[Detectives' Squad room]
(a detective escorts a detainee through the office)
DETECTIVE: Sit down over there.
LA GUARDIA: Let's go.
ISBECKI: I hate those things.
LA GUARDIA: Oh, I like 'em, huh. Come on, Isbecki, we're the arresting officers.
ISBECKI: Do me a favour, La Guardia, cover me. I'll owe you one.
LA GUARDIA: I'm gonna cash in on that. Meet me later at the Coroner's Office.
SAMUELS: Lacey! You and Cagney got lucky. They want you over at the Police Academy to give an indoctrination talk to the women cadets.
MARY BETH: When?
SAMUELS: (pointing to a note he has put in front of her) There it is.
MARY BETH: Aw.
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Did you find my earring? ...Where? ...Ha. A logical place. ...Yeah, I had a good time, I did. ...Hey, don't talk about that. ...I know I did but it wasn't over a Precinct telephone. ...Look, I gotta go now. ...Oh, the earring, er, keep it as a souvenir.
CHRISTINE: Boy, am I beat today.
MARY BETH: I wonder why.
CHRISTINE: I'm not complaining.
MARY BETH: OK, go ahead. Who was it? I not squeamish.
CHRISTINE: Six foot four, two hundred and forty pound, ex-pro football player.
MARY BETH: Gosh! So what does he do for a living now? Negotiate things.
CHRISTINE: No, as a matter of fact he owns his own sports franchise firm. I think they said that last year, er, he made ...over half a million dollars.
MARY BETH: Oh, that's nice for a change. Are you gonna see him again?
CHRISTINE: No, Mum. He travels a lot. Doesn't live in this town. Vegas.
MARY BETH: Chris, did you ever consider a permanent affair, like say, longer than two weeks?
CHRISTINE: Yeah. ...Once.
MARY BETH: No Kidding? Who?
CHRISTINE: John Travolta. He did everything that I ever wanted in Saturday Night Fever. It's just that the age difference was a problem. Much too old for me.
MARY BETH: Ha, ha, ha. Some day you're gonna wanna regular, responsible guy like my Harvey. By then it'll be too late.
CHRISTINE: I feel another fit of the Dave Travers coming on.
MARY BETH: So I happen to think he's a terrific guy. We had him round for dinner last night and, er, call me crazy but I think you'd like each other.
CHRISTINE: You're crazy and you're relentless.
(Chris then starts shouting and banging the windscreen)
CHRISTINE: Help! Help! Stop! Somebody help me!
MARY BETH: It's just I've seen the dark circles under your eyes, the little crow's feet. I know you're not happy. With a guy like Dave you'd never look like that.
CHRISTINE: Exactly. That is why I keep saying... Watch my mouth. ...No! You want me to be married. No! You wanna be my partner... Can it!
MARY BETH: You'll start me off again, mark my words.
CHRISTINE: ...It's kinda a creepy neighbourhood, isn't it?
MARY BETH: Just over there, on the right, The Gladiators are out in force this morning. (looking at a Gladiator) Don't look at me buddy, it's my night to cook dinner. (to Chris) What ever you do, don't stop.
(at that moment the traffic lights turn red and Chris brakes sharply. The Gladiators gang in black jackets gather round the car)
MARY BETH: Nice jackets.
CHRISTINE: Don't get me one of those.
POLICE RADIO: Fourteenth PVU, car three-twelve, any units to cover. Shots fired at meeting of Seventeenth and Second Avenue. Cover units to stand by.
MARY BETH: (into radio) Three-twelve, copy. Cagney and Lacey en route.
POLICE RADIO: Car Three-twelve to cover for car three-sixteen. Further information at the scene.
(with that Mary Beth puts the red light on the roof and they roar off through the Gladiators)
[Seventeenth and Second Avenue junction]
(an ambulance is there. Esteban, in a blue Toro jacket pulls a coat over Mario laying on the pavement. The duo arrives and goes over to a uniformed officer)
MARY BETH: What happened?
OFFICER: Somebody here got shot.
(a gang in blue jackets are lined up facing a wall. They all start to shout at once. One gang member steps forward and shouts, pointing up at the building. At a window someone is seen to move away, closing the curtain)
TORO: It was Polaski! Up on the sixth floor.
OFFICER: OK, OK.
[Sixth floor corridor]
(the duo accompanied by the officer bang on an apartment door)
CHRISTINE: Open up! Police!
MARY BETH: (to the officer) Do you know anything about him?
OFFICER: He's an old man.
(Chris goes to shoot the lock. Mary Beth restrains her)
MARY BETH: Mr. Polaski! ...Mr. Polaski, do ya hear me? ...If we have to break down your door Mr. Polaski, How ya gonna lock it after we've gone?
(the door opens. In the apartment there is an old lady in a chair and a baby can be heard crying)
MARY BETH: We're detectives, Mr. Polaski. We'd like talk to you?
(he hands Mary Beth a gun)
[Precinct front desk office]
ISBECKI: Is that all the autopsy report said?
(La Guardia hands Isbecki some papers)
LA GUARDIA: She never delivered any babies but she definitely had relations with men.
