Beauty Burglars
Original Airdate: November 8, 1982

[Beauty salon]

RECEPTIONIST: Hello.
CUSTOMER: Sorry I'm late.
RECEPTIONIST: Oh, that's quite all right.
CUSTOMER: Are you ready for me?
RECEPTIONIST: We're ready for you.
(the receptionist sits the customer down and talks to a hairdresser)
RECEPTIONIST: Get her washed.
(two well-to-do customers are sitting side by side talking)
ELIZABETH JORDAN: I don't know if I'm ready for this.
ETHEL CARTER: Oh Elizabeth, It's gonna be beautiful.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: I don't know Ethel. I need all the help I can get.
ETHEL CARTER: You're gonna be a knock out, hon.
(the door buzzer goes. The receptionist admits two men in police hats and jackets and wearing dark glasses)
RECEPTIONIST: Hi, fellas.
BURGLAR #1: Give me the key of the back door.
RECEPTIONIST: Excuse me?
BURGLAR #2: Give him the key or I put your brains on the wall. ...Now!
BURGLAR #1: All right, quiet! I want quiet! This is a heist!
BURGLAR #2: You people are being robbed. I want the purses in the middle of the room, right now!
(the customer having her hair washed starts to get up and a burglar pushes back in her chair)
BURGLAR #1: Anybody else wanna get tough. Now get those purses down here.
BURGLAR #2: All right fellas, you hand me your jewellery. All of it. Come on, let's go.
(Elizabeth is having difficulty getting a ring off)
ELIZABETH JORDAN: It's tight.
BURGLAR #2: (looking at the ring) Jade. I like it. I like you.
(Ethel gets up and tries to push the burglar away)
ETHEL CARTER: Leave her alone, you filth!
(the burglar throws Ethel to the floor where she lies hurt)
BURGLAR #1: (to the other burglar) We're wasting time, man, we gotta go!
BURGLAR #2: (to Elizabeth) Maybe next time, huh?
BURGLAR #1: Everybody on the floor. Face down and count to a hundred. Anybody who puts their head in the air, I'll beat ya. Now, come on! Come on!
(Elizabeth is comforting Ethel)
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Help! Help me somebody. Get a doctor!

[Manhattan street]

(Chris draws up in the Squad car and gets out. Mary Beth is waiting with Theresa who is loaded with shopping bags)
MARY BETH: What did I tell ya, huh? Right on time. ...Christine Cagney. Theresa Mallory.
CHRISTINE: Hi.
THERESA MALLORY: It's a pleasure to meet you.
CHRISTINE: Thank you.
THERESA MALLORY: I hear you're some kind of super-cop.
CHRISTINE: Oh, I don't think I'm that super. OK.
(Chris takes some of Theresa's bags and puts them in the car)
CHRISTINE: I understand congratulations are in order. When's the big event?
THERESA MALLORY: Oh, it's only a medium size event and it's a month from Saturday.
(they are being honked by a cab trying to get into the kerb)
CHRISTINE: (to the cab driver) Ten-six.
(they get in the car and Chris drives off)

[Squad car]

THERESA MALLORY: This is the first time I've ever been in a police car. ...Is that the radio?
MARY BETH: That's it.
THERESA MALLORY: Do you guys talk on it every day?
CHRISTINE: We got a shotgun under the seat.
MARY BETH: (to Chris) Will you stop? (to Theresa) When are you coming back?
THERESA MALLORY: Tomorrow. Time's running out and we still have to get our dresses.
CHRISTINE: (to Mary Beth) You in the wedding party?
MARY BETH: Matron of honour.
THERESA MALLORY: We go way back.
POLICE RADIO: ...All available units, Lexington and 61st.
MARY BETH: Terry, I'm very sorry but we're gonna have to let you out.
THERESA MALLORY: You're kidding! Was that for you on the radio? Were they calling us ?
MARY BETH: We have a little emergency here and... I'm very sorry. Hey look, there's a cab, right over there. (to Chris) Pull over.
(Mary Beth leaps out, hails the cab and helps unload Theresa's bags)
MARY BETH: Call me when you're back in town.
(the car roars off, red light and siren and all)

[Beauty salon]

(a uniformed officer lets the duo in. Isbecki and Petrie are already there)
CHRISTINE: (to the uniformed officer) Cagney, Fourteenth.
(the original customer admitted by the receptionist storms out past Isbecki)
ISBECKI: We just need a statement.
CUSTOMER: I just told you it was two policemen. I just wanna get away from here.
(Ethel Carter is wheeled out on a stretcher. She has an oxygen mask on)
MARY BETH: Is she gonna make it?
PETRIE: Heart attack.
CHRISTINE: What was that about police robbers she said?
PETRIE: A couple of clowns dressed in uniform bounced their way in. They ID'ed themselves as cops and then ripped the place off. Bad guys, too. Pistol-whipped two of the customers. They've been sent on to the hospital for treatment.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Could you please tell me where they took her?
CHRISTINE: Pardon me.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Oh, I wanna know which hospital.
PETRIE: Maiden Memorial, ma'am.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Petrie is interviewing the receptionist. Samuels comes in)
SAMUELS: Petrie, are you checking out the uniform supply houses? Those kinda places. (to Chris) Cagney, my office.

