Conduct Unbecoming
Original Airdate: December 13, 1982

[Manhattan street]

(a man, Rasco, is doing the three card trick has a crowd around him)
RASCO: I gotta winner here. You look to see how easy that is? If you wanna win you gotta get in. If you wanna play you gotta pay. All you gotta do is find the black queen. I gotta winner here. You see how easy that is? If you wanna play you gotta pay. If you wanna win you gotta get in. She ain't going nowhere. She's right there but if you gotta hunch you'd better punch, because you cannot accumulate if you do not speculate.
STEPHENS: (holding a bunch of dollar bills) There, there, she's right there.
(Mary Beth pushes through the crowd)
MARY BETH: I'd like a bet here.
RASCO: Oh, gentlemen, please make room for the lady. Looking to invest a little pin money, huh?
MARY BETH: (holding up her badge) Pin this, Mac!
RASCO: Hold on!
(with that he grabs up the money and cards and makes a break for it. He throws the bundle into a refuse truck)
MARY BETH: Chris, take him!
CHRISTINE: It's in the truck!
(Stephens is apprehended by a plainclothes officer. Chris tackles Rasco to the pavement and apprehends him. Mary Beth goes to the refuse truck that is compressing the refuse)
MARY BETH: (to the refuse operative) Shut it down! I'm a cop. I'll show you my ID to prove it. Shut it down, please!

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Mary Beth locks Stephens in the holding cell)
MARY BETH: We got a couple of Al Capones here. Rasco, here, for assaulting an officer and resisting arrest, and possession of an illegal handgun.
STEPHENS: I never saw it before in my life.
RASCO: Look I never saw it before either.
SAMUELS: (to Chris who is holding her right shoulder) You all right?
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I'm fine.
MARY BETH: She took a pretty good knock out there, sir.
SAMUELS: I want you have an x-ray. You gotta have an x-ray. I don't want anyone swanning around hurt.
CHRISTINE: I just wanna get this guy in the book, see. I'm fine.
(when Chris has taken Rasco out of sight Mary Beth lets Stephens out of the holding cell. Isbecki comes up and grabs Stephens by the lapels and gives him a slap on the cheek)
ISBECKI: You here again? Huh? You can't stay out of trouble, can you?
STEPHENS: I'm gonna give you trouble tomorrow night, pal.
PETRIE: So who's the head of the racquetball team?
STEPHENS: Guess? (to Isbecki) You could save yourself a lot of embarrassment and just forfeit right now. (to Mary Beth) Hey, I hope I didn't get too rough out there.
MARY BETH: No, not at all, Charles.
SAMUELS: Is this all you came up with, one Saturday night special? I thought this guy was moving them in by the truckload.
STEPHENS: What can I tell ya? Well, at least you got something.
SAMUELS: What I got is a detective limping around and a case when the DA sees it, he's gonna laugh in my face. That's what I got. (to Mary Beth indicating that they go into his office) Come on.

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: To be honest (indicating Stephens) this case could be better run.
MARY BETH: Yes sir. Very good.
SAMUELS: He's been on the job two weeks and got nothing.
MARY BETH: Sir, Stephens was terrific out there. We would never have requested him from the Anti-crime Unit if we didn't think so.
SAMUELS: I don't know. These anti-crime guys make me nervous. All the time out on the streets. All the time looking for action. They're all a little ...crazy.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Chris comes back still holding her shoulder)
CHRISTINE: (to Stephens) You've been sprung already?
STEPHENS: How's that shoulder?
CHRISTINE: It's not so bad. It'll be fine.
MARY BETH: OK, what's the next step. Let's line it up.
CHRISTINE: OK, the next step is the boy dives back on the streets and we'll see what he comes up with.
STEPHENS: Hasta luego.
(Stephens leaves. Later La Guardia comes in)
LA GUARDIA: I have the new lottery tickets.
PETRIE: All right!
ISBECKI: Did you buy them at the candy store?
LA GUARDIA: No, I got 'em at the liquor store round the corner.
ISBECKI: Oh, I told you to buy them at the candy store. They reckon someone won several hundred bucks there last week.
LA GUARDIA: What difference does it make we're not gonna win anyway.
CHRISTINE: What are you talking about. We're gonna win.
ISBECKI: Oh, you're putting negative vibes on it.
PETRIE: Well, next week we'll buy them at the candy store. I'll take the first five.
CHRISTINE: No! Three is my lucky number. I want every third one.
(they, including Mary Beth, continue to argue about who has which five tickets until Samuels comes up)
SAMUELS: Will you come on! Give me five here.
LA GUARDIA: (to Chris) You have five, Mary Beth you have five and I have five.
(they bicker a bit more before going to their desks to scratch off the numbers. Nobody seems to be having any success)
ISBECKI: I told him to buy at the candy store! (to Petrie who is pocketing his five) Where are you going?
PETRIE: To buy some gum.
LA GUARDIA: Look at your tickets first.
PETRIE: Patience, my friend. I'll look, when I feel the time is right.
ISBECKI: Look at him. He takes them first and then is the last to look at them.