ISBECKI: She would have been the natural mother, if it helps.
(La Guardia takes some water from a dispenser)
LA GUARDIA: Post mortems give me gas.
(the duo escort Polaski in)
POLASKI: Did you eat breakfast this morning?
CHRISTINE: What is it? You asking us questions now, Polaski?
POLASKI: I got my rights.
CHRISTINE: A small piece of chocolate cake.
POLASKI: Why did you eat it?
CHRISTINE: Because I was hungry.
POLASKI: You eat and you breathe, because you've got a basic function for life. It's survival. When it threatens your survival you must be ready. I was ready. It's not my choice. It's God's.
[Detectives' Squad room]
(Mary Beth is laboriously typing up the report)
CHRISTINE: Mr. Polaski, I'd really feel a lot better if you sat down. ...Please.
POLASKI: Do I have to make you feel good? You've no time for this does make me feel good. How many times I have to call you?
CHRISTINE: You say you've been getting no response.
MARY BETH: On the way over in the car you said something about knives. Did they have knives, Mr. Polaski?
POLASKI: They had knives.
CHRISTINE: Did you see the knives? ...Mr. Polaski, if you ex...
POLASKI: I saw the knives. Their hands had... And their eyes...
(Mary Beth finishes the report and gives it to Chris who goes over to Samuels who is on the phone)
SAMUELS: (into phone) ...dance for what? ...Ballet lessons! ...Thelma, I don't think a cop's wife should be taking ballet lessons. ...Yeah, I know about the President's son.
(Chris goes back to Polaski)
CHRISTINE: Mr. Polaski, tell me about the gun.
POLASKI: Well it's a gun. Gun is gun.
CHRISTINE: Most guns are registered.
POLASKI: I have to go to bathroom.
CHRISTINE: You went to the bathroom before you left your apartment, Mr. Polaski.
POLASKI: When you are my age you don't count how many times you go. You just make small blessing because you're able to go.
CHRISTINE: Someone's gonna have to take you.
POLASKI: You are not gonna take me!
CHRISTINE: La Guardia, would you please escort Mr. Polaski to the Men's room?
LA GUARDIA: OK. This way Mr. Polaski.
MARY BETH: What's Mrs. Polaski gonna do while he's being held. She can hardly walk by herself.
CHRISTINE: We've already arranged for an at-the-location nurse. What do you wanna do, adopt her?
MARY BETH: Do you think he's guilty?
CHRISTINE: He's sure as not being cooperative. Based on what we've got, he's guilty.
MARY BETH: If you're so convinced, how come I was the one who had to put the handcuffs on him?
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth you're a cop. It does not stand to reason that everyone over seventy and under the age of fifteen is innocent.
MARY BETH: The next time we arrest a fifteen year-old for grand larceny you put the cuffs on him.
[Sixth floor landing]
(the duo comes out of the Polaski apartment)
CHRISTINE: Mrs. Polaski remember any better because you brought her a jar of Harvey's chicken soup.
MARY BETH: You can't fault her! She remembered everything she could.
CHRISTINE: What did she remember? She remembered yelling. She remembered hearing two shots. And testimony in her husband's favour is not good testimony.
MARY BETH: But she didn't hide it. She could've hidden it.
CHRISTINE: Bottom line is NL. She didn't keep a knife like Polaski claims.
MARY BETH: Was there anything she said that you believed?
CHRISTINE: What difference does it make? It's the judge that's the one that's gotta be convinced, not me.
MARY BETH: A hundred people living in this building and not one witness comes forward.
(Chris bangs on another apartment door)
POLASKI'S NEIGHBOUR [OC]: OC Who is it?
POLASKI'S NEIGHBOUR [OC]: I'll have to see some identification.
(the door is unlocked onto the chain. The duo shows their badges)
POLASKI'S NEIGHBOUR: You could have bought those in some novelty shop. A kid could walk in and search a place and come out a G-man. ...You got something else?
MARY BETH: Like what, Ma'am?
POLASKI'S NEIGHBOUR: Maybe an American Express card, like Karl Malden's got.
[Detectives' Squad room]
CHRISTINE: According to the Desk Sergeant Polaski was always complaining about being robbed by the Toros.
SAMUELS: How often?
CHRISTINE: Three times a day.
SAMUELS: So where else was he in the precinct.
(Chris refers to her notebook)
CHRISTINE: We talked to some of the merchants in the neighbourhood? A Mr. Bertrand who runs the fruit and vegetable stand. Told us he once saw Polaski running out of the building, half-naked, and threatened to kill some kids who were parked below his window. He was trying to take a nap and the rock music from the car radio was driving him crazy. A Mr. Lupino who lives in the same building used to see Polaski laying in wait for some kid who he was convinced was trying to steal social security cheques.
MARY BETH: No, that never happened. He was too smart for them.
SAMUELS: So you think he's paranoid about the knives, too?
MARY BETH: I don't think he's paranoid, Lieutenant.
SAMUELS: Probably isn't. He's just saying that, the neighbourhood nutcase. What's your next move?