[Samuels' office]

SAMUELS: Close the door. I just gotta a call. Ethel Carter, the woman who had a heart attack. She hasn't got much longer to live.
CHRISTINE: I'm sorry.
SAMUELS: I want you to get over there and pay our respects.
CHRISTINE: Oh no, I just sat mourning only last month. What if I trade off with somebody.
SAMUELS: No trade offs. The victim's out there dying. Somebody from this precinct stands by to let the family we're doing our job. ...And it's your turn.
(Chris turns to leave and then turns back)
CHRISTINE: You do this to make me suffer, don't you?
SAMUELS: I do this because I believe it should be done. Period!

[Hospital intensive care waiting room]

ELIZABETH JORDAN: It was very kind of you to come.
CHRISTINE: Oh, Miss...
ELIZABETH JORDAN: ...Jordan, but please call me Elizabeth.
CHRISTINE: That's nice. How are you feeling?
ELIZABETH JORDAN: I'm ...a little shaky.
CHRISTINE: Are you a friend of Ethel?
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Very much so. I don't think Ethel's gonna be able to tell you very much today though.
CHRISTINE: Oh, that's all right. By the way we should be contacting you about, er, two, three days. To see if there's anything else you think you might remember.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Do you know when you snip a patch off a jacket, how the material underneath looks new?
CHRISTINE: Mm. hm.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Well, it was something like that on their jackets. I noticed it when... ...It was just a slightly darker spot.
CHRISTINE: You mean like a patch that had been removed?
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Yes, yes exactly. Do you think that might help?
CHRISTINE: Oh, Miss., er... Elizabeth, yes, I promise it will. Thank you very much. I tell you what, why don't I have...
(just then an alarm rings)
CHRISTINE: ...and contact you...
(a medical orderly rushes into Ethel's room pushing a defibrillator trolley)
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Oh, my God!
CHRISTINE: Really, I am sure she'll be fine. The doctors here are just terrific...
ELIZABETH JORDAN: I can't believe this is happening.
(the orderly pushes the trolley slowly back out)
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Oh my God!
(Elizabeth goes to the room door to see the doctor step away from the bed)
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Ethel. Dear God.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: I hate waiting around for somebody to die! Well he can go next time because it's not my job!
ISBECKI: Pipe down, will ya! I can't hear...
MARY BETH: What are you so hot about?
ISBECKI: (studying a file) Listen, there's something about it in here but I can't hear...
SAMUELS: (comes out of his office) Listen up! A call's just come in from Central. Those beauty burglars have just hit another salon on Madison Avenue.
(the detectives all rush out)

[Precinct front desk office]

(Isbecki is talking to Coleman)
COLEMAN: Well that'll teach you for going out with twins.
(Petrie struggles past with a pile of books)
ISBECKI: (to Petrie) Do you need any help? (to Coleman) I gotta go.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: (into phone) ...This is Cagney, let me talk to your department artist. ...Raoul. ...What do you mean, 'He's busy.', I'm busy! ...All right, have him call me back.
(Chris rings off and rushes across to help Mary Beth and Petrie who are struggling with two piles of books. They put them on Petrie's desk)
CHRISTINE: What are these things?
PETRIE: Two hundred and eighteen uniform supply catalogues. Who would have thought there were this many security uniform supply houses in New York?
(Isbecki holds up one showing nurse's uniforms)
ISBECKI: Hey, I'd look pretty good in this one, don't you think?
SAMUELS: Cagney, Lacey, my office.

[Samuels' office]

(Deputy Inspector Marquette is there)
MARQUETTE: These your women? ...Macy and er...
MARY BETH: Lacey, sir.
CHRISTINE: Cagney, Inspector.
SAMUELS: These are them.
MARQUETTE: Bert's angels.
SAMUELS: Oh, I don't know.
MARY BETH: Gee, thanks.
SAMUELS: Don't be smart. We got a real problem here. Three robberies in three days. All in very exclusive beauty parlours with very exclusive women inside.
MARQUETTE: Very exclusive.
CHRISTINE: Very exclusive means very connected, right?
MARQUETTE: Young woman, all people are equal under the law. ...I don't know if they're right.
CHRISTINE: We're right.
MARY BETH: We're right? What are we right for?
SAMUELS: We're forming a task force.
MARQUETTE: Considering the crime here, it was felt that the leaders of the task force should be a couple of women.
SAMUELS: Think you're up to it.
CHRISTINE: Yes sir.
MARY BETH: (looking at Chris with some doubt) Yes sir.
SAMUELS: That's all for now.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Chris runs past Mary Beth and shouts and gestures)
CHRISTINE: Hur...ray! I've been waiting for something like this all my life.
MARY BETH: Well, I suppose it'll look good on the record.
CHRISTINE: It's not records I'm talking about. I'm talking about a Gold Star!
MARY BETH: What if we blow it?
LA GUARDIA: The artist called while you were in with Samuels.
CHRISTINE: What did he say?
LA GUARDIA: He can't get a good composit. Everybody he's talked to stared at the uniforms thinking they were cops.
MARY BETH: Oh, come on, somebody must have seen something.
LA GUARDIA: Well, there was one lady but she won't come in.
CHRISTINE: Who won't come in?
LA GUARDIA: A woman named Jordan.
CHRISTINE: I know her. I'll take care of it.