[Precinct front desk office]

(Petrie goes to the candy machine, tears one ticket off the strip, and scratches off the numbers)
PETRIE: Yeah!! Yeah!!! Yes! Ho, ho, ho.
(his cries bring them all rushing out except Samuels)
MARY BETH: Mark, are you all right?
PETRIE: I got it. We won a thousand dollars.
(they all embrace and kiss)
PETRIE: See, I told you not to be negative.
(a passing vagrant in the custody of a uniformed officer makes a comment)
VAGRANT: It will come to no good.

[Lacey's apartment]

(Mary Beth comes in carrying a bag of food and puts her hat on Michael who is laying on the couch)
MICHAEL: Hi, Mommy.
MARY BETH: Hi. Did you do your homework yet?
MICHAEL: I don't have any. What's in the bag?
MARY BETH: Dinner. Where's your brother?
MICHAEL: In the bedroom.
MARY BETH: (to Harvey) Hey.
HARVEY: Hi ya, babe.
MARY BETH: What you got?
HARVEY: Chilli.
MARY BETH: Oh good, it's always better the second day, because I got artichokes, I got real butter, I got filet mignon cut to order, one and one half inches thick, I've got a little bottle of something or other from South California imported ready for you...
HARVEY: What the heck did you do? Did you win the numbers?
MARY BETH: Mm hm.
MICHAEL: I hate artichokes.
MARY BETH: How do you know you hate artichokes. You never tried them.
HARVEY: You've done it. You've pulled!
MARY BETH: Yeah! A hundred and sixty-six dollars and sixty-seven cents and a chance of a million prize.
MICHAEL: What's that!
MARY BETH/HARVEY: One ...million ...dollars!
MARY BETH: One and six zeroes. One, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero. Now go in the bedroom and write it down. One and six...
(Harvey lifts Mary Beth up and they embrace and kiss)
MARY BETH: I should win the lottery more often.

[Massage parlour]

(Chris is having her shoulder worked on)
MASSEUR: How much more do want me to work on this shoulder of yours?
CHRISTINE: One hundred and sixty-six thousand...

[Samuels' office]

(Samuels comes in with the duo and Stephens)
SAMUELS: This better be good, this better be good, because they've got the turkey-based special over at the...
CHRISTINE: It's good. It's good. Stephens is certain he's got the beginnings of a lead. We wanna follow up on it.
SAMUELS: Well!
CHRISTINE: Tell him!
STEPHENS: OK, I've been working on a waitress over at the Coco Club.
MARY BETH: There's a history of guns coming out of that place, sir.
CHRISTINE: And drugs, hot goods, all kind of things.
SAMUELS: You're gonna buy me lunch.
STEPHENS: She overheard a couple of clowns talking about a load of Saturday night specials, and we think they might be part of a shipment that was ripped off a couple of weeks ago that were manufactured down in Kentucky.
SAMUELS: You been working on her long?
STEPHENS: Yeah, six or seven months. I met her in connection with a dope collar last August. I think she's solid.
CHRISTINE: It's gonna pay off.
MARY BETH: There's a lot of weapons coming in to town, sir. You read about it every day now.
SAMUELS: Is that a fact, Lacey? ...Well, that's good work. Go for it, go for it.
STEPHENS: See you soon. We'll get 'em.
(Stephens leaves)
SAMUELS: He's a good kid.
CHRISTINE: Yes.
SAMUELS: Serious. ...What is it? Do you think I'm a jerk or what? I've been riding you people because I want those guns off the street as bad as you do! Now, will you let me get outta here?

[Detectives' Squad room]

(as the duo comes out of Samuels' office)
PETRIE: Can I see you two a second?
CHRISTINE: Sure.
(Petrie leads them into the Ladies' room)

[Ladies' room]

CHRISTINE: What are you doing?
PETRIE: You're the only two who use this place. Nobody's gonna walk in on us.
CHRISTINE: All right.
MARY BETH: What? What?
(Petrie is holding out a magazine)
MARY BETH: Well, I don't wanna look at that!
(he gives the magazine to Chris)
PETRIE: Turn to page twenty-six.
MARY BETH: (turning away) Oh!
CHRISTINE: What, are you broadening your horizons?
MARY BETH: Meet Dirk, the hunk next door!
PETRIE: Look at the pictures.
MARY BETH: No.
CHRISTINE: Oh, my God!
MARY BETH: What?
CHRISTINE: It's Stephens.
MARY BETH: (looking at the picture) Well that may be a mug face.
PETRIE: It's him.
CHRISTINE: Him. In a gay magazine.
MARY BETH: How many people saw this?
PETRIE: Found it laying face up in the Men's room, and I heard they found another one over in uniform. I just thought you two would wanna know. All hell's about to break loose.
MARY BETH: Yes.
CHRISTINE: Whew.
MARY BETH: What do ya mean by that?