(Samuels phone goes)
MARY BETH: Talk to the Rivera family.
SAMUELS: Yeah, OK, but don't waste too much time with her, she might get her case up to the DA (into phone) Yeah, Samuels.
(the duo moves towards Petrie, Isbecki and La Guardia)
ISBECKI: (into phone) So we're trying a little hard. ...Yeah, good.
(he rings off)
ISBECKI: ...she can't make it to Petrie's party.
LA GUARDIA: Is this a bring your own booze, or what?
CHRISTINE: What party?
ISBECKI: Nothing. It's been on the board. ...Hey, I heard you two finally made the big time.
CHRISTINE: Hey, Isbecki, don't double-talk me. What's this about a party? ...La Guardia, give it to me straight, huh.
MARY BETH: What are you doing here, Chris?
CHRISTINE: There's a party going on. We've not been invited.
LA GUARDIA: It's no big deal. It's, er, just a shower for Petrie's wife.
CHRISTINE: Oh, and you're going, we're not. (to Petrie) It was a mistake, right, Petrie? No invitation to the shower.
PETRIE: No, it wasn't a mistake. ...Er, I don't know how to tell you this.
MARY BETH: You don't have to explain anything, Petrie.
PETRIE: Look, ever since you and Cagney came on as detectives here, it's been kinda tough on the wives. You know, er, wondering what you look like. Er, what happens when one of us is put on the same case with one of you.
CHRISTINE: The inevitable. We check into a hotel and exchange clues.
MARY BETH: Stop it, Chris. We understand, Petrie.
CHRISTINE: (to Petrie) Happy to oblige. Call us when your marriage is shaky.
(the duo walks out of the office)
MARY BETH: You didn't have to say that to him.
CHRISTINE: What's it coming to. When are they gonna grow up and stop this sexist crap. Who do they think we are? A couple of Bo Derricks.
MARY BETH: Oh, I don't know. I think of myself as more the Carole Lombard type.
[Intensive Care Unit corridor]
(a doctor comes to talk to the duo)
CHRISTINE: Can we see him now?
DOCTOR: Except for his family I can't allow any visitors. Why don't you call back in twenty-four hours.
MARY BETH: What's his condition?
DOCTOR: He's serious but stable. Excuse me.
(Anna Rivera and Esteban come out)
CHRISTINE: Miss. Rivera,...
CHRISTINE: ...we're detectives. I'm Cagney, this is my partner, Lacey.
ESTEBAN: (speaks to Miss. Rivera in Spanish and then to the duo) Why don't you two just leave us alone, huh?
ANNA: My brother is sick in Intensive Care. He can speak to no one.
(Anna and Esteban begin to leave. The duo follows)
CHRISTINE: Miss. Rivera, we know your brother's condition.
ANNA: If violence against the immigrants goes unnoticed why this sudden interest?
ESTEBAN: She's knows nothing. She was at school.
ANNA: I'm a political science major at MRU.
MARY BETH: Oh yeah!
ANNA: Yeah. Don't be surprised. Some of us qualify.
CHRISTINE: Esteban, you saw when he went down. Can you tell us about it?
ESTEBAN: We've already told the police everything I know. I don't know if you...
MARY BETH: Mr. Polaski said that knives. Were there knives, Esteban?
ESTEBAN: My brother was shot down in cold blood, lady! ...In cold blood!
ANNA: A year ago my brother, Lorenzo, was killed in a gang fight between the Toros and the Gladiators, and we found out because they dropped his body on the steps outside. Today my brother, Mario, was gunned down. He may die. Mario is a good boy. He is innocent. Esteban is good. Now if you have come here looking for a witness for Polaski's defence, you are wasting your time.
CHRISTINE: We're looking for the facts, Anna. The truth, and you can understand that.
ANNA: Why? What for? I know my brother is innocent, that Mr. Polaski is guilty, that the system will free him. So what are you worried for?!
MARY BETH: I don't understand that.
ANNA: Facts! The facts are... My brother is Puerto Rican and he is guilty until proven innocent. And Mr. Polaski is Anglo. The system will free him. Make no mistake about it.
(with that Anna and Esteban leave. The duo is speechless and return to Intensive Care)
(Harvey is in bed. Mary Beth comes in drying her hair)
HARVEY: Hey, what's the matter, babe?
MARY BETH: I've gotta problem.
HARVEY: What a relief. For a minute there, I thought I did.
MARY BETH: I'm serious, Harve.
HARVEY: Hey, honey, I'm sorry. What? (she joins him on the bed) ...What?
MARY BETH: I arrested a man today. I'm prejudiced.
HARVEY: What did he do?
MARY BETH: He shot an unarmed Puerto Rican gang member. The kid's in Intensive Care.
MARY BETH: And I... I think the man's innocent.
MARY BETH: 'Cos, he's alien, he's white and he doesn't throw rocks at my car. He doesn't call me a pagan. He doesn't, er, hate me because I'm a cop.
HARVEY: So, what are you trying to tell me? You're a bigot?
MARY BETH: It's a possibility, isn't it?