[Elizabeth Jordan's apartment]

CHRISTINE: Elizabeth, we really do need you to come down.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: That person was really close to me. I could feel his breath. I can't remember what he looked like! It really wouldn't do any good for me to talk to your artist.
CHRISTINE: But you can remember the details of their uniforms. Maybe something else would come back to you.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: He wanted my ring. ...My grandmother gave it to me. ...It's on so tight I can't get it off. Maybe if I could Ethel would still be alive.
CHRISTINE: You've gotta stop that! None of this was your responsibility. You were a victim.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Why? I can't get a ring off. I can't balance a chequebook. I can't pay the bills properly. I guess there are a lot of things I can't do. ...Since my husband died last year I've been sort of ...fumbling along. ...I can't even manage to get out of the house now. You see?
CHRISTINE: Well, ...I'm sure this is ...a temporary thing.
(as Chris gets up to leave Elizabeth jumps up and says very positively)
ELIZABETH JORDAN: It's been wonderful to talk to somebody who understands.
CHRISTINE: Oh good, I'm glad.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Maybe er... Maybe we could have lunch sometime.
CHRISTINE: Ah yes, I'd like that very much. Ah yes, right now I'm going real crazy on this case.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Sure. OK, whenever.
CHRISTINE: Thank you, Elizabeth.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(the entire team is gathered)
CHRISTINE: All right, will you all settle down now please. Now we don't have many of you from Ant-crime. Those of you we do have we're spreading over as many salons on the Upper East Side as possible.
ISBECKI: How about spreading me over a few salons?
CHRISTINE: I'm not sure you could handle the action.
(there is a certain amount of female whooping in the background at this putdown)
ISBECKI: Good try, huh!
MARY BETH: You think this is funny here? You think getting molested and scared out your wits is funny?
SAMUELS: All right! Just had another report, two minutes before this meeting started.
PETRIE: Did they hit another salon?
MARY BETH: No. Two clowns pretending to be policemen pulled over a lady and molested her in her car. Still wanna spread it over a few salons?
(the duo looks hard at Isbecki)
SAMUELS: OK, let's get on with this.
CHRISTINE: Petrie, how's it looking for the uniform search?
PETRIE: Have you seen the size of the stack of catalogues I'm going through?
CHRISTINE: Do I take that you've almost completed your assignment? Excellent. La Guardia, have you got any better composits selected from that artist?
LA GUARDIA: We're in the ballpark. We're adding the victims from the latest robbery. We're down to two likenesses.
MARY BETH: When can we have 'em?
LA GUARDIA: They're in the back of the room. Pick 'em up on the way out.
CHRISTINE: All right, great team work, La Guardia. Thank you.
ISBECKI: (quietly) She thinks she's the damn Chief-of-Detectives.
CHRISTINE: One more thing (turning to glare at Isbecki) and then that's it! Mary Beth.
MARY BETH: We've drawn up a list of all the known jewellery fences. We're gonna need a couple of you to run these guys down. Applebaum and Miller, I guess.
(two female anti-crime detectives make mutterings)
MARY BETH: Er, well, maybe somebody else.
CHRISTINE: Applebaum and Miller would love to take care of the fences. All right, that's it, hit the bricks! Everybody go!
(Applebaum and Miller go past)
MARY BETH: Do you think the girls are keen on it?
CHRISTINE: I'll let you know in a minute. (to Samuels) What do you think?
SAMUELS: About what?

[Manhattan street]

(Mary Beth is carrying a large gift-wrapped box)
CHRISTINE: Harvey's gonna love you giving Theresa candlesticks.
MARY BETH: Well you don't expect me to get her some kinda pesky little nothing gift, do ya?
CHRISTINE: I don't know why you didn't buy her some honest-to-God Irish crystal.
(just then two roller-skating youths barge between them. Mary Beth yells after the youths)

[Squad car]

(Mary Beth is cradling the box)
CHRISTINE: Write it of to the raise you're gonna get. Early promotion. Second-grade detective.
MARY BETH: You write it off. Harve and I have an orthodontist to support.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, why did you get her that?
MARY BETH: Why what's the matter with this?
CHRISTINE: I think you're letting her really get to you. You have been twitchy ever since she came here to get married.
MARY BETH: Nobody has a better friend than Terry. I care about her.
CHRISTINE: So why are you so concerned about what she thinks?
MARY BETH: Aren't you concerned about what your friends think?
CHRISTINE: Well I'm not so concerned that I break out and spend a hundred and seven fifty on a pair of candlesticks.
POLICE RADIO: Ten thirty-four. Possible assault in progress, Madison and 41st.
CHRISTINE: I'm stepping on it.
(Mary Beth puts the red light on the roof and Chris starts to motor, siren blaring)
(a unformed doorman is chasing a man along the street. They spot the chase)
MARY BETH: Why don't you slow down? And would you stop, would ya go easy?
(Mary Beth puts the box into the back seat)
CHRISTINE: Watch out for my crystal, would ya?.
(Chris pulls the car across the pavement into the path of the man who tumbles over the bonnet. The duo jumps out)
MARY BETH: Police! Hold it! The position, you know it. Come on.
(the robber is pinned against some railing with his arms up while Mary Beth fleeces him)
DOORMAN: I was in charge of the building when I found this guy trying to break into one of our tenant's apartments.
ROBBER: He's crazy.
DOORMAN: The apartment belonged to the Hendersons. Mrs. Henderson was robbed only yesterday in a beauty salon of all places.
ROBBER: Why are you guys looking at me like that?
CHRISTINE: I think we've just been promoted.