[Food store]

(a youth comes in and throws a stick of gum on the counter by the till. The counter clerk, Freddie asks him)
FREDDIE: That all?
(while he is ringing up the money the youth draws a gun on him)
YOUTH: All your money, in the bag.
(a woman customer screams. The youth fires a shot over her head. Freddie pulls out a gun from under the counter and fires at the youth who dives for cover. Freddie looses off another shot. The youth fires back. An old man has drawn a small pistol, taken cover and fires at the youth. When the youth fires in the old man's direction, the youth takes another shot and gets blown backwards)

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: (to Freddie) Sounds to me it was like the OK Corral in there.
FREDDIE: I can't believe it. I was trying to protect myself.
CHRISTINE: (to the old man) ...in the State of New York.
FREDDIE: It's a crime to have a gun because I work in a shop.
MARY BETH: (to Freddie) Wait a minute, why don't you let me ask the questions. We could go a lot faster, all right.
OLD MAN: I've had this pistol for years. I have a licence to prove it.
(Chris takes the licence)
MARY BETH: (to Freddie) Have you ever had a licence in your life?
FREDDIE: No.
CHRISTINE: (to the old man) This is a licence to keep it in your home. It's not a licence to carry it on the streets.
(Isbecki comes up carrying a box with dead lottery tickets in it)
ISBECKI: You guys got any of these? (to Freddie and the old man) And two pieces of garbage. What did you two think, you're in Vietnam?
FREDDIE: Oh, that's funny. I live there, white meat, you don't.
ISBECKI: The guy whose gun blew up. I heard he might lose an eye.
FREDDIE: Good. He oughta lose them both.
MARY BETH: I can't believe you said that.
ISBECKI: You're all heart. Do you think guns might have something to do with your case?
CHRISTINE: I don't know. Stephens took the serial numbers upstairs to check them with the guns that were stolen from Kentucky.
ISBECKI: Stephens?
MARY BETH: Thanks.
(as Isbecki gets to the staircase, Stephens comes running down)
STEPHENS: Hey, listen man, I'm not gonna be able to pick you up tonight. Can we meet at the gym?
ISBECKI: Look, I don't think I can make it. Something came up.
STEPHENS: (to the duo) We got a winner right here.
MARY BETH: (to Freddie and the old man) We'll be right back. Stay here.
STEPHENS: I checked these serial numbers. Gun number four, three, two, two, nine. Taken from the hot sweaty palms of one (indicating Freddie) Frederico Aribe.
MARY BETH: Nice one.
CHRISTINE: Terrific. Well done. We'll continue to talk to them. Go on, go. ...Thank you.
MARY BETH: Where did you get the gun, Freddie?
FREDDIE: I didn't get it nowhere.
CHRISTINE: You had it in your possession. You got it somewhere!
FREDDIE: What is this? How come I'm so popular all of a sudden? You guys think I wanted to kill him or something?
MARY BETH: All of a sudden you care?
CHRISTINE: Answer me!
FREDDIE: I got it from under the counter, all right.
MARY BETH: She's not asking you that. She's asking you where you bought it!
FREDDIE: Nowhere! It ain't my gun!
MARY BETH: Yeah?
FREDDIE: It's my boss's gun. Hey, look, he keeps it under the counter so we can stop scum balls, all right?
(the duo moves away and talks quietly)
CHRISTINE: Maybe we ought to get out there and talk to him, but we don't want to step on anybody's toes.
MARY BETH: Maybe we oughta run it by Samuels first.
CHRISTINE: He's at his lunch.
MARY BETH: Petrie! Take this guy!
FREDDIE: What are you talking about? Take me where?! Hey , what, you gotta be kidding me! Say, I'm serious. I'm gonna get the HB on you two. Damn it I've got a shop...
(Petrie takes him off)

[Samuels' office]

MARY BETH: Sir, we got back the rundown on the serial numbers. The gun used by that clerk, it's part of the Kentucky shipment.
SAMUELS: Have you found out where he got it?
CHRISTINE: It belongs to the store's owner. Now if we find out where he got we could be onto the whole thing.
SAMUELS: Fine.
CHRISTINE: Well great, let's get Stephens and get on to it.
SAMUELS: No, no, hold it a second. Close the door. ...Er, have you heard about Stephens?
MARY BETH: We heard.
SAMUELS: You heard what's going on! Everybody has heard about that photo spread. There's not a lot of time 'til they go into his past, so whatever you're doing, hurry it up.
CHRISTINE: This is getting a little out of proportion, sir. He did a little modelling. So what?
SAMUELS: It's not just a little modelling. It's a gay magazine. He's posing in the nude. It's porn.
MARY BETH: Sir, Charlie Stephens wasn't on the cover. I mean, somebody went to the newsstand and flicked through the pages, bought it. Somebody male. Ever wonder who?
CHRISTINE: Has he actually been charged with anything yet?
SAMUELS: We are talking about serious misconduct. He's not gonna get the benefit of the doubt. All I'm saying to you two is if you can use him, do not waste any time! OK?
CHRISTINE: OK.
MARY BETH: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: Get on with it.