MARY BETH: Why not?
HARVEY: Because I know ya.
MARY BETH: Everybody we talk to confirms the fact that Polaski shot the kid 'cos he, er, couldn't stand, er, noisy imposition on his life. ...And I end up buying the old man's story.
HARVEY: Honey, that doesn't make you prejudiced.
MARY BETH: Are you listening to what I'm telling you here?! ...Chris, doesn't think he's innocent.
HARVEY: Chris! Cagney doesn't have your clear and objective mind.
MARY BETH: Do you think I have a clear and objective mind?
HARVEY: Ah, now why is that so hard to believe, huh? Because it's coming from me? What will it take to convince ya?! A lightning...
(Mary Beth kisses him)
MARY BETH: I love it. I love it. You talk so tough... ...Harvey. ...Harvey! Did you take an extra vitamin pill?
(breakfast the next morning. The kids are shouting as Harvey comes in)
HARVEY: Yeah. Yeah.
HARVEY JR.: ...nobody likes scrambled eggs.
HARVEY: Nobody cares.
(the door buzzer goes. Harvey takes over at the stove as Mary Beth rushes to the door. Rene, a young woman in an airline uniform is there)
MARY BETH: You wanna see Harvey?
RENE: Yes, do you mind?
(Mary Beth invites her in)
RENE: Thank you. (to Harvey) Hi.
RENE: Locked myself out.
MICHAEL: Not again.
HARVEY [OC]: Be right with ya.
MICHAEL: She always does that.
RENE: Thank you.
MICHAEL: She owns her flat.
(the neighbour leaves)
MARY BETH: When did she move in?
HARVEY: Pardon? Well she always lived here. She's usually at home when you're at work. (to the kids) See you tonight. Bye guys.
HARVEY JR./MICHAEL: Bye Dad.
MARY BETH: How you plan let her in?
HARVEY: Well as supe of this building I gotta master key.
MARY BETH: As opposed to a mistress key.
HARVEY: Ha, you're a...
(he rushes off)
MARY BETH: Vitamins, Huh!
CHRISTINE: Come on, Mary Beth. don't be ridiculous. Harvey cheating? Ha, ha!
MARY BETH: Are you telling me it couldn't happen? Are you saying he's incapable of fooling around.
CHRISTINE: No, I'm not insulting his manhood, it's just, er... You're very touchy today.
MARY BETH: I'm sorry.
CHRISTINE: You would have to be blind to not see that you are the only woman in his life.
MARY BETH: Ah ha. So how come this stewardess has perfect plumbing and her sink is stopped up?
CHRISTINE: Well, ah.
MARY BETH: You should see her legs. They go all the way up to her dimples.
SAMUELS [OC]: Man on floor!
CHRISTINE: The door's open.
SAMUELS: Everybody decent?
CHRISTINE: And what if we weren't?
SAMUELS: The arraignment was pushed up.
CHRISTINE: To when?
SAMUELS: To nine this morning!
MARY BETH: We missed it! Oh!
[Detectives' Squad room]
PETRIE: (to Isbecki) So what's the formal charge?
ISBECKI: Assault with a deadly weapon.
(Chris comes in. Mary Beth is just outside)
MARY BETH: Christine!
ISBECKI: Where are you guys heading?
CHRISTINE: What do you want?
ISBECKI: A raffle.
MARY BETH: At nine-thirty in the morning!
LA GUARDIA: (into the phone across the office) Tell them to throw an egg on it.
PETRIE: You gonna see Polaski?
CHRISTINE: At ten, and then Legal Aid.
ISBECKI: Nice old guy, that Polaski.
MARY BETH: How come everybody knows him?
ISBECKI: I used to answer his calls when I was walking the beat, as they say. Quite a complainer.
CHRISTINE: So you're the guy who always turned up two hours after the facts.
(the duo leaves)
ISBECKI: (to Petrie) Holds a grudge too.
POLASKI: Call that trial. They don't give me chance to talk.
MARY BETH: It was just a preliminary hearing, Mr. Polaski, just to determine the facts.
POLASKI: Facts! Do you think they are going to ruin their case with facts? ...Did you hear boy? How he lie.
MARY BETH: Who, Mr. Polaski?
POLASKI: Esteban! He was suppos-ed to be my friend.
MARY BETH: Mario's brother was your friend?
POLASKI: Yes! He say to me many times he wants to get out from gang. He say he feels better, always, around pigeons.
MARY BETH: Pigeons?
POLASKI: My pigeons. Oh he... He very good with pigeons. He us-ed to come up to my coop, on roof, to talk to them. I remember... But he was not my friend. He was scum, like others. Scum!
[Polaski's pigeon coop]
(Esteban is on the roof feeding the pigeons)
[Intensive Care Unit room]
(Esteban is leaning over Mario who is in obvious pain. Anna is sitting by the bed)
MARIO: ...Listen. You life is in danger, man. Be warned. They don't trust you. You got to remember when we're not in the gang, we are going to die. The Toros are afraid, man, afraid to tell us. You've got to prove yourself. I can't do it for you.