[Detectives' Squad room]

(the duo comes in. Isbecki waylays them and salutes)
ISBECKI: Ah, Detective Cagney.
CHRISTINE: At ease, Isbecki.
MARY BETH: Christine I gotta run. So the black'll work, huh?
CHRISTINE: It'll be perfect. White pearls. Nice. It'll work. It'll work. Nice.
MARY BETH: OK.
CHRISTINE: See you later.
ISBECKI: I've been speaking to our anti-crime people in connection with a dozen salons on Madison Avenue between 51st and 22nd Street.
CHRISTINE: Good.
ISBECKI: (saluting again) Thank you, sir.
CHRISTINE: You wanna knock it off, Isbecki.
ISBECKI: Do you wanna sound piece of advice here. Do you know how I would handle Applebaum and Miller?
CHRISTINE: Nope.
ISBECKI: With kindness.
CHRISTINE: Yeah.
ISBECKI: I would have said 'Please could you help us out with this'. You know a little bit of honey goes a long way.
CHRISTINE: Not with Applebaum and Miller.
ISBECKI: With me. With the guys!
CHRISTINE: You could be right.
ISBECKI: No trouble.
CHRISTINE: Isbecki, if I embarrassed you, truly, I'm sorry.
ISBECKI: You didn't.

[Engagement dinner]

(Bill, Theresa's fiancée is at one end of the dinner table, Theresa is at the other end)
BILL: What's the problem. I'll tell ya what's the problem. The problem is high interest rates. That's the problem.
MALE GUEST: You've never heard of creative financing?
BILL: I'm as creative as hell. Unfortunately my banker is not.
(there is a titter of laughter. Harvey looks uncomfortably at Mary Beth)
THERESA MALLORY: Isn't that a good time to spill the wine anyway?
MARY BETH: (to Theresa) Are you sure there's nothing I can do?
THERESA MALLORY: Sit and enjoy. (a waiter is filling her wine glass) This is what help is for.
(the guest applaud politely)
FEMALE GUEST: Well I finally let my girl go. The children are all in college and I found that I really do like to cook.
MARY BETH: Yeah, I used to like it too.
HARVEY: Yeah, I gotta hand it to ya Bill, you've got a terrific place here.
BILL: Well I was thinking of sub-letting, actually. I'd like to spend some more time with Terry at our place in Connecticut. Harvey, don't get me wrong. I love New York.
THERESA MALLORY: (to another guest) ...we've gotta get the flowers and we still have to find our dresses.
BILL: So tell me what are you're in, Harve?
HARVEY: Construction.
BILL: Oh.

[Laceys' apartment]

(they arrive back home)
MARY BETH: Get your shoes off. I'll go and get the kids.
HARVEY: I'll get the kids. You know a good-looking thing like you, if you'd just played your cards right, you could have got a doctor, a lawyer, anyone you want.
MARY BETH: What makes you think I don't already have what I want?
HARVEY: Just let me know.
MARY BETH: I don't even know her anymore, Harvey. ...She was the first person that I ever knew who tweezered her eyebrows. We used to set each other's hair in those big pink rollers, you know, the kind that you could put your arm through. And we would tape kiss curls to our cheeks and sleep like that.
Did you ever do that with your best friend?
HARVEY: Yes I did.
MARY BETH: I love you, Harve.
(Harvey goes out to get the kids. The phone goes)
MARY BETH: (into phone) Hello.

[Chris's loft/Laceys' apartment]

CHRISTINE: Hi, it's me. ...I just turned two witnesses in to look at our boy.
MARY BETH: Oh yeah, what have we got?
CHRISTINE: Nothing. The credit cards and the keys are from our robberies but not from our collar. He isn't one of 'em. He said that he bought the stuff from off the streets, from some guy he'd never met before and we can't trace him. So, ...sweet dreams.
MARY BETH: You too.

[Precinct front desk office]

(the duo is trying to get something from a candy machine with no success)
CHRISTINE: I can't believe that. Empty!
MARY BETH: Well, maybe if stand here, kick it for a while, we won't have to go back in there.
CHRISTINE: Won't you stop being paranoid, we're...
SAMUELS: What are you two doing, hiding?
MARY BETH: No sir, we're just getting something to eat.
SAMUELS: Why is this task force which was authorised by the Deputy Inspector not producing results?
CHRISTINE: Have you read the DD5s?
SAMUELS: I'm reading the DD5s.
CHRISTINE: Well then, you know the results.
SAMUELS: What I wanna know is 'Who the hell is who is pulling these robberies?'
MARY BETH: We don't know sir, and if you wanna know the truth, Lieutenant, we're breaking our backs here!
SAMUELS: I know that, but are aware that a congressman's girl friend was one of the victims?
CHRISTINE: Is that what all this is about?!
SAMUELS: You two are the task force leaders. If there's gonna be heat it's gonna be on you two. Now I'm gonna protect you any way I can because at least you're doing ...all right.
(Samuels puts some money in the machine)
SAMUELS: (reading from a DD5) 'The robbery occurred as she was having her toes done'. What does that mean?
CHRISTINE: It means that the client's been spending about thirty-five bucks on her feet.
(Samuels pulls the machine handle and gets a candy bar much to the duo's disgust. They give up and go back to the Detectives' Squad room)

[Detectives' Squad room]

MARY BETH: Any movement on the streets?
MILLER: Lots of reports of keys and credit cards being sold. If there's any gems and jewellery, we can't find them.
MARY BETH: What about the fences and fraudsters?
APPLEBAUM: Negative. Nothing substantial. Hey, if those guys had been hauling in, we'd know about it.
MARY BETH: Hey, maybe they're taking it out of state.
LA GUARDIA: Elizabeth Jordan called again, ...and again.
CHRISTINE: Not now!
MARY BETH: I'm not so sure about this leadership business.
CHRISTINE: If you can't take the pressure, eat something, you'll feel better. There's a deli guy down on the corner, I wanna a go. Do you wanna go?
MARY BETH: You kidding, I smell that stuff, I don't fit in the dress. Terry said someone's gonna pick me up. I gotta go and meet her.
CHRISTINE: Have fun.
MARY BETH: You know, her father was right, she should have eloped.