[Detectives' Squad room]

PETRIE: (into phone) Give me your number. I'll call you back. ...Ah ha. ...Yeah. ...Thank you very much.
(Petrie turns to face the office and shouts out)
PETRIE: Listen up! Please! I just got a phone call. Some guy found out we made the grand prize draw and he made an offer to buy our lottery ticket.
MARY BETH: For how much?
PETRIE: Ten thousand dollars.
LA GUARDIA: Maybe he knows something we don't know. Maybe the odds are better than we think.
PETRIE: This guy could work for a syndicate. They could be buying up dozens of New York State Lottery tickets.
SAMUELS: This guy offered how much?
LA GUARDIA: Ten thousand dollars. I think we oughta sell.
MARY BETH: I think I'll have to think it over.
SAMUELS: I think we all should. Let's wait a day or two. Discuss it.
ISBECKI: Do you think we can get a better offer?
LA GUARDIA: We'll never get a better offer.
CHRISTINE: How many tickets in the pool?
PETRIE: I don't know. Somebody ought to check that out.
SAMUELS: Yes, someone ought to check out the odds. La Guardia...
LA GUARDIA: I'm doing it.
SAMUELS: And then we ought to have a discussion. Friday morning, ten o'clock, we'll put it to a vote.
(they all go back to work. The duo is particularly elated)

[Precinct yard]

CHRISTINE: So what do you think?
MARY BETH: We're not gonna talk about it.
CHRISTINE: Why not?
MARY BETH: Because you're gonna try to convince me, and I don't wanna be convinced until I'm sure what I wanna do.
CHRISTINE: What are you talking about?
MARY BETH: The ticket. We're not gonna talk about it.
CHRISTINE: Fine. I was talking about Stephens.
MARY BETH: Oh. Well, what do you think? Do you think he knows?
CHRISTINE: Obviously not. ...Do you think he's gay?
MARY BETH: It doesn't make any difference.
CHRISTINE: I didn't ask you if it made any difference, I asked you what you thought.
MARY BETH: None of my business.
(she gets in the Squad car)

[Food store]

(the duo is talking to the store owner, Enriquez)
CHRISTINE: Sir, Frederico Aribe has made a statement that the gun belonged to you.
ENRIQUEZ: (to a customer) Hey, watch the glass there, eh. I don't want no scratch marks on it. (to the duo) Are you charging me with something?
CHRISTINE: Well, we'd appreciate your cooperation. What we wanna know where that gun came from.
ENRIQUEZ: Are you dropping the charges against Freddie?
MARY BETH: We may not be able to. It's an ordnance charge. He certainly did fire the gun.
ENRIQUEZ: What did you expect him to do? Sit there and get shot. Freddie's a boy with a future.
CHRISTINE: And Freddie's the one who could have had his face blown off instead of the kid who was robbing your store.
ENRIQUEZ: Hey, what kind of world is this? Where boys are heroes and people like Freddie are being made to feel ashamed.
MARY BETH: Mr. Enriquez, we can arrest you for possession of an illegal handgun and we will if you don't tell us where you got that weapon.
ENRIQUEZ: Go on, arrest me. I'll die a martyr.
CHRISTINE: Look, maybe we can work something out. We might be able to get you off a summons, I don't know.
ENRIQUEZ: Freddie too?
CHRISTINE: We'll see. ...Hey, we'll see!
ENRIQUEZ: Look, I don't know the guy's name, but I'll show you where he's at.

[Squad car]

(the car pulls up)
ENRIQUEZ: That's the guy.

[Manhattan street]

(a cab driver, Scafali, is leaning on his vehicle)
PASSENGER: Cab driver.
SCAFALI: Yeah.

[Squad car]

CHRISTINE: The one pulling out.
ENRIQUEZ: Yeah, that's him. He didn't see us, did he?
MARY BETH: No, ...and I have the license plate.

[Diner]

(the duo is there with Stephens looking at a photo)
MARY BETH: That's what we've got.
CHRISTINE: (to Stephens) Anything.
STEPHENS: I think we ought to make contact with him. (to Chris) Right time, right place, no sweat.
CHRISTINE: I'd say the sooner the better.
STEPHENS: Any particular reason?
MARY BETH: Well, we're just trying to work together here, Charlie, and we should say what's on our minds.
STEPHENS: I'm listening.
CHRISTINE: There's a magazine going around the department. Well, a lot of people have looked at it.
STEPHENS: Yeah, it's me. So what?
CHRISTINE: Look, will you lighten up. We're on your side.
STEPHENS: What side is that? What's the next question here? Am I a fag?
MARY BETH: Hey, now, come on. We'll forget about it for now. We'll talk about it later.
STEPHENS: I've had talking about it all day. I'm getting the looks, the whispers and the looks away.
CHRISTINE: It's the sort of thing that gets around the department. That's the way the Brass looks at it. It's pathetic.
MARY BETH: Check out your options, Charlie. The thing is not going to go away.
STEPHENS: Thanks, I appreciate your advice. Until I hear any different I've got a job to do. Are you with me? ...Are you with me?
CHRISTINE: Come on, let's figure it out.