(the duo is listening at the door. Esteban sees them and leaves)
ANNA: My brother is very tired.
CHRISTINE: We're running out of time, Miss. Rivera. We can ask just a few questions.
(Anna nods approval)
MARIO: I will tell you nothing.
CHRISTINE: If we can't help you, maybe we can help Esteban.
MARIO: Stay away from my brother.
CHRISTINE: Did he have a knife? Did you have a knife? Did you have any weapons?
ANNA: You listen to them, Mario. Maybe they're right. Maybe they can get Esteban out of the gang before he dies like Lorenzo was...
MARIO: As long as I live the gang will survive.
CHRISTINE: And if you don't?
MARIO: If there are none of us left it will be your fault. It will be you killed him. If the Toros knew that he can be influenced by the lies of a woman, then his life would be on your hands.
CHRISTINE: Influenced to do what?
(Mario has a spasm. An alarm bleeps. The doctor rushes in)
DOCTOR: (to a nurse) Four units of blood. Then put in an intravenous drip.
[Intensive Care Unit corridor]
(Esteban is leaning against a wall. Further down the corridor the duo talks to the doctor)
CHRISTINE: Is he gonna make it?
DOCTOR: I don't know. Right now our chances look ...pretty dim.
(the doctor goes and talks to Esteban. The duo goes up to Esteban)
CHRISTINE: Hey, do you wanna help him?
ESTEBAN: Get out of my way, lady.
CHRISTINE: You're in our way, punk.
MARY BETH: Esteban, you're a Toro, right? As a Toro you live by some code of honour I don't understand, but I can't believe in a code that can let an innocent man die in prison.
ESTEBAN: You call a murderer an innocent man?
CHRISTINE: I can see we're wasting our breath. He wants to be buried in a Toro jacket. He wants to die like this. It's the Rivera family tradition. Right man. First Lorenzo, then Mario. How much time do you think you've got before you check out for your own funeral?
MARY BETH: When did you lose your interest in pigeons, Esteban?
(Esteban's head snaps round and looks at Mary Beth. A group of Toros comes around the corner unnoticed and stops to listen)
CHRISTINE: Listen, if you're still counting on all that bunk about the system guaranteeing free rights for Mr. Polaski, Forget it!
MARY BETH: Listen. Use your brain. If you wanna be part of a gang, you've been part of the human gang since the day you were born. Act like a member!
(the Toros move off)
MARY BETH: We know Polaski was frightened. We know there were knives.
ESTEBAN: And I'm telling you there were no knives.
MARY BETH: We can help you!
ESTEBAN: I don't need your help!
MARY BETH: Who else have you got?! Your brother Toros!
ESTEBAN: Look, why don't you all leave us alone, huh? Mario, my sister and me. OK!
(Esteban walks off)
MARY BETH: (shouting) Hey! How do you... How do you reach a kid like that?!
CHRISTINE: Reach him? He has been weaned on Mother's milk and a thousand year-old tradition of macho garbage! ... Eat your heart out now.
MARY BETH: Oh, I've gotta call Harvey. ...Something about, er, meatloaf, something. ...Something wrong with the meatloaf. (into phone) This is Lacey, three-six-oh. Could you get me my home number, please. ...five-five-five, one-five-one-nine. (to Chris) I can't remember what it was.
CHRISTINE: Got it?
MARY BETH: No, it's...
(Mary Beth puts the receiver to Chris's ear)
MARY BETH: Probably giving the stewardess his meatloaf recipe.
[Hospital car park]
(the Toros have Esteban up against a car)
TORO: Esteban, how do like your jacket?
ESTEBAN: I'm a Toro, man. Not bad a Toro too.
TORO: Hey, that's not the way you talked a year ago. Said you wanted out then. Now you're different.
ESTEBAN: Yeah man, I'll tell ya, I'll swear it's different, you know. It's different, man.
(the gang see the duo coming out. The gang turns to face them, threateningly. The duo walks through the jeering mob, gets in their car and drives off to more jeers and banging on the car)
(Harvey and the boys are eating. Mary Beth comes in)
MARY BETH [OC]: Hey!
MARY BETH: Ah, ha, ha, you got my message.
HARVEY: Yep 'Got held up. Sorry Be home ASP. PS. I hope you like anchovy.'
(Mary Beth tastes the meal)
MARY BETH: Yuk.
HARVEY: No, there's no anchovy. No. OK Hey, It's OK, Mum's kidding.
MARY BETH: I thought I'd try to call ya, but, er, somebody was on the phone for an hour and a half.
HARVEY: Hey, it was off the hook. Hey, I was impressed with your ingenuity. Could have some diner blue and white mats, huh?
MARY BETH: No, too easy. ...Why was the phone off the hook?
HARVEY JR.: Dad got tired of all the drips in the building.
HARVEY: (to Harvey Jr.) Hey, OK, cool it, huh. Hey, I was getting all these complaints from the tenants.
(Mary Beth spots an airline badge pinned to Michael's top)
MARY BETH: (to Michael) Wings?
MICHAEL: Rene gave them to me. Neat, huh?