[Wedding dress department]

(Theresa is wearing a pale blue wedding dress)
THERESA MALLORY: This is it, definitely.
MARY BETH: Oh my God!
(Mary Beth appears, also in a light blue dress)
THERESA MALLORY: What's the matter? Did a pin stick you?
MARY BETH: No, it's great. Be still my heart. Terry, you gotta be kidding.
THERESA MALLORY: You look dolly.
MARY BETH: But Terry, four hundred...
THERESA MALLORY: (turning Mary Beth to a mirror) Take a look. ...Now, don't you love it?
MARY BETH: It's wonderful.
THERESA MALLORY: Well then what's the matter?
MARY BETH: For what this dress costs I could buy a dishwasher.
THERESA MALLORY: What, would Harvey get mad?
MARY BETH: Oh, it's not Harvey, my friend, it's reality.
THERESA MALLORY: You sure?
MARY BETH: Yeah, I'm sure.
THERESA MALLORY: OK. Right.
MARY BETH: I love your dress.

[Department store]

(Mary Beth and Theresa are walking out through the store)
THERESA MALLORY: ...Mary Beth, why don't I buy the dress?
MARY BETH: Are you out of your mind. I can't let you do that.
THERESA MALLORY: You looked great in it and it matches my...
MARY BETH: No, Terry. I can't afford the dress and this is embarrassing, OK.
THERESA MALLORY: Don't be like that. Come on. I love you in it. You looked terrific.
MARY BETH: Terry, I can't, really. Thanks. I'll take some time off. We'll keep on looking. We'll find something else, I promise.
(Mary Beth notices a uniformed man on duty in the store)
MARY BETH: Excuse me.
(she walks up to the man)
MARY BETH: Hello there, what company do you work for?
(the man turns round. He has a patch on his shoulder which reads 'BRONSON SECURITY')

[Detectives' Squad room]

(Petrie, the duo and the artist are there with sketch of a security officer)
PETRIE: Bronson Security.
MARY BETH: Well, it's better than the earlier sketches.
PETRIE: This is the basic uniform Bronson Security uses.
CHRISTINE: (to the artist) That's right, I checked with their supplier. OK. Get rid the Bronson Security patch, ...(indicating the side of the trousers) and the yellow stripe right here, ...and put in a navy blue stripe instead, ...and a triangle emblem right there. ...Black buttons instead of blue straps. ...There were no identifying precinct numbers but there was a circular patch right where you've got it.
PETRIE: That's it.
MARY BETH: Well let's get some witnesses down here. Identify the sketches.
LA GUARDIA: Your friend, Elizabeth Jordan.
CHRISTINE: I can't. I really can't.
LA GUARDIA: She's here.
CHRISTINE: Why is she? She's nothing more to give us.
LA GUARDIA: Don't ask me.
CHRISTINE: OK.
(Chris escorts Elizabeth into Samuel's office)

[Samuels' office]

CHRISTINE: What's wrong?
ELIZABETH JORDAN: My family said 'I told you so.' for living in New York. You don't return my calls.
CHRISTINE: Well, I've been out there fighting the bad guys.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: You can be flippant. You did not have a gun down your throat.
CHRISTINE: Elizabeth, I'm very aware of what you've been through.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: What's wrong with feelings?
CHRISTINE: What is that supposed to mean?
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Please don't do this to me. It was hard enough leaving the apartment.
CHRISTINE: What am I doing? I mean I just don't understand.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: I just wanna know that somebody in this city of bureaucracy gives a damn. OK! Maybe I'm just being naive.
CHRISTINE: I'm working ten hours a day on this case. I do care!
ELIZABETH JORDAN: You care about the case.
CHRISTINE: That's right.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Period!
(Chris shows Elizabeth the door)
CHRISTINE: I quite understand. We'll give you a call if there's anything else we might need.
(Mary Beth comes in)
CHRISTINE: I'm lousy at this job?
MARY BETH: No, I didn't know.
CHRISTINE: Oh boy, Sometimes can I blow it?
MARY BETH: Well since I'm a perfect person myself I have no idea what you're talking about. If the woman is bugging you... You don't have to baby-sit.
CHRISTINE: I'd save myself a lot of grief by not going into social work.
MARY BETH: I hate to tell ya, we are in social work.