[Scafali's cab]

STEPHENS: Pull over here. (to Mary Beth, standing on the pavement wearing dark glasses) Hey baby, Jo, over here.
(she gets in the cab. As it pulls away Chris, in a car, follows)
MARY BETH: You just kept me waiting half an hour.
STEPHENS: Hey, easy baby, easy, you had a busy day, huh?
MARY BETH: Yeah.
STEPHENS: Driver, just drive around the block.
(Chris follows)
STEPHENS: You're twenty short here.
MARY BETH: Well, I couldn't get to the bank.
STEPHENS: You know I don't cut under a grand.
MARY BETH: And you know I'm good for it, don't you? Come on, come on, today has not exactly been my day at the beach.
STEPHENS: Al right, all right. ...Seeing as it's you.
(he puts something in her bag)
MARY BETH: Driver, would you stop here? (to Charlie) Listen, there's something else. Eli, you know my Eli?
STEPHENS: Yeah.
MARY BETH: Well he's in trouble and he wants something for protection.
STEPHENS: Buy him a dog.
MARY BETH: Well, he needs a right-away gun and I told him I'd ask you.
STEPHENS: How much is he willing to pay?
MARY BETH: I don't know, fifty, sixty bucks.
STEPHENS: Fifty, sixty bucks. OK, OK, I'll see what I can do. All right. You keep in touch.
MARY BETH: Yeah, well you know I'll be back.
(Mary Beth gets out of the cab)
STEPHENS: Let's go.
(Stephens gets a cigarette out of his pocket)
SCAFALI: Sure. Could I have one of those?
(he gives him one and Scafali lights the cigarettes)
SCAFALI: Thanks.

[Alleyway]

(the duo and Stephens are there. He undoes a pipe cover and takes out a gun in a plastic bag and gives it to Mary Beth)
MARY BETH: Ah. ...Well, you must admit he's not honest.
CHRISTINE: Can't bust him for it. You gave him fifty bucks and he gave you what you asked for.
MARY BETH: Yeah, we've gotta find him in the same place with the guns.
CHRISTINE: We're not gonna get him.
STEPHENS: We will. We'll get him.

[Laceys' kitchen]

(Harvey is under the sink with a bowl under the waste U-bend. Mary Beth is sitting on the floor in her dressing gown with her hair all wet)
HARVEY: When I get the pipe back on you can wash it off.
MARY BETH: (holding out her left fingers) Hey, honey.
HARVEY: Oh, all right.
(Harvey puts the ring back on which she had obviously lost down the sink while washing her hair)
HARVEY: For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer...
MARY BETH: How about richer. We got an offer for the ticket today.
HARVEY: Oh, how much?
MARY BETH: Ten thousand dollars.
(Harvey whistles)
MARY BETH: That's one thousand six hundred and sixty-six dollars and sixty-seven cents.
HARVEY: That's not bad. What are you guys gonna do?
MARY BETH: Well, we have to vote. We could really use that sixteen hundred, you and I, huh?
HARVEY: (working on the pipe) Yeah. Yeah. Listen if you win the big banana, how much is that worth? A million, right?
MARY BETH: It's a hundred and sixty thousand dollars each, yes.
HARVEY: Long odds, but a hell of a payoff.
MARY BETH: Well we got bills, you know, we got Harve Junior's orthodontist has come round again.
HARVEY: I've got a feeling we'd spend most of our time making payments on that hi-techy Cadillac. Sixteen hundred is sixteen hundred. A hundred and sixty thousand is a new way of life, eh?

[Precinct front desk office]

(Stephens comes in and walks past the Sergeant's Desk. A man is standing at the desk)
COLEMAN: Hey, sir, someone here you might wanna meet.
(Stephens pauses and then moves on)

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Stephens comes in)
MARY BETH: (to Stephens) Hey,...
(he walks straight past)

[Men's room]

(Stephens is in there washing his face. Isbecki comes in, sees him and walks straight back out. Stephens follows him)

[Detectives' Squad room]

STEPHENS: Isbecki! Hey, Isbecki. What the hell's that all about?
ISBECKI: What?
STEPHENS: That little dance in and out of the john. What do you think, I'm gonna hold your hand or something?
(Isbecki moves away. Stephens stops him)
STEPHENS: What?
ISBECKI: What, you got something to be proud of or something?
STEPHENS: You're scared to be seen with me. You're afraid people are gonna think you're a fruit.
ISBECKI: Hey, you're the one with the problem. I don't get my problems flashing with the boys!
(as Isbecki goes to move away again Stephens pulls him back, punches him and they exchange blows,. All the male detectives pile in to separate them)
ISBECKI: Hey, you got a problem, man.
STEPHENS: Those pictures were taken five years ago before I ever became a cop! I did it because I needed the money! I had no idea they would ever end up in any kind of a magazine at all. ...And for the record I am not gay. I was not then, and I am not now.
SAMUELS: What's all the commotion?
PETRIE: Just a little horsing around. You know, Lieutenant, when the cat's away the rats will play.
SAMUELS: What, are you Richard Pryor? (to the duo) How close are you two into calling in that gun dealer?
CHRISTINE: Well, we're getting closer. Stephens is...
SAMUELS: I don't wanna hear about Stephens. If you two wanna make that collar, you'd better do it yourselves.
CHRISTINE: What does that mean?
SAMUELS: That means that Stephens is about to become a memory. IAD just put out papers on him. They're gonna call him in.
MARY BETH: Well, that's to be expected. That doesn't mean he's gonna get canned.
SAMUELS: Wake up, will ya.

[Manhattan street]

(at night the Squad car is following a cab. The Squad car pulls up)

[Squad car]

CHRISTINE: (to Stephens) Now don't push too hard. We don't wanna scare him off.
STEPHENS: No, I gotta take this to the wall. I may not get another chance and you know that. If he cuts and runs, so be it.
MARY BETH: I don't know.
CHRISTINE: We're never gonna bring this guy down if we don't do it now. (to Stephens) Just be careful.
MARY BETH: If you need us, we'll be right here.
STEPHENS: You'll be the first to know.