MARY BETH: Get yours in, Harvey?
[Laceys' kitchen/Phone box]
(the phone goes)
MARY BETH: Hello.
MARY BETH: Hi Chris.
CHRISTINE: Everything all right with Harvey?
MARY BETH: Just knocking off a pizza together, Chris.
CHRISTINE: Huh. Married life! I want you wipe the tomato paste off your teeth and get yourself together because we're going to go to Petrie's wife's shower.
MARY BETH: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You got some animosity there, remember.
CHRISTINE: Well, tonight is the perfect night to settle this whole thing. We're gonna show the wives that we're just a couple of hard-working cops with no designs on their husbands. Listen, we can't avoid this thing forever.
MARY BETH: Why not?
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, don't you wanna make those poor ladies feel better. They'll just realise. They're gonna look at us...
MARY BETH: I just got home.
CHRISTINE: Plain is the name of the game. I'm wearing my tweed jacket, my pearls. You should wear your blue suit and that yuk green blouse. You look awful in that.
MARY BETH: Thank you very much.
CHRISTINE: I always dress fit for purpose. I'll be there in fifteen minutes, OK.
(Chris rings off)
MARY BETH: (into phone) Chris? (shouts to Harvey) Honey!
HARVEY [OC]: What?
MARY BETH: Do wanna go to Marcus and Claudia Petrie's shower?
HARVEY [OC]: Well, how come I'm suddenly invited?
MARY BETH: You're not. ... Neither am I.
(the baby shower is in progress. A pregnant Bonita with her husband is talking to the pregnant Claudia Petrie)
BONITA: You can afford to be a feminist, honey, I told her. Me, all I got going for me is ...big balloon.
(Bonita pushes forward her stomach and waggles her hips. Claudia laughs and hears the door go)
CLAUDIA: (to Petrie) Oh, that must be Lieutenant Samuels, he's the only one missing.
PETRIE: I'll get it, honey.
(Petrie goes to the door. The duo is there, Chris bearing gifts)
CHRISTINE: Petrie, Petrie, Petrie. Eh, How ya doing?!
(Petrie looks gob smacked)
MARY BETH: Look Petrie, if this is really below the belt, we can just disappear.
PETRIE: No, no, no, it's OK. Come on in. It was a dumb move not inviting you in the first place.
MARY BETH: Are you sure?
PETRIE: Yeah, I'm sure.
CHRISTINE: Here, take these.
(Chris gives him the gifts)
PETRIE: What did you do that for?
PETRIE: Come on in.
MARY BETH: I wish Harvey was here.
MARY BETH: It was just... It would look better if there were guys with us.
CHRISTINE: You're right, we should have rented a piano.
(Petrie introduces the duo to Claudia)
PETRIE: Claudia, honey, these are the guys I was telling you about. Christine Cagney.
CHRISTINE: How do you do? It's very nice to meet you.
PETRIE: And, er... Er... Sorry.
MARY BETH: Mary Beth.
PETRIE: Mary Beth Lacey.
MARY BETH: How do you do?
CLAUDIA: How do you do?
PETRIE: This is my wife Claudia. Er, Bonita... Bonita Velazquez.
(a somewhat drunk Isbecki in a Stetson comes up)
ISBECKI: Did I hear 'Christine and Mary Beth'?
MARY BETH: We do have first names, Isbecki.
(Isbecki puts his arms round the duo's shoulders. Claudia and Bonita look on)
ISBECKI: (giggling drunkenly) Christine and Mary Beth. ...Let me get you a drink.
MARY BETH: Good idea.
BONITA: Excuse me, Miss. Cagney, or is it Mrs. Cagney?
CHRISTINE: No, no, I'm single but looking.
BONITA: Stands that it improves your chances ...with so many men around.
(Isbecki comes back with two glasses)
ISBECKI: Here's your drinks.
(he hands them the glasses and succeeds in spilling one down Mary Beth's front)
MARY BETH: Sorry. Sorry, Claudia, it can happen any place.
PETRIE: The bathroom is up the stairs and down the hall on the left, next to the baby's room.
(Bonita's husband follows Mary Beth out)
CLAUDIA: Do you work with my husband?
CHRISTINE: Who? Oh, Petrie. Petrie's the best. When I'm in over my head I can always ask him. I can learn a lot from him.
CLAUDIA: Yeah. That's why we call him 'The Professor' at home. ...Isn't that right, Professor?
(Mary Beth is cleaning herself up as best she can. Bonita's husband appears in the doorway)
MR. VELAZQUEZ: Didn't I hear they ran Polaski for assault?
MARY BETH: Yeah, I think he's getting a bum rap.
MR. VELAZQUEZ: Unless you got witnesses. Any luck?
MARY BETH: But I think Esteban Rivera wants out of the Toros. ...What do think his chances are?
MR. VELAZQUEZ: Slim to none.
MARY BETH: You used to be involved in all of that. You got out. His sister Anna's going to college. She's all right. So what is it with this kid and his thousand year-old revenge game? Does that make him a man?