[Squad car]

MARY BETH: You know, this city isn't such a bad place to live.
CHRISTINE: Are you kidding, it's terrific. I love it. You can ride your bike. You can get Chinese food. We got trees!
MARY BETH: Ah, you can get that stuff anywhere.
CHRISTINE: No, it's not the same.
MARY BETH: Did you ever think about getting out?
CHRISTINE: Sometimes. For a weekend. Where would you go?
MARY BETH: Oh, I don't know. Just every once in a while I have a hankering for some place else.
CHRISTINE: Connecticut or someplace? Like your friend Terry.
MARY BETH: Yeah, like my friend Terry.
(the car draws up by the Hudson River and the duo gets out)

[Security firm office]

SECURITY FIRM MANAGER: We service over two hundred companies in the New York, New Jersey area. Do you know how many guys pass through here?
CHRISTINE: Well, they must go through a training programme. Aren't they bonded?
SECURITY FIRM MANAGER: Yeah, but they come through here with a phoney ID. By the time I've checked them out they've taken my uniforms, the weapons and get me in big trouble with the License Bureau.
CHRISTINE: Terrific.
SECURITY FIRM MANAGER: Yeah, sure, they've got it all worked out, these geniuses. This is the element I'm dealing with.
CHRISTINE: Just take another look at this drawing. Now what are their names? Where were they assigned? Does nothing ring a bell here?
SECURITY FIRM MANAGER: Do you wanna ring doorbells? Here, here. Here's a list of my clients. Be my guest.
(he brings out a big pile of files from under a counter)

[Precinct front desk office]

(a well-dressed, distinguished looking gentleman comes in)
GENTLEMAN: Excuse me, where do I report a theft?
COLEMAN: Was it over fifteen hundred dollars?
GENTLEMAN: Considerably.
COLEMAN: I guess with inflation nowadays there isn't much under fifteen hundred. (into phone) Ah, get a detective down here, grand larceny.
COLEMAN: What was stolen?
(the gentleman holds up a necklace with a single pendant gem)
GENTLEMAN: This.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: And then?
GENTLEMAN: I was at Rockefeller Plaza to replace the ring that had been stolen from my wife. They had this necklace there that also had a ruby. I thought she'd like it so I bought it. Had it appraised. They told me that the ruby had a flaw in it, a hairline crack that diminished its value by about a third. So I took a look at it myself.
(Mary Beth hands the necklace back)
GENTLEMAN: I'd seen that crack before and that's how I knew that this is the ruby that was in the ring that was stolen from my wife.
CHRISTINE: And you bought this necklace at a jewellery store?
GENTLEMAN: Well, as I say one of the finest in New York.
MARY BETH: Where was your wife when the ring was stolen?
GENTLEMAN: Oh we were going to the theatre otherwise she wouldn't have been wearing it.
MARY BETH: So she was mugged?
GENTLEMAN: Oh, worse than that. She was having her hair done and two men dressed as policemen came and stole everything that anyone had.
(the duo looks at each other)
GENTLEMAN: It was unbelievable.
CHRISTINE: Oh, we believe you.

[Rockefeller Plaza jewellery store]

FRANCOIS: You don't think we had anything to do with this, do you?
CHRISTINE: (showing him the sketch) Do you recognise these men?
FRANCOIS: No, I don't.
MARY BETH: Francois, why are you so nervous?
FRANCOIS: I cater to a very special clientele. They come to me for advice on how to invest their money. I make a recommendation of a gem or whatever. I would feel a great deal of responsibility if that advice turned out to be fallacious.
MARY BETH: You mean we mustn't let this get out?
(Chris throws the necklace down)
CHRISTINE: Where'd you buy this ruby?
FRANCOIS: We have several suppliers. I can look it up.
MARY BETH: Do us a favour.
FRANCOIS: (to a waiting customer) Hello, Mrs. Patterson. I'll be with you in just a wink.
FRANCOIS: Here. Here it is. Pear-shaped ruby, six carats, purchased by F. Crocket, that's me, from R. Walker, Ronald Walker.
MARY BETH: Who's that?
FRANCOIS: A wholesaler, a nice fella, Canadian. Now is there anything else I can do for you?
CHRISTINE: What is your relationship with Ronald Walker?
FRANCOIS: He comes in. He shows me his collection and I buy something. Voila. Now I have...
MARY BETH: We're not finished here!
FRANCOIS: I am terribly sorry.
MARY BETH: So am I.

[Detectives' Squad room]

FRANCOIS: I think my lawyer should be present.
SAMUELS: You don't need a lawyer. I wanna believe for the moment that you had no knowledge of that gem being stolen when you bought it.
FRANCOIS: Thank you.
SAMUELS: And at the same time I'm asking your cooperation.
FRANCOIS: Or what?
CHRISTINE: Or what, nothing. Do think we're gonna beat you up with rubber hoses?
FRANCOIS: I just not a big fan of the police.
MARY BETH: I knew it! He's got a record! Where was it, out of state?
FRANCOIS: Oh no, it's nothing like that. ...My father was a cop and we didn't get along.
SAMUELS: My father sold furniture. Does that mean I'm never sit on a couch?
FRANCOIS: Now what do want me to do?
SAMUELS: I want you to help us nail Ronald Walker.
CHRISTINE: We think that he's involved with two impersonators who are ripping off beauty salons. They steal the stuff, Walker resets it and he sells it to legitimate jewellers like you.
FRANCOIS: Oh.
SAMUELS: So we want you to sign a safe habias. It means you don't hold the police liable if anything happens to you while you're acting as our agent.
FRANCOIS: Your agent?! You want me to go undercover? As what?
MARY BETH: Yourself.
FRANCOIS: Voila!