[Cafe]

STEPHENS: You're not hard to find.
SCAFALI: What? You gotta beef?
STEPHENS: No, no complaints. You know, the fact is I could use some more of the same.
SCAFALI: How many we talking about?
STEPHENS: Fifty.
SCAFALI: Fifty?

[Squad car]

(the duo are listening to the conversation)
SCAFALI: (on walkie-talkie) What are you gonna do with them.
STEPHENS: Oh, I'm gonna shift them.

[Cafe]

SCAFALI: I don't think I need the competition.
STEPHENS: Why don't you think of it as going into a new market?
SCAFALI: What are you going to do with them? Where are they gonna end up?
STEPHENS: Does Macy's sell gym balls?
SCAFALI: I need a thousand dollars, up front.
STEPHENS: I'll take the deliveries first.
SCAFALI: No, I don't deliver. That's my edge of the game.
STEPHENS: OK, I'll pass.

[Squad car]

SCAFALI: (on walkie-talkie) What is it? What is it?

[Cafe]

(Stephens has got up to leave. He sits down again)
SCAFALI: I'll tell you what. You be here tomorrow at three o'clock. You bring the money with you. I'll take you to the warehouse.

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: OK.

[Captain's Pub]

CHRISTINE: Look, you've been suspended.
STEPHENS: For a time. OK.
MARY BETH: Lieutenant Samuels really tried for you...
STEPHENS: Listen, I talked to Scafali. I managed to put him off. A shipment came in for a hundred pieces. You requisitioned the buy money?
MARY BETH: Yeah, but so what?
STEPHENS: Then we've got him.
CHRISTINE: We don't have anybody.
STEPHENS: I thought you were with me.
MARY BETH: Do you have any idea how many regulations we'd be breaking?
STEPHENS: Are you just gonna stand by and let those guns go out onto the street? Oh, I understand you don't want to work with a fag. If the time comes for me to back you up, I might get all hysterical and..
CHRISTINE: Oh, don't pull that crap again! We're going to the wall!
STEPHENS: How many gays do you think are on the Police Department?
CHRISTINE: I have no idea.
MARY BETH: Plenty, I'm sure.
STEPHENS: I'm not gay, you know.
MARY BETH: We heard.
STEPHENS: From whom?
MARY BETH: From you, in the Squad room.
STEPHENS: If we make this collar, nobody's gonna care how many regulations we broke.
CHRISTINE: If. You're asking a lot, Charlie.
MARY BETH: You're suspended.
STEPHENS: It's up to you. Either way, I'm getting this guy.

[Manhattan street]

(the duo is walking along)
MARY BETH: Christine, if this thing goes foul, we could get suspended too.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, Come on.
MARY BETH: What if one us gets hurt?
CHRISTINE: We can always get hurt.
MARY BETH: Technically they could say it was not in the line of duty and there goes the medical care, right.
CHRISTINE: Nobody is going to get hurt.
MARY BETH: What if hurts someone? He is suspended now. He is not even a cop anymore.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, would you please trust me? I'd just like to know why he's so hot to go through with this thing.
MARY BETH: He wants to tie up the dealers. He wants to stop the guns.
CHRISTINE: And?
MARY BETH: And maybe pull himself out of the line of departmental fire.
CHRISTINE: You don't suppose he's trying to prove something, do ya?

[Accounting]

MARY BETH: I'm Detective Lacey who requisitioned a thousand dollars yesterday. Police number four-oh-seven-two-five.
CLERK: I'll just check. ...No money.
CHRISTINE: Well, look, we're in a real rush here. How fast can we get it?
CLERK: Police number four-oh-seven-two-five, right?
CHRISTINE: Right. Yeah.
CLERK: Requiring officers, Cagney, Lacey, Stephens, right?
CHRISTINE: Officer Stephens has been suspended. The last name on this should be Isbecki.
CLERK: That's what I thought. We need new paperwork to do that. The Stephens appropriation is void.
MARY BETH: Oh, you gotta be kidding here.
CLERK: Sorry, it's outta my hands.
CHRISTINE: Forget it.

[Ladies' room]

CHRISTINE: I've gotta plan.
MARY BETH: What?
CHRISTINE: We fund the money ourselves.
MARY BETH: Five hundred bucks a piece.
CHRISTINE: You've got five hundred.
MARY BETH: It's not whether I've got it it's whether I wanna keep it.
CHRISTINE: So we arrest Scafali, we get the money back.
MARY BETH: I'm not so sure that we can arrest Scafali.
CHRISTINE: Why not?
MARY BETH: Because I don't think that Charlie Stephens is exactly in top form.
CHRISTINE: Are you gonna start now?
MARY BETH: I'm just saying he's under a lot of pressure, that's all. He's got something to prove, right? You know the one who came up with that one. Well, maybe his judgement is off.
CHRISTINE: Well, mine isn't off, and neither is yours. Come on, Mary Beth, this is easiest collar we ever made.
MARY BETH: Christine, I just don't run into these things the way you do.
CHRISTINE: We're not running in, we are crawling.
MARY BETH: I cannot take responsibility without talking to Harvey first.
CHRISTINE: Can you call him?
MARY BETH: End of discussion.
CHRISTINE: What are you talking about...
MARY BETH: Don't ask me about it again.
(they leave still arguing)