MR. VELAZQUEZ: He's a punk kid who doesn't know who he is. His manhood's is going to be put to the test. ...Don't count on him to rat on his friends. He's dead if he does and they'll do it in style. They'll take him out to Gladiator territory. Make a ruckus, and they'll let them do it for them.
(Bonita comes in)
MR. VELAZQUEZ: Oh! Bon, listen, get me another Scotch on the rocks.
BONITA: You've had enough! We're going home!
MR. VELAZQUEZ: Home! It's not even ten o'clock yet.
BONITA: I'm nauseous and pregnant, remember!
MR. VELAZQUEZ: Ha ! Women!
MARY BETH: Go dance with your wife.
MR. VELAZQUEZ: Yeah.
(Mary Beth comes down the stairs. Chris and Petrie come running up to her)
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, you... Petrie's hothouse is just unbelievable!
MARY BETH: Let's take a rain check, huh? (quietly to Chris) We've gotta get outta here.
PETRIE: You have to go?
MARY BETH: Yeah, sorry.
(Mary Beth grabs Chris's coat)
CHRISTINE: Thank you for having us Mrs. Petrie. It was really a lovely shower. ...Honest.
(as the duo goes out the door, Samuels, carrying a gift, comes in)
CHRISTINE: Night, chief.
MARY BETH: Bye, chief.
SAMUELS: Hey, what are you two doing here?
MARY BETH: Us? We're the life of the party.
(as Samuels goes in he see the Petrie's rowing)
(Mary Beth has Chris's coat round her shoulders)
CHRISTINE: Why did you grab my coat when we left the party?
MARY BETH: I thought it was mine.
CHRISTINE: We need a drink.
MARY BETH: Don't you think you've had enough?
CHRISTINE: What do you want? I'm buying.
MARY BETH: Don't bother, I'll just ring this (indicating her blouse) out in a glass.
CHRISTINE: (to the bartender) Two vodkas on the rocks, Run a tab.
(a bearded man in hat and glasses whispers in Cagney's ear)
BEARDED MAN: Do you wanna come with me?
CHRISTINE: Oh, don't tell me this place is straight.
(The man goes off. The bartender delivers the drinks)
(Chris takes the drinks back to Mary Beth)
CHRISTINE: Tell me something.
MARY BETH: Yes.
CHRISTINE: What was it with Petrie's wife? I haven't been so polite to anybody since the nuns and she burst into tears.
MARY BETH: It has to do with being pregnant, and seeing yourself as a vessel instead of a hot number.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, he's so obviously crazy about her.
MARY BETH: Yes, but it doesn't take a lot of paranoia to imagine your husband's looking around when you're feeling a little tired and your self-image isn't great and ...there's a face hanging around 'em that's pretty ...and newer than yours.
CHRISTINE: Thinking about Harve and the stewardess?
MARY BETH: I was not! ...But I am now. ...I'll see ya tomorrow, Chris.
(Harvey is sitting on the bed taking his slippers off. Mary Beth throws her skirt on the bed beside Harvey. She sits on the bed and starts brushing her hair)
HARVEY: What are you doing to me? ...How many times do you want to repeat this? She ...doesn't ...turn ...me ...on.
MARY BETH: How come you're always in that apartment ...fixing that dripping faucet?
HARVEY: Because ...that's ...my ...job!
MARY BETH: Even when the faucet's stopped dripping!
HARVEY: Are you enjoying this?!
MARY BETH: Why don't you admit it Harvey? Admit ...she ...turns ...you ...on. You're not dead, Harvey, you're only married. Don't you think there's a few guys that give me a little rush.
HARVEY: Like who?
MARY BETH: Tom Selleck.
HARVEY: Tom Selleck?
MARY BETH: Don't worry. ...Harvey, he's in Hawaii.
(they kiss and the bedroom light goes out)
(the alarm goes and she reaches out and stops it. She tries to go back to sleep but the radio comes on)
RADIO VOICE: Hey, good morning, New York, this is big, bad Bob. It's six-o-one. Well if you're not up for work you're gonna be laaate! So we're gonna help you get started with some hot new music to get that blood pumping through those veins. So wake up, Big Apple...
(Chris gets up, gets some pills out the fridge, mixes herself a shake that she can't face drinking and goes to work)
(she picks Mary Beth up)
MARY BETH: Sometimes that husband of mine is sicker than Kermit the frog.
CHRISTINE: Please you're making me sicker than I already am.
MARY BETH: (blowing cigarette smoke towards Chris) You hate it when I'm happy, don't you?
CHRISTINE: Do you have to smoke?
(Mary Beth puts out her cigarette)
MARY BETH: Look, I don't want to sound like a broken record, but you too could feel this good. Say the word and Harve will give Dave Travers your number and pretty soon you're have a smile on your face like this.
CHRISTINE: No smile. No numbers. No fix up. OK? ...Got it?
MARY BETH: I got it. ...Oh, I talked to Claudia this morning!
MARY BETH: Mrs. Petrie. Remember the other one that's pregnant, her husband?
CHRISTINE: Oh yeah, the tough one.