[Locker room]

CHRISTINE: Did you see the little love letter we got from the Deputy Inspector?
MARY BETH: Well, your'e the one who wanted to be a task force leader.
CHRISTINE: We're OK, we're moving now. All we gotta do is keep the momentum going. So you coming with me?
MARY BETH: Sorry, Got a big meeting tonight. Harve, Harve Jr. and I. Design fair tomorrow. Together we've have to solve the riddle of the electromagnet.
CHRISTINE: Come on, Mary Beth, you're as much part of this as I am.
MARY BETH: I'll go with you to talk to Elizabeth Jordan first thing in the morning.
CHRISTINE: It's not a problem. I can take care of her myself.
MARY BETH: I didn't say you couldn't, but if I were her I would not be too eager to cooperate with the police.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, well I tell ya, I feel that she's a lot stronger than she says she is.
MARY BETH: Good. How much do you charge an hour?
CHRISTINE: Give me a break will ya? By helping us on the case she's also gonna be helping herself.
MARY BETH: Well, that's convenient.
CHRISTINE: What is it you want from me?
MARY BETH: Nothing. Good luck.
CHRISTINE: See ya tomorrow.

[Laceys' kitchen]

(Harve is puzzling over the electromagnet kit. Mary Beth is cradling a sleepy Michael)
MARY BETH: Harve, I'm not going to that wedding.
HARVEY: Why not? Too far away.
MARY BETH: No. She wants me to be in the bridal party and she's got expensive tastes.
HARVEY: Yeah. How expensive?
MARY BETH: She wants me to buy a dress costing four hundred and fifty dollars, not including tax.
HARVEY: That's totally nuts.
MARY BETH: Yes. Well, it's her second marriage. Maybe she figures if she throws money at it'll stick.
HARVEY: Well, can't you find another dress?
MARY BETH: No. She wants this one, so I told her I couldn't spend that kind of money.
HARVEY: Good.
MARY BETH: So she offered to buy the dress for me.
(Harvey jumps up and gestures to the )
HARVEY: Get the kit... Get it out of my way! Who does she think she is, huh?! Living in Connecticut. Does that make her a queen bee?! You go and buy the dress!
MARY BETH: Isn't that cutting off our nose to spite our face.
(Harvey returns to the electromagnet problem)
HARVEY: Why couldn't I grow runner beans like last year?
MARY BETH: I'll tell her something came up. She can find somebody else to fit the damn dress.
(Harvey gets the electromagnet to emit a buzzing sound. The both smile)

[Elizabeth Jordan's apartment]

CHRISTINE: Elizabeth, please understand there is more to what I'm asking than just police work. Now I've thought a lot about your situation. Now you think that nobody in the Department cares about you. That all we wanna do is solve this case, and you've ask for my advice. I'm gonna tell ya what I think. Help us for your own good.
ELIZABETH: JORDAN: I don't want those men near me. I don't want those men in this house. How can I be brave when I want to curl up into a ball.
CHRISTINE: You're not going to be here. But if you do this it'll give you a feeling of having some control, taking some action. If you don't I just don't think you're ever gonna leave this apartment.
ELIZABETH JORDAN: Well it feels very good to me right now.
CHRISTINE: I'm sure it does, for now.

[Laceys' kitchen]

(Mary Beth is opening a bottle of wine)
THERESA MALLORY: You've gotta come MB.
MARY BETH: No I don't think so. The thing came up with Harvey's aunt...
THERESA MALLORY: I need you there!
MARY BETH: For what?
THERESA MALLORY: To really know that it's right!
MARY BETH: Are you still asking me to come?
THERESA MALLORY: Not a lot. But once in a while it comes up.
MARY BETH: Now we gotta talk about this.
THERESA MALLORY: No! We don't. Really. Cos I've made up my mind. It's a choice, like you made a choice to do what you're doing. I just wish I had your guts.
MARY BETH: It doesn't take guts.
THERESA MALLORY: I don't mean police work, I mean ...everything.
MARY BETH: Really, I had no idea.
THERESA MALLORY: You didn't?
MARY BETH: No, I thought you looked down on me, offering to buy that dress and everything.
THERESA MALLORY: What's the matter?! You didn't like it?
MARY BETH: You're kidding, I loved it.
THERESA MALLORY: Course you did. And who picked it out for you. I wanted you to have it!
MARY BETH: I thought you were just showing off.
THERESA MALLORY: Like you buying me those candlesticks?
MARY BETH: What's the matter, you didn't like them?!
THERESA MALLORY: I loved 'em! ...Showing off. Remember that's what we used to say about Randy Greenwauld, down the street?
MARY BETH: Oh, yes, I do.
(they break out into raucous laughter)
MARY BETH: So, about the dress?
THERESA MALLORY: No. Oh, listen, we'll find another dress. I'm getting married. I'm taking the plunge. I hope you know what to wear. I just want you there.
MARY BETH: I'll be there.
THERESA MALLORY: OK.
(they click glasses)

[Rockefeller Plaza jewellery store]

RONALD WALKER: I have some quality freshwater pearls. Hard to find these days.
FRANCOIS: Yes, I know. Excuse me, I'll be right back.
(Francois goes over to a window looking out onto the street and wipes his face with a brightly coloured handkerchief)

[Squad car]

(Mary Beth sees the sign)
MARY BETH: OK. Go.
CHRISTINE: I feel silly.
MARY BETH: Go.

