
(she laughs. The boys are sitting on the carpet also watching)

[Chris's loft]

(3.15 AM. Chris is lounging on the settee, thinking. Grand's book is nearby. She gets up and returns to the book)

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Chris is at her desk writing away)
PETRIE: Tough being left out of things, isn't it?
MARY BETH: It's her gain.
PETRIE: It's just one race she's running alone.
MARY BETH: Would you get outta here!
PETRIE: Mary Beth!
MARY BETH: Yes! It's tough being left out of things!
(as Mary Beth goes to pass Chris's desk she looks over Chris's shoulder)
MARY BETH: You've got Park Crest written three hundred times on that piece of paper.
CHRISTINE: (screwing up the piece of paper) I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't get to bed until four o'clock this morning. ...I can't stop thinking about him.
MARY BETH: Christine, what you are doing here is not normal. This man is all you think about. Now you want work, we got work here. ...He's in your thoughts all the time and you don't know for sure who or what he is.
CHRISTINE: I feel that I know him better than I know my own father!
MARY BETH: You need a head doctor, Christine.
CHRISTINE: Maybe I do.
MARY BETH: He's world-class, Mary Beth. ...Think about that! ...World ...class.
MARY BETH: Oh, so the one that catches him is also world-class?
(Mary Beth's phone goes)
MARY BETH: (into phone) Detective Lacey, Fourteenth. ...Yes sir. ...Yes sir. ...Were there any witnesses as far as you know? ...Yes sir. ...(attracting Chris's attention) If Uniform's not there within ten minutes, you call me back, all right? ...Detective Lacey. ...Yes sir. ...Thank you.
(she rings off)
MARY BETH: Christine, a laundry truck was just stolen on the corner of Thirty-second and Fifth.
CHRISTINE: So what?
MARY BETH: An Alport Cleaners' truck. Wasn't Albert Grand in an Alport Cleaners truck in front of the Dunhill? ...Huh?
CHRISTINE: He did that to throw us off!
MARY BETH: Throw us off, how?
CHRISTINE: Because the Alport Cleaners doesn't service the Dunhill Hotel, it services the Park Crest!
MARY BETH: How do you know that?!
CHRISTINE: Because I called yesterday and found out! He's gonna do it! He's gonna hit the Park Crest! Come on!
MARY BETH: I'm coming! Wait for me! Petrie, call me back in ten minutes!

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: You make me crazy when you drive like this, Christine. Can we just get there?
CHRISTINE: He's good. God, how he's good, all right! All that jive about the Dunhill.
(just then a car horn screams. Mary Beth shouts and ducks)
CHRISTINE: I'm getting him, Mary Beth. ...I'm getting Albert Grand.
POLICE RADIO: All units in the vicinity of the Park Crest Hotel. A possible ten-thirty in progress. Repeat possible ten-thirty in progress. What units are responding?
MARY BETH: Give 'em a call, Mary Beth. Tell them we have it.
MARY BETH: (into radio) Christine says 'We have it'.

[Hotel vault room]

(Albert Grand and the gang are preparing to blow the main vault door)

[Park Crest Hotel reception]

(the duo rushes in)
MARY BETH: Police! Where are they?
RECEPTIONIST: Everything is in order.
CHRISTINE: You don't mind if I look in your vault room? ...Come on!
RECEPTIONIST: This way.
MARY BETH: Christine!
CHRISTINE: What?
MARY BETH: Chris, it's Rosen.
(Rosen and two other men are having a drink. They raise their glasses)
CHRISTINE: It's a ruse! He's freaked me out! ...He's hitting the Dunhill! Damn it!
(they rush back out. Meanwhile in the vault room the gang complete their task)

[Dunhill Hotel reception]

(the duo rushes in)
MARY BETH: Hey! Police!
NIGHT MANAGER: Yeah.
MARY BETH: We think you're being robbed!
NIGHT MANAGER: Really. We haven't had any reports.
CHRISTINE: Come on, man, we don't have all night. Where do you keep your safe deposit boxes?
NIGHT MANAGER: Oh. In the vault, ...on the second floor.
CHRISTINE: Well, come on! Take us there! Go!

[Hotel vault room]

(Albert Grand closes the door and checks his watch)
GRAND: Timing.

[Staircase]

(as they run up)
NIGHT MANAGER: This hotel has a security system that cost one point two million dollars.
CHRISTINE: Well, you should have paid more.

[Outside the vault room]

MARY BETH: Hold it. Stand back.
(Chris and the two backup officers stand pointing their guns as Mary Beth opens the first door)
MARY BETH: Can you smell it? Oil.
CHRISTINE: (inspecting the main vault door) No. He's cooled it.
NIGHT MANAGER: Where do you people get your information?
MARY BETH: Just stand back, sir.
(the duo ease back the main vault door. The racks are empty. The Night Manager puts his head in his hands)
CHRISTINE: I'm putting out an APB. We can cordon the area.
MARY BETH: Christine!
CHRISTINE: What?!
MARY BETH: It's over! (as Chris goes out) You gave it your best shot! ...(to the Night Manager) Now, let's see what's missing. ...Don't touch anything. ...Don't touch it, sir!

[Chris's loft]

(Chris in her nightclothes makes herself a milk drink and switches on the answer-phone)
GRAND: (on answer-phone) Hello, Christine. I'm going now. I hope this message is some small consolation. You see, no one ever came closer. No one.
CHRISTINE: Damn it.
(she replays part of the message)
GRAND: (on answer-phone)...is some small consolation. You see, no one ever came closer. No one.
(she allows herself a smile and replays the message again)
GRAND: (on answer-phone) Hello, Christine.

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