MARY BETH: That's a surprise in the morning. Anyway she was real nice. She admitted to being very paranoid. Petrie's never gonna have any reason to be jealous. And she apologised for being such a stupid last night.
CHRISTINE: And you want me to get married.
MARY BETH: That's it. OK? ...What's on the programme?
CHRISTINE: We're gonna knock on most of those doors. We're gonna try to find some four witnesses who have been spending sleepless nights over this whole thing.
MARY BETH: I still think that Esteban's the weak link. As a matter of fact he's our only hope. ...But how do you get him to break this code of theirs?
CHRISTINE: It's simple. We don't.
[Precinct front desk office]
(Petrie walks past Coleman, the Desk Sergeant)
PETRIE: (sounding pained) Morning.
COLEMAN: That was some hell of a party you had last night. Made the top ten. Went just below Isbecki's best.
(Petrie disdains to comment and goes off)
COLEMAN: Have a nice day.
[Detectives' Squad room]
(the duo come in)
ISBECKI: Good morning, Christine. And how are we this morning? ...The bicarb is by the water cooler.
MARY BETH: Coffee or bicarb?
(she is putting in some eye drops)
CHRISTINE: What do you think, La Guardia?
LA GUARDIA: About what?
CHRISTINE: About last night. We were blackballed out of the old boys club. Last night's episode leaked into our professional lives.
MARY BETH: She wants to know if we're ever going to be invited to another party.
LA GUARDIA: Actually there've been several sociological studies on the merits of separation as it applies to one's personal and professional lives.
(Samuels comes up)
SA Mario Rivera just died. ...It's murder now.
[Precinct front desk office]
(Coleman is listening as woman translates what a Chinese man is saying)
WOMAN: It was in June, he said.
(the Chinese man interrupts)
WOMAN: Oh, no, no. It was in the Spring. ...Because he remembers the cherry blossom on the trees.
COLEMAN: Hang on, hang on. I just want a description of the... Will ya tell him, I just want a description of the man that broke into his store.
WOMAN: You'll have to let him tell it in his own way.
COLEMAN: Sweetheart, by the time he's finished telling me the thief'll be in Canada.
[Detectives' Squad room]
CHRISTINE: (into phone) Yes, I hear you. ...We're on it right now. ...Look, you've got to take a hold of yourself. (covering up the mouthpiece, to Mary Beth) She's hysterical.
MARY BETH: Oh.
CHRISTINE: (into phone) We're on our way.
(she rings off)
CHRISTINE: Anna. The Toros just broke into the house and dragged Esteban out.
MARY BETH: It never ends! ...According to Velazquez they'll take him to Gladiator territory so that it'll look like that the Gladiators wiped him out.
CHRISTINE: They can't be too hard to find. The Gladiators only control a few square blocks. Let's go.
(Esteban is sitting in the back seat between two Toros as it travels along)
[Street in Gladiator territory]
(Gladiators are playing baseball. The Toros' car complete with bull's horns on the bonnet pulls up and Esteban is manhandled out and shown to the Gladiators. The Toros padlock the gate to the baseball ground and shout abuse at The Gladiators. As The Gladiators rush to climb the fence the Toros make good their escape with Esteban still in the back. Some Gladiators jump in two cars with their name scrawled on the side and give chase. The Toros' car turns a corner, Esteban is thrown out and the Toros drive off. The Gladiators' cars screech to halt. Esteban stands up, faces The Gladiators who are armed with lengths of pipe and chains. He runs off up an alley. One of the Gladiators' cars appears at the other end of the alley. Esteban runs off down a side alley. The duos car is on its way at high speed. Esteban goes to climb a fence and is faced by a Gladiator swinging a chain)
GLADIATOR #1: Hey, Toro!
(another Gladiator swinging a chain is on a roof looking down on Esteban)
GLADIATOR #2: Hey, Toro!
(Esteban scales a fence, and pursued by three Gladiators, runs into four more. Backed against a wall by a ladder he manages to escape their clutches and climb to the roof of the building. Two Gladiators climb after him and eventually corner him on the roof. The duo's car arrives, siren blasting. The jump out, guns drawn and run to the alleyway)
MARY BETH: All right! Hold it right there! ...(to the Toros at ground level) Don't get stupid now!
CHRISTINE: You! ...On the roof! ...Hold it! ...Let him go!
(she fires a warning shot)
CHRISTINE: The next one goes right through ya!
(the two Toros on the roof raise their hands. Later at ground level uniformed officers are dealing with Gladiators and Toros. The duo escort Esteban to their car. At the car Esteban looks back at the Toros)
ESTEBAN: I would have died a Toro, man! I would never have told 'em about the knives, never! ...But you turned me out. ...You tried to kill me, man! ...Now I don't owe you nothing, you understand that, man! ...I don't owe you nothing!
(with that he rips off his Toro jacket and throws it on the ground before getting in the car. The duo get in)
MARY BETH: Mrs. Polaski's gonna be a very happy woman.
CHRISTINE: Mary Beth, if you take her another gallon of Harvey's chicken soup, I'll never, ever speak to you again. ...Ever.