[Laceys' lounge]

(Mary Beth is knitting while Harvey watches television)
HARVEY: Come on, I'm not making an issue of it. If you need it, take it.
MARY BETH: Well, I just want you to know if that something should go wrong...
HARVEY: Babe, if anything goes wrong it's not the money I care about, huh. What about you?
MARY BETH: It's not any more dangerous than it was before.
HARVEY: You know, five hundred bucks isn't much to gamble to get a hundred guns off the streets. (pointing to the television) Come on, is he gonna take his shirt off again?
MARY BETH: Harve,...
HARVEY: What?
MARY BETH: ...they voted to keep the ticket today.
HARVEY: Oh yeah. You too.
MARY BETH: We could really have used the sixteen hundred, huh?
HARVEY: We could use the hundred and sixty thousand even more.
MARY BETH: Yeah, I voted to keep the ticket too.
HARVEY: You did! Hey, if we win, maybe we can go to Hawaii, yeah?
MARY BETH: Yes. (looking at the television) Maybe I could bring him.
HARVEY: That'd be nice.
(Harvey grabs her)
MARY BETH: Ooh, Harvey, Don't do that! I hate... I hate to be tickled...

[Samuels' office]

(Chris goes to the door)
CHRISTINE: I just want to say 'Good night'.
SAMUELS: Good night. ...You, know, something I don't understand, Cagney?
CHRISTINE: You working? Catching up? ...Do you mind if I join you?
SAMUELS: Why not. ...You're off duty. It's been a long day.
(she sits down, he passes her a mug and pushes the whisky bottle towards her)
CHRISTINE: Skol. ...Lieutenant, how's it going?
SAMUELS: Ha. How's it going? I'm not too crazy about the place that we're living in now. You know Thelma and I...?
CHRISTINE: Yes sir.
SAMUELS: Well, maybe we'll win the lottery and I can move. If we don't win the lottery she don't want me to come back home.
CHRISTINE: Maybe.
SAMUELS: Not that she's a gold digger or nothing. ...Mind you, she probably would have been if she had an imagination.
(they burst out laughing. Samuels puts his feet up on the desk. Chris follows suit indicating what she's done)
SAMUELS: That's all right, yes. ...You always been alone?
CHRISTINE: Yes. Yes. I like it, ...most of the time
SAMUELS: What are you gonna do with your money?
CHRISTINE: What money?
SAMUELS: The lottery.
CHRISTINE: Oh, Yeah. I don't know. I never really think about it much. Relax, probably. You know. Take a cab a couple more times than I would normally. Look on the left-hand side of the menu if I'm buying myself dinner.
SAMUELS: What are your dreams?
CHRISTINE: You know, I just wanna win.
SAMUELS: Yeah.
CHRISTINE: I like to win.
SAMUELS: I know you do.

[Squad car]

(Stephens gets in on a Manhattan street)
CHRISTINE: Here's the money.
MARY BETH: Please, don't lose it.
(Chris offers him a gun. Mary Beth looks aghast)
STEPHENS: What, are you kidding?
CHRISTINE: No, you've been suspended. They took away your gun, and I don't want you going in there with nothing.
STEPHENS: No. No.
(he gets out of the car)
STEPHENS: (into body mike) How you reading me?
MARY BETH: (into walkie-talkie) Loud and clear.
(the duo has their fingers crossed. They follow Scafali's cab listening to the conversation)

[Scafali's cab]

STEPHENS: We've been down this street two times already.
SCAFALI: The meter ain't running.
(Stephens looks out of the back window)
SCAFALI: What are you looking at?
STEPHENS: I'm just watching what's behind.

[Squad car]

STEPHENS: (on walkie-talkie) Will you relax?
MARY BETH: You've gotta drop over.
CHRISTINE: Yes.
(as the cab gets ahead a bus from the opposite direction pulls over obscuring the cab)
MARY BETH: Get that damn bus outta here! We're not gonna see him. What is this? Where is he ? Do you see him?
CHRISTINE: I got him! He's turning right at the next corner.
MARY BETH: Oh, yes, yes.
(at that moment a tramp starts to wash the windscreen)
CHRISTINE: Hey, what the hell! You wanna get away from here! Give us a break, please, so we can get outta here!
(the tramp is putting more liquid on the windscreen)
MARY BETH: Hey, buster! We're gonna lose them now!
CHRISTINE: Oh, give me a break. You got some change
(they scrabble around and find some money)
CHRISTINE: (to the tramp) Hey, thank you.
(they get going again but stop when they realise they've lost them. The cab draws up at the back of a building)
MARY BETH: It's over. That's all. It's over.
STEPHENS: (on walkie-talkie) Where we going?
SCAFALI: (on walkie-talkie) To the theatre.
STEPHENS: (on walkie-talkie) To the theatre!
SCAFALI: (on walkie-talkie) Come on. Will you just come on.

[Theatre auditorium]

(a movie is being screened. The duo continues to listen on the walkie-talkie)
STEPHENS: What's this place?
SCAFALI: Who knows. It's the same in every language.
STEPHENS: Is this a porno house?