[Rockefeller Plaza jewellery store]

(Chris comes in wearing a fur coat, high heels, dark glasses and with her hair pulled back)
CHRISTINE: Hello Francois.
FRANCOIS: Miss. Cagney, hello. This is Ronald Walker. He supplies many of our gems.
CHRISTINE: Hello, Mr. Walker, it's a pleasure to meet you. ...Oh, aren't those beautiful?
RONALD WALKER: Oh. are you interested in pearls?
CHRISTINE: Always. Francois, do you have my apple jade.
FRANCOIS: I should be in next week.
CHRISTINE: Well I hope it brings me more luck than it did a friend of mine.
RONALD WALKER: Jade is supposed to be very lucky.
CHRISTINE: Not for Elizabeth, poor dear, you know she was being coiffed, she had the most fabulous hair and thieves, mind you thieves, broke in and tried to take her jade and diamond ring, but they couldn't get it off her finger.
RONALD WALKER: Voici, there, that's life.
CHRISTINE: Well one would think so. The ring was only worth a small fortune. And she's such a darling. Well you know Elizabeth, don't you, Francois?
FRANCOIS: Mrs. Jordan, of course. She's one of my most cherished customers. She has this fabulous collection of jewellery and Chinese antiques.
RONALD WALKER: Really.
CHRISTINE: Oh yes and the poor darling is so upset she won't leave her apartment. And she has the most gorgeous place on West 72nd Street. The Blackwell, I'm sure you know it. So, who can blame her. Anyway the whole ordeal has been ...perfectly awful.
FRANCOIS: Be sure and give her my very best.
CHRISTINE: I certainly will, Francois.
FRANCOIS: I'll phone you when your ring arrives.
CHRISTINE: Excellent. Mr. Walker, it's been a pleasure.
RONALD WALKER: My pleasure.

[Squad car]

(outside The Blackwell Petrie and La Guardia are on stakeout)
PETRIE: (into walkie-talkie) Petrie here. I can see the entrance...

[Blackwell entrance hall]

PETRIE: (on walkie-talkie) ...and the other cars are in position.
MARY BETH: (into walkie-talkie) OK. They're on their way up now.
(to an officer posing as the concierge)
MARY BETH: All set. Wanna give me a test/
(he switches on a radio receiver as Chris and Isbecki come up from the basement and walk past ignoring Mary Beth)
ISBECKI: (on radio) Where's the Jordan woman?
CHRISTINE: (on radio) The Department's putting her up in a hotel.
ISBECKI: (on radio) Good, then it'll just be you and me up there.
CHRISTINE: (on radio) It'll be you and you up there.
CHRISTINE: Getting in the elevator.

[Blackwell landing]

(as Chris and Isbecki come out of the elevator and round a corner they are grabbed round the throat by the two robbers, one with a knife and the other with a gun)
ROBBER #1: Take it easy, baby.

[Blackwell entrance hall]

CHRISTINE: (on radio) I can't breathe.
ISBECKI: (on radio) Calm down. There's no need to hurt anybody here.
MARY BETH: (into walkie-talkie) Petrie, they're already in the apartment. Officer needs assistance. Ten-thirteen. Let's go.

[Squad car]

PETRIE: (into walkie-talkie) Ten-four. We're on our way.

[Blackwell landing]

CHRISTINE: I can't breathe.
(she manages to kick her assailant's shin and they go to the floor. This distracts Isbecki's assailant and Isbecki knocks him to the floor. As Isbecki goes to Chris's assistance her assailant smashes an ornamental vase over Isbecki's head, knocking him out. Chris grabs her gun off the floor)
CHRISTINE: Police! we're police!
(Chris lets off a shot as one of the assailants throws something at her. The two robbers make an escape down the stairs. Chris follows them)

[Blackwell staircase]

(Mary Beth is coming up from the bottom. Eventually the duo have the robbers trapped on the staircase)
MARY BETH: Freeze, where you are!
CHRISTINE: Hold it, right there!
MARY BETH: Don't shoot!
CHRISTINE: Don't do it!
(the robber nearer to Chris makes a run up the stairs to her. She kicks him and then knocks him down onto the other one and the two land in a pile at Mary Beth's feet)
MARY BETH: Chris! You all right?
CHRISTINE: Yeah.

[Detectives' Squad room]

CHRISTINE: Hi, how ya feeling?
(Isbecki has a big bruise on his cheek)
ISBECKI: Great.
MARY BETH: That's what you get for trying something on your first date.
(Isbecki winces)
CHRISTINE: Morning, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: Hi.
(Samuels goes into his office)
CHRISTINE: Ah well.
MARY BETH: (picking a piece of paper up from her desk) What is this? It's a message from Elizabeth Jordan with a phone number. Two-oh-three number. What's that, Connecticut?
CHRISTINE: Yeah, she's moving out of the city.
MARY BETH: Giving up that terrific view.
CHRISTINE: She's moving back to live with her folks.
MARY BETH: So what happened to the strength she didn't know she had?
CHRISTINE: I don't know. Just couldn't get it back together.
MARY BETH: Maybe it's right for her.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, maybe so.
MARY BETH: Don't break your heart, Chris.
CHRISTINE: I'm not. I tell ya, I was thinking of giving her a call. You know, a couple of months when this thing blows over.
MARY BETH: Don't do it.
CHRISTINE: Why not?
MARY BETH: You'll be doing it for you, not for her.
CHRISTINE: OK. I can do it for me.
MARY BETH: Yeah, you can.
(Samuels is rowing with Marquette in the office. Marquette storms out. Samuels follows him out)
CHRISTINE: What's the Deputy Inspector so upset about?
SAMUELS: It's part to do with you and your case, the task force and everything.
MARY BETH: How did we mess it up?
SAMUELS: You didn't, I did. I put in for a Departmental Recognition for you and your team. Marquette hates to give it out.
CHRISTINE: Sir?
SAMUELS: Should have waited for next month just before he goes on vacation. I would have slipped it right by him. ...Get on. Get on with it.
(the duo gives one another the thumbs up)

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