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: Wonderful. Wonderful. A porno house in New York City.

[Projection room]

PROJECTIONIST: Dat you, Vinnie?
SCAFALI: Yeah.
PROJECTIONIST: OK, just checking.
STEPHENS: (to the projectionist) Hey, hey what's the name of this movie anyway?
PROJECTIONIST: Los Amores de Militas.
STEPHENS: Los Amores de Militas. What does that mean?
PROJECTIONIST: How the hell should I know?

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: Hey, find a newsstand!

[Film storeroom]

SCAFALI: Why did you wanna know that for?
STEPHENS: What?
SCAFALI: The name of the movie.
STEPHENS: Might wanna come back and see the movie later.

[Squad car]

(the duo has a newspaper)
CHRISTINE: Where is it?
MARY BETH: Cross your fingers. This could take some time. Los Amores de... ...Oh, here it is! Oh, it's in three different theatres.
CHRISTINE: Where?
MARY BETH: Two of them are uptown and one of them is near here. It's the Jewel Box Theatre-on-the-Hill. Let's go.
(they rush off, red light and siren)

[Film store room]

(Scafali opens a film storage can)
SCAFALI: There's five in each can. You get the ten cans when I get the cash.
(Stephens gives Scafali an envelope and Scafali counts the notes)
SCAFALI: (giving Stephens the can) Grab this. You take five cans, I'll grab five. ...Wanna check em all.
STEPHENS: No. I trust them.
SCAFALI: Come on, let's go.
(they leave the store room and go downstairs. Stephens makes sure he is behind Scafali. Scafali hears the siren and sees the Squad car arrive outside the door to the street. Mary Beth shouts 'Police!' Seeing the duo running in he hurls the five cans at Stephens and escapes into the theatre. The duo comes carefully in at the back of the auditorium, guns drawn. Something disturbs a filmgoer)
FILMGOER: Hey, watch it buddy.
(the duo has gone past the row where the filmgoer is sitting)
FILMGOER: Hey, what are you doing down there?
(Scafali gets up and pushes past him)
CHRISTINE: There he is!
MARY BETH: Stop, police!

[Back of the theatre]

(Scafali comes out the back door. As he runs to his cab Stephens launches himself, tackling Scafali to the ground. Stephens sits astride shaking him)
MARY BETH: Charlie! Charlie!
(they bundle Charlie off and turn to Scafali on the ground)
MARY BETH: You, don't you move!
CHRISTINE: Don't you move, man.
MARY BETH: Don't breathe! Don't you breathe. ...Lie on your belly.
(Chris goes to comfort Stephens, embracing him from behind)
CHRISTINE: You OK?
MARY BETH: Put your hands back here. Put your hands back. Keep you head down.

[Samuels' office]

(the duo is there)
SAMUELS: Sign these. They indicate that you have received an official reprimand for allowing a suspended officer to participate in an arrest. It'll be on your record for a year. If there are no further charges of misconduct during this year you'll be absolved.
CHRISTINE: The Department's all heart.
SAMUELS: In addition to that you'll each have four hours pay withheld.
MARY BETH: Er, sir, what about our five hundred dollars?
SAMUELS: Oh, er, well, you see Accounting about that. ...Hell of a collar!
MARY BETH: It was Stephens collar sir. He found it. He turned it out.
SAMUELS: Well, er, the Department knows that. That's why he's only getting a hand slap.
STEPHENS: Six months suspension without pay! It's a hell of a hand slap, ...Lieutenant.

[Precinct front desk office]

(Stephens is leaving with his possessions in a box. He bumps into Isbecki)
STEPHENS: Hello.
ISBECKI: Hey, terrific collar.
STEPHENS: Thanks. I've just come by to pick up some stuff. I'll be out of here for a while.
ISBECKI: I heard.
STEPHENS: Yeah. I'll see you around.
ISBECKI: Listen, ain't you gay or what? I mean, I've been remembering some stuff, like that time we were at the Alan's Gym together, and you told me I had a great body.
STEPHENS: Yes. You told me I had a great body too, Vic.
ISBECKI: I don't remember that.
STEPHENS: I'll see you around.

[Detectives' Squad room]

ANNOUNCER: And now the moment we've all been waiting for.
(the lottery ticket holders are all gathered around a television)
SAMUELS: OK. OK. She's about to draw. Hey, keep it down over there!
DETECTIVE [OC]: I wanna watch too!
SAMUELS: Shut up!
MARY BETH: I don't think I can look at this.
CHRISTINE: My God, you're pale.
PETRIE: Won't be long now and then we'll be riding on Easy Street.
LA GUARDIA: We won't win. I never win anything.
MARY BETH: I think I'm gonna throw up. I'm not kidding.
(Mary Beth leaves)
ANNOUNCER: The drum is open now. She rummages around, takes out a ticket and the winner is...

[Ladies' room]

MARY BETH: (to herself while wiping her face with a paper towel) What is the matter with me? The love of money is the root of all evil. So please don't forget it.
(Chris opens the door a little and looks in. She is smiling)
MARY BETH: Oh, Christine, we didn't...
(Chris raises the ticket above her head, drops it in the WC pan and flushes it down. Mary Beth throws the towel at her)

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